Post Traumatic Growth in the Aftermath of Covid

by Vanessa Mortillo, LPC

Coming out of the deep freeze of winter and seeing signs of new life, I am struck by nature’s inherent pattern of rebirth after darkness and cold. This feels like a fertile time to reflect on the growth that has occurred in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic. The pandemic presented a sense of freezing of daily functioning; we experienced fear and grief, the threat of death or injury to ourselves and our loved ones, and loss of jobs, celebrations and rituals. As a society, it is undeniable that it presented hardship and led to a seismic shift in how we operate on a daily basis and how we view the world. Like the Spanish Flu of 1918 and World War I and II before it, the pandemic was an experience of collective trauma. When we are in the midst of a trauma, we are focused on getting through it and persevering. Only in its aftermath do we truly have time to reflect on how we have changed.

Trauma and post traumatic growth

Trauma is any event or exposure to an event that threatens serious bodily injury or death. Human beings have a wide range of responses to trauma; some are able to return to homeostasis somewhat quickly, while others may develop mental health challenges (anxiety, depression, intense fear, avoidance, etc.) as a direct result. In the 1990’s two trauma psychologists noticed a phenomenon they referred to as Post Traumatic Growth occurring amongst their patients who experienced significant distress following a trauma. Post Traumatic Growth results when a person grapples internally with an earth-shattering event, and emerges on the other side with lasting positive changes. Tedeschi and Calhoun assert that this type of growth is a direct result of the struggle to come to terms with a life-altering experience and does not occur as deeply for those who bounce back quickly.

Tedeschi also noted that the path to this growth is achieved through the struggle, and not instead of it.  It can be tempting to skip over the painful parts of traumatic experience and try to rush to the positive outcomes. However, fully listening to, holding space for, and processing the pain of trauma is an important step on the path to healing and growth. While the work is difficult, it can bring about positive change. These are the areas of post-traumatic growth they identified:

Depth of Relating to Others: Trauma can test our relationships but also deepen them. It may force us to reach out in ways that result in the reinforcement and expansion of vital support systems.  It can also result in our struggles fostering deeper compassion for others who also struggle.

New Possibilities: Experiencing a major change in your life can leave you reflecting on all of the changes that are possible, the development of new interests, or simply a willingness to make major changes. Often when we are forced to change, we gain new courage to tackle other changes.

Personal Strength: Trauma can help us realize that we can handle more than we thought possible and gain new confidence in our coping and self reliance.

Spiritual Enhancement: Sometimes our most painful and scariest experiences can result in contact with the meaning of life and forces beyond the self. We may have a more profound connection with our spirituality after a trauma than we did before it.

Appreciation: Experiencing loss can lead to deeper appreciation of what we have not lost.

I invite you to reflect on these areas for yourself. How have you changed as a result of the pandemic? Have you noticed growth in any of these areas? You may find it helpful to write about your experience and/or to discuss your responses with a trusted person in your life. While there is a lot that happened during the pandemic that was universal, we also had our own unique experiences and were impacted differently. Similarly, the areas where have grown in the aftermath of trauma will vary from person to person. Reflecting on your growth and sharing that with another person can be a bridge to deeper connection and appreciation of our resiliency.

Vanessa Mortillo, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in play therapy, mindfulness, and expressive arts. She provides a playful space to harness creativity and imagination in the service of growth and healing. Using a strengths-based approach, she builds on what is working well in your life. She has worked with adults and children from a variety of backgrounds in home, school, and outpatient settings and is committed to advancing equity and social justice. She can be reached at 267-507-5793‬ or vanessamortillolpc@counselingsecure.com.

Practicing Happiness in Unprecedented Times

by Lindsay Roznowski

These days, I have a special resentment in my heart for the phrase “unprecedented times.” The past few years have been unpredictable, confusing, and anxiety-provoking as we learn how to do pretty much everything differently. The need to constantly adapt and engage in novel problem-solving for situations that our life experiences have not prepared us for has us all feeling frayed and exhausted. As we emerge from the turmoil of the last two years, many of us have reflected on how we want to show up in the world moving forward. An unpredictable life event that undermines your feeling of security in the world has a way of urging us toward that kind of self-reflection. Personally, this time has motivated me to ask myself: “How do I want to live? How do I want to thrive in ways that I was not pre-pandemic?” Much of what came up for me was that I needed to find ways to prioritize myself in proactive and consistent ways. Everyone talks about self-care, but how often do we prioritize self-care like we would a work appointment or our child’s soccer game? How many of us fully grasp the “putting the oxygen mask on yourself first” metaphor, but still wake up every day and somehow put ourselves last?

The need for proactive and consistent self-care brought to mind a terrific training I attended a few years ago on Positive Psychology with Dr. Jonah Paquette. Positive Psychology is defined as “the scientific study of strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” Positive Psychology is founded on the belief that people desire meaningful and fulfilling lives and wish “to cultivate what is best within themselves to enhance their experiences of love, work, and play.” (Positive Psychology Center, University of Pennsylvania). I came away from the training understanding that happiness can and should be invested in and built on a regular basis and that constructing positivity in our lives takes practice just as other life skills do. During the training we worked with this specific definition of happiness: “The experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” (Sonja Lyuborminsky, Ph.D.) Research shows that happier people are healthier people and that happiness has several significant causal effects including psychological (increased life satisfaction, lower rates of depression and anxiety, increased resiliency), physical (increased longevity, improved health, stronger immune system, coping with chronic illness), and life (stronger marriages, closer relationships, improved job performance). Happiness means different things to different people, especially generationally, but Dr. Paquette highlighted this important fact—no matter who you are, happiness comes with practice.  

Dr. Paquette discussed several notable barriers to our happiness including happiness forecasting, hedonic adaptation, and a negative brain. He explained that as humans, we are the only species that engages in happiness forecasting, a practice in which we predict that we will be happy when something specific happens or when we achieve a specific goal (like our sports team winning the championship or getting that promotion at work). One of the biggest problems with happiness forecasting is that we are very bad at it; we habitually hang our hat of happiness on the hook of external events out of our control. And further, we often associate the achievement of happiness with something external, instead of investing in the work internally. In addition, research has found that even when we do externalize our happiness and focus on achieving something we think will make us happier, once we do, hedonic adaptation quickly sets in and we return to our relatively stable baseline level of happiness. On the neuroscience side, it is clear that our brains are like Velcro for negative thoughts and Teflon for positive thoughts, so we must practice positivity more often and more consistently in order for it to finally stick.

Dr. Paquette introduced us to happiness-building practices in numerous areas including: gratitude, kindness and compassion, self-compassion, mindfulness, connection, optimism, and signature strengths. A series of exercises on each of these practices are included below. Have fun experimenting with one or more of these powerful practices to strengthen your happiness!

Lindsay Roznowski is a Licensed Professional Counselor providing individual and family therapy to children, adolescents, and adults. Specialties include trauma-focused cognitive behavior therapy; yoga and mindfulness; therapeutic work with children and adolescents; and family therapy. Lindsay teaches her clients happiness practices and skills derived from positive psychology as a way to invest in themselves and their self-care, especially during these complicated times. She is a certified yoga teacher and uses her background dialectical behavior therapy, mindfulness-based approaches, and trauma-focused therapy to offer her clients informed, holistic care. She works collaboratively with each client to create a therapy plan that acknowledges the whole person and supports the fullness of each client’s personal goals. In addition to counseling, Lindsay also offers therapeutic groups and workshops. For questions or to schedule a session, contact Lindsay at 215-326-9665 or at
lindsay@bloomwellnesscounseling.com.

Sleeping through the pandemic

by Barbra Danin

Most of us are all too familiar with the anguish of waking up in the middle of the night, struggling to fall back asleep and worrying about how we’ll manage the next day without our rest.  During the pandemic, we slept more and less:  working from home allowed many of us to turn off their alarm clocks and sleep in, but the stress many experienced made it restless, poor quality sleep. 

 

A great deal of research supports the CDC findings that sleep deprivation has many deleterious effects on our health, physiology and overall wellbeing and quality of life.  This includes fatigue, irritability, mood shifts, and difficulty with learning, concentration and memory.  Our immune system becomes compromised, our metabolism changes, and blood pressure can rise. 

 

Although the amount of necessary sleep varies from individual to individual, on average adults require a minimum of 7 hours of per night. Estimates show that 1 out of every 3 adults do not meet that minimum.  

 

There are many reasons why we struggle with getting enough sleep, including our work schedules, stress, a sleeping environment that is not conducive to deep rest (noisy, uncomfortable temperature), use of electronic devices prior to bedtime, alcohol use, and other things.  The effects of sleep deprivation underscore the importance of practicing behaviors that promote healthy sleep and help maintain a regular sleep/wake cycle

 

Many often resort to medication usage to address sleep issues; however, there are many non-medical strategies have been shown to be equally if not more effective in helping us fall asleep and stay asleep.

 

Some recommendations by the National Sleep Foundation include:

-  daily exercise

-  maximizing light exposure during the day

-  consistent mealtimes

-  avoiding food and alcohol intake 2–3 hours before bedtime

-  limiting caffeine intake

-  limiting tobacco use

-  engaging in relaxing routines before bed

-  avoiding screens before sleep

-  keeping electronic devices away from sleeping area

-  creating a sleeping environment that enhances sleep:

   (reduced light and noise, cool temperatures)

-  maintaining regular bedtimes and rise times, even on weekends

-  getting out of bed after trying unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to fall asleep

-  using a mouth guard to manage grinding, gnashing or teeth clenching

 

Various relaxation practices, including meditation, mindfulness training, breathing exercises, and guided imagery can help reduce tension. Audio recordings and sleep apps can also be effective. Other products that could improve sleep include: white noise machines, anti-snore devices, sleep trackers, wedge pillows, and other products. Alternative therapies that people have found helpful include acupuncture, acupressure, massage, melatonin, valerian root, Tai Chi and Qi Gong, and Ayurvedic Medicine. Always check with a doctor before trying any new remedy. There may be adverse effects or interactions with medications.

 

Cognitive behavioral therapy: Known as CBT, this approach focuses on recognizing thought patterns that are interfering with relaxed sleep.  This therapy has shown positive outcomes in treating sleep disorders. 

 

If these measures do not help, consultation with a healthcare provider is recommended, especially if sleep deprivation is affecting the quality of life.

 

Barbra Danin, MA, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Art Therapist, and Certified EMDR Therapist.  She provides individual, couples, and family therapy.  Her specialties include treating children with anxiety, trauma, and behavioral issues – and empowering parents with concrete tools for lasting change.  Learn more at https://theresiliencycenter.com/practitioner/barbradanin/ and www.barbradanin.com. Contact her at (314) 477-8585 or barbradanin@barbradanin.com.

Travel as a Restorative and Transformative Experience

by Barbra Danin, LMFT

As summer ends and we continue to return to life pre-pandemic, the busy lives we led may feel different to us and some of the effects of lockdown may be more and more apparent.  One aspect of life that changed dramatically was the amount and type of stimulation we experienced.  Most activities, gatherings, and cultural and social events ceased to occur, and we had little opportunity to engage in novel experiences.

The effects of under-stimulation, lack of physical exercise, social interaction and novel experiences have been studied extensively, particularly among inmates from prison populations who have spent time in solitary confinement.  The extreme deprivation can lead to various mental and behavioral challenges, social anxiety, and cognitive impairment.  The effects of less extreme sensory-reduction, however, are less clearly understood, though we do know that for many, boredom and lack of activity can create depression, mood swings, and apathy. 

In May 2021, the New York Times published an article by Adam Grant on “languishing”.  He defined it as having a sense of emptiness and stagnation, a “failure to thrive”…….it feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.”

In the article, Grant suggested that languishing may be the most widely held experience of 2021, and that many may not be fully aware of this disposition. Of concern is the prediction that individuals who “languish” are at an increased risk for other mental health issues in the future. However, by identifying the feeling and addressing the symptoms, it’s possible to shift our state of mind.  One extremely beneficial strategy is to engage in novel, interesting and stimulating activities. 

As summer ends and we continue to return to life pre-pandemic, the busy lives we led may feel different to us and some of the effects of lockdown may be more and more apparent.  One aspect of life that changed dramatically was the amount and type of stimulation we experienced.  Most activities, gatherings, and cultural and social events ceased to occur, and we had little opportunity to engage in novel experiences.

The effects of under-stimulation, lack of physical exercise, social interaction and novel experiences have been studied extensively, particularly among inmates from prison populations who have spent time in solitary confinement.  The extreme deprivation can lead to various mental and behavioral challenges, social anxiety, and cognitive impairment.  The effects of less extreme sensory-reduction, however, are less clearly understood, though we do know that for many, boredom and lack of activity can create depression, mood swings, and apathy. 

In May 2021, the New York Times published an article by Adam Grant on “languishing”.  He defined it as having a sense of emptiness and stagnation, a “failure to thrive”…….it feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.”

In the article, Grant suggested that languishing may be the most widely held experience of 2021, and that many may not be fully aware of this disposition. Of concern is the prediction that individuals who “languish” are at an increased risk for other mental health issues in the future. However, by identifying the feeling and addressing the symptoms, it’s possible to shift our state of mind.  One extremely beneficial strategy is to engage in novel, interesting and stimulating activities. 

For many reasons, travel is an activity that has the potential to improve our overall well-being. In her blog for the World Travel & Tourism Council, Tiffany Misrahi cites several ways in which travel can be beneficial:

1.     Travel gives you opportunities to try new things and meet new people, helping you combat monotony. Travel connects people and provides opportunities to learn about new and different cultures, which can help increase your empathy towards others.

2.     Activities, like walking, hiking, and skiing, in scenic areas can help you become more hopeful. A 2020 study found that people who were consciously aware of the vistas and objects around them on a walk reported being more hopeful and upbeat than other walkers.

3.     Travel is great for relieving stress and improving your general outlook on life. According to a 2013 study with people aged 25 to 70+, 80% of respondents said travel improves their general mood and outlook on life with 75% of respondents also saying travel helps them reduce stress.

4.     Travel helps your brain function better and boosts creativity. Immersing yourself in new cultures increases your mind’s ability to move between different ideas, think more deeply, and integrate thoughts. “Foreign experiences increase both cognitive flexibility and depth and integrativeness of thought,” says Adam Galinsky, a professor and author of numerous studies on the connection between creativity and international travel.

5.     Time away from work can increase your energy and productivity at work. A Harvard Business Review study of over 400 travelers found that 94% of respondents had as much or more energy after coming back from a good trip.

6.     A wellness trip can contribute to stronger mental health. On a wellness retreat focused on practices like yoga, meditation, and mindfulness, you can learn skills that you can bring home to help you keep up a regular wellness routine.

7.     Doing something you enjoy makes you happy. Pull out that bucket list and see what you still need to check off. By doing something you enjoy, you perform necessary self-care and contribute to your own happiness.

8.     Traveling with loved ones helps meet your needs for love and belonging. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs identifies love and belonging as key psychological human needs. Sharing your amazing travel adventures with loved ones helps enhance your connection with them while intensifying feelings of love, belonging, and fulfilment.

Although summer is typically the time for vacationing, it is possible to travel and to engage in novel activities all throughout the year.  Travel can include a day trip to a nearby destination, a weekend getaway, or an extended get away.  Although international travel remains limited, there are numerous destinations throughout the northeast that are easily accessible by car, train or bus.  Numerous websites such as Trip Advisor and the American Auto Club offer information on travel destinations, accommodations, dining options and things to do. 

The possibilities are endless!

Barbra Danin, MA, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Art Therapist, and Certified EMDR Therapist.  She provides individual, couples, and family therapy.  Her specialties include treating children with anxiety, trauma, and behavioral issues – and empowering parents with concrete tools for lasting change. Learn more at https://theresiliencycenter.com/practitioner/barbradanin/ and www.barbradanin.com. Contact her at (314) 477-8585 or barbradanin@barbradanin.com.

Breaking the habitual dance

by Jeff Katowitz

 

“A Habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.” – Mark Twain

 

This has been a tumultuous year and half. Many of us restricted, saw our lives altered and turned upside down, and experienced tremendous feelings of loss and bewilderment. We are beginning to see some hope on the horizon, with people venturing out and engaging in activities, reconnecting with others, and enjoying the simple pleasures in life again. For many of us, however, this last year may have exacerbated the frequency of self-destructive behaviors and undetected suffering. Unable to identify the habitual nature of our actions and behaviors, we may continue to get swept away by dependencies and comforts that are routine and familiar.

 

It is difficult to acknowledge and identify negative behaviors that are cyclical in nature, as they tend to serve a purpose. We are often seduced into believing that a continuation of behaviors that serve us in the moment won’t necessarily hurt us long-term. Our pre-pandemic unhealthy behaviors and tendencies may have increased in frequency during the pandemic, due to stress and limited access to constructive outlets. We may have tricked ourselves into believing we needed these strategies for immediate gratification – that it was our right to fall back on the old faithful friends of numb, soothe, and distract, because nothing else felt stimulating or rewarding. Yet, if we did, our internal suffering continued.

 

As a bit of optimism creeps back into our consciousness – and we witness others venturing out and engaging in activities they have so dearly missed – we are reminded that community is out there for us to join and enjoy again. One of the blessings of the pandemic is that our emergence from suffering can pave a way to new opportunity; we can make a deliberate attempt to orchestrate positive change and outcomes. It may be advantageous to reflect on the past eighteen months and ask ourselves some difficult questions: (1) What are my primary ways of coping with stress? (2) Are my behaviors ultimately helping or hurting my health and relationships? (3) Do I have enough support in my life? If not, what gets in the way of connecting with others and building strong relationships? (4) If my current life is unsatisfying, what is blocking me from making meaningful change?

 

With many of us living for extended periods in isolation over this past year, reaching out to others and connecting has certainly been tricky. Even as we move out of the isolation of the pandemic, we may still have a tendency to remain in comforts that are difficult to let go, satisfying cravings and then rationalizing them. We may be aware of behaviors, routines, and habits we would like to extinguish but feel ill equipped to make necessary changes and establish newer, healthier habits.

 

The first step to bringing about change is to strengthen present moment consciousness. Until we begin paying attention to our feelings, body sensations, and experiences in the present moment, it is nearly impossible to see clearly, let alone create meaningful change. Now is the time to pause, breathe deeply, think about what has happened, and slowly begin to ask the challenging questions about whether certain aspects of our lives are serving us. We cannot decrease addictive-type tendencies and behaviors (such as excessive internet use, gaming, gambling, consumption of food, drugs and alcohol) until we acknowledge underlying pain and any tendencies to run away from that pain. This is a good time to ask for help and assistance. As our time in the physical presence of others increases, it may become easier to talk to friends and family about our struggles. We can be more courageous and vulnerable with what is ailing us – and may discover that seeking support and input from others can make a significant impact. If we become more open and willing to examine changes we would like to bring about in our lives, we may feel less alone and more in community. Sometimes, we may realize we are surrounded by others who share similar patterns of numbing, soothing, and distracting. If that is the case, we may need to venture outside the comfort of our familiar network of support. Perhaps attend a 12-step group (AA, NA, Alanon), Tai Chi classes, or begin studying yoga. Or maybe consider professional help – dedicated time each week with a therapist who will partner with you to adopt new coping skills and create a life you find more meaningful and rewarding.

 

Jeff Katowitz, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Pennsylvania. Jeff Katowitz, LMFT, would like to invite those interested in his practice to contact him directly at (215) 307-0055 or jeffkatowitzlmft@gmail.com. 

 

The Role of Ritual

by Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC

 

As time appears to be paused and everyday feels like Blursday, it is becoming more and more difficult for us to give structure and meaning to our days, weeks, and months. As we spend increasingly more time with our families and less time out in the world, the routines and rituals of coming and going that signaled the start and finish of activities throughout the day have faded. The act of leaving and rejoining family or our pets or commuting to and from our work provided structure and created a rhythm to our day. Before the pandemic, getting up in the morning meant the start of a specific day with specific things to do and included interacting with others in a real “in person, in the same room, within reach” sort of way that we didn’t even know we could miss. 

 

All of these things naturally created rituals throughout our lives. We might not have thoughts of them as rituals, necessarily, but they were. Stopping for coffee and chatting with our favorite barista (or others who are waiting for their coffee), is a ritual that signals the start of the day and provides connection. Going into your workplace and working beside co-workers is a ritual that provides community and purpose. Coming home from work, greeting your family, and changing into comfortable clothes is a ritual that signals the end of the work day and provides safety and belonging. Making a big breakfast and sitting with family on the weekend is a ritual that signals it’s time to slow down, rest and enjoy being together. As Erika Keswin explains in her book, Rituals Road Maps, rituals ground us and provide a psychological sense of safety through connection, purpose and belonging.

 

By getting in touch with your most essential values, you can create rituals that can provide a higher level of meaning in various aspects of your day. For example, if you value nature, you can create a ritual of bundling up at the start or end of the workday, stepping outside for five minutes to look at the sky, and taking a few deep breaths as you listen for birds singing. If you value nourishing time alone, you can create a 20-minute bathing ritual at the end of the day - lighting a candle, playing some spa music on your phone, and using a body wash that appeals to your sense of smell and touch. If work feels like it’s overwhelming, you can set an alarm at the top of every hour and do a 2-minute rest and rejuvenate ritual where you walk away from the computer and stretch, breathe, and drink some water infused with mint, lemon, or basil. 

 

The trick with rituals is to be fully absorbed in them, totally focused on the purpose and value. Instead of allowing your mind to stay on a stressful assignment while you attempt to rest and rejuvenate, ritual invites you to be fully aware, to commit to this time and really feel your breath, connect with your body as you stretch, and to taste the life-nourishing water you are providing your body. It is by being totally present in the moment that your ritual has the power to release stress and increase the feel-good hormones in your body and mind.

 

Two of my favorite daily rituals involve how I begin and end my day. I set an intention for the day either by taking a few deep breaths first thing in the morning when I wake up or as I sit quietly with my morning coffee. This intention is always value-based and preferably in touch with what I feel will be life-enhancing. The other is to end the day with gratitude for some thing or things that happened during the day for which I am grateful. Maybe it’s a conversation with a family member or friend, the walk I took, or the dinner I cooked and shared with my husband. 

 

I’ve included a link to some core values for work and life. Feel free to take a look, consider what you value and explore how you can create rituals for your days, weeks or months to add meaning and value-based structure to your life. Hopefully this will make the coming months, as we continue to navigate the effects of the pandemic, a bit easier to manage. 

 

Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC works with individuals and with children and teens in the context of their families. She specializes in working with individuals with ADHD and related behaviors, including anxiety and depression.  She is dedicated to helping families work to create peace in their homes by working with all members of the family.  To connect with Lisa, please call 267-625-2565 or visit her website lisagrantfeeleytherapy.com.  

 

Reflections on 2020 by Jeff Katowitz

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why?  Connecting with my family. My health. 

 
What did you take for granted this year? The simple things. 
 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world?  Not taking for granted the importance of my health. Recognizing my ability to make a difference – by providing support to others in the midst of prolonged national and global chaos. 
 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during this time? Landscaping and gardening. 

 
Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Reconnecting with the simple things. 

 
What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Taking care of my body, mind and spirit and feeling appreciative of what I have. 

Mindfulness in the year of COVID - by Lisa Grant-Feeley

During the past 30 years, I have been a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a student, a teacher, a student again, and a therapist.  I don’t know if all, or at least most, women are like me, but I had a strong inclination to put everyone and everything else first. I love being all of those things listed above and I’ve enjoyed my life.  The thing is that I didn’t always take time for me! 

 

By living through this past year and the pandemic, I’ve learned: to make time for me and the parts of my life that are important to me.  I’ve learned to connect with my family and friends on a deeper level, even when it wasn’t easy to do so, to appreciate the value of sharing difficult feelings that were made less difficult simply by sharing them, to reach out and join with someone in this struggle, to offer and receive support and find strength.  I think I learned this because with the pandemic, we can’t take tomorrow for granted. 

 

I learned that slowing down and making time to be human with other humans fulfilled a fundamental need in me.  One that I had overlooked or gotten out of touch with because my life was full and busy.  Almost since I can remember, my pace had been so hectic that I would literally have to stop and catch my breath as if I had been jogging through my day!  

  

Now, I spend my time mindfully doing just one thing at a time, and feeling more at peace and I’ll also more alive as a result (and surprisingly, just as productive!).  I cherish moments of everyday joy, being grateful not only for the moment and the joy but also for the ability to cherish it. 

 

I’ve also learned that the feelings of sadness and pain are easier when those moments are accepted, honored and shared, not feared or ignored.  Because being human means that we feel both the joy and the pain. I’ve learned that I’ll take all of it: stronger connection with family and friends, struggling together instead of alone, slowing down and savoring each moment, even take the sadness and pain.  I’ve learned to be better at being human! 

Being adaptable in the year of COVID - by Trudy Gregson

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I’m grateful that none of my immediate or extended family has contracted COVID, and to have had this extra time at home with my college-age sons who otherwise would have not lived at home. I’m grateful for the technology that has allowed me to see my clients from home and to stay in touch with friends and loved ones, and I am immensely grateful to all the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, and all the essential frontline workers. 

 

The pandemic revealed to me how little I actually need. My world became smaller in many ways – working from home, no vacations, and in the winter, virtually no in-person get-togethers. While I miss it all very much, it turns out I can be pretty content “hunkering down” and amusing myself with home activities.  And yet in other ways, my world became larger – seeing far-flung family and friends more than I would have if not for zoom. Discovering hidden gems like new parks, hikes, a dog beach, and new towns that weren’t actually hidden, just unexplored because there was always so much else to do. 

 

I learned how adaptable I can be – I had never seen clients online before and had believed it would be inferior to in-person. In fact, it has been far better than expected and I am now open to how online will expand my ability to work with clients post-pandemic when there are obstacles to clients coming to an office.  

 

I have never been so closely attuned to the day-to-day changes in nature as I have during the pandemic. In Spring, noticing the daily changes to the blooming magnolia tree right outside my front door – the colors, the blossoming flowers as they gradually opened, and their scent up close. Noticing more than ever the changing angle of the sun as the seasons change, and seeking that last bit of afternoon sun on my front step on a cool day to catch some Vitamin D after a day spent inside.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? We can do hard things (borrowed from Glennon Doyle). People are incredibly adaptable, resilient, and creative, and I’ve been inspired by and grateful for so many people during this time. 

Letting Go and Embracing Hope

by Kathleen Krol, MSS, LCSW, RPT-S

 

Traditionally, December is a time of looking back at the highlights of the past year, joining in varied holiday and spiritual celebrations and waiting in anticipation of what the new year will bring. This December, like most of 2020, will be different. For many, the lows may have overshadowed the highs, holiday and spiritual gatherings may be smaller with the absence of significant others, and individuals may be cautious and apprehensive about what the new year brings, rather than hopeful. So how does one let go of the negativity of 2020, shift energy to embrace the potential for positive, and move forward into 2021 with hope?

 

Letting go does not necessarily mean forgetting. Instead, it is about releasing the negative energy that can cling to us. Letting go is acceptance of the things we did not have control of this past year: circumstances, the world, others. Letting go is more about choosing how we respond and whether we choose to hold tight to negative energy or release it and make space for new energy. Letting go is a process and can have many paths.

 

The process of letting go and shifting your energy might start with a check-in (both physically and mentally) when there are situations or personal interactions which trigger a “hot spot.” A “hot spot” can be a negative or uncomfortable emotion, thought or body sensation. If you have been in survival mode this past year, you may not have had time to process your frustration, anger, sadness, and other feelings. What would enable you to experience your feelings?

 

Possibilities may include talking it out, journaling, movement, music, art, expressing through writing poetry or a song. Once you have allowed yourself to experience and express the emotion, then you are more open to letting go of any remaining negative energy. Ritual can be another symbolic way of letting go and moving forward. Writing down what you want to let go of and then releasing it through burning it or ripping it up are two ways. Another idea is to write words or situations on stones and toss them into a creek or river. Name the situation, take a deep breath and as you blow out, toss the stone saying, “I release this” or “I let go of this”.

 

Letting go and transforming the energy from negative to more positive can be through shifting your focus from one of defeat to one of empowerment. Look back at the past year and notice your personal strengths, supports and resources and the strategies that helped you to cope. Acknowledge you made it through your own perseverance and endurance and that you may be stronger than you think. Invite yourself to recognize that this inner strength – and those external resources – will be there for future challenges as well.

 

Moving forward into the new year, you may invite yourself to take each day as it comes. First, be kind to yourself. This past year has taken a lot of emotional and mental energy. Give yourself time for personal reflection and self-care this last month of the year and as we go forward into 2021. Allow time for yourself to replenish your energy, nurturing and caring for yourself first.  Rather than create New Year resolutions in which you may try to compensate for unfinished tasks of the past year, consider aiming for smaller, more doable goals. You might try a daily challenge – such as substituting one healthy snack (like fruit) for a “pandemic comfort food” (like cookies) – rather than setting a loftier goal of losing all the weight you gained during 2020. Maybe you can aim to walk 15 minutes every other day or schedule a long walk weekly, rather than criticizing yourself when you don’t exercise daily. Starting with smaller, more easily achievable goals will give you a boost of confidence, and these small successes are likely to build on themselves.

 

Last, you may want to try replacing apprehension about the future with a sense of curiosity to what the day and year will bring. Aim to be curious as you go about your day, using your senses to bring you into a more full appreciation of things you might normally take for granted. This may include noticing, smelling, feeling, tasting, or touching something new and really experiencing it in the here-and-now. Simple pleasures like the taste of a crisp apple, the warmth of the sun through the window, and the sound of birds chirping can bring delight when we bring our full attention and curiosity. Try to find one new thing each day to truly savor.

 

In little ways, you can be conscious and intentional in letting go, shifting your energy, deepening your focus, and discovering hope as you finish out this year and prepare for the next. Depending on the intensity of your individual circumstances, you may find you are still holding unto something that is challenging to let go of by yourself. If that is the case, be kind to yourself and seek support with friends, family, or a professional. Some burdens are too heavy to carry alone, and you may not be able to let go until you are fully witnessed by someone else. We are here to help.

 

Kathleen Krol is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist who works with individuals, children, teens, and families using a family focused and integrative approach to treatment. Areas of expertise include trauma, anxiety, depression, grief/loss, life transitions and adoption and attachment issues. She specializes in EMDR with all ages, Play Therapy, Family Therapy, Sand Tray and Sand Focusing Therapy and Parent Coaching. If you would like to learn more, go to www.kathleenkrol.com or contact her at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101#1.

Finding Meaning

The following are suggestions to explore ways of finding meaning during this difficult—but temporary —experience of the pandemic:

Focus on the present moment. At this moment, everything is fine; nothing bad is happening to you.  You’re not going hungry.  You have shelter. You’re healthy. List the things around you.  Notice what you see, hear, smell, and taste at this moment.

Express gratitude.  Each day, notice three things you are grateful for.  Pay attention to the little things:  seeing a hummingbird, the taste of a piece of chocolate, a sunny day.

Try to learn something new. Is there a hobby you’ve always wanted to do, an instrument you’d like to play, or a language you’d like to speak?

Help others.  You can make financial donations, deliver food to the needy, send cards to health care workers, or make calls to lonely friends and neighbors.

Are there new activities you could try to give your life meaning?

Choose three activities from the list above that you will do over the next week to create meaning in your life.

You may also want to consider what you would like to continue doing once the pandemic is over. Why does that feel important?

Consider the following:

·      Volunteering one’s time;

·      Giving money to someone in need;

·      Writing out one’s future goals;

·      Expressing gratitude for another’s actions, either written or verbal;

·      Carefully listening to another’s point of view;

·      Confiding in someone about something that is of personal importance; and

·      Persevering valued goals in spite of obstacles.