Staying Afloat Amidst Life’s Floods

 by Bernadette Dougherty, Psy.D

Storytelling has always been a large part of my life and family culture. I grew up an avid reader, rushing home from school to be immersed in a book until long past bedtime. 

Throughout my childhood and early adulthood, I was fortunate to spend a great deal of time with my grandparents every week. They often shared stories of their lives and journey with me, my father’s parents having grown up in war-torn Ukraine, living in labor and refugee camps across Europe. My mother’s family immigrated from Italy, and they were separated for decades before they were all able to come to the United States. 

As a child, my family’s stories fit well with the fairytales and fantasy books I read, tales of overcoming adversity and good eventually winning over evil. When I became older, I realized that these were not simply stories, but real and very painful events that occurred to the people I loved. This realization was the initial catalyst for my curiosity with risk and resilience: 

What allows some individuals to survive and even thrive in spite of painful events and trauma?

Recent world events and devastation by hurricanes throughout the southeastern United States brought this question into sharp focus again. Whether we are directly impacted by large-scale disasters or not, it is heartbreaking to see how lives can be turned upside down in an instant.  

None of us are strangers to pain and adversity. At times it can feel like wherever we look there are horrible events occurring in our lives and in the world more broadly, yet we’re expected to continue functioning through it all. In times such as these, it can feel like any additional stressor threatens to pull us under the flood of stress and emotions. In addition, our brains are naturally constructed to prioritize negative information over the positive, often making it exceedingly difficult to think of anything other than the stressful event we are experiencing. 

Moments such as these, when painful situations occur repeatedly and it’s difficult to keep my head above the emotional flood, I have found that the first part of one of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills is particularly helpful in staying afloat: Accumulating Positives in any and every way we can. Through purposely directing our attention to things we find enjoyable, we strengthen neural connections for positivity, increase much needed dopamine in the brain, and decrease our vulnerability to emotional stress. Focusing even on small things like beauty in our environment, a song we enjoy, or a soothing sensation works; we essentially boost ourselves above the emotional flood. Stringing along these positives during transition moments — like car rides and minutes in between meetings — can be a small and time-friendly way to accumulate positives despite many of our busy schedules. Allowing small positives to be present along with the pain can help us to feel more balanced and less emotionally flooded. As we experience changes throughout our lives, I encourage you to set aside time and space throughout your day and week, no matter how much or little, to accumulate positives and stay afloat. 

Bernadette Dougherty, Psy.D. is a Licensed Psychologist providing therapy for teens and adults. Her approach is collaborative and individualized to help clients create meaningful change. Specialties include anxiety, depression, emotion regulation, trauma, suicide, self-injury, stress, chronic pain/illness, LGBTQIA+ care, and insomnia. To learn more about her work and to schedule an initial consultation, reach out to her at bernadette.dougherty.psyd@gmail.com and 215-770-1845. 

Spring into Growth

by Therese Daniels, LPC, CNIT (Certified Nature Informed Therapist)

We have been conditioned by society to set new goals in January, the start of a new year. Start fresh, stop doing this, start doing that, get to the gym. While in theory this may seem like a good idea, it goes against our roots, against Mother Nature. Bears hibernate, trees, plants, and vegetables delay growth. Nature rests in the Winter and maybe we should too. 

Spring is the season of planting and growing. Many people lose motivation pretty quickly for those goals they set at the start of January. An article in Time magazine states that as many as 80% of people fail to keep their resolutions by February and only 8% of people stick with them the entire year. But think about how you feel in the Spring. When that first sunny day hits, the temperature is above 55 degrees (which feels hot because our bodies have adapted to the cold) and you want to rip off those socks and break out the flip flops and let your toes breathe and soak up the sunshine! Motivation for goals is more likely to stick at this time of year because that is what is natural. This is when we plant seeds for flowers and food to bloom later in the season. The animals wake up and are rested and energized for new things to come. Colors come back! This is a reason why setting new goals in the Spring vs. the Winter is something to be considered.

Goal setting and comfort zones

As a Certified Nature Informed Therapist, I have been able to encourage people to use the many benefits of nature to help them in goal setting and in getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Some of the greatest things in life involve a certain level of feeling uneasy. Meeting new people, starting a new job, moving to a different home, exercising, parenting, even love has a level of discomfort. If we ran from all of these things, what would happen? Not much. Growth mindset is a term that has become popular over the past several years. The general meaning of the term is that you thrive on challenge and don’t see failures as a setback, but a way to make shifts to continue to move forward and set new goals. To keep going, to grow. 

Last Spring, I was working with someone who had pretty severe performance anxiety and he had a big martial arts challenge coming up. We took our sessions to the trails and more importantly, to the creek. There is a swing that hangs under a large bridge that runs over the creek. My client showed a lot of interest in getting to the swing but was afraid to do so. There were steep and muddy hills with tree roots and branches and wet leaves along the way. And once you got down to the water’s edge you still had to enter the water and navigate slippery rocks to get to the middle of the creek where the swing hung. It took some time, but by the summer, he was swinging on that swing and feeling so proud. Each week we got closer and closer, and he felt more and more brave. Throughout our sessions, I was able to use our experience in nature and transfer it to his fear of performing in front of others. He realized he could do things that felt scary and have success. A week after he went swinging, he took his martial arts test and passed with flying colors! 

I believe we can find a balance between allowing ourselves the time to rest and prepare while also believing in ourselves enough to face challenges and to get back up when we fall down. Look to nature to and follow its course. Going back to our roots and what is innately in us and around us can help us spring into growth! 

Therese M. Daniels, MA, LPC, is a Certified Nature-Informed Therapist who has been in the mental health field over 20 years. She provides individual, couples, and family counseling for children, teens, and adults. She offers regular nature walks and creates nature retreats to introduce the power of nature to support healing and wellness. She specializes in supporting people with anxiety, depression, self-esteem struggles, life transitions, and more. 

The Value of Coldness — Worth the Shock?

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

Often when people consider ways to regulate their emotions and body systems, ease aches and pains, and promote healing, they think about warmth. They imagine being cuddled and cozy or sweating in the sauna. After I watched Chris Hemsworth’s docuseries Limitless, my interest in cold therapy was piqued. Cold water exposure has been used in various cultures for many years and is now gaining popularity in the United States as a way to heal, regulate and rejuvenate. Wondering how a cold water plunge can feel good?  The cold water shocks the nervous system and releases endorphins (which feel good!).  Research suggests that taking the plunge for several minutes, several times per week can offer many benefits.  Experts do caution that a gradual introduction to cold water exposure and emersion is best.  An easy way to start your cold water exposure is to turn the hot water all the way off at the end of your shower, and to work on regulating your breathing while your body cools with the cold water.  

The benefits of cold water exposure are still being discovered, and are very promising.  Some of the more common uses are to help with inflammation, decrease depression and anxiety, reduce migraine symptoms, stop panic attacks, speed up cell regeneration and increase the functioning of the immune system.  Cryotherapy (cold therapy) has recently emerged as a treatment option providing regulating and healing benefits.  There are now Cryotherapy centers popping up around the world to offer cold exposure as a way to improve mental and physical health.

Cold water exposure and cold therapy offer alternative, accessible treatment options for a variety of health issues.  Whether you are looking to improve physical functioning, mental clarity, focus, or any of the other possible benefits, information (beyond Social Media) suggests the only downside is the temporary discomfort of being cold. I’ve already started the cold rinse at the end of my showers and plan to regularly use cold water exposure to do a little of my own research into its possible positive health benefits. Seems like all those people who love Polar Plunges are less crazy than I thought, and I am late to the cold party!
 
Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works individually with adolescents through adults, and  with  families and parents.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, trauma, self-esteem, as well as helping adolescents and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

The Beauty of You: A Love Note from Your Body

by Brittiney George

 

You are a beautiful imperfection.

I know that makes you uncomfortable, because you want to be perfect.

Ahh...my child.  I do not work in perfection.

 

Perfection assumes completion.  But how can you be complete when the world around you, and in you, is full of so many glorious options for miraculous change?

 

I work in magical mysteries, in awe-inspiring moments of truth and clarity.

I commend you for wanting to better yourself.  But I ask you to try not to perfect yourself.

That implies you are flawed.

You are not flawed.

 

You are a colorful mosaic reflecting the experiences of your life.

Instead of berating yourself for all that you do not know;

Breathe. Listen. Explore with me.

 

You are more than a number on a scale, a title in a job, the pain or fear that you feel.

 

You are a gift.

If you don’t believe me, journey with me.

Let me show you how amazing and resilient you truly are.

 

Brittiney George, BS, CST-PRO, ICI, CEIM, is a Movement Practitioner and Somatic Therapist specializing in Transformative Touch and is a faculty trainer and mentor for The Somatic Therapy Center.  She is also the creator of the comic www.thisweekwithjoy.com.  Her areas of specialty include working with highly sensitive persons (HSP’s), and helping people feel unstuck when they feel bogged down by life.  For information contact Brittiney at 610-389-7866 or movebackintolife@gmail.com. 

 

Spiritual fortitude in 2020 - by Tracey Smith

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? It has been a year of many lessons learned and still learning. The most important thing is to continue to strive for spiritual wellness and spiritual fortitude. I learned some new spiritual practices that helped sustain me day to day and moment by moment. Some days were extremely hard working through the traumas of events. Afraid if I started crying, I wouldn't stop. Fearful that I may have to choose between my health and my job. Compounded by the social unrest and not feeling safe as a black woman. While other days were joyful and grateful that my hour commute included seeing woods, streams, birds, flowers and horses. Joyful that I have an awesome life with no regrets. To summarize what Covid-19 has taught me, please see the poem below written by b.oakman:

 

I lied and said that I was busy.

I was busy;

but not in a way most people understand.

 

I was busy taking deeper breaths.

I was busy silencing irrational thoughts

I was busy calming a racing heart.

I was busy telling myself I am ok.

 

Sometimes, this is my busy- and I will not apologize for it.

Reflections on 2020 - from Rachel Kobin

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I'm grateful everyone in my immediate family, including my elderly mom and boyfriend, and my friends are still alive.

What did you take for granted this year? Nothing.

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? Having the ability to appreciate simple pleasures like a good cup of tea or a phone conversation with a friend who makes you laugh is an invaluable survival skill. 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? I started painting with acrylics just for fun. With my paramour's help, I did several nesting projects, including using a sewing machine for the first time to make curtains, something I've meant to do since I bought my house in 2005. 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Teaching via Zoom has added my commute time back to my life. I've enjoyed having that time to simply be.

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Life is fragile; take nothing for granted.

Gratitude and Clarity during COVID - by Elizabeth Venart

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful for by ability to continue doing meaningful work that I love. I am grateful for the beauty of the natural world that has sustained me through walks and time outside, looking at the sky and trees and flowers and birds. I am grateful for the wonderful community of practitioners at The Resiliency Center. Knowing we were in this together – as we transitioned to offering our services online and as we navigated this tumultuous year – has been a tremendous support.  

 

What did you take for granted this year?  I tried not to take anything for granted this year. I am filled with gratitude for my ability to buy food and have a safe place to live. I am grateful for my health and the health of everyone I love. I am grateful for every breath I take with ease. I watched with empathy as so many people struggled with the additional devastation of coronavirus – on top of poverty and multitude injustices faced daily. I awoke to the excruciating pain of racial injustice in a deeper and more profound way this year, and I became more committed to my role as an effective ally.  

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I see more clearly the privileges I have. I am more courageous to have deep conversations and to do the hard work necessary to educate myself in areas where my knowledge is lacking.  

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? 

I love painting. I used to attend in-person painting workshops periodically, but I hadn’t in many years due to the time and expense involved in traveling. With COVID, the programs moved online. I have participated in three weekend programs so far and have found them deeply meaningful and restorative, a time to go inward and experience a painting retreat from the comfort of my home. These workshops also give me an opportunity to connect with people all over the continent, and I’ve found the community really supportive.  

 

I also attended live music events online. These included the playful and inspired variety show format of the Gluey Zoomy Show that two friends in New York City host, to daily morning kirtans praying for peace led by Devadas in Brooklyn, and enjoying livestream piano concerts from my talented musician friend Joe Ashlar in New Orleans. 

 

My passion for poetry was only strengthened during this time. I continue to lead the Rumi and Friends Spiritual Poetry Evening monthly – now online – and was thrilled that people from our area and as far away as California joined us. I also attended several online programs with Irish Poet David Whyte.  

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? I really enjoy the changing of the seasons. Without traveling to faraway places to savor the spring and summer flowers, rivers and lakes, and vibrant autumn foliage, I delighted in my own backyard, thoroughly savoring the beauty discovered on daily walks in my neighborhood and nearby parks. Spending time by Zoom playing with the youngest members of my extended family was a true joy. We colored together, told stories, laughed, and played imaginary games. While I missed the time in person, we live at a distance, so virtual “playdates” allowed us to connect much more regularly. I treasured that time together.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Everything can change in an instant, and you can find a way to adapt. The simple pleasures aren’t actually simple – They are the very stuff of life. Never underestimate the power of a hug or how truly beautiful it is to be in the physical presence of another human being. Sitting around an outside fire with friends is magical. Routines can foster resiliency – For me, this included daily walks, starting my day with chanting, weekly zoom calls with friends and family, weekly online gatherings with other practitioners at the center, and Friday night movies. Having regular activities to which I could look forward was important – and I didn’t need to leave home to participate.  

Reflections on 2020 by Jeff Katowitz

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why?  Connecting with my family. My health. 

 
What did you take for granted this year? The simple things. 
 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world?  Not taking for granted the importance of my health. Recognizing my ability to make a difference – by providing support to others in the midst of prolonged national and global chaos. 
 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during this time? Landscaping and gardening. 

 
Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Reconnecting with the simple things. 

 
What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Taking care of my body, mind and spirit and feeling appreciative of what I have. 

Connection during COVID - by Kim Vargas

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I am truly the most grateful for my family. I’m not sure how I could have gotten through this past year without them. Having young children provided both a distraction and an opportunity to focus on what feels most important. While the world felt totally out of control at times, and there were many feelings of helplessness with respect to that, I felt grateful to be able to focus on connecting with people that I really love. 

 

What did you take for granted this year? I’m sure there were many things that I did take for granted, but I’m not entirely sure what they were. I tried very hard to be aware and intentional about knowing how exceptional even the mundane things were this year. I was aware that none of us could take our health, our families, or our livelihood for granted in the ways that we might normally.  

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I was surprised at how little I missed certain parts of my normal existence. While I despised the reason that we had to slow down so much, I also observed in myself some relief at not having to engage in many of the ways we are normally called upon to engage. 

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during this time? I remembered how much I love doing jigsaw puzzles, reading, and playing board games. 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? I reconnected on a regular basis with my college roommates, which is something I haven’t done in about 20 years. We started a group text chain with 7 of us, and I was reminded what a witty, loving, smart, warm group of people this is. I feel so lucky to have them in my life, especially on a more regular basis. 

 

What is the most important thing that they year of COVID 19 has taught you? I know this sounds trite, but it has really reminded me of what is important in my life. I haven’t spent time with my parents in over a year, and I am reminded how incredible they are, and how much I miss them every single day. It has taught me a lot about what is important, and where to focus my energy, versus what is not important but takes up a lot of my brain space. I’m hopeful that even after this crisis passes, I will be able to hold on to some of that knowledge! 

 

Being adaptable in the year of COVID - by Trudy Gregson

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I’m grateful that none of my immediate or extended family has contracted COVID, and to have had this extra time at home with my college-age sons who otherwise would have not lived at home. I’m grateful for the technology that has allowed me to see my clients from home and to stay in touch with friends and loved ones, and I am immensely grateful to all the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, and all the essential frontline workers. 

 

The pandemic revealed to me how little I actually need. My world became smaller in many ways – working from home, no vacations, and in the winter, virtually no in-person get-togethers. While I miss it all very much, it turns out I can be pretty content “hunkering down” and amusing myself with home activities.  And yet in other ways, my world became larger – seeing far-flung family and friends more than I would have if not for zoom. Discovering hidden gems like new parks, hikes, a dog beach, and new towns that weren’t actually hidden, just unexplored because there was always so much else to do. 

 

I learned how adaptable I can be – I had never seen clients online before and had believed it would be inferior to in-person. In fact, it has been far better than expected and I am now open to how online will expand my ability to work with clients post-pandemic when there are obstacles to clients coming to an office.  

 

I have never been so closely attuned to the day-to-day changes in nature as I have during the pandemic. In Spring, noticing the daily changes to the blooming magnolia tree right outside my front door – the colors, the blossoming flowers as they gradually opened, and their scent up close. Noticing more than ever the changing angle of the sun as the seasons change, and seeking that last bit of afternoon sun on my front step on a cool day to catch some Vitamin D after a day spent inside.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? We can do hard things (borrowed from Glennon Doyle). People are incredibly adaptable, resilient, and creative, and I’ve been inspired by and grateful for so many people during this time. 

Art and connection during the pandemic - by Barbra Danin

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I'm grateful that I don't have to face many of the challenges that others have had to deal with:  I have food security, I'm able to work, I live in a home I enjoy spending time in, I don't have to educate my child, and I have my health. 

 

What did you take for granted this year? I'm trying not to take anything for granted these days and hope that I'll continue to feel gratitude and awe well after the pandemic passes. 

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I realize how fragile my existence is, and how important it is to savor every moment.  I have learned to prioritize my relationships with friends and family in ways that weren't as clear before the lockdown. 

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of 

lockdown? For a long time, I have yearned to spend more time making art. Several years ago I showed a friend my beloved collection of antique dishes, and the next day they all fell out of the cupboard.  I saved the pieces in order to make a mosaic and found a cement birdbath.  I worked on it on and off for over 10 years and committed to finishing it when I moved to Philadelphia.  Still unsatisfied with the base, I became inspired to do a mosaic on that as well, and for the past 2 months I've been working on it whenever I have free time. 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Connecting with friends and relatives on a more regular basis  (I even reconnected with a friend I knew growing up in the Philippines as a young child!).

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? 

I hope to never take the basic things in life for granted......the importance to me of friends, family, travel, being a part of the world, making each day count!! 

Slowing down during the year of COVID - by Carolyn Abele

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I am sure this will change as I have time and space to reflect.  I am grateful for the time I have had with my family.  Like real time.  Before COVID,  I was waking up at 4:15am to get to my gym class then rushing to a really intense job running a school and then rushing back to pick up my kids.  My husband traveled constantly.  There was only quality time on the weekends, between errands.  I am beyond thankful for the slower pace, having my husband home and doing random fun things together.  I prided myself on how I managed it all, got it all done and didn’t need anyone’s help.  My life during COVID has been new, frustrating, exciting, boring, refreshing, adventurous – and a wake up call. 

 

What did you take for granted this year?  I took for granted all the things I thought I “should” have – easy access to food, ability to do what I want when I want to do it, paper products, education for my kids, and access to my family.  Losing these things initially felt like a loss of my freedom and peace of mind.  I took those things as given because I thought I was entitled to them.  

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world?  This really made me realize how privileged I am to not have to worry about “everyday things”.  Suddenly getting food felt like foraging for crumbs, and my kids education felt like a privilege and I feared that their futures were doomed.  I know now that things can slow down, and everything doesn’t have to be the way it was, or the way I want it to be. And it is OK.  Kids are resilient, and I have to model that. 

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? Play.  Leisure.  I walked a lot.  I used to think walking was boring and I needed to be running and sweating.  The walks were great with my family, without anyone or with my dog (who is terrible at walking). 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? I honestly thought I was going to go crazy at home.  I like to be out and about and doing things.  I was able to slow down and learn that I didn’t have to have a schedule everyday of things to do and see.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Uhh!  SO hard!  That I won’t win a prize for being the “I can do it all Mom”.  Be present, take it all in, and make time for the things I think are more important.