Practicing Happiness in Unprecedented Times

by Lindsay Roznowski

These days, I have a special resentment in my heart for the phrase “unprecedented times.” The past few years have been unpredictable, confusing, and anxiety-provoking as we learn how to do pretty much everything differently. The need to constantly adapt and engage in novel problem-solving for situations that our life experiences have not prepared us for has us all feeling frayed and exhausted. As we emerge from the turmoil of the last two years, many of us have reflected on how we want to show up in the world moving forward. An unpredictable life event that undermines your feeling of security in the world has a way of urging us toward that kind of self-reflection. Personally, this time has motivated me to ask myself: “How do I want to live? How do I want to thrive in ways that I was not pre-pandemic?” Much of what came up for me was that I needed to find ways to prioritize myself in proactive and consistent ways. Everyone talks about self-care, but how often do we prioritize self-care like we would a work appointment or our child’s soccer game? How many of us fully grasp the “putting the oxygen mask on yourself first” metaphor, but still wake up every day and somehow put ourselves last?

The need for proactive and consistent self-care brought to mind a terrific training I attended a few years ago on Positive Psychology with Dr. Jonah Paquette. Positive Psychology is defined as “the scientific study of strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” Positive Psychology is founded on the belief that people desire meaningful and fulfilling lives and wish “to cultivate what is best within themselves to enhance their experiences of love, work, and play.” (Positive Psychology Center, University of Pennsylvania). I came away from the training understanding that happiness can and should be invested in and built on a regular basis and that constructing positivity in our lives takes practice just as other life skills do. During the training we worked with this specific definition of happiness: “The experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” (Sonja Lyuborminsky, Ph.D.) Research shows that happier people are healthier people and that happiness has several significant causal effects including psychological (increased life satisfaction, lower rates of depression and anxiety, increased resiliency), physical (increased longevity, improved health, stronger immune system, coping with chronic illness), and life (stronger marriages, closer relationships, improved job performance). Happiness means different things to different people, especially generationally, but Dr. Paquette highlighted this important fact—no matter who you are, happiness comes with practice.  

Dr. Paquette discussed several notable barriers to our happiness including happiness forecasting, hedonic adaptation, and a negative brain. He explained that as humans, we are the only species that engages in happiness forecasting, a practice in which we predict that we will be happy when something specific happens or when we achieve a specific goal (like our sports team winning the championship or getting that promotion at work). One of the biggest problems with happiness forecasting is that we are very bad at it; we habitually hang our hat of happiness on the hook of external events out of our control. And further, we often associate the achievement of happiness with something external, instead of investing in the work internally. In addition, research has found that even when we do externalize our happiness and focus on achieving something we think will make us happier, once we do, hedonic adaptation quickly sets in and we return to our relatively stable baseline level of happiness. On the neuroscience side, it is clear that our brains are like Velcro for negative thoughts and Teflon for positive thoughts, so we must practice positivity more often and more consistently in order for it to finally stick.

Dr. Paquette introduced us to happiness-building practices in numerous areas including: gratitude, kindness and compassion, self-compassion, mindfulness, connection, optimism, and signature strengths. A series of exercises on each of these practices are included below. Have fun experimenting with one or more of these powerful practices to strengthen your happiness!

Lindsay Roznowski is a Licensed Professional Counselor providing individual and family therapy to children, adolescents, and adults. Specialties include trauma-focused cognitive behavior therapy; yoga and mindfulness; therapeutic work with children and adolescents; and family therapy. Lindsay teaches her clients happiness practices and skills derived from positive psychology as a way to invest in themselves and their self-care, especially during these complicated times. She is a certified yoga teacher and uses her background dialectical behavior therapy, mindfulness-based approaches, and trauma-focused therapy to offer her clients informed, holistic care. She works collaboratively with each client to create a therapy plan that acknowledges the whole person and supports the fullness of each client’s personal goals. In addition to counseling, Lindsay also offers therapeutic groups and workshops. For questions or to schedule a session, contact Lindsay at 215-326-9665 or at
lindsay@bloomwellnesscounseling.com.

Living with peace during COVID - by Dean Solon

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I am most grateful to have awakened each morning to be breathing, to be alive, and to hope and pray that all those who are near and dear to me are breathing, alive, today

 

What did you take for granted this year? Much of the time, I was taking nothing for granted during this past year.

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? It is indeed a challenge to be peaceful and compassionate in the midst of chaos and commotion. 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time?  The great opportunity of being at the shore sometimes, and with the great joy of the ocean's vast presence. 

Gratitude for life itself - by Jen Perry

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? My life ~ literally. I lost a shocking number of relatives at the beginning of March at the start of this pandemic. It was shocking and scary and felt terrible to not be together in our grief. I've found a renewed sense of purpose and vitality in planning all the things I want to do once it is safe to do so ~ in many ways it shook me out of a lot of the overwhelm and bogged-down-ness of middle adulthood.

 

What did you take for granted this year? I think I took time for granted ~ my relationship with time was really strange this year. When the pandemic started I really thought it would be over in a matter of weeks ~ which turned into months as we all know .... some days stretched on forever and then suddenly I can't believe so many months have gone by and I haven't seen people I love. I think I'm more aware of my middle-agedness and that I don't have unlimited time to do all the things I want to do.

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world?  Absolutely all of us matter. We never realize how much we mean to each other. Life is a lot of fun and an adventure ~ I can't wait to get back out in the world. 

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during this time? I started art journaling.

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? I found joy in the moments with my kids that required extra thought ~ to make their birthdays special in an unusual way, playing more board games than social outings, digging in and really being more present to each other. 

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? I really, really, really miss hugs. Life is too short to put off joy.

 

Blessings during these uncertain times - by Kathy Krol

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? That I persevered and came through all the challenges still feeling blessed in my life and even more grateful for what I have present in my life.

What did you take for granted this year? Challenges to preserving "Our Democracy" and following the constitution. I never expected in a civilized country like ours to see the turmoil and violence this past year. I am grateful for those who exercised their freedom of speech in peaceful demonstrations and protests.

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I like the comfort of familiarity of my daily life and when the world like my country seems in order. I am able to shift and adapt even though it is not easy at times. We are all needed and together contribute to the tapestry of this world.

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? I have always enjoyed walking and nature watching, just had more time to slow down and enjoy it.

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? More time at home to enjoy moments with nature, watching the birds and small animals. Feeling love and care of family and friends through a difficult health crisis.

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? The value of health and loved ones. To take each day as it comes, go with the flow when plans change, let go what we can't control.

 

Reflections on 2020 - from Rachel Kobin

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I'm grateful everyone in my immediate family, including my elderly mom and boyfriend, and my friends are still alive.

What did you take for granted this year? Nothing.

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? Having the ability to appreciate simple pleasures like a good cup of tea or a phone conversation with a friend who makes you laugh is an invaluable survival skill. 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? I started painting with acrylics just for fun. With my paramour's help, I did several nesting projects, including using a sewing machine for the first time to make curtains, something I've meant to do since I bought my house in 2005. 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Teaching via Zoom has added my commute time back to my life. I've enjoyed having that time to simply be.

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Life is fragile; take nothing for granted.

Gratitude and Clarity during COVID - by Elizabeth Venart

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful for by ability to continue doing meaningful work that I love. I am grateful for the beauty of the natural world that has sustained me through walks and time outside, looking at the sky and trees and flowers and birds. I am grateful for the wonderful community of practitioners at The Resiliency Center. Knowing we were in this together – as we transitioned to offering our services online and as we navigated this tumultuous year – has been a tremendous support.  

 

What did you take for granted this year?  I tried not to take anything for granted this year. I am filled with gratitude for my ability to buy food and have a safe place to live. I am grateful for my health and the health of everyone I love. I am grateful for every breath I take with ease. I watched with empathy as so many people struggled with the additional devastation of coronavirus – on top of poverty and multitude injustices faced daily. I awoke to the excruciating pain of racial injustice in a deeper and more profound way this year, and I became more committed to my role as an effective ally.  

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I see more clearly the privileges I have. I am more courageous to have deep conversations and to do the hard work necessary to educate myself in areas where my knowledge is lacking.  

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? 

I love painting. I used to attend in-person painting workshops periodically, but I hadn’t in many years due to the time and expense involved in traveling. With COVID, the programs moved online. I have participated in three weekend programs so far and have found them deeply meaningful and restorative, a time to go inward and experience a painting retreat from the comfort of my home. These workshops also give me an opportunity to connect with people all over the continent, and I’ve found the community really supportive.  

 

I also attended live music events online. These included the playful and inspired variety show format of the Gluey Zoomy Show that two friends in New York City host, to daily morning kirtans praying for peace led by Devadas in Brooklyn, and enjoying livestream piano concerts from my talented musician friend Joe Ashlar in New Orleans. 

 

My passion for poetry was only strengthened during this time. I continue to lead the Rumi and Friends Spiritual Poetry Evening monthly – now online – and was thrilled that people from our area and as far away as California joined us. I also attended several online programs with Irish Poet David Whyte.  

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? I really enjoy the changing of the seasons. Without traveling to faraway places to savor the spring and summer flowers, rivers and lakes, and vibrant autumn foliage, I delighted in my own backyard, thoroughly savoring the beauty discovered on daily walks in my neighborhood and nearby parks. Spending time by Zoom playing with the youngest members of my extended family was a true joy. We colored together, told stories, laughed, and played imaginary games. While I missed the time in person, we live at a distance, so virtual “playdates” allowed us to connect much more regularly. I treasured that time together.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Everything can change in an instant, and you can find a way to adapt. The simple pleasures aren’t actually simple – They are the very stuff of life. Never underestimate the power of a hug or how truly beautiful it is to be in the physical presence of another human being. Sitting around an outside fire with friends is magical. Routines can foster resiliency – For me, this included daily walks, starting my day with chanting, weekly zoom calls with friends and family, weekly online gatherings with other practitioners at the center, and Friday night movies. Having regular activities to which I could look forward was important – and I didn’t need to leave home to participate.  

Reflections on 2020 by Jeff Katowitz

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why?  Connecting with my family. My health. 

 
What did you take for granted this year? The simple things. 
 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world?  Not taking for granted the importance of my health. Recognizing my ability to make a difference – by providing support to others in the midst of prolonged national and global chaos. 
 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during this time? Landscaping and gardening. 

 
Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Reconnecting with the simple things. 

 
What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Taking care of my body, mind and spirit and feeling appreciative of what I have. 

Mindfulness in the year of COVID - by Lisa Grant-Feeley

During the past 30 years, I have been a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a student, a teacher, a student again, and a therapist.  I don’t know if all, or at least most, women are like me, but I had a strong inclination to put everyone and everything else first. I love being all of those things listed above and I’ve enjoyed my life.  The thing is that I didn’t always take time for me! 

 

By living through this past year and the pandemic, I’ve learned: to make time for me and the parts of my life that are important to me.  I’ve learned to connect with my family and friends on a deeper level, even when it wasn’t easy to do so, to appreciate the value of sharing difficult feelings that were made less difficult simply by sharing them, to reach out and join with someone in this struggle, to offer and receive support and find strength.  I think I learned this because with the pandemic, we can’t take tomorrow for granted. 

 

I learned that slowing down and making time to be human with other humans fulfilled a fundamental need in me.  One that I had overlooked or gotten out of touch with because my life was full and busy.  Almost since I can remember, my pace had been so hectic that I would literally have to stop and catch my breath as if I had been jogging through my day!  

  

Now, I spend my time mindfully doing just one thing at a time, and feeling more at peace and I’ll also more alive as a result (and surprisingly, just as productive!).  I cherish moments of everyday joy, being grateful not only for the moment and the joy but also for the ability to cherish it. 

 

I’ve also learned that the feelings of sadness and pain are easier when those moments are accepted, honored and shared, not feared or ignored.  Because being human means that we feel both the joy and the pain. I’ve learned that I’ll take all of it: stronger connection with family and friends, struggling together instead of alone, slowing down and savoring each moment, even take the sadness and pain.  I’ve learned to be better at being human! 

Being adaptable in the year of COVID - by Trudy Gregson

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I’m grateful that none of my immediate or extended family has contracted COVID, and to have had this extra time at home with my college-age sons who otherwise would have not lived at home. I’m grateful for the technology that has allowed me to see my clients from home and to stay in touch with friends and loved ones, and I am immensely grateful to all the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, and all the essential frontline workers. 

 

The pandemic revealed to me how little I actually need. My world became smaller in many ways – working from home, no vacations, and in the winter, virtually no in-person get-togethers. While I miss it all very much, it turns out I can be pretty content “hunkering down” and amusing myself with home activities.  And yet in other ways, my world became larger – seeing far-flung family and friends more than I would have if not for zoom. Discovering hidden gems like new parks, hikes, a dog beach, and new towns that weren’t actually hidden, just unexplored because there was always so much else to do. 

 

I learned how adaptable I can be – I had never seen clients online before and had believed it would be inferior to in-person. In fact, it has been far better than expected and I am now open to how online will expand my ability to work with clients post-pandemic when there are obstacles to clients coming to an office.  

 

I have never been so closely attuned to the day-to-day changes in nature as I have during the pandemic. In Spring, noticing the daily changes to the blooming magnolia tree right outside my front door – the colors, the blossoming flowers as they gradually opened, and their scent up close. Noticing more than ever the changing angle of the sun as the seasons change, and seeking that last bit of afternoon sun on my front step on a cool day to catch some Vitamin D after a day spent inside.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? We can do hard things (borrowed from Glennon Doyle). People are incredibly adaptable, resilient, and creative, and I’ve been inspired by and grateful for so many people during this time. 

Unexpected joys during 2020 - by Brittiney George

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? Laughter, space, and real connection. The things that were the shoulds held so much less weight. It felt like an opportunity to really question and choose where and what you put your energy into. 

What did you take for granted this year? How hard this has been for others that don't have the resources and support available to them.   

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? How strong joy and hope live within my body and that when things feel like they are falling apart, it is the beacon that I can share with the world. I can be present with pain because I respect it and know the other side of it so viscerally. 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? Puzzling and wonder/wander walking-not to burn calories or to get somewhere but for the pure joy of noticing the world around me. 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Looking up.  The wonders of trees, leaves, the sound of birds, meteors, and stars.  I found out my house is between the big dipper and Orion’s belt. How have I lived here for 10 years and never noticed that? 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? When you go barreling through life you miss so many magical moments and that we have one job in this world, to take care of the hearts of those we are with. We don't have to get it right, but we do have to take care. 

 

Self-Compassion and gratitude during 2020 - by Elizabeth Campbell

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? The health of my family and the ability to work from home/continue working....because of my wonderful mother-in-law providing childcare. 

 

What did you take for granted this year?  Health, housing, food security. 

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? When overwhelmed, I am not connected with the values that I want to be connected to.  

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? I walked and ran outside more. 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Slowing down! 

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Gratitude for the small things, the importance of family time, and compassion for myself and everyone else. We are all in it together!