Retreats: Pause, Connect, Create — and Get Inspired

by Elizabeth Venart

Summertime is for novelty. We spend more time outdoors, travel to new places, and do things that darker, colder times of the year don’t offer. Retreats and groups are similar. Retreats offer us an opportunity to take a break from our ordinary routine, immerse ourselves in a new practice (such as art-making, meditation, yoga, or writing), and connect more deeply with ourselves, others, and the natural world. Mary Oliver’s poems remind us that every moment in which we are fully present can be a retreat. Her poems inspired by walks in nature, she poignantly reminds us in her poem “Praying” that silence is “the doorway into thanks” and when we are present, we open so that “another voice may speak.” When we embark on retreat, we accept this invitation into mystery, the unknown that awaits when we go new places, try new things, meet new people, and immerse ourselves in new landscapes — or greet familiar landscapes with new eyes.

In my own life, retreats have supported me during moments of significant transition. A meditation and mindfulness retreat at Kripalu was instrumental in gifting me with the calm, confidence, and clarity to open the Resiliency Center sixteen years ago. During the pandemic, a series of weekend painting retreats (offered through Zoom) supported me in expressing the full texture and emotion of my experience. Mini-retreats in writing helped me find my voice and gain confidence to approach a publisher with my book idea. A Celtic Spirituality Retreat in Ireland connected me with my ancestry through stories, soulful chanting, and time spent outdoors in majestic, beautiful landscapes. All of these experiences required leaving my comfort zone in one way or another and awakened deep inner peace and aliveness. 

Similarly, groups invite us to venture beyond the comfort of one-on-one connection and expand our perspective by learning from others’ experiences. We discover ourselves when we look into the eyes of others, hear our stories in their voices, and find the echo of our own truth in their heartfelt sharing. As we share, the courage of our authenticity invites others to be real in return. When we play, create, meditate, write, and explore nature in groups, our group energy creates a container for growth that often transcends what we can do on our own. For example, meditating in a group often takes us deeper. We hold the silence together. When we go on a nature hike together, we see beauty and details we may have missed if not for the eyes of our companions. When we create together, we are inspired by others’ creativity and they, by ours. 

Throughout my thirty-three years as a counselor, I have led many groups, workshops, and retreats for children, teens, adults, healthcare professionals, and other therapists. Community is healing. I believe in the power of community to transform people’s lives, support their resilience, and build joy. This belief drove the creation of The Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia. 

I am excited to share that a number of practitioners at the center are offering groups, workshops, and retreats this summer and into the fall. Why not join us? Programs promise connection, creativity, play, and opportunities to learn and grow. Some are designed for children and others for adults, and all invite you to experience something new. Let’s play together. We hope to see you soon. 

Elizabeth Venart is the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Approved EMDR Consultant, and Approved IFS Consultant who specializes in supporting Highly Sensitive People, including other therapists. She offers individual counseling, IFS-Informed EMDR Healing Intensives, and clinical consultation for therapists. She has led a regional meeting for EMDR therapists in the Greater Philadelphia Area since 2011 and taught therapists IFS-Informed EMDR through the Syzygy Institute since 2022. Additionally, Elizabeth is a laughter yoga teacher and avid reader of poetry. In support of these loves, Elizabeth offers a free weekly laughter yoga class and a monthly Spiritual Poetry evening. Learn more at https://elizabethvenart.com/ or contact her at elizabethvenart@counselingsecure.com. 

Ritual Practices for Meaning, Connection, and Support

by Lindsay Roznowski

“Ritual is able to hold the long discarded shards of our stories and make them whole again. It has the strength and elasticity to contain what we cannot contain on our own, what we cannot face in solitude.” — Frances Weller

• Pour the water from the filtered pitcher into the kettle and heat up the water. 
• While the water is heating, put the filter into the top of the pour-over flask.
• Pour the beans from the glass storage container and grind the beans.
• Pour the ground beans into the filter.
• When the water is fully heated, pour it slowly over the ground beans, stopping when the water gets to the top of the pour-over flask. 
• Wait until coffee drains down to the bottom of the flask and refill the top with water. 
• Continue until all water is used.

I am not a morning person. Since college (over two decades ago!) I have started my day the same way: with coffee. The methodology of my coffee preparation has changed over the years — from picking up a cafeteria brew on my way to class to this morning’s cup of pour-over — but the morning ritual has been consistent for over half of my life. What started as a habit to boost my energy has become a moving meditation to welcome the day. Each morning, you can find me in my kitchen, stepping over the threshold that bridges night and day, performing this personal, intentional, and ceremonial coffee ritual. 

You may not deem your morning coffee or tea preparation as a sacred ritual. Maybe you consider it more of a task, part of an obligatory morning routine. So what is a ritual and how is it different from a routine? Ritualists would say routine has a primary goal of achievement—aligning with the ideals of capitalism or, more generally, a culture of urgency and self-improvement. Routine places more importance on productivity than anything else. In contrast, a ritual  is done “for the purpose of personal gratification or spiritual enrichment”. When you start caring about how you do a routine, it can become transformed into a ritual. 

Rituals can tether you to something greater than yourself, like ancestors, and provide a sense of belonging to the bigger universe. They offer sacred space to honor and contain transitional periods in our lives. As Rebecca Lester wrote: “One of the most important features of rituals is that they do not only mark time; they create time. By defining beginnings and ends to developmental and social phases, rituals structure our social worlds and how we understand time, relationships, and change.”  When you engage in cultural or family rituals to acknowledge an event in the same way previous generations have, you are essentially using ritual as a way to hack into the universal unconscious. 

According to Etymonline.com, ritual’s etymological roots lie in the 1560s, ‘pertaining to or consisting of a rite or rites,’ from French ritual or directly from Latin ritualis" relating to (religious) rites," from ritus ‘religious observance or ceremony, custom, usage.’ Today, ritual can, of course, mean something religious, spiritual, or secular. Merriam Webster defines it as “the established form for a ceremony” or a “ritual observance, a ceremonial act or action, an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set and precise manner”. In an integrative review of the psychology of ritual, authors define ritual as “predefined sequences characterized by rigidity, formality, and repetition that are embedded in a larger system of symbolism and meaning, but contain elements that lack direct instrumental purpose.” 

Whether religious or secular, ritual practice can animate our lives and lend meaning to people who engage in them. Rituals can include everything from reading last rites to celebrating rites of passage like high school graduation. Rituals take many forms. They may include lighting a candle at an altar or the cultural interaction of bowing or shaking hands when you first meet someone. Rituals can come in the form of prayer, meditation, or journaling. From personal rituals like morning coffee-making to culturally significant rites of passage like baptisms and quinceañeras, ritual practice can evoke positive emotion and have a profound impact. 

One research study from Harvard Business School demonstrated that rituals improved performance, from public speaking to first dates. Researchers concluded that “Simple, novel rituals reduce anxiety lower elevated heart rates, and improve performance—provided they are imbued with symbolic meaning.” In addition, many studies demonstrate that rituals can act like a scaffolding into the unknown, infusing our lives with a sense of peace and control. For example, after the death of a loved one, many mourners see personal or religious end-of-life and funeral rituals as a lighthouse guiding them through their grief.

Joseph Campbell describes ritual as “the enactment of a myth.” He writes, “By participating in the ritual, you are participating in the myth. And since myth is a projection of the depth and wisdom of the psyche, by participating in a ritual, participating in the myth, you are being as it were, but in accord with that wisdom, which is wisdom that is inherent within you anyhow. Your consciousness is being reminded of the wisdom of your own life.” The connectedness ritual provides—whether to ourselves, our family, our community, our spirituality, our culture, or our world—is of incredible value to our mental health and well-being. 

To explore your own ritual practices and their impact, consider the following questions:

• What rituals do you practice daily, weekly, monthly, annually? Which rites of passage come to mind?
• What are the origins of your different rituals? Do they come from your family, religion, values, or somewhere else?
• Which rituals have marked significant times in your life? Which rituals have helped you with endings, beginnings, or new chapters in your life?
• Which feelings do you associate with certain rituals? What kind of positive impact does each ritual have on your life? Have you adopted any rituals because you were seeking a certain positive impact on your life?
• How have rituals imbued your life with meaning? What is the most meaningful ritual you currently practice or have practiced?
• How do rituals support you in times of stress, hardship, grief, or overwhelm?

Lindsay Roznowski is a licensed professional counselor with over 20 years of experience. She is passionate about connecting authentically, collaborating on treatment goals so clients feel empowered, invested, and hopeful. She believes in a holistic, open-minded approach to healing and integrates knowledge of yoga, nature-inspired therapy, trauma-focused treatment, and eco-systemic family therapy. In the near future, she will be integrating EMDR and IFS therapies as well. She works with children ages 8+, tweens, adolescents, and adults. She will be offering nature-inspired workshops for children and adolescents this Spring, so reach out to her to learn more. She is also beginning a blog series soon called "Let's Try It”. In it, she will trying different wellness practices and services (think--acupuncture, cold plunge, meditation) and sharing what she learns. You can reach her at 215-326-9665 and lindsay@bloomwellnesscounseling.com. 

Finding Your Feet After Years of Holding It Together

by Brittiney George, BS, MST, ICI, CEIM 

The body likes balance.  It likes connection.  It needs safety.  

The body is meant to move.

It will hold, brace, bend, twist, compress, or overextend until it finds the alignment required to keep it as safe as possible in whatever environment it is in.  

So, what happens to a body when movement has been taken away or the rules around movement are changed?  This happened on a global scale during the pandemic.  Our legs literally got removed from our daily life.  We were in conversations from the waist up.  We were encouraged not to connect, to move to close, or to go too far.  We were asked to be vigilant, to be on the alert, but also to shut down and not panic.  It was a strange, mixed message of movement for a body, for every-body, and I am still seeing the lingering effects in my practice. Maybe some of these observations feel familiar to you?

Pre-covid Holding Patterns: Upper body locks-people shouldered a lot. They would come in with tight necks, backs and shoulders.  The request was often to help them get their legs and feet back underneath them so they could stop shouldering so much and move more freely in their life

Covid Holding Patterns: Lower body locks.  It was almost as if standing still and holding it all together became so common that the legs, feet, and joints became locked in a rigid position.  Not being able to step out in the world created legs that were less flexible and mobile.  Relational patterns in the world began to reflect these moves as people began to move with less tolerance, flexibility, and adaptability to others.  

Current Pattern:  Head trying to find the feet again.  As the legs have come back online and shoulders are re-negotiating holding and releasing, I'm seeing feet show up in ways I've never seen.  It is as if the head and the feet are trying to figure out if they can trust each other.  The head is asking the feet-can I trust you and what you feel?  And the feet seem to be asking the head, do you even know what I am doing done here?  I’m having to negotiate new ground everywhere I go.  

If you’re trying to find your footing again in new terrain, I offer the insights below as a transitional balm for your system.

• Power of Your Hands:  your hands tell the rest of the body what move you are making (holding on, reaching for, letting go) and the rest of our body aligns accordingly.
• Power of Your Feet:  your feet let the body know the foundation you are on (shaky, sinking, solid) and are masters at adapting accordingly.
• Power of Your Nervous System:  your nervous system knows where you’ve been and where you are now and is a powerhouse in safety attunement.
• Power of Your Head:  it knows history and story, but it also knows movement.  Let it be an ally to your body and to your heart.  Together they make a powerful trifecta.

Brittiney George, BS, MST, ICI, CEIM, is a Master Somatic Therapist and Movement Practitioner specializing in Transformative Touch.  She is also the creator of the online comic www.thisweekwithjoy.com.  Her areas of specialty include working with highly sensitive persons (HSP’s), and helping people find movement when they feel stuck in life’s transitions.  Contact Brittiney at 610-389-7866 or movebackintolife@gmail.com.  

Community Care

by Elizabeth Campbell, MS, LPC, RPT-S

“The truth of who we are, is that we are, because we belong. It’s in our DNA.” — Desmond Tutu

One of the most relaxed and oxytocin-filled times that I recall is waking up on my rope cot in my host family’s home in Ganeshpur, Nepal.  It was a chilly morning, I was curled up in my sleeping bag, and I heard the soft raspy voice of my host mother talking in the next room and engaging in her morning chores.  It was my first international service trip and first time staying with a host family.  I was amazed that I felt so connected to a family and a community that I could not easily communicate with.  The deep relationship that we formed through working towards a mutual goal:  building a school for the community, and caring for another in the process, was life-changing.  

The communal nature of Nepal’s culture and all of the rural communities I stayed in while doing international service work stands in stark contrast to our culture.  Families lived in adjoining homes or on the same property and shared chores and childcare.  Friends and family members were together throughout the day and no one was left with the isolation of a never ending to do list with no support.  Parents learned by example by seeing generation after generation raising children.  There is an oft repeated joke among parents when people say “It takes a village (to raise a child),” “How do I sign up?!”  

Unfortunately, for many in our culture, the village is not there.  Whether that is due to living far away from family members, cutting off toxic relationships, or loss, often modern American individuals are often isolated and overwhelmed.  We saw in the pandemic how isolation can breed stress and subsequent mental health and wellbeing challenges and the Surgeon General recently release research showing that it impacts physical and mental health.  Yet our society continues to value independence, which cuts us off from the benefits of interdependence.  

All of that being said, I am not ready to sign up for communal living.  I love spending time with others and then going home to have quiet time to recharge my Highly Sensitive, introverted batteries.  I say all of this to highlight the gift that interdependence brings.  I often see this gift in The Resiliency Center practitioner community.  The same wise clinicians that supported me when I began my practice are supporting me as I support supervisees to learn and grow.  I see this gift in my friendships.  I recommended to my neighbor the book Sensitive and she loaned me Hunt, Gather, Parent (a must read when thinking about community).  We so often think about self-care as taking bubble baths and doing yoga, which is lovely.  I encourage us all to also care for ourselves by filling up both ourselves and others in connection and support.  

Elizabeth Campbell is a Licensed Profession Counselor, Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, and EMDR Consultant in Training who provides empowerment and strength-based support to individuals in personal growth and change.  She specializes in play therapy with children, supporting Highly Sensitivity, and IFS-informed EMDR for all ages. She provides supervision and consultation for licensure as well as EMDR and play therapy certification.   If you would like to connect with Elizabeth, reach out at elizabeth@elizabethcampbellcounseling.com or 610-757-8163 or learn more at www.elizabethcampbellcounseling.com

Connection Practices to Create Happiness

Positive Psychology researchers found that our happiness is increased when we engage in intentional activities to increase our positive connection with others. Two connection practices are shared: Gratitude Report Card and Loving-Kindness Meditation.

Connection Practice #1: Gratitude Report Card

Instructions: Over the next week, choose one person in your life with whom you have a close relationship, preferably someone whom you see regularly. This may be a romantic partner, a close friend, a child, or a colleague at work. Each day, write down at least one thing that you appreciate about the person, or something they did for which you are thankful. These appreciations can range in size or scope, but the important thing is that you identify at least one thing each day to write down. At the end of the week, have a face-to-face conversation with this person expressing your thanks to them. Share your list with them, and express how much they mean to you and how appreciative you are to have them in your life.

Connection Practice #2: Loving-Kindness Meditation 

Instructions: Begin by sitting in a comfortable position. Sit upright and relaxed, with your hands resting on your lap. Take three steady and even breaths, and when you are ready, close your eyes.

Continue to breathe, slowly in and slowly out. Notice the feeling of the air entering through your nose, and observe how it’s slightly warmer on the way out.

Become aware of your body as you sit. Feel your body as it makes contact with the support beneath you. Feel your body resting comfortably, and notice any sensations within your body. 

When you are ready, form an image of yourself in your mind’s eye. Picture yourself as you currently sit, and feel your heart open up. Remind yourself that like anyone else, you wish to live happily and in peace. Connect fully with that intention, and feel a sense of warmth pour over you. 

Continue to picture yourself as you sit in this moment. Gently and in silence, repeat the following phrases to yourself: 
May I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be peaceful and at ease. 

Take your time, all the while maintaining the image of yourself in your mind’s eye. Allow the feelings of peace and tranquility to sink in, and savor the meaning of the words. 

When you notice your mind wander or your thoughts drift, simply notice this, and return to the present moment. 

When you are ready, form an image now of someone whom it is easy to feel loving kindness towards. It could be someone from the past or the present, and could be a friend, family member, or even a pet. A simple, positive relationship can work best to start with. Picture that person, and feel your heart open up to them. Remind yourself that like anyone else, you wish for them to live happily and in peace. Connect fully with that intention, and feel a sense of warmth and compassion pour over you. 

Continue to picture this loved one as you sit in this moment. Gently and in silence, repeat the following phrases to yourself: 
May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be peaceful and at ease. 

Once more, fully allow the words to sink in, and feel your heart open up with love and compassion towards yourself and towards this other person. Take a moment to savor this moment. 

When you are ready, gently open your eyes and return to the room.

Healing for Helpers

2022 March Newsletter:  Healing for the Helpers

 

Healing for Helpers

by Vanessa Mortillo

 

“My mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world.” – Fred Rogers

 

From the hospital staff who have showed up for the sick and dying, to the parents who work double duty supporting their children and maintaining normalcy, to our teachers, daycare and eldercare staff, clergy, mental health professionals, first responders, and service workers, it is comforting to know that helpers are everywhere. Yet, it is difficult to find words that do justice to their extraordinary struggles during this pandemic. Many helpers rose to meet challenges head on, and many are tired.

 

For anyone in a helping role, it is important to pay close attention to your own wellbeing. The classic airline safety instruction, “Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others,” is so true. Yet, so many helpers charge forward with little attention to their inner lives. If this sounds like you, I see you.  You may have been taught that taking time for yourself is selfish or fear that showing vulnerability will be concerning to others. As a result, you may not be asking for support when you need it.  I often hear the phrase “I am so done” from frustrated parents, teachers, and youth that I work with. Exhaustion, depressed mood, hopelessness, and frustration are all signs that it may be time to focus on your own healing. Doing so will expand your ability to help others immeasurably.

 

An oft overlooked aspect of healing is staying connected to other people and our community. Dr. Bruce Perry, a renowned child psychiatrist and trauma expert, states, “Relationships are the agents of change, and the most powerful therapy is human love.” Dr. Perry found that even short, positive 5-minute conversations with other people, spread throughout the day, can shift internal energy from distress into homeostasis. Connecting to community might look like asking trusted friends to check in, making an effort to call people more frequently, planning quality time with loved ones, or even joining a new community. This is one of the reasons the Resiliency Center offers classes and workshops. We understand that humans thrive in community.

 

Below are a few more self-care tips to support your healing journey:

 

·      Self-compassion: Understand that you are often simply doing your best with what you have available to you. You are just one human dealing with a lot, and it is okay to take breaks and attend to your own needs first. Give yourself grace if you make mistakes. Commit to loving kindness meditation practices.

 

·      Attending to your body: Moving, exercising, and massage can release tension and stress as well as relieve parts of your body that carry emotional burdens. Feed yourself foods that nourish you.

 

·      Seek therapy: If you have lost someone, have been exposed to trauma, or simply would like support as you support others or to experience your own healing, invest in therapy.

 

As many challenges as we face as helpers, there are many ways to cope. Creating a sustainable lifestyle that allows you to be your best self while helping others may involve getting to know yourself better and finding the self-care strategies that work best for you. We hope you take time for yourself and take care.

 

Vanessa Mortillo is a Licensed Professional Counselor with extensive training in play therapy. Utilizing mindfulness, expressive arts, and play-based interventions, Vanessa provides a playful space to harness creativity and imagination in the service of growth and healing. To learn more about her practice, view her profile or contact her at vmortillo@gmail.com or 267-507-5793.

Regret, Self-Blame, and Learning to Give Yourself Grace

by Therese Daniels 

The month of December tends to be a time where we look back over the past year. Many of us expected a lot more out of 2021. I can clearly remember so many people proclaiming strong goodbyes to 2020 with a swift strong kick saying, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” All with hopes of a much brighter year to come, one filled with family, friends, travel, and simple reconnection. Well, I am not sure about everyone else, but I get the sense that 2021 did not quite deliver. Things have certainly improved since this time last year, especially in recent weeks; however much of 2021 was darkened by COVID, natural disasters, and much more. COVID variants and spikes caused cancelled events, travel, and social gatherings. Natural disasters displaced people from their homes. Increased anger and violence cost people their lives and loved ones…I could go on.

Within the stress and storm of these ongoing events, I have noticed a concerning mindset and repetitive theme in the ways people talk about life lately. It is a pattern of guilt, shame, regret, and self-doubt. I have heard countless statements that begin with phrases such as, “I should have done___”  or “I should not have done ____”  or “I can’t believe I didn’t ___” or “I wish I would have ___”. I have heard even stronger self-condemnation in the face of hardship, shared as strongly as “I hate myself for ___”. Hearing this, I am struck by sadness and even fear. If we cannot be kind to ourselves as individuals, then how can we genuinely show kindness to others or even hope others will extend kindness to us?

The unfortunate truth is that we really have no control over the external events that happen all around us. So much that happens is outside our control. It makes sense that we wish we had more control than we really do and even that there is a problem-solving part of us that looks at past events with an eye on preventing painful events from recurring. But this isn’t always possible. We can’t stop a tornado. We can’t go back to 2019 and prevent the pandemic. And while we can do our best to prevent our three year old or elderly parents from contracting COVID, we cannot guarantee it. 

Something we can have control over, however, is how we treat and talk to ourselves. Especially in the face of pain and hardship. Rather than berating ourselves (and others) for what we could have, should have done differently, we can pause. We can allow ourselves to acknowledge the pain. We can invite in kindness, acceptance, and grace towards ourselves. In doing this, we can interrupt the pattern of negativity and regret. While fueled by a desire for control, the blame game (ourselves and others) simply adds to the pain. When we pause and welcome self-compassion, we may start a domino effect of compassion that extends beyond ourselves. Offering ourselves kindness and acceptance, we become more able to offer kindness and acceptance to others. Starting with ourselves and then extending kindness to our loved ones, neighbors, and even strangers in our community, we are empowered to spread positivity where before negativity and fear lived.

The Pay It Forward Foundation was started in 2000 and is described as acts of kindness, generating a ripple effect from one person to the next, one community to the next. There are countless stories of people buying coffee for each other, paying tolls for the car behind them, spreading joy through quiet, unbidden acts of kindness. People experience such joy from doing and seeing things like this for others, yet sometimes have a very hard time applying this concept to themselves. What might it look like to “pay it forward” in your own life? To give yourself the gift of kindness – and then build upon that to be increasingly, consistently kind towards YOU?

The Role of Ritual

by Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC

 

As time appears to be paused and everyday feels like Blursday, it is becoming more and more difficult for us to give structure and meaning to our days, weeks, and months. As we spend increasingly more time with our families and less time out in the world, the routines and rituals of coming and going that signaled the start and finish of activities throughout the day have faded. The act of leaving and rejoining family or our pets or commuting to and from our work provided structure and created a rhythm to our day. Before the pandemic, getting up in the morning meant the start of a specific day with specific things to do and included interacting with others in a real “in person, in the same room, within reach” sort of way that we didn’t even know we could miss. 

 

All of these things naturally created rituals throughout our lives. We might not have thoughts of them as rituals, necessarily, but they were. Stopping for coffee and chatting with our favorite barista (or others who are waiting for their coffee), is a ritual that signals the start of the day and provides connection. Going into your workplace and working beside co-workers is a ritual that provides community and purpose. Coming home from work, greeting your family, and changing into comfortable clothes is a ritual that signals the end of the work day and provides safety and belonging. Making a big breakfast and sitting with family on the weekend is a ritual that signals it’s time to slow down, rest and enjoy being together. As Erika Keswin explains in her book, Rituals Road Maps, rituals ground us and provide a psychological sense of safety through connection, purpose and belonging.

 

By getting in touch with your most essential values, you can create rituals that can provide a higher level of meaning in various aspects of your day. For example, if you value nature, you can create a ritual of bundling up at the start or end of the workday, stepping outside for five minutes to look at the sky, and taking a few deep breaths as you listen for birds singing. If you value nourishing time alone, you can create a 20-minute bathing ritual at the end of the day - lighting a candle, playing some spa music on your phone, and using a body wash that appeals to your sense of smell and touch. If work feels like it’s overwhelming, you can set an alarm at the top of every hour and do a 2-minute rest and rejuvenate ritual where you walk away from the computer and stretch, breathe, and drink some water infused with mint, lemon, or basil. 

 

The trick with rituals is to be fully absorbed in them, totally focused on the purpose and value. Instead of allowing your mind to stay on a stressful assignment while you attempt to rest and rejuvenate, ritual invites you to be fully aware, to commit to this time and really feel your breath, connect with your body as you stretch, and to taste the life-nourishing water you are providing your body. It is by being totally present in the moment that your ritual has the power to release stress and increase the feel-good hormones in your body and mind.

 

Two of my favorite daily rituals involve how I begin and end my day. I set an intention for the day either by taking a few deep breaths first thing in the morning when I wake up or as I sit quietly with my morning coffee. This intention is always value-based and preferably in touch with what I feel will be life-enhancing. The other is to end the day with gratitude for some thing or things that happened during the day for which I am grateful. Maybe it’s a conversation with a family member or friend, the walk I took, or the dinner I cooked and shared with my husband. 

 

I’ve included a link to some core values for work and life. Feel free to take a look, consider what you value and explore how you can create rituals for your days, weeks or months to add meaning and value-based structure to your life. Hopefully this will make the coming months, as we continue to navigate the effects of the pandemic, a bit easier to manage. 

 

Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC works with individuals and with children and teens in the context of their families. She specializes in working with individuals with ADHD and related behaviors, including anxiety and depression.  She is dedicated to helping families work to create peace in their homes by working with all members of the family.  To connect with Lisa, please call 267-625-2565 or visit her website lisagrantfeeleytherapy.com.  

 

Reflections on 2020 - from Rachel Kobin

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I'm grateful everyone in my immediate family, including my elderly mom and boyfriend, and my friends are still alive.

What did you take for granted this year? Nothing.

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? Having the ability to appreciate simple pleasures like a good cup of tea or a phone conversation with a friend who makes you laugh is an invaluable survival skill. 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? I started painting with acrylics just for fun. With my paramour's help, I did several nesting projects, including using a sewing machine for the first time to make curtains, something I've meant to do since I bought my house in 2005. 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Teaching via Zoom has added my commute time back to my life. I've enjoyed having that time to simply be.

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Life is fragile; take nothing for granted.

Connection during COVID - by Kim Vargas

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I am truly the most grateful for my family. I’m not sure how I could have gotten through this past year without them. Having young children provided both a distraction and an opportunity to focus on what feels most important. While the world felt totally out of control at times, and there were many feelings of helplessness with respect to that, I felt grateful to be able to focus on connecting with people that I really love. 

 

What did you take for granted this year? I’m sure there were many things that I did take for granted, but I’m not entirely sure what they were. I tried very hard to be aware and intentional about knowing how exceptional even the mundane things were this year. I was aware that none of us could take our health, our families, or our livelihood for granted in the ways that we might normally.  

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I was surprised at how little I missed certain parts of my normal existence. While I despised the reason that we had to slow down so much, I also observed in myself some relief at not having to engage in many of the ways we are normally called upon to engage. 

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during this time? I remembered how much I love doing jigsaw puzzles, reading, and playing board games. 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? I reconnected on a regular basis with my college roommates, which is something I haven’t done in about 20 years. We started a group text chain with 7 of us, and I was reminded what a witty, loving, smart, warm group of people this is. I feel so lucky to have them in my life, especially on a more regular basis. 

 

What is the most important thing that they year of COVID 19 has taught you? I know this sounds trite, but it has really reminded me of what is important in my life. I haven’t spent time with my parents in over a year, and I am reminded how incredible they are, and how much I miss them every single day. It has taught me a lot about what is important, and where to focus my energy, versus what is not important but takes up a lot of my brain space. I’m hopeful that even after this crisis passes, I will be able to hold on to some of that knowledge! 

 

Mindfulness in the year of COVID - by Lisa Grant-Feeley

During the past 30 years, I have been a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a student, a teacher, a student again, and a therapist.  I don’t know if all, or at least most, women are like me, but I had a strong inclination to put everyone and everything else first. I love being all of those things listed above and I’ve enjoyed my life.  The thing is that I didn’t always take time for me! 

 

By living through this past year and the pandemic, I’ve learned: to make time for me and the parts of my life that are important to me.  I’ve learned to connect with my family and friends on a deeper level, even when it wasn’t easy to do so, to appreciate the value of sharing difficult feelings that were made less difficult simply by sharing them, to reach out and join with someone in this struggle, to offer and receive support and find strength.  I think I learned this because with the pandemic, we can’t take tomorrow for granted. 

 

I learned that slowing down and making time to be human with other humans fulfilled a fundamental need in me.  One that I had overlooked or gotten out of touch with because my life was full and busy.  Almost since I can remember, my pace had been so hectic that I would literally have to stop and catch my breath as if I had been jogging through my day!  

  

Now, I spend my time mindfully doing just one thing at a time, and feeling more at peace and I’ll also more alive as a result (and surprisingly, just as productive!).  I cherish moments of everyday joy, being grateful not only for the moment and the joy but also for the ability to cherish it. 

 

I’ve also learned that the feelings of sadness and pain are easier when those moments are accepted, honored and shared, not feared or ignored.  Because being human means that we feel both the joy and the pain. I’ve learned that I’ll take all of it: stronger connection with family and friends, struggling together instead of alone, slowing down and savoring each moment, even take the sadness and pain.  I’ve learned to be better at being human!