Holding it All Together

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

In therapy spaces, we talk about “holding it all together” as thought it’s a fixed state—calm, regulated, and ideally achievable daily.  But in real life (and work), holding it all together usually looks a bit different.  Some days flow like graceful ballet.  Other days, it looks like 4 cups of coffee, several password resets and lots of “it’s fine” thoughts running wild.  

Holding it all together looks like showing up for family, co-workers, clients and friends.  All while you tick tasks off your to-do list with timely precision.  “No sweat!”  It looks like being present, attuned, and thoughtful—even on days when energy is low and the calendar is full.

Holding it all together doesn’t mean feeling perfectly regulated at all times.  It means noticing when things feel stretched and responding with skill, care and flexibility.  It’s showing up when you want to roll on the floor and have a good old-fashioned tantrum.  It’s knowing which parts of your life are stable enough to lean on while others wobble.

Today could feel like a delicate balancing act held together by duct tape and prayers, yet, you are not failing.  You are functioning.  You are adapting.  You are holding it all together, and getting things done. 

Consider a gentle self-care pause.  Take a second between tasks and check in with yourself:

• What feels most “held together” right now?
• What feels like it could use some support?
• What is one small, realistic thing you could offer yourself today—something that fits within this specific day?

No fixing required, just noticing the positive.

So, if this week feels full, heavy, chaotic, held together with extra effort, know that this is not a failure.  Tomorrow you may be able to hold it all together, with a little less duct tape.

Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works individually with adolescents through adults.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, trauma, self-esteem, as well as helping adolescents and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

The Practice of Stillness in a Fast-Paced World

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

The beginning of a new year is often a time to start anew. Something I have recently incorporated into my wellness routine is the meditation practice of Savasana.  Savasana in its most simple definition is called “corpse pose,” as it invites a deep stillness and the profound benefits of rest for the mind and body.  Before I dove into the practice of Savasana, I thought taking a long run was the most beneficial thing I could do for my mental health.  When I first heard about Savasana, I skeptically questioned, “How can laying on the floor have any real benefits?” 

The reported health benefits had me curious. Was I missing something? I decided to check it out. From the outside, it didn’t look like much. Savasana is physically basic — you lay on your back with your arms comfortably at your side. (Am I enticing you yet?) The tricky part is remaining completely still, allowing yourself to fully relax, focus on your breath, and release any tension or thoughts.  This is where the practice of Savasana becomes a true practice of noticing and then stopping the fast-paced living, endless to-do lists, and incessant chatter of narration. It is a practice of mindfulness, specifically learning to take a mindful rest. It shifts us away from a mental focus on figuring out our lives to an opportunity for body and mind to untangle and gently process the physical and mental work of the day.  It allows the nervous system to shift from a state of alertness to one of deep relaxation and restoration.

There are physical and mental benefits of the practice of Savasana, including: 

• Improved Mental Clarity: Helps declutter the mind, creates space for greater focus, clarity, and decision-making.
• Stress Reduction: Calming the nervous system reduces stress and promotes emotional balance
• Improved Sleep: Who doesn’t need this? When the quality of our sleep improves, we wake feeling rested. 
• Physical Recovery: Aids in muscle relaxation, promoting faster recovery after exercise, yoga, workout sessions, and other physical exertion.
• Improved Mind-Body Connection: Savasana promotes a deeper connection to the body and its signals.

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook the importance of slowing down and resting.  But Savasana reminds us that real, true restoration comes from stillness and relaxation. So, the next time you feel like life is moving too fast and far too many things need to be done, resist the temptation to switch into a higher gear and do more. Instead, find a spot on the floor and try the magic of quiet rest. Take your time in Savasana and enjoy the peace it brings to your mind and body. While it may seem counter-intuitive, the deep rest offered will ultimate support you in conquering that to do list — or give you greater clarity about what you can just let go. 

Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works with adolescents through adults, offering support to individuals struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, and self-esteem. She offers mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, EMDR Therapy, family therapy, and parent support around behavioral concerns. Her work integrates practical strategies, humor, mindfulness practices, and trauma-informed approaches to heal pain at the root of current patterns. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

The Value of Coldness — Worth the Shock?

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

Often when people consider ways to regulate their emotions and body systems, ease aches and pains, and promote healing, they think about warmth. They imagine being cuddled and cozy or sweating in the sauna. After I watched Chris Hemsworth’s docuseries Limitless, my interest in cold therapy was piqued. Cold water exposure has been used in various cultures for many years and is now gaining popularity in the United States as a way to heal, regulate and rejuvenate. Wondering how a cold water plunge can feel good?  The cold water shocks the nervous system and releases endorphins (which feel good!).  Research suggests that taking the plunge for several minutes, several times per week can offer many benefits.  Experts do caution that a gradual introduction to cold water exposure and emersion is best.  An easy way to start your cold water exposure is to turn the hot water all the way off at the end of your shower, and to work on regulating your breathing while your body cools with the cold water.  

The benefits of cold water exposure are still being discovered, and are very promising.  Some of the more common uses are to help with inflammation, decrease depression and anxiety, reduce migraine symptoms, stop panic attacks, speed up cell regeneration and increase the functioning of the immune system.  Cryotherapy (cold therapy) has recently emerged as a treatment option providing regulating and healing benefits.  There are now Cryotherapy centers popping up around the world to offer cold exposure as a way to improve mental and physical health.

Cold water exposure and cold therapy offer alternative, accessible treatment options for a variety of health issues.  Whether you are looking to improve physical functioning, mental clarity, focus, or any of the other possible benefits, information (beyond Social Media) suggests the only downside is the temporary discomfort of being cold. I’ve already started the cold rinse at the end of my showers and plan to regularly use cold water exposure to do a little of my own research into its possible positive health benefits. Seems like all those people who love Polar Plunges are less crazy than I thought, and I am late to the cold party!
 
Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works individually with adolescents through adults, and  with  families and parents.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, trauma, self-esteem, as well as helping adolescents and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

Readjusting to Socializing

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

Coming out of a pandemic has been one of the most challenging transitions I have ever encountered.  I constantly hear Gloria Estefan sing, “Coming out of the dark, finally see the light now, it’s shining on meeeeeeeee” when I enter the world and interact with others.  It’s like my brain picked the post random song to somehow explain to my system what is going on.  I am finding I now need to change my social battery less frequently, and it takes longer to recover after being social. Readjusting to interacting and socializing has showed me that my energy doesn’t match the output needed, and I must adjust how I move in life.

In quarantine I found I learned to slow down and just be.  Be quiet, be content, move slow.  Now as we return to some kind of “new normal” I am finding that I am giving myself permission to say “no”.  No to the party. No to dinner in a loud, crowded restaurant. No to my kids who want to go to Target on the weekend.  I mean, Target is my place, but never on a busy weekend day.  I want to quietly stroll the aisles and get the things I need versus want.  I’ve learned a sense of calm satisfaction to get just what is needed and nothing more.  No stockpiling extras, no “just in case” snacks.  Life can be simpler.  “No, thank you”, “No, thanks that’s really not my thing”, or “Nope” come out of my mouth more freely, without guilt.  

Just a few weeks ago my whole family went to a school event.  It was loud and insane.  Ahead of time, I was feeling a little peeved knowing I would have to leave in the middle of it to take my daughter to dance class.  I anticipated that she was going to have a really hard transition, and I didn’t want the drama or to have to make her leave unwillingly.  Funny enough, I worried about something that wasn’t even an issue.  My husband and I playfully argued over who GOT to leave the party and go to ballet that night (playing taxi was typically not a desired Friday night!).  After less than thirty minutes, both of us were done, and our daughter was too.  Leaving a highly stimulating buzz of activity midstream may have been a hardship two years ago, but now? We all adjusted to a quieter life, and in the transition back to the whirlwind of before, we can feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to let it be what it is now. And let ourselves feel what we feel now. Sometimes it is too much. We don’t need to be at all the events, all of the time, for the whole time.  

I’m leaning in as my system and body tell me when enough is enough.  I give myself permission when I don’t want to do something social.  I chose events that appeal to me and to my family.  When I chose what to attend, I am almost always happy I went. I also love coming home again. I have “come out of the dark” (as Gloria Estefan reminds me), and I am much more tuned in to my internal energy and the experiences that feed and deplete me.
 
Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works with teens and families as well as individuals.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, as well has helping adolescents and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website.

Life on Fast Forward

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

 

Spring has sprung, and I need to stop and smell the roses.  Too often I find myself thinking about the future, rather than seeing the good of what is currently happening around me.  Maybe it is this time of year. Perhaps we all continue to experience the affliction known as “Senioritis” – when high school seniors cannot wait for summer to get here (from the moment March 1^st arrives) and can focus on little else. Thoughts range from “Ugh. I can’t wait for school to be over” to “Summer is going to be so great!”  Then I catch myself, and think: “Wait, wasn’t I just wishing and hoping for my kids to be back in the classroom?”  During this crazy pandemic year, I stressed endlessly about what school would look like for my kids and all the clients with whom I work. What stops me from seeing the good in the now, without fast-forwarding to the next, better thing on the horizon?

 

In working with my clients recently, the overarching theme has been “When will this be over?”  Everyone is looking to speed ahead into the future, without seeing the good stuff present right now. The blue skies and mild spring weather. The laughter. The outdoor reunion with friends after a cold winter. The jokes at the dinner table.

 

I’m guilty of this as well.  Most mornings consist of getting everyone ready to run out the door, chasing behind them sweating after I have just showered for my day to start.  I think: “How many more days until school is out?”  In my hurry for these busy mornings to end, I am missing the fun of my kids picking out their hairstyles, leaving hidden notes for me, and the hugs as they leave the car.  When I am able to stop and be present, I see that the rush is only a small fraction of the day. A day that is otherwise filled with promise and joy. 

 

The everyday stresses can mount up and make us want to jump ahead to what seems like the greener grass.  This reminds me of the fascinating premise for the not-very-funny movie “Click” with Adam Sandler. He gets a “universal remote” for his life. With it, he can take control of life events even as they unfold: freeze a scene, fast-forward, reverse, mute the sound, select the chapters of his choice, and skip those things he finds boring or unpleasant. What he discovered after decades of fast forwarding through the “bad” or tedious moments of life was that he had skipped those moments that, when added together, create a full, complete and rewarding life; he  missed out on life itself.

 

Thankfully, there is no “universal remote” to feed some of our instincts to skip life’s mundane and less pleasant times. Instead, we have a new choice in every moment. How do we address these thoughts of annoyance or impatience when they are swallowing us up?  We press pause. We throw on some rosy colored glasses that actually allow us to see more clearly, to give us that happier perspective. Pausing to look again, we can see the beauty in the now and just be.  Look around. Take a mindful moment. Be grateful for even the smallest joy in your life.  And when that is hard, it’s okay. A new moment is on the horizon. A new joy awaits.

 

Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works with children, teens and families as well as individuals.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, as well has helping children and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

Slowing down during the year of COVID - by Carolyn Abele

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I am sure this will change as I have time and space to reflect.  I am grateful for the time I have had with my family.  Like real time.  Before COVID,  I was waking up at 4:15am to get to my gym class then rushing to a really intense job running a school and then rushing back to pick up my kids.  My husband traveled constantly.  There was only quality time on the weekends, between errands.  I am beyond thankful for the slower pace, having my husband home and doing random fun things together.  I prided myself on how I managed it all, got it all done and didn’t need anyone’s help.  My life during COVID has been new, frustrating, exciting, boring, refreshing, adventurous – and a wake up call. 

 

What did you take for granted this year?  I took for granted all the things I thought I “should” have – easy access to food, ability to do what I want when I want to do it, paper products, education for my kids, and access to my family.  Losing these things initially felt like a loss of my freedom and peace of mind.  I took those things as given because I thought I was entitled to them.  

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world?  This really made me realize how privileged I am to not have to worry about “everyday things”.  Suddenly getting food felt like foraging for crumbs, and my kids education felt like a privilege and I feared that their futures were doomed.  I know now that things can slow down, and everything doesn’t have to be the way it was, or the way I want it to be. And it is OK.  Kids are resilient, and I have to model that. 

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? Play.  Leisure.  I walked a lot.  I used to think walking was boring and I needed to be running and sweating.  The walks were great with my family, without anyone or with my dog (who is terrible at walking). 

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? I honestly thought I was going to go crazy at home.  I like to be out and about and doing things.  I was able to slow down and learn that I didn’t have to have a schedule everyday of things to do and see.  

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Uhh!  SO hard!  That I won’t win a prize for being the “I can do it all Mom”.  Be present, take it all in, and make time for the things I think are more important.