A Compassionate Check-In

by Allison Beer, LCSW

Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) provides a way to connect with parts, including our inner critic, so we can understand them better. As we do, greater clarity and confidence are possible. Think of a recent moment when you were hard on yourself—maybe you felt you said the wrong thing, acted awkwardly, or made a mistake. Bring awareness to that inner critical voice and gently explore the following:

• What thoughts are coming up? About yourself? About how others may see you?
  
• What emotions do you notice? Embarrassment, anxiety, frustration?
  
• What sensations are present in your body? Tightness in your stomach? A quickened breath? Or maybe nothing at all?

Now, focus on this critical part of you. Does an image, color, or texture come to mind? If not, that’s okay too—just stay with whatever is present.

How do you feel toward this part? Do you wish it would go away? If frustration or resistance arises, acknowledge those feelings. Let them know they are seen, and if they’re willing, invite them to step back slightly.

If you notice even a small sense of openness or curiosity, extend it toward this part and ask:

• What do you want me to know?
• What are you afraid would happen if you stopped being so hard on me?
• How are you trying to help?

Listen with compassion. When you feel ready, thank this part for sharing with you. Take a few deep breaths to close.

The next time your inner critic speaks up—telling you to do more, be better, or work harder—pause. Check in with yourself and gently revisit this practice. With time, you may find that even your most critical parts are simply trying to protect you in their own way.

Allison (Allie) Beer, MSW, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker providing neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed therapy for teens and adults. Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and mindfulness practices, she helps clients navigating anxiety, trauma, ADHD, depression, grief, and low self-esteem find healing and cultivate self-compassion. Connect with her at 215-688-5117 or allison@allisonbeerlcsw.com. Learn more at allisonbeerlcsw.com.

Befriending Our Inner Critics: A Path to Self-Compassion

by Allison Beer, LCSW

As a parent to a toddler, there are countless moments when I catch myself listening to a familiar voice in my head saying things like, "You really messed that up" or "You should have handled that differently" or even "You're not being a good mom." This voice, my inner critic, can be pretty loud, especially when I make mistakes, fall short of my values, or say the wrong thing. It’s a constant reminder of where I feel I’m falling short. 

Instead of pushing this voice away, I’ve decided to lean in, get curious, and learn more about its role in my system.

We all have parts of ourselves that push us—our inner critic, the perfectionist, the overachiever, the planner. These parts often feel like relentless forces, driving us to do more, be better, and avoid failure at all costs. It’s easy to resent them, to wish they would quiet down and let us rest. Or even, sometimes, we may wish they would go away all together. 

But what if, instead of fighting them, we got curious?

These critical parts developed for a reason. Maybe the inner critic learned to keep us safe from judgment or bullying growing up. The perfectionist may have kept us on top of schoolwork, so we would receive praise from caregivers. The planner may have ensured we stay in control, while the overachiever sought approval and worth. These parts are protective in nature, and typically they perform their roles to keep us safe or support us in getting our needs met. When we take the time to understand their roles, we can see that they’re not working against us—they’re working for us, just in ways that may no longer serve us.

By meeting these parts with curiosity rather than frustration, we shift from resistance to compassion. We can acknowledge their efforts, thank them for their work, and gently assure them that we don’t need to operate in survival mode anymore. This creates space for more balance, self-trust, and ease.

Next time you hear that inner critic or feel the pull of perfectionism, pause. Instead of pushing it away, ask: What are you trying to protect me from? You may be surprised at the wisdom it holds—and the relief that comes from listening. 

Allison (Allie) Beer, MSW, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker providing neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed therapy for teens and adults. Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and mindfulness practices, she helps clients navigating anxiety, trauma, ADHD, depression, grief, and low self-esteem find healing and cultivate self-compassion. Connect with her at 215-688-5117 or allison@allisonbeerlcsw.com. Learn more at allisonbeerlcsw.com.

Ritual Practices for Meaning, Connection, and Support

by Lindsay Roznowski

“Ritual is able to hold the long discarded shards of our stories and make them whole again. It has the strength and elasticity to contain what we cannot contain on our own, what we cannot face in solitude.” — Frances Weller

• Pour the water from the filtered pitcher into the kettle and heat up the water. 
• While the water is heating, put the filter into the top of the pour-over flask.
• Pour the beans from the glass storage container and grind the beans.
• Pour the ground beans into the filter.
• When the water is fully heated, pour it slowly over the ground beans, stopping when the water gets to the top of the pour-over flask. 
• Wait until coffee drains down to the bottom of the flask and refill the top with water. 
• Continue until all water is used.

I am not a morning person. Since college (over two decades ago!) I have started my day the same way: with coffee. The methodology of my coffee preparation has changed over the years — from picking up a cafeteria brew on my way to class to this morning’s cup of pour-over — but the morning ritual has been consistent for over half of my life. What started as a habit to boost my energy has become a moving meditation to welcome the day. Each morning, you can find me in my kitchen, stepping over the threshold that bridges night and day, performing this personal, intentional, and ceremonial coffee ritual. 

You may not deem your morning coffee or tea preparation as a sacred ritual. Maybe you consider it more of a task, part of an obligatory morning routine. So what is a ritual and how is it different from a routine? Ritualists would say routine has a primary goal of achievement—aligning with the ideals of capitalism or, more generally, a culture of urgency and self-improvement. Routine places more importance on productivity than anything else. In contrast, a ritual  is done “for the purpose of personal gratification or spiritual enrichment”. When you start caring about how you do a routine, it can become transformed into a ritual. 

Rituals can tether you to something greater than yourself, like ancestors, and provide a sense of belonging to the bigger universe. They offer sacred space to honor and contain transitional periods in our lives. As Rebecca Lester wrote: “One of the most important features of rituals is that they do not only mark time; they create time. By defining beginnings and ends to developmental and social phases, rituals structure our social worlds and how we understand time, relationships, and change.”  When you engage in cultural or family rituals to acknowledge an event in the same way previous generations have, you are essentially using ritual as a way to hack into the universal unconscious. 

According to Etymonline.com, ritual’s etymological roots lie in the 1560s, ‘pertaining to or consisting of a rite or rites,’ from French ritual or directly from Latin ritualis" relating to (religious) rites," from ritus ‘religious observance or ceremony, custom, usage.’ Today, ritual can, of course, mean something religious, spiritual, or secular. Merriam Webster defines it as “the established form for a ceremony” or a “ritual observance, a ceremonial act or action, an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set and precise manner”. In an integrative review of the psychology of ritual, authors define ritual as “predefined sequences characterized by rigidity, formality, and repetition that are embedded in a larger system of symbolism and meaning, but contain elements that lack direct instrumental purpose.” 

Whether religious or secular, ritual practice can animate our lives and lend meaning to people who engage in them. Rituals can include everything from reading last rites to celebrating rites of passage like high school graduation. Rituals take many forms. They may include lighting a candle at an altar or the cultural interaction of bowing or shaking hands when you first meet someone. Rituals can come in the form of prayer, meditation, or journaling. From personal rituals like morning coffee-making to culturally significant rites of passage like baptisms and quinceañeras, ritual practice can evoke positive emotion and have a profound impact. 

One research study from Harvard Business School demonstrated that rituals improved performance, from public speaking to first dates. Researchers concluded that “Simple, novel rituals reduce anxiety lower elevated heart rates, and improve performance—provided they are imbued with symbolic meaning.” In addition, many studies demonstrate that rituals can act like a scaffolding into the unknown, infusing our lives with a sense of peace and control. For example, after the death of a loved one, many mourners see personal or religious end-of-life and funeral rituals as a lighthouse guiding them through their grief.

Joseph Campbell describes ritual as “the enactment of a myth.” He writes, “By participating in the ritual, you are participating in the myth. And since myth is a projection of the depth and wisdom of the psyche, by participating in a ritual, participating in the myth, you are being as it were, but in accord with that wisdom, which is wisdom that is inherent within you anyhow. Your consciousness is being reminded of the wisdom of your own life.” The connectedness ritual provides—whether to ourselves, our family, our community, our spirituality, our culture, or our world—is of incredible value to our mental health and well-being. 

To explore your own ritual practices and their impact, consider the following questions:

• What rituals do you practice daily, weekly, monthly, annually? Which rites of passage come to mind?
• What are the origins of your different rituals? Do they come from your family, religion, values, or somewhere else?
• Which rituals have marked significant times in your life? Which rituals have helped you with endings, beginnings, or new chapters in your life?
• Which feelings do you associate with certain rituals? What kind of positive impact does each ritual have on your life? Have you adopted any rituals because you were seeking a certain positive impact on your life?
• How have rituals imbued your life with meaning? What is the most meaningful ritual you currently practice or have practiced?
• How do rituals support you in times of stress, hardship, grief, or overwhelm?

Lindsay Roznowski is a licensed professional counselor with over 20 years of experience. She is passionate about connecting authentically, collaborating on treatment goals so clients feel empowered, invested, and hopeful. She believes in a holistic, open-minded approach to healing and integrates knowledge of yoga, nature-inspired therapy, trauma-focused treatment, and eco-systemic family therapy. In the near future, she will be integrating EMDR and IFS therapies as well. She works with children ages 8+, tweens, adolescents, and adults. She will be offering nature-inspired workshops for children and adolescents this Spring, so reach out to her to learn more. She is also beginning a blog series soon called "Let's Try It”. In it, she will trying different wellness practices and services (think--acupuncture, cold plunge, meditation) and sharing what she learns. You can reach her at 215-326-9665 and lindsay@bloomwellnesscounseling.com. 

The Practice of Stillness in a Fast-Paced World

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

The beginning of a new year is often a time to start anew. Something I have recently incorporated into my wellness routine is the meditation practice of Savasana.  Savasana in its most simple definition is called “corpse pose,” as it invites a deep stillness and the profound benefits of rest for the mind and body.  Before I dove into the practice of Savasana, I thought taking a long run was the most beneficial thing I could do for my mental health.  When I first heard about Savasana, I skeptically questioned, “How can laying on the floor have any real benefits?” 

The reported health benefits had me curious. Was I missing something? I decided to check it out. From the outside, it didn’t look like much. Savasana is physically basic — you lay on your back with your arms comfortably at your side. (Am I enticing you yet?) The tricky part is remaining completely still, allowing yourself to fully relax, focus on your breath, and release any tension or thoughts.  This is where the practice of Savasana becomes a true practice of noticing and then stopping the fast-paced living, endless to-do lists, and incessant chatter of narration. It is a practice of mindfulness, specifically learning to take a mindful rest. It shifts us away from a mental focus on figuring out our lives to an opportunity for body and mind to untangle and gently process the physical and mental work of the day.  It allows the nervous system to shift from a state of alertness to one of deep relaxation and restoration.

There are physical and mental benefits of the practice of Savasana, including: 

• Improved Mental Clarity: Helps declutter the mind, creates space for greater focus, clarity, and decision-making.
• Stress Reduction: Calming the nervous system reduces stress and promotes emotional balance
• Improved Sleep: Who doesn’t need this? When the quality of our sleep improves, we wake feeling rested. 
• Physical Recovery: Aids in muscle relaxation, promoting faster recovery after exercise, yoga, workout sessions, and other physical exertion.
• Improved Mind-Body Connection: Savasana promotes a deeper connection to the body and its signals.

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook the importance of slowing down and resting.  But Savasana reminds us that real, true restoration comes from stillness and relaxation. So, the next time you feel like life is moving too fast and far too many things need to be done, resist the temptation to switch into a higher gear and do more. Instead, find a spot on the floor and try the magic of quiet rest. Take your time in Savasana and enjoy the peace it brings to your mind and body. While it may seem counter-intuitive, the deep rest offered will ultimate support you in conquering that to do list — or give you greater clarity about what you can just let go. 

Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works with adolescents through adults, offering support to individuals struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, and self-esteem. She offers mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, EMDR Therapy, family therapy, and parent support around behavioral concerns. Her work integrates practical strategies, humor, mindfulness practices, and trauma-informed approaches to heal pain at the root of current patterns. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

Winter Solstice — and a Candlelight Meditation for Peace

by Elizabeth Venart

Winter solstice, the shortest day of the year and first official day of winter, is on December 21st. This marks the gradual return of longer days, peaking with summer solstice on June 21st. Ancient Celts believed that the sun god, Lugh, left every winter and took the warmth with him. They practiced rituals at winter solstice to invite him back the sun, light, and warmth. These included building bonfires and placing candles in evergreen trees. Many of these rituals continue into the present. There is something cozy and magical about sitting near a crackling fireplace, being outdoors around a fire pit with a mug of hot chocolate, or cuddling under a blanket in the soft glow of candlelight. 

In Celtic Spirituality, the softer glow of sunrise, sunset, and candlelight are optimal times for quiet contemplation. We are invited to turn our gaze inward, pause from the busy pace of our lives, and simply reflect. The gentle glow of candlelight gives us an opportunity to slow down and invite forward the quieter parts of ourselves, parts that may get overshadowed in the noise of the everyday. Listening and attending to ourselves in this way can cultivate greater clarity and inner peace. 

During the darkness of the months ahead, you may want to experiment with creating space daily or weekly for meditative reflection. You may choose sunrise or sunset as a time of gentle light and contemplation. Watching the sun rise in the morning or set in the evening reminds us of our existence on planet earth, our presence in the natural world. Simply watch the light come, watch the light fade, notice the colors and details, the fading away of details to darkness. 

You could also practice a candlelight meditation. Simply light a candle or sit outside by a fire and gaze upon the flame. Focus on your breathing, and see if it becomes possible to slow your thinking and tune in more consciously to your five senses. Notice the candle or fire, any breeze or sounds if you are outside, the temperature of the air. As you inhale, feel the temperature and sensation of the air entering your nose, then the flow of exhale. Notice the rise and fall of your chest and belly as you breathe in and out. All the while, keep noticing the candlelight or fire. If thoughts arise, simply notice them and then return your focus to your breath and the gentle light. 

If you find it difficult to take this pause in your day, nagged by a sense of urgency for things you need to do, perhaps set a timer for five or ten minutes. Knowing you will only be sitting quietly for a short while often allows our thoughts to settle. 

Taking this pause to sit quietly in gentle light, breathing and being present, cultivates peace and a sense of inner spaciousness. From that place, it becomes possible to reflect on bigger questions, decisions, and next steps. So give yourself the gift of darkness, the gift of gentle light, the gift of self-compassion. When we nurture our inner light in this way, it grows — and that radiance, like the sun, brings more light to our world. 

Light in the Dark

by Olivia Ruffin

Being a light in dark places means embodying hope, resilience, and compassion in the face of adversity. It’s about bringing kindness, understanding, and action where they may seem absent, choosing to act as a beacon when the world feels heavy or uncertain.

In dark times—whether they’re personal struggles, community crises, or widespread societal challenges—being a light can look like standing up for others, even when it’s uncomfortable, or speaking truth to power in a way that inspires and uplifts. It can mean listening to those who feel unheard, offering support to those in need, or simply finding the strength to persevere when circumstances feel daunting. Light doesn’t always mean grand gestures; often, it’s the steady glow of consistency, compassion, and courage.

When we act as light in the darkness, we’re acknowledging that difficult times are part of the human experience but that hope and healing are always possible. In the words of poet Amanda Gorman, “There is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.” The choice to shine—whether through our words, actions, or even by holding space for those around us—empowers others to find their own light.

Ultimately, being the light in dark places is a powerful form of resistance. It’s a reminder that, despite hardship, people are inherently capable of making things better, one small action at a time. It’s about being willing to guide, to uplift, and to inspire hope, creating ripples of change that might brighten even the darkest corners.

In Service and Hope

by Vanessa Mortillo

“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”— Sarah Williams, Twilight Hours: A Legacy of Verse

As we enter the darker months of the year, I honor that this time of year, and this time in history, can be heavy for many. It is easy to feel gutted by grief and hopelessness. Yet during these times, I also notice that these feelings arise from a deep commitment and care for loved ones and our community. In the words of Marvel comic book hero, Vision, “What is grief, if not love persevering?” We can only feel loss when we know deep love. 

When I understand this, I feel a deeper call to service. I feel a pull to show caring to what I have not lost. So, in the words of Vice President Harris, “Let us fill the sky with the light of a brilliant, brilliant, billion of stars. The light of optimism, of faith, of truth, and service.”  May we hold tight to those we love, may we give ourselves to the greater good, and may we be unrelenting in our care and protection of others. May we fill up the dark sky with light.