by Jeff Katowitz, LMFT, BSL
Acceptance tends to provide us with a map or path towards
comfort and better health. Often times, what is on the other side of an
uncomfortable event allows us to have a deeper and clearer understanding of
what is ultimately important and valuable. As we begin a new year, there is a
tendency to reflect back and evaluate what transpired during the previous year.
We also examine and look forward to a new year, hoping to accomplish a series
of goals, attend events and generally feel a sense of hope. We seek a “fresh
start” or a new beginning. With great anticipation and yearning, we hope that
our planning will yield experiences filling us with joy and satisfaction.
For many us, however, the previous year may not have been
favorable. We may have experienced events or made poor decisions that leave us
burdened with regret. To further our discomfort, we may focus on the new year
with trepidation, anticipating that familiar negative experiences will
resurface. There may be situations looming that we cannot avoid and therefore a
“clean slate” outlook is diminished by what is on the horizon.
What if we were to simply say to ourselves “whatever the
situation - we will deal with it”? Sometimes what we are facing is simply too
stressful, and we become consumed by the thought of struggling in the future.
Though a new year is likely to include events that are stressful (and
this is highly likely), we will also be in situations that bring us joy and a
high level of energy. Acceptance allows us to embrace what is right in front of
us – the situation at hand – as we look at it and experience the situation for
what it is.
Time and time again people will say that once they dealt
with an undesirable situation, they felt “lighter,” “better” and an overall
sense of relief. The definition of “acceptance” in the dictionary says “an
action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.” We should look
more closely at this definition and focus on the words “receive” and “offered”.
Perhaps we can view the process of acceptance as “receiving an offering” free
from judgment. This will then assist us in viewing undesirable situations as
valuable information – as they provide us with a choice to see the experience
in itself as containing substance and value. It is interesting to examine how,
while most of us may feel burdened by having to confront and accept a
particular circumstance, we may rather begin appreciating a process that
ultimately can yield a positive outcome or, at a minimum, lead to growth.
Let us look
ahead to the New Year through this lens of choice and possibility. Situations
will arise that challenge us – and each presents us with an opportunity to set
down our lens of burden and despair and instead pick up a new lens that invites
growth, creation, and expansion.
Jeff Katowitz, LMFT, BSL is a licensed
marriage and family therapist with his practice at The Resiliency Center in
Flourtown. Jeff specializes in helping family systems in
transition such as separation and divorce, blended families, and families with
children and teens with diagnosed with autism. For more information on Jeff
Katowitz, please call (215) 307-0055 or email jpkatowitz@verizon.net.
