Intuitive Self-Care — Reflections from the Resiliency Center Practitioner Community

We all face the winter doldrums!  Below are some self-care practices that Resiliency Center community members engage in during winter months.

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our Love. — Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet.  This prose from Rilke reminds me about life, what is important — Love.  Another practice that helps me to ground, come back to myself is practicing Qigong.  A Master teacher with whom I practice and from whom I find inspiration is Lee Holden. — Karen Steinbrecher

I love to hike in the winter when the woods are so peaceful and quiet.  I also like to snuggle up by the fire and read a book. — Elizabeth Campbell

I like to visit an indoor greenhouse or butterfly garden to get a taste of tropical in the middle of winter. Seasonal physical activity such as ice skating or skiing helps lift my mood too! — Vanessa Mortillo

I drink a lot of tea and eat a lot of soup and my favorite thing to do is make a fire in my fireplace and sit by it and read! — Therese Daniels

I’m a big fan of bubble baths and reading under a blanket when the weather gets cold! — Andrea McGady

I like to bundle up and go for a walk when the sun is out and skies are blue. I find the crisp, cool air refreshing. I also love to watch the winter birds outside my kitchen window and how they celebrate warmer days by splashing around in the bird bath. On snowy days, I love being outside. I find the quiet blanket of snow incredibly peaceful. — Elizabeth Venart

I like to go on nature walks looking for mushrooms, splay out on the carpet in my sweats (which is all I wear outside of work) with my coffee in the morning and make art, embrace rest a bit more, and pray for Spring to come. I am admittedly more challenged with self-care in the winter and my mood is definitely affected by less sun and colder temperatures. — Lindsay Roznowski

54 to 57° is my perfect place. I love the crispness of winter air, it helps me to feel like I can breathe. The stars in the sky also seem brighter and clearer.  I love to look at the trees in the winter and see the nest that I had no idea were there when the trees were in full bloom. It's a reminder to me that they're so many mini miracles happening in the world around me even if I can't always see them. Something's always growing or in bloom somewhere. Best of all the permission that the cold and winter brings to tuck in or cuddle in is a welcomed permission for rest for me.  — Brittiney George

I enjoy puzzles, card games Uno flip, and playing board games like Catan! I also enjoy pray and meditation in the morning with a warm cup of coffee. I like to meditate on the steam leaving the surface, focus on what I'm thankful for, and set my intentions for the day. — Olivia Ruffin

Intentional Self-care for the Winter Doldrums

by Olivia Ruffin, MS, LPC

As the excitement and cheer of the holidays come to a close, friends and family go back to their homes, and it’s time to get back to reality, it can be difficult to find balance in our ordinary schedules. In addition, for those who experience loss, negative experiences, or struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) the winter months can present as a physical and emotional challenge. So as not to get stuck in the “New Year, New Me” wave, here are some tips that can help increase self-care through the winter months and support new experiences, self-compassion, and inner peace.

Live-in alignment with the seasons

“Slow down and enjoy life. It is not only the scenery you miss by going too fast — you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.” Eddie Cantor

Winter is a time for hibernation and to slow down and reflect. It can be difficult with our ever-growing “to-do” list and social pressures to resist the urge to take on new projects. It can be hard to shift our focus from a doing state to one of rest and reflection. The key is to give yourself permission to slow down. A few steps you can take is to practice saying “no”, especially to events and activities that you find draining. I like to support my clients in developing a sense of serenity by practicing mindfulness.

Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment on purpose, which creates an opportunity to experience happiness and joy. The practice of mindfulness can include guided meditation, practicing gratitude, observing the activity around you on a nature walk, or singing your heart out in the shower. One of my favorite activities to do with clients is to create a gratitude jar; as they accumulate the collection, they are reminded that even on our toughest days, there is still goodness in our world. Developing your own brand of mindfulness is what makes the experience fulfilling and unique.

Maintain a healthy seasonal diet

“In Chinese Medicine, the season of winter is thought to be the most yin of seasons: dark, cold, and slow; a time of conserving energy, rest and stillness, with our qi moving deeper inward to help keep us warm.”-- Jayne Whitman

Chinese medicine teaches us to live in harmony with the seasons. The best method to keep our bodies in balance in winter is to have a mainly warm diet with foods available in the session. To find out what your body needs, stay up to date with your doctor's visits and maybe consider working with a nutritionist. If you struggle to be creative in the kitchen, working with a nutritionist can be a great support to increase confidence and knowledge about foods that bring you joy and keep you satisfied. Sometimes the best medicine starts with what's on the plate.

Revisit a hobby

Hobbies have great benefits for your mental health, whether it’s creative, athletic, academic, by yourself, or with others. Hobbies help us to slow down and unwind. Hobbies also help us to reduce stress, increase mood, and boost creativity. Revisit the joy of reading or try listening to an audiobook and allow yourself to be swept away by the story. Maybe you'd enjoy learning a new skill like crafting, cooking, or learning to play a musical instrument. These are all methods to not only practice mindfulness but bring back simple joys. Does a hobby come to mind? Don't be shy. Now could be the time to enjoy it again.

Stay connected

Just because the holidays are over doesn't mean the fun has to stop there! Staying connected to others is a great way to beat the loneliness of winter. If you are feeling healthy and confident, maybe get back to in-person activities like attending faith-based events, meeting a friend for coffee or dinner dates, or finding friends through new experiences on Eventbrite or Meetup. These are all methods to keep and find meaningful connections.

Intuitive movement

“Intuitive movement is the practice of connecting and listening to your body to figure out how it feels and what type of movement it needs that day.”-- Rachel Harley

I support my clients with the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill of opposite action. We all have that nagging feeling, “I should get up and move,” but what you might not know is that “should statements” motivate us with guilt or shame.  While that can sometimes get us started, rarely is that movement or change enjoyable or sustainable. Learning to settle into your body and asking yourself what movement would be fulfilling for you right now could be the key to unlocking sustainability and creativity. From yoga to dancing to playing with your kids in the snow, noticing if it feels good to move your body differently is what counts!

Although the winter months can be cold and gloomy, that doesn't mean your self-care routine needs to suffer. By living in alignment with the season and slowing down, staying warm, and reflecting through mindful engagement, you can increase joy and connection even in the middle of winter. If this sounds like a new resolution you can get behind and you need support to get started, then I might be the therapist for you! Let's get connected!

Olivia Ruffin, MS, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor that works with teens and adults. She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety, depression, and life transitions to cultivate joy and develop helpful and relevant strategies to empower clients with concrete tools for lasting change. To connect with Olivia, please call 267-434-1030. Learn more here. 

Writing a Tribute or Praise Poem

by Elizabeth Venart

Eulogies provide an opportunity to reflect on a person’s life, sharing who they were and what they meant to us. The Cambridge Dictionary defines eulogy as “a speech, piece of writing, or poem containing great praise, especially for someone who recently died or retired from work.”  However, eulogies need not be reserved exclusively for funerals and endings. Tributes and praise poetry are additional spoken and written forms that celebrate and honor. The Academy of American Poets defines a praise poem as “a poem of tribute or gratitude.” [Insert link to: https://poets.org/glossary/praise-poem]. Praise poetry and singing have been (and continue to be) a significant practice in Africa and in cultures around the world. Praise poets perform at ceremonies, rituals, and festivities and use storytelling to capture the essence of the person being praised.  

“Your life is a poem,” proclaims Naomi Shihab Nye. We make poems by observing life and writing it down. Odes and tribute poems honor a specific subject of our observations and affection. They need not rhyme, and you need not know poetry. A list can be a poem. Any time we speak from the heart, our love is a living poem.

You know what you love about the people in your life. Maybe you just need some time to reflect — and a gentle prompt — to begin gathering your thoughts.  

Start with one person. Brainstorm a list of everything about the person that you see and appreciate. Looking through old photographs may help jog your memory. Personality, behaviors, strengths, unique qualities and habits, specific experiences you have shared. The simple words I love you are powerful, and details infuse life and meaning into that sentiment. Details show “I see you” and “I adore all these very specific things about you.” Tributes, both prose and poetry, can be built from everyday remembrances. Our descriptions provide snapshots, glimpses into a person, a relationship, a life being lived.

After writing the tribute toast for my friend’s birthday, I felt inspired to write another for my longtime friend who is moving from Pennsylvania to Denver. She is vibrant, full of energy, has strong opinions and a great sense of humor. I integrated shared memories, funny facts, and descriptions of how she shows up in the world. Here is a sample:

At my wedding, got us laughing, gobbling up red roses.
Dramatic toast, sang an Aria, did silly dance move poses.
Loves restaurants, Thai, comfort food, ordering lots of dishes.
Mac and cheese, roasted duck. Just skip the smelly fishes!

Having caught the writing bug by this time, I wrote several additional tributes in that same week. It was a delight to sit with pen and paper reflecting on everything I loved about the people in my life. Memories and fun details started springing to mind more easily. In writing each person’s tribute poem, I landed in the final line on my love and appreciation for them. The writing was a way to say “I see you” and “I love all I see.” My poems included one for a beloved child in the family. Keeping with a fun rhyming pattern that she would find engaging, I focused on things she loves and does right now. Children change so quickly. The poem reflects a snapshot in time of who she is in this moment, knowing some things will stay constant and other things (like her interests) may change. Here is an excerpt:

Fan of rainbows and purple, hearts and bright pink.
She’s clever, determined, can stare and not blink.
She’s playful and silly, loves gymnastics and soccer.
Loved her from first moment I held and rocked her.

“Your life is a poem,” proclaims Naomi Shihab Nye. We make poems by observing life and writing it down. Odes and tribute poems honor a specific subject of our observations and affection. They need not rhyme, and you need not know poetry. A list can be a poem. Any time we speak from the heart, our love is a living poem.

As we approach this February’s celebration of Valentine’s Day, why not carve out some time for creativity and put pen to page to honor those you love? Do you have a friend you would like to honor? A parent? A sibling? A teacher? A child? Perhaps you would like to write a love poem to yourself — as you are today or maybe an honoring of yourself at a different age.

Writing can be a lot of fun, but sometimes it is hard to get started. Since I’ve been having so much fun writing praise and tribute poems, I’d love to support you with yours. Poet and women’s writing group leader Tracie Nichols joins me in offering a free two-hour writing workshop (via Zoom) on Saturday, February 4th from 10 am - 12 pm. Our time together will include meditation, journal prompts, list-making, and invitations to speak from the heart. While our focus will be on one person in your life you want to honor, the process we share is one you can use again and again to tap into love — and create a piece that expresses it.

Writing is not the only way to share our love for what makes someone dear to us. Musicians write songs of tribute, some with words and some instrumental. Some photographers are very adept at capturing the spirit of their subjects, illuminating light, grace, zest, or other personality traits. Some artists draw or paint their loved ones, an expression that highlights their inner beauty. Creativity has no bounds. Neither does love. May it spring forth effortlessly from you and embrace you. To share love is to experience it. And that is always a good thing.

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia. She specializes in supporting Highly Sensitive Persons in embracing their strengths and living authentic, joyful lives. An Approved Consultant in EMDR Therapy and a Certified IFS Therapist, she offers clinical consultation and professional trainings to other therapists. She is passionate about supporting people in healing from trauma, making sense to themselves, decoding the puzzles that keep them stuck, and living their best, most fulfilling lives. Learn more at ElizabethVenart.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyday Eulogy: Open-Hearted, Expressive Practices for a Kinder World

by Elizabeth Venart

In all our interactions, we have an opportunity to share the kindnesses that naturally arise in our hearts or to hold them in. Why bottle love or hold back that compliment on the top of your tongue? Why not share? 

When we express appreciation for those in our lives — for who they are and what they do — we have the opportunity to connect more deeply. They feel seen and loved. When we share compliments and appreciation with anyone with whom we encounter, we brighten their day. When we focus our eyes on beauty, our hearts fill. It’s easy to focus on things that frustrate or annoy us, but when we share what uplifts us, we can uplift others. Here are a few opportunities for everyday eulogy:

• Giving compliments (admiring style, a great smile, accomplishments both large and small, demonstrations of courage or endurance)
  
• Expressing appreciation for kindnesses we receive (a door held open, a home-cooked meal, a cup of tea, a helpful customer services rep, a friend who reaches out to say “hi”)
• Writing short pieces of prose or poetry to capture beauty and gratitude (earl grey tea on a quiet Sunday morning, oak tree after snowfall, health after illness, a child’s laugh)
• Taking photographs to capture moments of beauty, authenticity, connection, sparkle — training our eyes to see beauty and inviting our subjects’ natural light to come forward as we share how we see them (“you are fabulous!”).

Why Wait for the Eulogy?

by Elizabeth Venart

In December, a dear friend turned sixty. She and her husband were throwing a party to celebrate, inviting friends and family from every facet of her life. When she initially invited me to “a holiday party,” she didn’t even mention it was a milestone birthday for her. This friend is incredibly kind and thoughtful, funny, and welcoming. In part because she is so humble and unlikely to ask for attention or thanks, and in part because she is such a good person, I felt inspired to write a poem to toast and honor her. Rather than rely solely on my observations, I reached out to her husband, our shared friends, and a childhood friend of hers, to get their descriptions, memories, funny stories, and interesting details. Compiling the list from others and adding my own thoughts, I assembled a list poem, added some fun rhymes, and created a toast to honor her. Here is an excerpt:

Thoughtful, considerate,
Warm, caring, clever, bold.
Wicked sense of humor,
inner sparkle, heart of gold.

Bubbly, conscientious,
hard-working, fiercely loyal.
Invited over for dinner?
You’ll be treated like a Royal.

What mattered to me was not how perfectly things rhymed nor the rhythm following some specific pattern. Instead, I focused on capturing her spirit through description, infusing a sense of play, and, through heartfelt sharing and fun anecdotes about her unique talents and traits, making sure she felt fully seen.  

After doing this, I found myself reflecting on how infrequently we give people the gift of being honored in this way. If her husband hadn’t let me know it was her 60th birthday, would the idea of writing a tribute toast have even occurred to me? It is common practice to make toasts at weddings, anniversary parties and special birthdays. It is customary to write a heartfelt eulogy after someone has passed. But why do we wait for these moments? Why risk an opportunity to express the love and gratitude in our hearts?

Writing a Tribute or Praise Poem

Eulogies provide an opportunity to reflect on a person’s life, sharing who they were and what they meant to us. The Cambridge Dictionary defines eulogy as “a speech, piece of writing, or poem containing great praise, especially for someone who recently died or retired from work.”  However, eulogies need not be reserved exclusively for funerals and endings. Tributes and praise poetry are additional spoken and written forms that celebrate and honor. The Academy of American Poets defines a praise poem as “a poem of tribute or gratitude.” [Insert link to: https://poets.org/glossary/praise-poem]. Praise poetry and singing have been (and continue to be) a significant practice in Africa and in cultures around the world. Praise poets perform at ceremonies, rituals, and festivities and use storytelling to capture the essence of the person being praised.

“Your life is a poem,” proclaims Naomi Shihab Nye. We make poems by observing life and writing it down. Odes and tribute poems honor a specific subject of our observations and affection. They need not rhyme, and you need not know poetry. A list can be a poem. Any time we speak from the heart, our love is a living poem.

You know what you love about the people in your life. Maybe you just need some time to reflect — and a gentle prompt — to begin gathering your thoughts.

Start with one person. Brainstorm a list of everything about the person that you see and appreciate. Looking through old photographs may help jog your memory. Personality, behaviors, strengths, unique qualities and habits, specific experiences you have shared. The simple words I love you are powerful, and details infuse life and meaning into that sentiment. Details show “I see you” and “I adore all these very specific things about you.” Tributes, both prose and poetry, can be built from everyday remembrances. Our descriptions provide snapshots, glimpses into a person, a relationship, a life being lived.

After writing the tribute toast for my friend’s birthday, I felt inspired to write another for my longtime friend who is moving from Pennsylvania to Denver. She is vibrant, full of energy, has strong opinions and a great sense of humor. I integrated shared memories, funny facts, and descriptions of how she shows up in the world. Here is a sample:

At my wedding, got us laughing, gobbling up red roses.
Dramatic toast, sang an Aria, did silly dance move poses.
Loves restaurants, Thai, comfort food, ordering lots of dishes.
Mac and cheese, roasted duck. Just skip the smelly fishes!

Having caught the writing bug by this time, I wrote several additional tributes in that same week. It was a delight to sit with pen and paper reflecting on everything I loved about the people in my life. Memories and fun details started springing to mind more easily. In writing each person’s tribute poem, I landed in the final line on my love and appreciation for them. The writing was a way to say “I see you” and “I love all I see.” My poems included one for a beloved child in the family. Keeping with a fun rhyming pattern that she would find engaging, I focused on things she loves and does right now. Children change so quickly. The poem reflects a snapshot in time of who she is in this moment, knowing some things will stay constant and other things (like her interests) may change. Here is an excerpt:

Fan of rainbows and purple, hearts and bright pink.
She’s clever, determined, can stare and not blink.
She’s playful and silly, loves gymnastics and soccer.
Loved her from first moment I held and rocked her.

As we approach this February’s celebration of Valentine’s Day, why not carve out some time for creativity and put pen to page to honor those you love? Do you have a friend you would like to honor? A parent? A sibling? A teacher? A child? Perhaps you would like to write a love poem to yourself — as you are today or maybe an honoring of yourself at a different age.

Writing can be a lot of fun, but sometimes it is hard to get started. Since I’ve been having so much fun writing praise and tribute poems, I’d love to support you with yours. Poet and women’s writing group leader Tracie Nichols joins me in offering a free two-hour writing workshop (via Zoom) on Saturday, February 4th from 10 am - 12 pm. Our time together will include meditation, journal prompts, list-making, and invitations to speak from the heart. While our focus will be on one person in your life you want to honor, the process we share is one you can use again and again to tap into love — and create a piece that expresses it.

Writing is not the only way to share our love for what makes someone dear to us. Musicians write songs of tribute, some with words and some instrumental. Some photographers are very adept at capturing the spirit of their subjects, illuminating light, grace, zest, or other personality traits. Some artists draw or paint their loved ones, an expression that highlights their inner beauty. Creativity has no bounds. Neither does love. May it spring forth effortlessly from you and embrace you. To share love is to experience it. And that is always a good thing. 

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia. She specializes in supporting Highly Sensitive Persons in embracing their strengths and living authentic, joyful lives. An Approved Consultant in EMDR Therapy and a Certified IFS Therapist, she offers clinical consultation and professional trainings to other therapists. She is passionate about supporting people in healing from trauma, making sense to themselves, decoding the puzzles that keep them stuck, and living their best, most fulfilling lives. Learn more at ElizabethVenart.com.