by Bernadette Dougherty, Psy.D
Storytelling has always been a large part of my life and family culture. I grew up an avid reader, rushing home from school to be immersed in a book until long past bedtime.
Throughout my childhood and early adulthood, I was fortunate to spend a great deal of time with my grandparents every week. They often shared stories of their lives and journey with me, my father’s parents having grown up in war-torn Ukraine, living in labor and refugee camps across Europe. My mother’s family immigrated from Italy, and they were separated for decades before they were all able to come to the United States.
As a child, my family’s stories fit well with the fairytales and fantasy books I read, tales of overcoming adversity and good eventually winning over evil. When I became older, I realized that these were not simply stories, but real and very painful events that occurred to the people I loved. This realization was the initial catalyst for my curiosity with risk and resilience:
What allows some individuals to survive and even thrive in spite of painful events and trauma?
Recent world events and devastation by hurricanes throughout the southeastern United States brought this question into sharp focus again. Whether we are directly impacted by large-scale disasters or not, it is heartbreaking to see how lives can be turned upside down in an instant.
None of us are strangers to pain and adversity. At times it can feel like wherever we look there are horrible events occurring in our lives and in the world more broadly, yet we’re expected to continue functioning through it all. In times such as these, it can feel like any additional stressor threatens to pull us under the flood of stress and emotions. In addition, our brains are naturally constructed to prioritize negative information over the positive, often making it exceedingly difficult to think of anything other than the stressful event we are experiencing.
Moments such as these, when painful situations occur repeatedly and it’s difficult to keep my head above the emotional flood, I have found that the first part of one of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills is particularly helpful in staying afloat: Accumulating Positives in any and every way we can. Through purposely directing our attention to things we find enjoyable, we strengthen neural connections for positivity, increase much needed dopamine in the brain, and decrease our vulnerability to emotional stress. Focusing even on small things like beauty in our environment, a song we enjoy, or a soothing sensation works; we essentially boost ourselves above the emotional flood. Stringing along these positives during transition moments — like car rides and minutes in between meetings — can be a small and time-friendly way to accumulate positives despite many of our busy schedules. Allowing small positives to be present along with the pain can help us to feel more balanced and less emotionally flooded. As we experience changes throughout our lives, I encourage you to set aside time and space throughout your day and week, no matter how much or little, to accumulate positives and stay afloat.
Bernadette Dougherty, Psy.D. is a Licensed Psychologist providing therapy for teens and adults. Her approach is collaborative and individualized to help clients create meaningful change. Specialties include anxiety, depression, emotion regulation, trauma, suicide, self-injury, stress, chronic pain/illness, LGBTQIA+ care, and insomnia. To learn more about her work and to schedule an initial consultation, reach out to her at bernadette.dougherty.psyd@gmail.com and 215-770-1845.
