We live in
a culture which sensationalizes sex but doesn’t really allow us to talk about
sexual difficulties. It’s
easy to tell our friends that we have a headache or need to go to the
allergist, but it’s not easy to tell our friends that we have a sexual
“problem” or concern and much less societally acceptable to seek “sex
therapy.” So we tend to
keep sexual concerns to ourselves. These concerns can become
overwhelming, leading to shame, poor self-esteem, and anxiety while also
creating havoc in romantic relationships. And, really, the truth is sexuality is
an important part of who we are and it deserves to be treated as such.
When I was growing
up, the mother of a friend was a sex therapist who worked out of her
home. My uninformed teenage
self really thought that she must be teaching people to have sex, and maybe
they were even having sex in her office! When I learned, many years later, that
one can actually get a degree in sexuality, I was curious, having no idea what
that might entail. I soon
discovered that sex is rarely talked about in general therapy programs. I also learned that there is quite a
wide range of sexual difficulties and people need support and education! So, I dove in with the goal of
becoming someone that people would feel comfortable talking with about their
sexual difficulties. I received two Masters degrees from Widener
University. One is in social work and
the other is in education in human sexuality.
I then received my doctorate in human sexuality from the Institute for
Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco.
So, what is sex
therapy? Sex therapy is a
form of psychotherapy focusing on sexual health. The following are often addressed in
sex therapy with individuals and couples: questioning sexual orientation,
exploring gender identity, sexual trauma, sexual pain, orgasmic difficulties,
erectile dysfunction, intimacy, low or high desire, desire discrepancies,
masturbation, shame, guilt, and fear of sex and intimacy, etc. The list goes
on. The first goal of sex
therapy is to create a safe, supportive environment where clients can talk
about sexual concerns with a knowledgeable therapist. Sex therapists strive to assist and
guide the client(s) in reaching a state of increased function and health,
increased awareness, and a more integrated sense of themselves and their
sexuality.
Many clients share
things they have never told anyone before. I have often been the first to hear of
someone’s sexual abuse, the first to hear of someone’s struggle with
orientation, and the first to hear of someone’s sexual pain or low
desire. People have so much
shame around these issues that offering a space in which they feel safe enough
to share and explore is incredibly rewarding. I have seen dramatic shifts in
people’s levels of anxiety, sense of self-worth, and sexual satisfaction after
our work together. It’s
exciting and incredibly rewarding. My
hope is that if we can get more therapists and more clients talking about sex
and sexuality, slowly the stigma will disappear and the reality of sexuality
being an important part of our identity will gain recognition and encourage
conversation. It’s time to
embrace our sexual selves. Let’s
talk about sex!
For more
information or to schedule a session, please contact Dr. Marla Cobin at
610-304-9886 or marla_cobin@yahoo.com. You may also
find more information at www.drmarlacobin.com and http://www.theresiliencycenter.com/services_sextherapy.html
Here’s to healthy
sexuality and open dialogue!
