Four
years ago, in an effort to provide stimulating and educational experiences for
my infant son, I signed us up for a baby music class. While we still play the music from that
class, the real value came from the friendships we developed with another mom
and her baby. Four years later, that mom
and I regularly laugh, vent, and advise each other. But most importantly, I feel that she can
relate to where I am in my life right now.
In
the last several years, there has been a great deal of research that supports
the fact that women not only want
close relationships with other women; they actually need them. Women with strong
friendships report increased satisfaction in many areas of their lives. Studies show that women with close female
friendships are significantly more physically healthy, and in research on
cancer, women with close female friends survived twice as often as those
without close friends.
Unfortunately,
today’s society as a whole fails to put a premium on friendships and
connectedness. People are more likely
to work long hours and to move farther away from high school or college
friends. As a result, a common lament among
women is a feeling of isolation and lack of close, intimate connections with
other women.
This
becomes especially true as women transition into motherhood. Gone are the nights of meeting friends after
work, or a Saturday morning coffee date.
As the identity of motherhood emerges, new and often unexpected thoughts
and feelings come up. Lack of sleep,
anxiety, fears, excitement, feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster - all of
these things (and many more) can feel wonderful to share with other like-minded
women. Hearing someone else put words to
the thoughts in your head can feel unbelievably validating. Likewise, the ability to vent feelings to a
nurturing audience is another major benefit of close female friendships.
Unfortunately,
new moms often find themselves at a loss for how to go about connecting. Daily activities at home and caring for a new
baby can feel consuming. Sometimes, just
leaving the house can create the opportunity to engage with other women. No
matter where you go - the grocery store, the park, a coffee shop, a walk around
the neighborhood - the odds of meeting someone dramatically increase the moment
you walk out your front door. Other
great places to start new friendships include infant music classes, library
story times geared for babies, playgrounds, and indoor play-cafes.
For
many women, a structured group for new moms can be extremely beneficial. Moms who attend these groups report that the
women they met in these groups are still some of their closest friends 10 years
later. Unlike informal gatherings, a
support group for new mothers provides an opportunity to see the same women
several weeks in a row. These groups are
facilitated by trained professionals who help direct conversation to themes common
to most new mothers.
Regardless
of whether you choose a structured or unstructured way to connect with other
women, it is clear that female friendships are much more than a luxury at every
stage of life. These friendships sustain
us, strengthen us, and promote emotional and physical well-being.
Kim
Katz Vargas, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a psychotherapist at the
Resiliency Center. She works with individuals
and couples, as well as co-facilitating the New Moms Group, a local support
group for mothers of pre-crawling babies.
Please contact Kim at kimvargastherapy@gmail.com
or 267-568-7846 for additional information about her counseling or group
services, or to register for an upcoming group.