Trusting Your Highly Sensitive Self

by Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC

When you’re highly sensitive, you notice details and nuances others miss, deeply process all you notice, and have heightened empathy. You feel deeply — both sadness and joy — and you are remarkably tuned in to the world around you. You see the details but also understand context and big picture patterns. As a result, your intuition is often spot on. 

Unfortunately, because the majority of people are not highly sensitive, they don’t sense all you do, and they can, intentionally or unintentionally, invalidate what you know and feel. As a result, many highly sensitive people learn to mistrust themselves. 

In response to noticing this — and seeing how much Internal Family Systems (IFS) helped me and other highly sensitive people deepen self-trust, I was inspired to write, “Trusting Your Highly Sensitive Self: An Internal Family Systems Path to Healing and Wholeness.” I am excited to share that it is being published on June 1st by New Harbinger Publications. 

The book offers a compassionate roadmap for turning sensitivity from a source of struggle into a foundation for a rich, meaningful life. Weaving together insights from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, illustrative stories, and engaging exercises, the book empowers you to deepen your self-awareness, build resilience, and thrive as a sensitive person.

As you unpack any negative messages about sensitivity and understand the ways you learned to protect yourself, you come home to the wholeness of your being — and the wisdom inherent in this valuable way of being.

If you are sensitive, I wrote this book for you. If you love someone who’s highly sensitive or are a therapist who supports highly sensitive people, this book offers deeper understanding.  It is currently available in print and kindle, and an audiobook version is forthcoming. On the publisher’s website, you will find free handouts from the book — including meditation scripts, illustrations, and exercises. If you sign up for the newsletter on my website, I will send you a copy of “The Journey Home,” the poem I wrote to accompany readers on the book’s journey, and you'll be the first to know when I’ve made audio recordings of the meditations available. Subscribers will also receive announcements about book reading events and book clubs that I’ll be hosting. The first one is this month -- on 6/13 at The Resiliency Center!

In closing, I’d like to share one of many favorite quotes by the poignant and powerful poet, Mary Oliver. I offer it as encouragement to any of you who feel a creative spark inside, yearning for expression. She wrote, “And that is just the point... how the world, moist and beautiful, calls to each of us to make a new and serious response. That's the big question, the one the world throws at you every morning. "Here you are, alive. Would you like to make a comment?” 

Writing the book was initially quite a formidable undertaking. It required me to set aside time for it, reflect on what felt most important to say, carefully select words, courageously share rough drafts with colleagues and friends, and commit. I wrote because I felt I had something to share and wanted to offer a gift. Perhaps you, too, have a gift to share — your writing, art, music or other expressions of your heart. The world awaits your unique offering. I will be delighted to see the beauty that pours forward. 

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, is the author of “Trusting Your Highly Sensitive Self: An Internal Family Systems Path to Healing and Wholeness.” Elizabeth’s private counseling practice is focused on supporting highly sensitive people, including artists and therapists, in embracing their sensitivity, cultivating greater resilience, and experiencing joy. She is a Certified IFS Therapist and IFS-I Approved Clinical Consultant, a Certified EMDR Therapist and an EMDRIA Approved Consultant, and a Trainer in IFS-Informed EMDR. She founded the Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia 18 years ago, as a place for community — for those seeking healing and the practitioners devoted to partnering with them in that healing. To connect with Elizabeth, please email elizabethvenart@counselingsecure.com or visit her website at https://elizabethvenart.com/.

Shadow Work

by Eileen Sheehan

Shadow work refers to any process that makes the unconscious conscious. Examples of modern shadow work practices include the work of Byron Katie (https://thework.com/), Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) created by Richard Schwartz (https://ifs-institute.com/), and Jungian style therapy, as well as many other exercises that allow aspects of ourselves that we are unaware of come forward into our conscious view. These practices can be done individually, in a group setting, or with a therapist, depending on the depth and difficulty.

Creative people are often more naturally inclined to reflect on their deeper parts, which fuels a significant amount of art creation in the world. Creative and artistic blocks usually result from unprocessed emotions that we've shoved into our unconscious. We can learn simple techniques for allowing and processing emotions. 

Writing in an uncensored way allows you to tap into your emotions. As you do, the block in your creative flow also clears. One exercise from Byron Katie is called the “Judge Your Neighbor” exercise in which you take a closer look at one of your complaints. For example, “I complain about ___ because ____.” Then, you are invited to turn your thoughts upside down. Maybe you’re angry at your neighbor for being inconsiderate when they make a lot of noise. When you turn it around, you ask about yourself in relationship to being inconsiderate. Turning it around invites you to get curious and go deep. Especially for writers, these exercises can also double as writing prompts for more developed characters. 

Eileen Sheehan is a frequent participant of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop at the Resiliency Center, working on her debut YA fantasy novel. She an artist and creative performance designer who has been been exploring the deep connection between creativity and spirituality in her personal work. She designed an oracle deck, The Solas Oracle, based on her own journey of healing, emotional processing, and release. She lives in Blue Bell with her husband of 16 years and two Disney-loving daughters.

Retreats: Pause, Connect, Create — and Get Inspired

by Elizabeth Venart

Summertime is for novelty. We spend more time outdoors, travel to new places, and do things that darker, colder times of the year don’t offer. Retreats and groups are similar. Retreats offer us an opportunity to take a break from our ordinary routine, immerse ourselves in a new practice (such as art-making, meditation, yoga, or writing), and connect more deeply with ourselves, others, and the natural world. Mary Oliver’s poems remind us that every moment in which we are fully present can be a retreat. Her poems inspired by walks in nature, she poignantly reminds us in her poem “Praying” that silence is “the doorway into thanks” and when we are present, we open so that “another voice may speak.” When we embark on retreat, we accept this invitation into mystery, the unknown that awaits when we go new places, try new things, meet new people, and immerse ourselves in new landscapes — or greet familiar landscapes with new eyes.

In my own life, retreats have supported me during moments of significant transition. A meditation and mindfulness retreat at Kripalu was instrumental in gifting me with the calm, confidence, and clarity to open the Resiliency Center sixteen years ago. During the pandemic, a series of weekend painting retreats (offered through Zoom) supported me in expressing the full texture and emotion of my experience. Mini-retreats in writing helped me find my voice and gain confidence to approach a publisher with my book idea. A Celtic Spirituality Retreat in Ireland connected me with my ancestry through stories, soulful chanting, and time spent outdoors in majestic, beautiful landscapes. All of these experiences required leaving my comfort zone in one way or another and awakened deep inner peace and aliveness. 

Similarly, groups invite us to venture beyond the comfort of one-on-one connection and expand our perspective by learning from others’ experiences. We discover ourselves when we look into the eyes of others, hear our stories in their voices, and find the echo of our own truth in their heartfelt sharing. As we share, the courage of our authenticity invites others to be real in return. When we play, create, meditate, write, and explore nature in groups, our group energy creates a container for growth that often transcends what we can do on our own. For example, meditating in a group often takes us deeper. We hold the silence together. When we go on a nature hike together, we see beauty and details we may have missed if not for the eyes of our companions. When we create together, we are inspired by others’ creativity and they, by ours. 

Throughout my thirty-three years as a counselor, I have led many groups, workshops, and retreats for children, teens, adults, healthcare professionals, and other therapists. Community is healing. I believe in the power of community to transform people’s lives, support their resilience, and build joy. This belief drove the creation of The Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia. 

I am excited to share that a number of practitioners at the center are offering groups, workshops, and retreats this summer and into the fall. Why not join us? Programs promise connection, creativity, play, and opportunities to learn and grow. Some are designed for children and others for adults, and all invite you to experience something new. Let’s play together. We hope to see you soon. 

Elizabeth Venart is the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Approved EMDR Consultant, and Approved IFS Consultant who specializes in supporting Highly Sensitive People, including other therapists. She offers individual counseling, IFS-Informed EMDR Healing Intensives, and clinical consultation for therapists. She has led a regional meeting for EMDR therapists in the Greater Philadelphia Area since 2011 and taught therapists IFS-Informed EMDR through the Syzygy Institute since 2022. Additionally, Elizabeth is a laughter yoga teacher and avid reader of poetry. In support of these loves, Elizabeth offers a free weekly laughter yoga class and a monthly Spiritual Poetry evening. Learn more at https://elizabethvenart.com/ or contact her at elizabethvenart@counselingsecure.com. 

Beginner’s Mind and Our Inner Child

by Vanessa Mortillo

When we have no thought of achievement, no thought of self, we are true beginners. Then we can really learn something. -- Shunryu Suzuki

In every adult there lurks a child - an eternal child, something that is becoming, is never completed and calls for unceasing care, attention and education. That is the part of the human personality which waits to develop and become whole. – Carl Jung

Do you remember a time, as a child, when you encountered something new? When walking in the woods was an opportunity to discover a new bug, or rock formation, to learn something you previously did not know about how the world works? A time when a backyard contained multitudes of mini-worlds to be explored and created. Sometimes things could seem mysterious and scary, unknown, but often these memories are accompanied with a sense of awe and wonder. 

As a child, you do not yet have preconceived notions about things in the world, and for this reason, it is easy to see things in a fresh light. A child’s ability to be creative emerges because the world is not yet sorted into categories and labels, but exists to be explored and played with.

In Zen Buddhism, this quality is referred to as Beginner’s Mind-- approaching the world as though we are seeing it for the first time, with openness and curiosity. Shunryu Suzuki, in his book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind offered this concept to modern readers. Suzuki states, "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few." As we get older, we start to sort and categorize our experiences into expertise and a sense of knowing, that can stop us from seeing things as they truly are. We can also feel dull or restricted by our preconceived notions.  Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction notes that beginner’s mind, “prevents us from getting stuck in the rut of our own expertise.” Practicing a beginner’s mind keeps us growing and learning. 

So how do we cultivate and practice beginner’s mind? Gaylon Ferguson, Senior Teacher at the Shambala Institute, offers a simple exercise of  “welcoming” as one way to practice. The exercise begins by taking a seat, eyes, open in a soft posture, dropping the effort, and simply noticing what is happening internally and externally for three minutes.

For more practices, or to go deeper, join me for Welcoming the Inner Child: A Day of Art, Play, and Mindfulness. During this day of retreat we will explore, and practice ways of connecting with our inner child wisdom and cultivate beginner’s mind. See details below in featured events section.

Vanessa Mortillo, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in play therapy, mindfulness, and expressive arts. She provides a playful space to harness creativity and imagination in the service of growth and healing. Using a strengths-based approach, she builds on what is working well in your life. She has worked with adults and children from a variety of backgrounds in home, school, and outpatient settings and is committed to advancing equity and social justice. She can be reached at 267-507-5793 or vanessamortillolpc@counselingsecure.com.

Being adaptable in the year of COVID - by Trudy Gregson

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I’m grateful that none of my immediate or extended family has contracted COVID, and to have had this extra time at home with my college-age sons who otherwise would have not lived at home. I’m grateful for the technology that has allowed me to see my clients from home and to stay in touch with friends and loved ones, and I am immensely grateful to all the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, and all the essential frontline workers. 

 

The pandemic revealed to me how little I actually need. My world became smaller in many ways – working from home, no vacations, and in the winter, virtually no in-person get-togethers. While I miss it all very much, it turns out I can be pretty content “hunkering down” and amusing myself with home activities.  And yet in other ways, my world became larger – seeing far-flung family and friends more than I would have if not for zoom. Discovering hidden gems like new parks, hikes, a dog beach, and new towns that weren’t actually hidden, just unexplored because there was always so much else to do. 

 

I learned how adaptable I can be – I had never seen clients online before and had believed it would be inferior to in-person. In fact, it has been far better than expected and I am now open to how online will expand my ability to work with clients post-pandemic when there are obstacles to clients coming to an office.  

 

I have never been so closely attuned to the day-to-day changes in nature as I have during the pandemic. In Spring, noticing the daily changes to the blooming magnolia tree right outside my front door – the colors, the blossoming flowers as they gradually opened, and their scent up close. Noticing more than ever the changing angle of the sun as the seasons change, and seeking that last bit of afternoon sun on my front step on a cool day to catch some Vitamin D after a day spent inside.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? We can do hard things (borrowed from Glennon Doyle). People are incredibly adaptable, resilient, and creative, and I’ve been inspired by and grateful for so many people during this time. 

Catching your breath

by Brittiney George

“If I could just catch my breath.”

 “Give me a moment to catch my breath.”

“I don’t have time to catch my breath.”  

Powerful statements.  Why…because they say something about the “state” we are in:

Winded.

Out of air. 

On the run.

Reaching for oxygen. 

Even the word “catching” is valuable information.  It implies our breath is no longer ours.  We don’t have ownership of it.  We have to find it, chase it, hunt it down, and hold on to it so it doesn’t get away from us again.  For many of us, our daily rhythm involves chasing the clock, catching our breath, crashing, trying to get back up, and then we repeat the cycle all over again.  Is it any wonder then why we walk around with tight shoulders, clenched jaws, tense necks, and shallow, short breaths?  We get caught up in life, and life gets caught up in our bodies.  So, as you fly (or run) into this holiday season, I invite you to remember an important safety message that the airlines share before every flight…… put your oxygen mask on before assisting others and if that doesn’t feel even possible, I hope this resource list below will help to begin you on your journey towards rest, recovery, and a few gloriously full breaths.

Books:

·      The Miracle Morning by Hall Elrod

·      I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough” by Brene Brown

·      The Forgotten Body by Elisa Cobb

Creativity and Art:

·      Mandalas of The World: A Meditating and Painting Guide

·      How to Make a Finger Labyrinth (that’s also a piece of art)

·      Zentagles (Creative Drawing for Relaxation, Inspiration, & Fun) 

Guided Meditations:

·      Affectionate Breathing by Kristin Neff

·      5 Min. Self-Compassion Break by Kristin Neff

 

Journaling:

·      Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate & Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within by Janet Conner

·      Self-Compassion Journal Exercise by Kristin Neff

Movement:

·      5 min. Recharge Routine at HoldenQiGong.com

·      Bringing Up Energy Down (toe tapping) on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2nl6RAIggw

·      Take 5 Breathing: A Breathing Exercise for Kids (and adults) on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh79w9pn9Cg&feature=share

Music:

·      Beautiful by Mali Music at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmKBWWbi6yI

·      A Better Place-Playing for Change at https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=ZVHOqrw3Jks

·      Unpack Your Heart by Phillip Phillips at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myHWD6Pch8U&feature=share

·      We Found Love by Lindsey Stirling at https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=ZVHOqrw3Jks

Videos:

·      Dove Real Beauty Sketches:  You’re more beautiful than you think at  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=litXW91UauE

·      What is an Emotion by Paul Ekman at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaZDLOAg_Po

·      The Gift of Slowing Down by Carl Honore at https://www.ted.com/talks/carl_honore_praises_slowness

Brittiney George, BS, CST-L3, ICI, CEIM, is a Movement Practitioner and Somatic Therapist specializing in Transformative Touch.  She is also a faculty member and trainer for The Somatic Therapy Center.  Her areas of specialty include working with highly sensitive woman, and helping people find their ground when they feel thrown by life.  For a free 55 min. introductory Somatic Therapy session contact Brittiney at 610-389-7866 or movebackintolife@gmail.com.

 

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Inspiration

by Elizabeth Venart

What is inspiration? Is the experience universal – or personal? How important is inspiration in achieving our goals? In experiencing happiness or satisfaction in our lives? Is it possible to seek out inspiration – or must we wait patiently for it to simply “happen”? I’ve been thinking about these questions over the past few months, and, in my curiosity, I asked colleagues and friends for input, re-read favorite authors, and searched  online for recent writings on the topic. I will share with you some of what I discovered and invite you to consider your own answers to these questions . . . and maybe discover some new questions of your own.

First, what do we mean by “inspiration”?

Inspiration can bring profound shifts to how we perceive ourselves, the world around us, and our sense of what is possible – and is felt physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In her book Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert describes universal physical and emotional signals of inspiration as “the chills up the arms, the hair standing up on the back of the neck, the nervous stomach, the buzzy thoughts, that feeling of falling into love or obsession.” New York Times columnist David Brooks describes inspiration as moments when “time disappears or alters its pace.” When I’m inspired, I feel emotionally open, happier, and grateful, more connected to something larger than myself, more motivated to take action, to make a difference. I also experience a feeling of spaciousness in my body: my breath deepens, the tension in my body fades, I relax, my eyes brighten, a smile crosses my face. Inspiration clears the fog and debris from my thinking and the “stuckness” from my body.  The experience is deeply personal. As Lynn Doer, a writer, traveler, and volunteer at several local nonprofits, said, “Defining inspiration is as elusive as holding water in your hand, it happens for an instant; you know what it feels like but it is hard to show to someone else.” 

What is the relationship between inspiration and motivation?

Inspiration seems to be the intersection of awe, emotional resonance, and a strengthened internal motivation to create or act. Inspiration provokes an uplifting surge in energy and enhances our sense of capability in taking meaningful action. Doerr described inspiration as “the divine universe whispering to you to take action.” When the energy of inspiration fills her,  she feels as if she will burst if she doesn’t heed the invitation to act.

What inspires you? 

The experience of being inspired is described in similar ways by people all over the world. However, what inspires each individual – and how they answer the call once inspired – is absolutely unique.  What inspires you? A walk in the woods? The story of perseverance and triumph in the face of adversity? Watching a documentary in which someone ventured outside the expected to a new discovery, a new understanding or scientific advancement no one dreamed possible? There are unlimited invitations to awaken our eyes, hearts, and minds to the vast repository of ideas and insights yet to be imagined. What calls to you?  Eudora Welty wrote: “The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order. . [in a] continuous thread of revelation.” We are all in the process of discovering . . . ourselves, the world around us, and our own meaning and significance.  

Is it possible that depression is the absence of inspiration? And, if so, can inspiration be sought as a balm when we struggle?

Can we use our past experiences as a kind of personal compass, helping to guide us at times when our mood or outlook feels bleak or blah?  Reflecting back on moments when we did feel inspired, can we recreate the conditions that paved the way for inspiration to appear? I don’t know. Maybe. The possibility of that maybe being a yes is enough for me.  I’ll take the leap. I hope you’ll join me.

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Protecting Your Creative Spirit

by Rachel Kobin

Just as setting up healthy interpersonal boundaries is an important part of taking care of yourself, so is having clarity around how you want to share your creative output. Writing is my area of expertise, so I’ll focus there, but the issues I’ll briefly discuss are equally applicable to the visual arts.

First, let’s illustrate the distinction between making art and performance: making art can be purely personal, such as journaling, while as with a performative art, an audience is invited to hear the work read aloud or it is read on the page. Understandably, sharing new work makes writers (and artists) feel vulnerable—they’ve just poured a part of themselves onto a piece of paper. This is why, if a writer chooses to invite someone to read their work, they need to be clear about what kind of feedback they need and want to receive.

In the Tuesday-night workshops I lead, participants learn how to respond to newborn writing without making any negative comments. This is because the writing is done during workshop time, and no one has had a chance to edit their work. Even when writers bring in pages they’ve polished outside of workshop for us to “critique,” we begin by talking about everything we liked about the work, and we point to specific sentences, sections, or events in the piece that we enjoyed. Then, we move into answering questions like “What did we find confusing?” or “Which parts stood out as not as strong as the sections we liked so much?” The members of the workshop are asked again, to be specific, to point out actual examples in the text rather than make sweeping statements like, “I just don’t like romance stories,” because a comment like that will not help the writer of a romance to make their story even better. Most importantly, the discussion concludes by returning to what we liked about the work, again, which allows the writer to go home feeling good about continuing to work on their draft.

Similarly, it’s important to refrain from judging the content. For instance, the writer may hold an entirely different opinion than the reader does about a very controversial topic. The job of the reader providing feedback isn’t to argue with the writer’s perspective, but to help the writer make the most cogent possible argument supporting their point of view.

After eight years of leading workshops, I can testify to the number of times we’ve all laughed about how hard it is to show our work to friends, family, and romantic partners. The truth is that non-writers aren’t as interested, or they may feel they don’t “have what it takes,” to respond, which is why finding a group of other writers is so valuable. However, reassuring the reader that you value their gut reactions may help, and it also helps to give them specific guidelines such as those I outlined above. Timing is important; no one likes being ambushed. If you present your writing, give the other person the time and space they need to read your work and get back to you, but be clear about how and when you’d like to receive the feedback.

Most of all, create as if no one will ever see what you’re making. Decide later how, when and with whom you’d like to share, but if anything or anyone begins to shut you down in any way, step away and find the support you need.

Rachel Kobin is the director of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop. Rachel uses the Amherst Writers & Artists™ method to create a supportive, collaborative setting for writers of all backgrounds. The workshop allows beginners to explore their unique voice, and provides experienced writers a forum where they can further develop their craft. For more information www.phillywriters.com or email rachel@phillywriters.com.

Playfulness in Creativity and Problem-Solving

by Rachel Kobin 

Playfulness is a crucial part of what I do to help people tap into their creativity in the Philadelphia Writers Workshop. As children, we learn by playing. We aren't as focused on the results as we are on enjoying the process. As adults, we lose touch with this spirit of play, and this can make it harder to spark unbridled creativity. When we were four years old, did we sit down with our Play-Doh and think, "Now, let's make a sculpture so striking it will soon sit in a museum?" No, when we were kids, we enjoyed the feeling of having that dough in our hands, the color and the smell of it. We pushed it through a garlic press and to our delight it came out looking like miniature purple spaghetti (pasketti!). We showed our blobs of clay to our parents and told the stories behind them. We didn't compare ourselves to famous sculptors because we didn't know or care about who they were. We were too busy enjoying every moment of interacting with our clay to think about how our miraculous blobs might not compare to “Great Works of Art.”

Some writers come to my workshop with one purpose or a fixed idea of what kind of writer they are: One might want to write a personal essay and have it published in a prestigious magazine, while another might have family members who have said, "You should write a children's book in rhyme!" Focusing too much on a goal, especially if it didn't come from our own desires, can be paralyzing.

Throwing all expectations out the window helps us avoid this kind of trap, but it’s not easy to do on our own. Using exercises that seem silly like beginning our writing by pairing veggies with random verbs, help reacquaint us with the playfulness we knew and were often untaught throughout our formal education. Just last week in the Tuesday Night Workshop, we wrote stories about childhood without using the letter a. Activities like these trick our brains into liberating our creativity. By allowing ourselves to be silly, and not expecting our first efforts to even make any sense, we free ourselves to keep going, to get to the rough draft. Once we have our jumbled ideas down on paper in a rough draft, we can begin refining the writing to make it say what we originally intended.

I believe re-learning how to let go and have fun is a skill that can be applied to many situations, not only those in the arts. How often might we be missing a possible solution to a problem at work when we bypass the fun — the brainstorming, the drawing, the imagining? Stopping to play isn't a waste of time; it's a way of giving our brains time to juggle ideas around. Sometimes a masterpiece does emerge, and other times we just feel better, which, of all the worst case scenarios, is one we can simply enjoy. 

Rachel Kobin has been the Director of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop since 2010. Rachel uses the Amherst Artist & Writers Method to help writers of all levels claim or re-claim their unique voice. Through experimentation and play, writers of all genres and forms practice the elements of their craft in a supportive environment. Writers looking to develop new material and writers in the process of writing full-length manuscripts find the support they need to complete their projects. Learn more about workshops and private editing services at www.phillywriters.com. Contact Rachel at 610-449-3773 or Rachel@phillywriters.com.

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