Fresh Fall: A Season for Letting Go

by Therese Daniels, LPC, CNIT

Ever since my children have been school aged, we’ve started using the term “Fresh Fall.” As far as I am concerned, the school year calendar holds a lot more meaning and determines a lot more of my life’s direction than the general year calendar. So not only does the air feel more fresh and crisp, for us it is a time for new routines, new haircuts, new clothes, new activities, new workout plans, and new eating habits. Things return to a steadier flow, settling from the wild, sweet freedom of summer. 

In my experience, the beginning of new things usually means the release of something old. As the seasons shift and the air turns crisp, autumn reminds us of the beauty of letting go. A belief I hold close to my heart, one that guides me through the waves of the year, is that we are meant to follow nature’s lead through the seasons. Just as the trees release their leaves, we, too, can use this season of fall, to release what no longer serves us. This may include old habits, toxic situations, lingering worries, or heavy emotions. The falling leaves are not a sign of loss but of nature’s pure wisdom. Nature is preparing for rest, renewal, and the eventual bloom of new growth. In this way, Fall becomes a gentle teacher showing us that release is not an ending, but an important step toward healing and transformation.

A “Fresh Fall” means more than a change in weather—it’s an opportunity to embrace clarity and space in our own lives. By letting go of what is weighing us down, we create room for new beginnings, fresh perspectives, and deeper peace. Much like nature makes way for the quiet stillness of winter and the new life of spring, we can welcome change with open hands and open hearts. This season invites us to trust the process, honor the beauty of release, and look forward to what’s waiting to take root in us.

Therese Daniels is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Nature-Informed Therapist providing individual, couples, family, and group counseling in both indoor and outdoor settings. She earned her Bachelor’s degree at Villanova University and her Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology at Immaculata University. She began her experience in mental health as a college intern and has been in the field ever since. While her early experience centered around supporting children, adolescents, and families, her experience over the past decade has expanded to include adults and couples. Her emphasis today is on nature-based, mindfulness practices with clients of all ages. Drawing from Nature Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Solution-Focused Therapy, she supports people with anxiety and depression as well as those navigating life transitions, developing coping skills, and looking to strengthen their self esteem. She facilitates growth and healing by integrating tools from energy work, body movement, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and creative arts expression. She works collaboratively with clients to create treatment goals and discover methods that best meet their needs. To learn more, see her website at https://www.theresedanielscounseling.com/ or call her at 410-919-9673.

Spring into Growth

by Therese Daniels, LPC, CNIT (Certified Nature Informed Therapist)

We have been conditioned by society to set new goals in January, the start of a new year. Start fresh, stop doing this, start doing that, get to the gym. While in theory this may seem like a good idea, it goes against our roots, against Mother Nature. Bears hibernate, trees, plants, and vegetables delay growth. Nature rests in the Winter and maybe we should too. 

Spring is the season of planting and growing. Many people lose motivation pretty quickly for those goals they set at the start of January. An article in Time magazine states that as many as 80% of people fail to keep their resolutions by February and only 8% of people stick with them the entire year. But think about how you feel in the Spring. When that first sunny day hits, the temperature is above 55 degrees (which feels hot because our bodies have adapted to the cold) and you want to rip off those socks and break out the flip flops and let your toes breathe and soak up the sunshine! Motivation for goals is more likely to stick at this time of year because that is what is natural. This is when we plant seeds for flowers and food to bloom later in the season. The animals wake up and are rested and energized for new things to come. Colors come back! This is a reason why setting new goals in the Spring vs. the Winter is something to be considered.

Goal setting and comfort zones

As a Certified Nature Informed Therapist, I have been able to encourage people to use the many benefits of nature to help them in goal setting and in getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Some of the greatest things in life involve a certain level of feeling uneasy. Meeting new people, starting a new job, moving to a different home, exercising, parenting, even love has a level of discomfort. If we ran from all of these things, what would happen? Not much. Growth mindset is a term that has become popular over the past several years. The general meaning of the term is that you thrive on challenge and don’t see failures as a setback, but a way to make shifts to continue to move forward and set new goals. To keep going, to grow. 

Last Spring, I was working with someone who had pretty severe performance anxiety and he had a big martial arts challenge coming up. We took our sessions to the trails and more importantly, to the creek. There is a swing that hangs under a large bridge that runs over the creek. My client showed a lot of interest in getting to the swing but was afraid to do so. There were steep and muddy hills with tree roots and branches and wet leaves along the way. And once you got down to the water’s edge you still had to enter the water and navigate slippery rocks to get to the middle of the creek where the swing hung. It took some time, but by the summer, he was swinging on that swing and feeling so proud. Each week we got closer and closer, and he felt more and more brave. Throughout our sessions, I was able to use our experience in nature and transfer it to his fear of performing in front of others. He realized he could do things that felt scary and have success. A week after he went swinging, he took his martial arts test and passed with flying colors! 

I believe we can find a balance between allowing ourselves the time to rest and prepare while also believing in ourselves enough to face challenges and to get back up when we fall down. Look to nature to and follow its course. Going back to our roots and what is innately in us and around us can help us spring into growth! 

Therese M. Daniels, MA, LPC, is a Certified Nature-Informed Therapist who has been in the mental health field over 20 years. She provides individual, couples, and family counseling for children, teens, and adults. She offers regular nature walks and creates nature retreats to introduce the power of nature to support healing and wellness. She specializes in supporting people with anxiety, depression, self-esteem struggles, life transitions, and more. 

Nature Heals

by Therese Daniels, LPC, Certified Nature Informed Therapist

My love for nature and the outdoors began in my childhood — climbing the trees of the local parks, playing hopscotch on the streets in my neighborhood, catching minnows in the nearby stream, and going on countless picnics and hikes with family members. I did not fully recognize the healing aspects of nature until adulthood; it wasn’t until then that I was able to look back and identify the numerous times nature had been an emotional healer for me. Three moments really stand out in my memory. The first time was on a hike with my aunt in the Poconos Mountains when I was nine years old.  The hike was known for having a big waterfall along the way, and waterfalls were my favorite. Well, I fell within the first 5 minutes of the hike and scraped my knee pretty badly. My Aunt offered to turn around and head out, but after a few moments of letting the tears flow, I recall imagining the sound and the vast image of the waterfall, and I breathed in the fresh scent of the pine trees surrounding me. Then I picked myself up and hiked on to find that beauty — and it was well worth it. Nature gave me strength and courage.

The second big occurrence was the summer after I graduated from college. I decided to do some traveling, so I headed out West and landed in Wyoming — living and working in Grand Teton National Park for about 3 months. A small blip of time, but a life-shifting blip of time for me. Something that had dimmed and shut down inside of me during college, and it was re-lit and opened up. Within 48 hours of parking my car in Wyoming, I reconnected with my clarity about who I am and regained my confidence. I had never felt more myself than I did amidst those mountains. Nature gave me a renewed sense of self and courage.

The third memorable experience was in the summer of 2017 when I volunteered for Ronald McDonald Camp for the first time. The camp is held for children who have cancer (or who are in remission from cancer) and their siblings. At the time, I had been going through some things in my personal life that I considered difficult. Being in the middle of the woods with like-minded souls, in rustic cabins facing the elements of nature, with these beautiful, resilient, grateful children was eye-opening and perspective-shifting. The pure joy in these children’s faces, while getting to do the things that “normal” kids get to do all of the time, was nothing short of extraordinary. The conversations that formed naturally while walking from the cabins to the lake to the dining hall were deep and meaningful. It was then that I realized that I had a strong desire to combine my love of nature with my passion for my counseling career. This is where I belonged. Nature gave me motivation, new perspective, and the experience of pure joy.

Nature heals. Just being in nature and breathing in fresh air for as little as five minutes has been shown to lower heart rate, stabilize blood pressure, and decrease the production of stress hormones. A study done by Robert Ulrich in 1984 found that patients recovering from surgery who had bedside windows looking out on leafy trees, healed on average a day faster, needed significantly less pain medication, and had fewer post-surgical complications than patients who instead saw a brick wall. These are just a few of the numerous facts out there that identify the healing aspects of nature. People have generally become more “heads down” than “heads up,” constantly scrolling through social media, “snapping” friends, sending group texts, sorting emails, etc.… instead of looking up at the sky, admiring the trees, naming the shapes in the clouds, and counting the stars. It is believed that one of the reasons nature is so beneficial to our physical and psychological well-being is rooted in our biology. Our ancestors evolved in wild settings and relied on the environment for survival, so we have an innate drive to connect with nature. Being in nature regulates and resets our nervous system to its true natural state, free from all of the distractions of our modern world. So, I encourage you to get back outside, soak in the beauty and benefits of the outdoors, and get back to your roots!  Here's How:

Re-wilding

The term re-wilding in relation to humans means to revert to a natural or untamed state of being. It is the process of reawakening our connection to nature and unearthing a more true, more wild, more holistic way of life that centers around nature and simplistic living. Some of the simplest ways you can do this are to go barefoot and sit on the ground. Take off your shoes and walk in the grass, dirt, or sand. Put away the picnic blanket and sit straight on the earth and feel the grass on your skin. And just breathe.

Sit Spot

Go for a short walk and find an easily accessible spot in nature where you can sit for at least 10 minutes a day. It can be under a tree, by a stream, on a park bench, or in your own backyard. It is best if it can be somewhere you can access easily, so it can be part of your daily routine (or as many days of the week as possible). Sit for 10-30 minutes and read a book, write in a journal, meditate, or simply breath. Use your senses to absorb the environment surrounding you.

Nature heals! Summer is approaching so get out there and take advantage of the medicine that is right at our fingertips whenever we want it!

Therese M. Daniels, MA, LPC has been in the mental health field for 20 years. She provides individual, couples, and family counseling for children, teens, and adults. She offers regular nature walks to introduce people to nature-informed therapy — and believes in the power of nature to support healing. She specializes in anxiety, depression, self-esteem, life transitions, and more. Learn more at https://theresiliencycenter.com/practitioner/theresedaniels / and www.theresedanielscounseling.com. Contact her at therese.danielslcpc@gmail.com or 410-919-9673.

Practices for Keeping Our Hearts Open

Sometimes the pain of the outer world is so great that it can feel challenging to keep our hearts open. It has been a rough two years. Throughout these unprecedented times, we have found meaning and hope, inspired by our work and supported by our connections as a community. In a recent conversation of Resiliency Center practitioners, we talked about the impact of having great empathy in a time of tremendous pain. We explored the ways we keep our hearts open and caring and how we stay resilient in the process. None of us are perfect at this. Like everyone, it is a work in progress. Below are some of the practices we have found most helpful.

1.      Self-Care. Nutritious food, quality sleep, exercise, rest, play, and time spent in connection with friends, family, and nature. This also includes being mindful about our media consumption. Like the food we eat, the media we consume has a big impact on our mood and outlook. When we prioritize the basics of good self-care, we have a greater capacity to be present with others.

 

2.      Holding the “and.” Brittiney George highlighted the importance of holding the “and,” that bridge between the anguish and the joy, the hate and the love. She spoke about how important it is to let them co-exist. Biologically, we are hard wired for survival.  That means we are set up to pay more attention to what is wrong. However, if we only let ourselves register what feels bad and don’t allow ourselves to also feel what feels good, we will be stuck in that fight-or-flight fear reaction and miss out on all the gifts life has to offer. Brittiney describes the “and” as “the color in the black and white world, the 64 crayon box with the sharpener in the back.” During times of acute distress, personally or globally, we may only see darkness. We may have to look harder for the color, for the goodness.

3.      Be present with our emotions. Jen Perry shared wisdom from Gabor Maté who states that one of the needs of humans as they are developing is the space to feel the full range of human emotions fully. Unfortunately, most of us are not given this space. As a result, we become fearful of our feelings and of other people’s feelings. When someone is expressing strong emotion we view it as a problem to fix, instead of an experience to experience. Efforts to silence our emotions can manifest in our bodies, in the form of headaches, pain, fatigue, and agitation. If we could feel safe to feel ours and others’ emotions fully, we could accompany each other on this journey with compassion instead of exhaustion. As we feel safe and soften, allowing ourselves to ride the wave of emotion, it is a wave: it rises, crescendos, falls again. By being present with whatever feelings arise within us, without working to stop that flow, we find a new freedom, a release, a relief, a freer inhale and exhale. Jack Kornfield in A Path with Heart writes: “What we find as we listen to the songs of our rage or fear, loneliness or longing, is that they do not stay forever. Rage turns into sorrow; sorrow turns into tears; tears may fall for a long time, but then the sun comes out. A memory of old loss sings to us; our body shakes and relives the moment of loss; then the armoring around that loss gradually softens; and in the midst of the song of tremendous grieving, the pain of that loss finally finds release.”

 

4.      One moment at a time. Resiliency Center practitioner Therese Daniels shares, “Thinking about how to help the whole world is extremely overwhelming and not possible. One moment, one person, one situation at a time. That’s what is possible. One small thing can create ripples that affect so many people. We can show up for ourselves and our people. Spread love, show love. If we think small, bigger things will happen, eventually.”

5.      Boundaries. Brittiney George reminds us that when we truly honor our needs and energy, our ability to be with, sit with, and hold space for others increases . Our ability to experience gratitude and joy does too. Begin by asking ourselves, “What do I have the capacity for that is sustainable for me?” Listen to the answer that arises. Honor that boundary.

6.      Connect to the goodness in humanity. Focus on acts of kindness. Read stories of heroism that emerge. We were moved by the story of the mothers in Poland leaving strollers at the train station for all the mothers arriving from Ukraine, the firefighters in New Jersey gathering firefighting uniforms, hats, and boots to send overseas, and the reporters risking their lives to tell the truth.

7.      Care, not Carry. It is also important to remember that while we can care deeply, we don’t have to carry what we care about. We can be with others without feeling responsible for them.

8.      Gratitude. We can find gratitude for the goodness in our own lives. And for life itself. Elizabeth Venart posted a daily gratitude post on Facebook for eighteen months. Some days featured seemingly trivial posts (catching that green arrow at the traffic light) while other days yielded more profound observations (reflecting on the kindness of a stranger, the beauty in nature, and the wisdom of a child). It not only helped improve her own outlook, but others responded that it uplifted their days as well. Seeing the old posts pop up on her Newsfeed still brings a smile. Of course, there is no need to make your reflections public. Keeping a daily gratitude journal of one to five things for which you are grateful can help shift your perspective and improve our mood. You could also experiment with writing down the positives from the day – moments of beauty, kind words spoken, favorite funny moments, a great line from a book you read, anything that uplifts or inspires. And why not include what you are looking forward to tomorrow? When we look for positives, we are likely to see more positives. What we garden (and water) grows.

How to Give Yourself Grace - and Move Forward

by Therese Daniels

The times when we need grace the most are the times when we are least likely to give it to ourselves. The term grace has many different meanings, but for this purpose we can consider “giving ourselves grace,” the act of giving ourselves permission to forgive our mistakes, our lapses in judgement, and our hurtful behavior. We forgive ourselves because we are all human, and life can be hard. Author and Yoga teacher Dianne Bondy, in an article on giving yourself grace says, “Grace happens to give us some space, acceptance, and room to take a hard swallow or step back.” She believes that we cannot use grace as an excuse, but rather as an opportunity to take action and move forward.  Here are some ideas on how to give yourself grace and move forward:

1.     Re-evaluate your goals/expectations

I never want to advise anyone to not dream too big or shoot for the stars. It is great and important to have big long-term goals. But the key to achieving them is to start off small. If you start the New Year saying you are going to go to the gym every single day, but you have been going zero days, that is a big leap. Start with 1-2 days a week, be happy if you make that achievement, and use the motivation to get to the next level. Start with the big goal and then work backwards and break them down into smaller steps/goals and check them off the list as you go along towards the bigger, long-term goal. A strategy called SMART goal setting can be a helpful tool to get started.

2.     Just say NO

We live in a world where we feel the need to say yes and constantly people please. “Yes, I’ll take the extra project,” “Yes, I can help you with that,” “Yes, I can add an extra appointment,” “Yes, I can drive you there,” “Yes, I can watch your child.” Helping others is admirable and desirable, but anything to the extreme can be unhealthy. Balance is key. Allow yourself to say no AND to not feel guilty about it. While it can, and usually does, feel good and provide satisfaction to do things for others, there is certainly a limit that we do not always pay attention to. It is healthy to set boundaries. It is a way to be kind to ourselves, recognize our limits, and it sets us up for satisfaction and success versus frustration and burn out. 

3.     Stop saying “I should”

We need to stop “shoulding” all over ourselves. I do not love this saying, but it carries a lot of truth. Psychologist Clayton Barbeau coined the term “Shoulding yourself,” meaning putting pressure on yourself to do or be something based on what you or others think you’re supposed to be doing or having regret for past actions (or non actions). This type of thinking is very common and provides little to no space for action. It helps us shame and guilt ourselves and leads to a lack of motivation. It keeps us stuck in the past. While we can learn from past behaviors, putting too much pressure on ourselves and living in regret wastes our mental energy. Accepting things from the past and learning to move forward with kindness is a much more productive and beneficial mind set. Replace “should” with “I want to…” or “Next time I will…” and you will feel a difference.

4.     Flip the Script

We all talk to ourselves, in our heads (and sometimes out loud). There is a constant reel of automatic thoughts going through our minds all day, every day. And very often these thoughts are negative. We say mean things to ourselves, about ourselves. Research in Cognitive Therapy shows that thoughts cause feelings. Most people believe that events cause feelings, but it really comes down to what we are saying to ourselves. If someone is stuck in a traffic jam and thinks, “Oh no, I am going to be late! My boss will be mad. What if I can’t get all of my work done? I should have left earlier! Why did I make myself coffee?”, then chances are, that person is going to feel anxious and flustered. If someone stuck in the same traffic jam instead thinks, “Ugh, traffic is annoying, but oh well, I can’t control it.  I’ll just let my boss know what happened, and I will take this time to get more prepared for work, listen to good music, and roll the windows down to get some fresh air” then, chances are that person is going to feel calm and ready for the day ahead. Same situation – but very different thoughts and very different feelings. It is helpful and important to “flip the script.” Change what you are saying to yourself. When you notice yourself starting to feel a negative emotion, pay attention to what you are saying to yourself in your head and flip it! Replace it with something positive. It may not feel natural at first, but the more you try, the more it will become your typical thought response. I often offer my clients Refocus Bands. It is something you wear on your wrist and on the inside there is a positive phrase. You wear it, flip it, and then refocus. Another idea is to write words or phrases on popsicle sticks and keep them in a bag or in your pocket and pull them out when feeling down. Small things like that are simple but helpful

In closing, I invite you to give yourself grace. Use the month of December to begin practicing self-kindness and let the momentum build throughout 2022. Start with yourself and watch the kindness spread to all of those around you! Let 2022 be the year when compassion was contagious – and it spreads like wildfire.

Therese M. Daniels, MA, LPC has been in the mental health field for 20 years. She provides individual, couples, and family counseling for ages 6 and up. She specializes in anxiety, depression, self-esteem, life transitions, and more. Learn more at https://theresiliencycenter.com/practitioner/theresedaniels / and www.theresedanielscounseling.com. Contact her at therese.danielslcpc@gmail.com or 410-919-9673.

Regret, Self-Blame, and Learning to Give Yourself Grace

by Therese Daniels 

The month of December tends to be a time where we look back over the past year. Many of us expected a lot more out of 2021. I can clearly remember so many people proclaiming strong goodbyes to 2020 with a swift strong kick saying, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” All with hopes of a much brighter year to come, one filled with family, friends, travel, and simple reconnection. Well, I am not sure about everyone else, but I get the sense that 2021 did not quite deliver. Things have certainly improved since this time last year, especially in recent weeks; however much of 2021 was darkened by COVID, natural disasters, and much more. COVID variants and spikes caused cancelled events, travel, and social gatherings. Natural disasters displaced people from their homes. Increased anger and violence cost people their lives and loved ones…I could go on.

Within the stress and storm of these ongoing events, I have noticed a concerning mindset and repetitive theme in the ways people talk about life lately. It is a pattern of guilt, shame, regret, and self-doubt. I have heard countless statements that begin with phrases such as, “I should have done___”  or “I should not have done ____”  or “I can’t believe I didn’t ___” or “I wish I would have ___”. I have heard even stronger self-condemnation in the face of hardship, shared as strongly as “I hate myself for ___”. Hearing this, I am struck by sadness and even fear. If we cannot be kind to ourselves as individuals, then how can we genuinely show kindness to others or even hope others will extend kindness to us?

The unfortunate truth is that we really have no control over the external events that happen all around us. So much that happens is outside our control. It makes sense that we wish we had more control than we really do and even that there is a problem-solving part of us that looks at past events with an eye on preventing painful events from recurring. But this isn’t always possible. We can’t stop a tornado. We can’t go back to 2019 and prevent the pandemic. And while we can do our best to prevent our three year old or elderly parents from contracting COVID, we cannot guarantee it. 

Something we can have control over, however, is how we treat and talk to ourselves. Especially in the face of pain and hardship. Rather than berating ourselves (and others) for what we could have, should have done differently, we can pause. We can allow ourselves to acknowledge the pain. We can invite in kindness, acceptance, and grace towards ourselves. In doing this, we can interrupt the pattern of negativity and regret. While fueled by a desire for control, the blame game (ourselves and others) simply adds to the pain. When we pause and welcome self-compassion, we may start a domino effect of compassion that extends beyond ourselves. Offering ourselves kindness and acceptance, we become more able to offer kindness and acceptance to others. Starting with ourselves and then extending kindness to our loved ones, neighbors, and even strangers in our community, we are empowered to spread positivity where before negativity and fear lived.

The Pay It Forward Foundation was started in 2000 and is described as acts of kindness, generating a ripple effect from one person to the next, one community to the next. There are countless stories of people buying coffee for each other, paying tolls for the car behind them, spreading joy through quiet, unbidden acts of kindness. People experience such joy from doing and seeing things like this for others, yet sometimes have a very hard time applying this concept to themselves. What might it look like to “pay it forward” in your own life? To give yourself the gift of kindness – and then build upon that to be increasingly, consistently kind towards YOU?