Sleeping through the pandemic

by Barbra Danin

Most of us are all too familiar with the anguish of waking up in the middle of the night, struggling to fall back asleep and worrying about how we’ll manage the next day without our rest.  During the pandemic, we slept more and less:  working from home allowed many of us to turn off their alarm clocks and sleep in, but the stress many experienced made it restless, poor quality sleep. 

 

A great deal of research supports the CDC findings that sleep deprivation has many deleterious effects on our health, physiology and overall wellbeing and quality of life.  This includes fatigue, irritability, mood shifts, and difficulty with learning, concentration and memory.  Our immune system becomes compromised, our metabolism changes, and blood pressure can rise. 

 

Although the amount of necessary sleep varies from individual to individual, on average adults require a minimum of 7 hours of per night. Estimates show that 1 out of every 3 adults do not meet that minimum.  

 

There are many reasons why we struggle with getting enough sleep, including our work schedules, stress, a sleeping environment that is not conducive to deep rest (noisy, uncomfortable temperature), use of electronic devices prior to bedtime, alcohol use, and other things.  The effects of sleep deprivation underscore the importance of practicing behaviors that promote healthy sleep and help maintain a regular sleep/wake cycle

 

Many often resort to medication usage to address sleep issues; however, there are many non-medical strategies have been shown to be equally if not more effective in helping us fall asleep and stay asleep.

 

Some recommendations by the National Sleep Foundation include:

-  daily exercise

-  maximizing light exposure during the day

-  consistent mealtimes

-  avoiding food and alcohol intake 2–3 hours before bedtime

-  limiting caffeine intake

-  limiting tobacco use

-  engaging in relaxing routines before bed

-  avoiding screens before sleep

-  keeping electronic devices away from sleeping area

-  creating a sleeping environment that enhances sleep:

   (reduced light and noise, cool temperatures)

-  maintaining regular bedtimes and rise times, even on weekends

-  getting out of bed after trying unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to fall asleep

-  using a mouth guard to manage grinding, gnashing or teeth clenching

 

Various relaxation practices, including meditation, mindfulness training, breathing exercises, and guided imagery can help reduce tension. Audio recordings and sleep apps can also be effective. Other products that could improve sleep include: white noise machines, anti-snore devices, sleep trackers, wedge pillows, and other products. Alternative therapies that people have found helpful include acupuncture, acupressure, massage, melatonin, valerian root, Tai Chi and Qi Gong, and Ayurvedic Medicine. Always check with a doctor before trying any new remedy. There may be adverse effects or interactions with medications.

 

Cognitive behavioral therapy: Known as CBT, this approach focuses on recognizing thought patterns that are interfering with relaxed sleep.  This therapy has shown positive outcomes in treating sleep disorders. 

 

If these measures do not help, consultation with a healthcare provider is recommended, especially if sleep deprivation is affecting the quality of life.

 

Barbra Danin, MA, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Art Therapist, and Certified EMDR Therapist.  She provides individual, couples, and family therapy.  Her specialties include treating children with anxiety, trauma, and behavioral issues – and empowering parents with concrete tools for lasting change.  Learn more at https://theresiliencycenter.com/practitioner/barbradanin/ and www.barbradanin.com. Contact her at (314) 477-8585 or barbradanin@barbradanin.com.

Travel as a Restorative and Transformative Experience

by Barbra Danin, LMFT

As summer ends and we continue to return to life pre-pandemic, the busy lives we led may feel different to us and some of the effects of lockdown may be more and more apparent.  One aspect of life that changed dramatically was the amount and type of stimulation we experienced.  Most activities, gatherings, and cultural and social events ceased to occur, and we had little opportunity to engage in novel experiences.

The effects of under-stimulation, lack of physical exercise, social interaction and novel experiences have been studied extensively, particularly among inmates from prison populations who have spent time in solitary confinement.  The extreme deprivation can lead to various mental and behavioral challenges, social anxiety, and cognitive impairment.  The effects of less extreme sensory-reduction, however, are less clearly understood, though we do know that for many, boredom and lack of activity can create depression, mood swings, and apathy. 

In May 2021, the New York Times published an article by Adam Grant on “languishing”.  He defined it as having a sense of emptiness and stagnation, a “failure to thrive”…….it feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.”

In the article, Grant suggested that languishing may be the most widely held experience of 2021, and that many may not be fully aware of this disposition. Of concern is the prediction that individuals who “languish” are at an increased risk for other mental health issues in the future. However, by identifying the feeling and addressing the symptoms, it’s possible to shift our state of mind.  One extremely beneficial strategy is to engage in novel, interesting and stimulating activities. 

As summer ends and we continue to return to life pre-pandemic, the busy lives we led may feel different to us and some of the effects of lockdown may be more and more apparent.  One aspect of life that changed dramatically was the amount and type of stimulation we experienced.  Most activities, gatherings, and cultural and social events ceased to occur, and we had little opportunity to engage in novel experiences.

The effects of under-stimulation, lack of physical exercise, social interaction and novel experiences have been studied extensively, particularly among inmates from prison populations who have spent time in solitary confinement.  The extreme deprivation can lead to various mental and behavioral challenges, social anxiety, and cognitive impairment.  The effects of less extreme sensory-reduction, however, are less clearly understood, though we do know that for many, boredom and lack of activity can create depression, mood swings, and apathy. 

In May 2021, the New York Times published an article by Adam Grant on “languishing”.  He defined it as having a sense of emptiness and stagnation, a “failure to thrive”…….it feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.”

In the article, Grant suggested that languishing may be the most widely held experience of 2021, and that many may not be fully aware of this disposition. Of concern is the prediction that individuals who “languish” are at an increased risk for other mental health issues in the future. However, by identifying the feeling and addressing the symptoms, it’s possible to shift our state of mind.  One extremely beneficial strategy is to engage in novel, interesting and stimulating activities. 

For many reasons, travel is an activity that has the potential to improve our overall well-being. In her blog for the World Travel & Tourism Council, Tiffany Misrahi cites several ways in which travel can be beneficial:

1.     Travel gives you opportunities to try new things and meet new people, helping you combat monotony. Travel connects people and provides opportunities to learn about new and different cultures, which can help increase your empathy towards others.

2.     Activities, like walking, hiking, and skiing, in scenic areas can help you become more hopeful. A 2020 study found that people who were consciously aware of the vistas and objects around them on a walk reported being more hopeful and upbeat than other walkers.

3.     Travel is great for relieving stress and improving your general outlook on life. According to a 2013 study with people aged 25 to 70+, 80% of respondents said travel improves their general mood and outlook on life with 75% of respondents also saying travel helps them reduce stress.

4.     Travel helps your brain function better and boosts creativity. Immersing yourself in new cultures increases your mind’s ability to move between different ideas, think more deeply, and integrate thoughts. “Foreign experiences increase both cognitive flexibility and depth and integrativeness of thought,” says Adam Galinsky, a professor and author of numerous studies on the connection between creativity and international travel.

5.     Time away from work can increase your energy and productivity at work. A Harvard Business Review study of over 400 travelers found that 94% of respondents had as much or more energy after coming back from a good trip.

6.     A wellness trip can contribute to stronger mental health. On a wellness retreat focused on practices like yoga, meditation, and mindfulness, you can learn skills that you can bring home to help you keep up a regular wellness routine.

7.     Doing something you enjoy makes you happy. Pull out that bucket list and see what you still need to check off. By doing something you enjoy, you perform necessary self-care and contribute to your own happiness.

8.     Traveling with loved ones helps meet your needs for love and belonging. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs identifies love and belonging as key psychological human needs. Sharing your amazing travel adventures with loved ones helps enhance your connection with them while intensifying feelings of love, belonging, and fulfilment.

Although summer is typically the time for vacationing, it is possible to travel and to engage in novel activities all throughout the year.  Travel can include a day trip to a nearby destination, a weekend getaway, or an extended get away.  Although international travel remains limited, there are numerous destinations throughout the northeast that are easily accessible by car, train or bus.  Numerous websites such as Trip Advisor and the American Auto Club offer information on travel destinations, accommodations, dining options and things to do. 

The possibilities are endless!

Barbra Danin, MA, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Art Therapist, and Certified EMDR Therapist.  She provides individual, couples, and family therapy.  Her specialties include treating children with anxiety, trauma, and behavioral issues – and empowering parents with concrete tools for lasting change. Learn more at https://theresiliencycenter.com/practitioner/barbradanin/ and www.barbradanin.com. Contact her at (314) 477-8585 or barbradanin@barbradanin.com.

Art and connection during the pandemic - by Barbra Danin

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I'm grateful that I don't have to face many of the challenges that others have had to deal with:  I have food security, I'm able to work, I live in a home I enjoy spending time in, I don't have to educate my child, and I have my health. 

 

What did you take for granted this year? I'm trying not to take anything for granted these days and hope that I'll continue to feel gratitude and awe well after the pandemic passes. 

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I realize how fragile my existence is, and how important it is to savor every moment.  I have learned to prioritize my relationships with friends and family in ways that weren't as clear before the lockdown. 

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of 

lockdown? For a long time, I have yearned to spend more time making art. Several years ago I showed a friend my beloved collection of antique dishes, and the next day they all fell out of the cupboard.  I saved the pieces in order to make a mosaic and found a cement birdbath.  I worked on it on and off for over 10 years and committed to finishing it when I moved to Philadelphia.  Still unsatisfied with the base, I became inspired to do a mosaic on that as well, and for the past 2 months I've been working on it whenever I have free time. 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Connecting with friends and relatives on a more regular basis  (I even reconnected with a friend I knew growing up in the Philippines as a young child!).

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? 

I hope to never take the basic things in life for granted......the importance to me of friends, family, travel, being a part of the world, making each day count!! 

Finding Meaning

The following are suggestions to explore ways of finding meaning during this difficult—but temporary —experience of the pandemic:

Focus on the present moment. At this moment, everything is fine; nothing bad is happening to you.  You’re not going hungry.  You have shelter. You’re healthy. List the things around you.  Notice what you see, hear, smell, and taste at this moment.

Express gratitude.  Each day, notice three things you are grateful for.  Pay attention to the little things:  seeing a hummingbird, the taste of a piece of chocolate, a sunny day.

Try to learn something new. Is there a hobby you’ve always wanted to do, an instrument you’d like to play, or a language you’d like to speak?

Help others.  You can make financial donations, deliver food to the needy, send cards to health care workers, or make calls to lonely friends and neighbors.

Are there new activities you could try to give your life meaning?

Choose three activities from the list above that you will do over the next week to create meaning in your life.

You may also want to consider what you would like to continue doing once the pandemic is over. Why does that feel important?

Consider the following:

·      Volunteering one’s time;

·      Giving money to someone in need;

·      Writing out one’s future goals;

·      Expressing gratitude for another’s actions, either written or verbal;

·      Carefully listening to another’s point of view;

·      Confiding in someone about something that is of personal importance; and

·      Persevering valued goals in spite of obstacles.

Redefining Meaning through Challenging Times

by Barbra Danin

Eudaemonia  - eu" ("good") and "daimōn" ("spirit"),a life of activity governed by reason

Ancient Greek philosophers had the leisure to contemplate life’s meaning and engaged in many debates over what determines a good life. According to Aristotle, striving for happiness should not be man’s highest priority; rather, he wrote that one should strive for Eudaimonia, or fulfillment through the process of doing what is purposeful and worthwhile to each individual. This involves well intended action through knowledge that is acquired throughout life experience.

Since the quarantine, many of us find ourselves thinking about our lives in ways we may not have previously had the time or interest in doing. Trends are shifting rapidly as we reevaluate our values and focus more on what holds meaning and priority – Be that quality time with friends and family, healthy living and home cooked meals, discovering nature, creative ventures, or pursuing professional aspirations.

For some, living in small spaces in dense urban areas is no longer attractive, and home sales are spiking in suburban areas with larger properties. Fashion trends are shifting dramatically, with sales of jeans plummeting and leisure wear and Birkenstocks purchases soaring. Walmart’s biggest sellers are self-grooming devices, while lipstick sales have flattened and Amazon’s stock of bread and pasta makers is low. At the same time, fear and anxiety is rising as we struggle with the negative impact of social isolation and uncertainty over what the future holds.

As we continue to face the changing circumstances of the Coronavirus pandemic, how can we assign meaning to these times and respond to the challenges of the moment?  Can we draw from the wisdom of those who experienced adversity in the past? Victor Frankl offers both practical actions and philosophical insight in his book Man’s Search for Meaning.  During his interment at the Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II, Frankl, a psychiatrist, keenly observed his and fellow prisoners’ psychological and behavioral evolution as they lived through the horrors of their imprisonment. He was curious as to how they were coping during that challenging time and what seemed useful to them in efforts to survive.  He noted that those who found resilience appeared to assign their own personal meaning to their experience:

It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us…….our answers must consist……………in right action and in right conduct…taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and fulfill the tasks it constantly sets for each individual. 

He published the book Man’s Search for Meaning after his liberation. The book presents his theory of Logo therapy (logos=moving), a treatment approach with focus on the future, rather than the past.  Echoing the theory of Eudaimonia, he contends that a search for meaning is the primary motivator of life, and that each of us must continually redefine our meaning for the moment in which we are living, with an emphasis on work and correct action, connecting with others, and accepting circumstances over which we have no control.

For Frankel, what energized him were thoughts of his wife, plans to publish his book, fantasies of a favorite meal…… He observed that those inmates who tried to assign meaning to the experience at the time were able to better tolerate the suffering they underwent than those who became hopeless.

As summer ends and we enter the fall season, we may consider this time as an opportunity to look inward and explore and challenge long held values and beliefs, and to revisit our personal hopes and aspirations towards a life of meaning and purpose for now and for the future.

Barbra Danin, MA, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Art Therapist, and Certified EMDR Therapist.  She provides individual, couples, and family therapy.  Her specialties include treating children with anxiety, trauma, and behavioral issues – and empowering parents with concrete tools for lasting change. Contact her at (314) 477-8585 or barbradanin@barbradanin.com. Learn more at her website at www.barbradanin.com.

"Time In"

by Barbra Danin, LMFT, Clinical Art Therapist

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. – by Erma Bombeck

As parents, we have a mission to raise our children be independent, strong responsible and resilient.  In order for children to be successful and happy, they require tools to assist them in achieving their hopes and dreams.  Many parents find that they cannot fall back on the child rearing strategies they learned from their parents.  Children’s issues, needs, and understanding of themselves are different today, and they require different parenting approaches.

Ongoing positive encounters and meaningful communication between parents and children are some of the most effective means of building trusting relationships.  While limits and consequences are helpful for many children in order to help them learn to function in the world, for many children those strategies are ineffective, because children’s negative behaviors have emotional underpinnings. When a child is upset (or most of us, for that matter), the emotional part of the brain takes over, blocking the ability to think clearly.  When a child is acting out, they are incapable of thinking clearly and logically.  Often consequences, imparted when children are upset, are experienced as punishment, which makes them feel more upset. This can cause an escalation of the negative behavior. Conventional wisdom has touted “Time Out” as one of the most effective and necessary strategies for disciplining children.  When a child is sent away, however, many feel rejected and ashamed, leading to an escalation of their negative behavior.  The child often feels rejected and misunderstood.  Additionally, many children forget why they have been sent to “time out”, and are left with confusion and resentment.  These feelings all impact the child’s self-esteem, and the consequence fails to achieve the intended goal. 

While it is important to confront negative behavior immediately when it occurs, for many, a more effective way to do so is with “Time In”.  Rather than sending the child away, the focus of “Time In” is connecting with the child to help them calm down and then gain an understanding of their feelings and behaviors.  During a “Time In” the child and parent sit together, while the parent offers support and understanding, and helps the child to self soothe.  Many worry that “Time In” strategies reinforce the negative behavior; however, the goal of “Time In” is to simply help the child calm down, so that they can think more clearly. After the child has calmed down and can be rational, a productive discussion of what occurred can be effective.  Appropriate consequences can then help teach the child valuable lessons.

Barbra Danin, LMFT, incorporates Art Therapy & EMDR in treating children as young as 3, and keeps parents very involved in the process.  “As children’s brains are still forming, they quickly absorb the tools and interventions offered with Art Therapy & EMDR.”   Barbra can be reached at: bdanin@barbradanin.com or (314) 477-8585. Learn more at www.barbradanin.com