Writing—not just for writers!

by Rachel Kobin 

You don’t have to wake up at ungodly hours, hunch over your keyboard, tap out hundreds of words, and then go to your day job to reap the psychological benefits of writing. Even if you think you’re not good at it, writing can enhance your life. As a human, you have the right to express yourself and tell your story. Your voice is unique, and that voice can be used privately as part of your self-care practice or shared to the extent you find rewarding. 

You already have everything you need to start

Most people use writing to do things like write to-do lists, shopping lists, texts, and memos for work. This kind of writing does not help our mental health, but it is an entry point to keeping a journal. By looking at those lists or even your calendar on a regular basis and asking, “What stands out? What was upsetting or enjoyable about any of those things?” you will find something resonates with you. It may even generate a physical feeling like raising your pulse rate. Once you’ve locked into one of these items, start writing. Don’t worry about the quality of your sentences or your vocabulary, just move what’s in your head and body onto the page without worrying about the result. 

This kind of journal entry gives your future self a picture of your what your life was life, which you’ll be grateful to have later. It also helps you think through the emotional aspects of your life. As writer Joan Didion said: “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see, and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” Moving your thoughts and feelings from your head to the page helps you gain clarity on what tends to upset you, and perhaps learn how to prevent or manage events like this more effectively in the future. Identifying people or events that make you feel good help you welcome more of these experiences into your life. 

Be kind to the writer within

Above all, make every effort to avoid judging what you write. Many people have had teachers or peers that shamed them about their writing. In my first year of college, a group of students told me I didn’t know how to write an introductory paragraph. I called my mother, a published author, I needed a writing tutor. The professor returned my paper with this message: “A– Never listen to your peers.” So, when you sit down to write, thank your peers, those internal voices screaming mean things at you for trying to protect you from taking risks and ask them to go play outside. This is a risk worth taking. 

In fact, expressive writing—writing about your thoughts and feelings—has been scientifically shown to increase our ability to regulate our emotions, improve mood, memory, self-esteem, and decrease stress levels. With all of those benefits, why not try a journaling prompt right now? I invite you to try one of the most popular journaling exercises (from a professor at the University of Iowa) we do in The Philadelphia Writers’ Workshop: Use the alphabet (A-Z) to loosen topics from your mind. Simply start listing them. For instance, A is for Anaconda, B is for the blue ink stain on my floor, C is for Chocolate, D, the delights of spring, E-clipse… As soon as you find a topic you want to write about, start writing. On another occasion, start at the next letter. In my case, if I chose the eclipse, I would start the next time at the letter F. 

That F is for fun and flights of fancy, flying in the face of rules, and flinging those fresh words around to fabulously to face fears, facilitate fulfillment, and fire up your fabulous self. 

Rachel Kobin is the Founder and Director of Philadelphia Writers’ Workshop [Insert link to to: https://phillywriters.com/]. Rachel began writing in the third grade when she adapted the novel Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh into a play. She went on to write poetry, a screenplay, synopses, critiques of screenplays, copy for advertising, a novel, internal and marketing communications for corporations, market research reports, a TV pilot, and more. Since she began facilitating creative writing workshops and provided editing and coaching services in 2011, she has found that seeing other writers succeed—however they define success—even more thrilling than seeing her own name in print. She is proud to be part of Philadelphia’s robust writers’ community. 

Writing a Tribute or Praise Poem

by Elizabeth Venart

Eulogies provide an opportunity to reflect on a person’s life, sharing who they were and what they meant to us. The Cambridge Dictionary defines eulogy as “a speech, piece of writing, or poem containing great praise, especially for someone who recently died or retired from work.”  However, eulogies need not be reserved exclusively for funerals and endings. Tributes and praise poetry are additional spoken and written forms that celebrate and honor. The Academy of American Poets defines a praise poem as “a poem of tribute or gratitude.” [Insert link to: https://poets.org/glossary/praise-poem]. Praise poetry and singing have been (and continue to be) a significant practice in Africa and in cultures around the world. Praise poets perform at ceremonies, rituals, and festivities and use storytelling to capture the essence of the person being praised.  

“Your life is a poem,” proclaims Naomi Shihab Nye. We make poems by observing life and writing it down. Odes and tribute poems honor a specific subject of our observations and affection. They need not rhyme, and you need not know poetry. A list can be a poem. Any time we speak from the heart, our love is a living poem.

You know what you love about the people in your life. Maybe you just need some time to reflect — and a gentle prompt — to begin gathering your thoughts.  

Start with one person. Brainstorm a list of everything about the person that you see and appreciate. Looking through old photographs may help jog your memory. Personality, behaviors, strengths, unique qualities and habits, specific experiences you have shared. The simple words I love you are powerful, and details infuse life and meaning into that sentiment. Details show “I see you” and “I adore all these very specific things about you.” Tributes, both prose and poetry, can be built from everyday remembrances. Our descriptions provide snapshots, glimpses into a person, a relationship, a life being lived.

After writing the tribute toast for my friend’s birthday, I felt inspired to write another for my longtime friend who is moving from Pennsylvania to Denver. She is vibrant, full of energy, has strong opinions and a great sense of humor. I integrated shared memories, funny facts, and descriptions of how she shows up in the world. Here is a sample:

At my wedding, got us laughing, gobbling up red roses.
Dramatic toast, sang an Aria, did silly dance move poses.
Loves restaurants, Thai, comfort food, ordering lots of dishes.
Mac and cheese, roasted duck. Just skip the smelly fishes!

Having caught the writing bug by this time, I wrote several additional tributes in that same week. It was a delight to sit with pen and paper reflecting on everything I loved about the people in my life. Memories and fun details started springing to mind more easily. In writing each person’s tribute poem, I landed in the final line on my love and appreciation for them. The writing was a way to say “I see you” and “I love all I see.” My poems included one for a beloved child in the family. Keeping with a fun rhyming pattern that she would find engaging, I focused on things she loves and does right now. Children change so quickly. The poem reflects a snapshot in time of who she is in this moment, knowing some things will stay constant and other things (like her interests) may change. Here is an excerpt:

Fan of rainbows and purple, hearts and bright pink.
She’s clever, determined, can stare and not blink.
She’s playful and silly, loves gymnastics and soccer.
Loved her from first moment I held and rocked her.

“Your life is a poem,” proclaims Naomi Shihab Nye. We make poems by observing life and writing it down. Odes and tribute poems honor a specific subject of our observations and affection. They need not rhyme, and you need not know poetry. A list can be a poem. Any time we speak from the heart, our love is a living poem.

As we approach this February’s celebration of Valentine’s Day, why not carve out some time for creativity and put pen to page to honor those you love? Do you have a friend you would like to honor? A parent? A sibling? A teacher? A child? Perhaps you would like to write a love poem to yourself — as you are today or maybe an honoring of yourself at a different age.

Writing can be a lot of fun, but sometimes it is hard to get started. Since I’ve been having so much fun writing praise and tribute poems, I’d love to support you with yours. Poet and women’s writing group leader Tracie Nichols joins me in offering a free two-hour writing workshop (via Zoom) on Saturday, February 4th from 10 am - 12 pm. Our time together will include meditation, journal prompts, list-making, and invitations to speak from the heart. While our focus will be on one person in your life you want to honor, the process we share is one you can use again and again to tap into love — and create a piece that expresses it.

Writing is not the only way to share our love for what makes someone dear to us. Musicians write songs of tribute, some with words and some instrumental. Some photographers are very adept at capturing the spirit of their subjects, illuminating light, grace, zest, or other personality traits. Some artists draw or paint their loved ones, an expression that highlights their inner beauty. Creativity has no bounds. Neither does love. May it spring forth effortlessly from you and embrace you. To share love is to experience it. And that is always a good thing.

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia. She specializes in supporting Highly Sensitive Persons in embracing their strengths and living authentic, joyful lives. An Approved Consultant in EMDR Therapy and a Certified IFS Therapist, she offers clinical consultation and professional trainings to other therapists. She is passionate about supporting people in healing from trauma, making sense to themselves, decoding the puzzles that keep them stuck, and living their best, most fulfilling lives. Learn more at ElizabethVenart.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Restarting

by Rachel Kobin

 

In a yoga class I took twenty years ago, the teacher told us our bodies are different every day. So, each day, I restarted. I tried not to expect to stand on one leg for the same amount of time as the day before. I brought that same advice with me to writers in my workshops: Each time we sit down to write, we start over, and because our minds are different every day, we don’t necessarily start from the same place. One day the words flow from our imaginations to the page, and the next day words jump into the same black hole where all the missing socks and Tupperware lids live.

 

When the Covid-19 restrictions lifted, I forgot about restarting. I expected to experience the return to more freedom as energizing and exciting. Instead, I feel sluggish and anxious in a whole new way. According to my doctor, I’m not alone. The guidelines are confusing, and the Delta variant hides in plain sight. The introverted among us enjoyed avoiding large gatherings. The more extroverted missed seeing friends and live concerts. Though the time in quarantine took its toll on our mental and physical health, we all adjusted our lives to fit the virus’ needs.

 

Many months have passed since March 2020. In a conversation with a friend who lives in San Francisco, we commiserated about feeling socially awkward now that we can see people in person. We laughed and went over the steps involved in reconnecting with close friends: 1) Pick up the phone 2) Invite them over 3) Clean the dining room, the bathroom, and maybe the living room and, 4) Make the meal. The invitation will delight them, but picking up the phone, cleaning up our dining rooms, and planning a meal requires restarting.

 

Remembering that we need to restart multiple times a day may be an excellent suggestion, but that doesn’t make it easy, particularly with an event as dramatic as the pandemic. Unlike restarting a creative or professional pursuit, the pandemic changed nearly every aspect of our lives for a long period of time. Logically, the restarting process will be more taxing and provoke a range of emotions, but people aren’t logical, and we generally prefer to avoid unpleasant challenges and feelings.

 

The complexity of Homo sapiens’ evolution never ceases to fill me with awe. People perceive change as a threat to our safety, which sets off a sophisticated reaction to protect ourselves. A series of signals release the hormones we need to stay and fight or hightail it out of there (“the fight-or-flight response”).

 

Even positive changes like returning to activities we considered normal and fun can make our brains tell us, “Uh-oh, this is new. Danger!” However, this reaction can mislead us. When the potential for a positive outcome outweighs the potential for loss—as it may with the loosening restrictions—we push ourselves to overcome our resistance to change. We restart. Balance on one foot for a few seconds, clean the dining room, invite friends over, go to an outdoor concert, return to work with gusto, put pen to paper. And whenever we falter, as we will, or if things change and we need to take precautions again, we’ll close our eyes, take a few deep breaths, and restart.

 

Rachel Kobin is the Founder and Director of the Philadelphia Writers’ Workshop. She has facilitated creative writing workshops and provided editing and coaching services since 2011. Read her most recently published poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction in the anthology, Through the Looking Glass: Reflections on Madness and Chaos Within. 

 

Reflections on 2020 - from Rachel Kobin

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? I'm grateful everyone in my immediate family, including my elderly mom and boyfriend, and my friends are still alive.

What did you take for granted this year? Nothing.

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? Having the ability to appreciate simple pleasures like a good cup of tea or a phone conversation with a friend who makes you laugh is an invaluable survival skill. 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? I started painting with acrylics just for fun. With my paramour's help, I did several nesting projects, including using a sewing machine for the first time to make curtains, something I've meant to do since I bought my house in 2005. 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? Teaching via Zoom has added my commute time back to my life. I've enjoyed having that time to simply be.

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? Life is fragile; take nothing for granted.

Protecting Your Creative Spirit

by Rachel Kobin

Just as setting up healthy interpersonal boundaries is an important part of taking care of yourself, so is having clarity around how you want to share your creative output. Writing is my area of expertise, so I’ll focus there, but the issues I’ll briefly discuss are equally applicable to the visual arts.

First, let’s illustrate the distinction between making art and performance: making art can be purely personal, such as journaling, while as with a performative art, an audience is invited to hear the work read aloud or it is read on the page. Understandably, sharing new work makes writers (and artists) feel vulnerable—they’ve just poured a part of themselves onto a piece of paper. This is why, if a writer chooses to invite someone to read their work, they need to be clear about what kind of feedback they need and want to receive.

In the Tuesday-night workshops I lead, participants learn how to respond to newborn writing without making any negative comments. This is because the writing is done during workshop time, and no one has had a chance to edit their work. Even when writers bring in pages they’ve polished outside of workshop for us to “critique,” we begin by talking about everything we liked about the work, and we point to specific sentences, sections, or events in the piece that we enjoyed. Then, we move into answering questions like “What did we find confusing?” or “Which parts stood out as not as strong as the sections we liked so much?” The members of the workshop are asked again, to be specific, to point out actual examples in the text rather than make sweeping statements like, “I just don’t like romance stories,” because a comment like that will not help the writer of a romance to make their story even better. Most importantly, the discussion concludes by returning to what we liked about the work, again, which allows the writer to go home feeling good about continuing to work on their draft.

Similarly, it’s important to refrain from judging the content. For instance, the writer may hold an entirely different opinion than the reader does about a very controversial topic. The job of the reader providing feedback isn’t to argue with the writer’s perspective, but to help the writer make the most cogent possible argument supporting their point of view.

After eight years of leading workshops, I can testify to the number of times we’ve all laughed about how hard it is to show our work to friends, family, and romantic partners. The truth is that non-writers aren’t as interested, or they may feel they don’t “have what it takes,” to respond, which is why finding a group of other writers is so valuable. However, reassuring the reader that you value their gut reactions may help, and it also helps to give them specific guidelines such as those I outlined above. Timing is important; no one likes being ambushed. If you present your writing, give the other person the time and space they need to read your work and get back to you, but be clear about how and when you’d like to receive the feedback.

Most of all, create as if no one will ever see what you’re making. Decide later how, when and with whom you’d like to share, but if anything or anyone begins to shut you down in any way, step away and find the support you need.

Rachel Kobin is the director of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop. Rachel uses the Amherst Writers & Artists™ method to create a supportive, collaborative setting for writers of all backgrounds. The workshop allows beginners to explore their unique voice, and provides experienced writers a forum where they can further develop their craft. For more information www.phillywriters.com or email rachel@phillywriters.com.

Writing to Keep Your Brain Healthy – Not Just for Writers!

by Rachel Kobin

There are many factors that play into keeping the brain healthy, including regular physical and mental exercise, a nutritious diet, positive social engagement, and stress management. The sixth factor is keeping your mind engaged throughout your lifetime. The mental stimulation of activities like reading books and magazines, learning a foreign language, doing crossword puzzles, and writing can play an important role in preventing memory loss, dementia, and even Alzheimer’s. The focus of this newsletter is how anyone—writers and non-writers—can use writing for fun and brain health.

Writing for Non-writers

You don’t have to have any talent, understand grammar, or even have a large vocabulary to write for your brain’s health. Below, I’ve included a few of the many easy ways to expand on writing you may not even realize you’re already doing that could help you continue to experience the joys of what your healthy brain can do.

Using Lists to Write Regularly

Many of us keep to-do lists or shopping lists, but list-making can be a fun way to challenge yourself to do a bit of writing every day. Lists can evolve into journal entries and even become what’s called a “list poem.”

All of these list-making exercises can be done on paper, in a notebook, on your computer or laptop, or on your phone. You can even email yourself while you’re commuting on SEPTA. The “right way” is the one that works for you. Keep in mind that these are exercises for your brain. No one else ever has to read what you write, and you’re not trying to get published or even impress yourself, so withhold judgment and let it rip!

The Gratitude List

Reminding ourselves what is going well is a reliable way to boost your mood at times when money is tight or you’re feeling blue. Every day for one month, write down at least seven things for which you’re grateful. You might feel the only good thing that day is your cup of tea or coffee. That’s okay. Start there and look around. What or who else do you have in your life? If you’re having health problems, you may have to write down the parts of your body that are working rather than the ones that aren’t. What is going right rather than wrong? Keep going beyond seven if you can, and if you find it helpful, keep this up beyond a month. It’s perfectly okay to repeat items from day to day.

The Gratitude Poem

A sub-category of The Gratitude List, The Gratitude Poem uses the same first few words for each line of your list. For each thing you feel grateful, begin the line with “I love the way…” or “I have…” or start with a few words of your choice. Here’s an example (Okay, I’m going to just switch the last word of the last line to give it a tiny bit of pizazz, but I promise, I didn’t dwell on this!):

I love the way the breeze wafts over me.

I love the way my sheets feel after a long day of work.

I love the way my housemate laughs so loud at TV shows.

I love the way the cherries wait at the bottom of my yogurt.

I love the way my glasses make these letters bigger.

I love the way the children laugh on their trampoline.

Today, I love the way the sun shines.

The Daily Life List

Take a three-hour period of your list and jot down a list of what you did with no embellishment. Then, think back, and add details. If the first thing you wrote down was “1. Woke up,” try to remember if you were dreaming before you woke up. Do you remember what the dream was about? What did the room look like when you opened your eyes? Did you feel warm or cold? Could you smell food or coffee from the kitchen or did you have to do the cooking? How were you feeling about the day to come at that point? This can easily become a daily practice. Keep asking yourself to include more and more details about how things sounded, tasted, looked, felt, or smelled, and write down how you felt about as much as you can.

The People List

Keep a list of observations about the people you encounter as you go about your life, perhaps a school crosswalk guard or the supermarket checkout person. What do you notice? What details show up when you start paying more attention to those around you? Does your checkout person have thick glasses or move a bit slowly? Write about what that person’s life might be like because of something you observe. This exercise might even increase our compassion for others.

Writing Letters and E-mails

Another way to incorporate writing into your life is to write yourself a letter or email regularly or every day if you can. What do you want your older self to be able to look back on and remember? What words of kindness do you have for yourself? 

Might there be a friend or loved one who would start an e-mail correspondence with you, one that doesn’t demand an instant response, but would include more of an in-depth interaction than what we get from Facebook, messaging, or texting? Before the advent of e-mail, we wrote letters to our friends and family who lived far away. It was expected that some time would pass between our responses. In fact, enough time elapsed between letters to allow for more to happen in each correspondents’ lives, which allowed for more surprises. You could use e-mail similarly to snail mail and promise not to expect an instant response, or you could even write letters on paper and send them through the mail. Imagine how nice it would be to receive a personal letter rather than a bill!

A Word About Writing Exercises and Prompts

You are in charge of your writing, so never feel penned in, pun intended, by a prompt or writing exercise; change it to suit your needs. You can change the wording or simplify it, using only one part at a time, and if it’s simply not working for you, try freewriting. Freewriting is the act of letting whatever is on your mind spill onto the page. Keep scribbling for as long as you can. In her famous book, The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron recommends writing like this for three pages by hand on paper, if you are physically able to do so. Writing by hand has been found to free us from criticizing our writing. This form of writing has a long-standing history of helping people get started with their day or get to sleep because it helps to clear our minds. No matter how you choose to integrate writing into your life, have fun with it!

Rachel Kobin has over twenty years of experience writing in a variety of professional settings. This July she attended a twelve-day writers’ conference where she attended a TV writing workshop, panel discussions and lectures about fiction, non-fiction, poetry, and publishing. As the founder and director of The Philadelphia Writers Workshop, she leads creative writing workshops at The Resiliency Center, and works with authors privately as an editor to help them make what’s on the page as brilliant as the ideas originally in their minds. To learn more, visit www.phillywriters.com or email her at Rachel@phillywriters.com.

Exploring Identity – Through Writing

by Elizabeth Venart

You are a ruby encased in granite. . . . So come, return to the root of the root of your own soul. – Rumi

Who am I?  There are countless ways to answer that question. We may complete the sentence “I am . . .” by describing our roles, jobs, moods, values, personality traits, behaviors, and relationships. There is also a “me” at the center of all of it: The one who reflects on the question – and goes inward for words to follow the ellipses. Who is this one, the constant observer in the sea of our consciousness?  

Writing provides us with a way to connect with ourselves more completely. As we explore our public and private identities, the overlap and separation, our attention may be drawn to those roles with which we are strongly aligned – and then wander to the questions that linger and yearnings that call. What are our dreams? What haunts us? What motivates us? What hidden passions await? Going within to reflect and write can allow us time to unfold the tucked away papers of our identity and explore the complexity and heart of who we are.

Take out a piece of paper or open up your computer. Answer the question, “I am” over and over again. Maybe 30 times. I am. . . I am. . . . I am. . . . See what you discover. You may surprise yourself to hear from a voice you haven’t heard in some time. Just listen. Write down the shouts – those voices you know well – and also record the whispers – the things that surprise you and may be hard to acknowledge. Stay curious. If you dare, keep writing. Answer “I am . . . . “ 100 times. Be serious or have fun with it – or, better yet, make space for all your beautiful contradictions. Marvel at what comes forward.

Elizabeth Venart is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified EMDR Therapist, and EMDRIA-Approved Consultant. She is the Founder and Director of the Resiliency Center. She specializes in working with Highly Sensitive Persons, other therapists, and those who are creative, intuitive, and empathic. She hosts a monthly poetry gathering to read and discuss the writings of Rumi Hafiz, Rilke, Mary Oliver, and inspired writers. To learn more, contact her at 215-233-2002 or Elizabeth@elizabethvenart.com.

Playfulness in Creativity and Problem-Solving

by Rachel Kobin 

Playfulness is a crucial part of what I do to help people tap into their creativity in the Philadelphia Writers Workshop. As children, we learn by playing. We aren't as focused on the results as we are on enjoying the process. As adults, we lose touch with this spirit of play, and this can make it harder to spark unbridled creativity. When we were four years old, did we sit down with our Play-Doh and think, "Now, let's make a sculpture so striking it will soon sit in a museum?" No, when we were kids, we enjoyed the feeling of having that dough in our hands, the color and the smell of it. We pushed it through a garlic press and to our delight it came out looking like miniature purple spaghetti (pasketti!). We showed our blobs of clay to our parents and told the stories behind them. We didn't compare ourselves to famous sculptors because we didn't know or care about who they were. We were too busy enjoying every moment of interacting with our clay to think about how our miraculous blobs might not compare to “Great Works of Art.”

Some writers come to my workshop with one purpose or a fixed idea of what kind of writer they are: One might want to write a personal essay and have it published in a prestigious magazine, while another might have family members who have said, "You should write a children's book in rhyme!" Focusing too much on a goal, especially if it didn't come from our own desires, can be paralyzing.

Throwing all expectations out the window helps us avoid this kind of trap, but it’s not easy to do on our own. Using exercises that seem silly like beginning our writing by pairing veggies with random verbs, help reacquaint us with the playfulness we knew and were often untaught throughout our formal education. Just last week in the Tuesday Night Workshop, we wrote stories about childhood without using the letter a. Activities like these trick our brains into liberating our creativity. By allowing ourselves to be silly, and not expecting our first efforts to even make any sense, we free ourselves to keep going, to get to the rough draft. Once we have our jumbled ideas down on paper in a rough draft, we can begin refining the writing to make it say what we originally intended.

I believe re-learning how to let go and have fun is a skill that can be applied to many situations, not only those in the arts. How often might we be missing a possible solution to a problem at work when we bypass the fun — the brainstorming, the drawing, the imagining? Stopping to play isn't a waste of time; it's a way of giving our brains time to juggle ideas around. Sometimes a masterpiece does emerge, and other times we just feel better, which, of all the worst case scenarios, is one we can simply enjoy. 

Rachel Kobin has been the Director of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop since 2010. Rachel uses the Amherst Artist & Writers Method to help writers of all levels claim or re-claim their unique voice. Through experimentation and play, writers of all genres and forms practice the elements of their craft in a supportive environment. Writers looking to develop new material and writers in the process of writing full-length manuscripts find the support they need to complete their projects. Learn more about workshops and private editing services at www.phillywriters.com. Contact Rachel at 610-449-3773 or Rachel@phillywriters.com.

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Thanks, I’ll Take It From Here

by Rachel Kobin

When I chose Acceptance as the theme for our July newsletter, I thought I knew what I wanted to say. Now that I’m actually trying to write it, I feel lost. There’s a voice inside me saying, “You should brainstorm, just write a list of all of the reasons you wanted to write about acceptance; you should mind map or make a vision board; you should at least write an outline.” But how can I write an outline when there’s so much I could say, and who is this bossy person calling me “You”?

Acceptance. Okay, I’m going to practice it right now. I’m the Director of the Philadelphia Writers’ Workshop and I’m struggling to write a few paragraphs about acceptance. I’ll just sit with this struggle and be compassionate with myself. This is part of the writing process, part of any process. But there’s that girl nagging, “But you’re the Director of the Philadelphia Writers’ Workshop. You of all people should be able to write a cogent article.”

That voice isn’t nearly as loud or shrill as she used to be. After years of helpful therapy, I worked with a life coach who helped me have a direct conversation with that mean, bossy girl barraging me with an endless list of shoulds I would never be able to accomplish. I thanked her for her concern, for her attempts to save me from exposing my shortcoming and faults. I told her I wouldn’t be hiding until I was perfect anymore: it was time for me to move on, to open up to the world around me and embrace myself as I am.

           

Like I said, that voice is still there. I can hear her now: She’s worried I’ll make a fool of myself if I don’t write an article “worthy” of me. “What will people think?” she’s saying. I reply, “This is what acceptance looks like: letting go of what other people think, daring to make myself vulnerable and embracing my imperfections. Acceptance isn’t organized; no amount of outlining or mind mapping will remove the bumps and potholes from the path to reaching it, but it is scenic. As I take in the variety of vistas, my love for myself and others grows.”

Oh, dang, there she goes again! “You should be writing the perfect article!” Chill girl, I’m sure whatever I write will be good enough.  

Since 2006, Rachel Kobin has facilitated acceptance via creative writing workshops held at The Resiliency Center on Tuesday Nights. She also helps people finish their novels, screenplays, plays, collections of short stories, and essays in the Manuscript Workshop and as a private editor. Learn more at www.phillywriters.com

The importance of connection

by Anjana Deshpande

“I am so happy when I am in my yard” my neighbor across the street yelled.  She was in her element: dirt on her hands, saplings by her side, and the sun pouring all around her. She looked rooted, connected.  

Connection tells us where we belong, where our place in the world is. Strong connections lead to strong roots. But the most profound connection is the one we have with our self.  Not being in touch with who we are, changes our relationship to almost everything that we are trying to engage with. We may be surrounded by family, friends, work but still feel a sense being ungrounded, of not being rooted.  Sometimes the disconnect with self is a way of numbing pain, of not dealing with something from our past, or sometimes it is simply a  lack of access to our inner reserves.  Not being connected to ourselves may lead to issues like depression, but when we try to numb our feelings, we also shut down a creative and joyful part of ourselves. Life becomes flat, boring and devoid of joy .  As we constantly put ourselves on the back burner and cater to the world outside, we forget that we have a tremendous capacity to nurture ourselves.  

How does one reconnect then?  Many people instinctively take to writing to reflect on what is going on, to literally “hear themselves think”. The pages of a journal are a great way to recharge and reconnect.   

If you don’t know where to begin, here is a simple exercise:

Tonight, write down a feeling or quality that you would like to experience: clarity, calm, excitement, love, friendship, peace.  My suggestion would to be lean into a more positive frame of mind. Tomorrow evening, take some time to reflect on where you experienced this feeling or quality in your day. Write about it, and describe the situation/event/feeling in detail. As Kay Adams states, this becomes a fascinating exercise in creating your own reality and changing the focus of your thoughts.  

You may even choose to create a” word bowl” of feelings that you would like to experience, and pick one a day, and pay attention to how it appears in your life.  This pausing, this thoughtfulness and self-reflection is a small yet significant step towards reclaiming yourself.

Anjana Deshpande is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in working with Adolescents, Adults and Older Adults.  Please contact Anjana Deshpande, LCSW at anjana@writethought.org or 267-422-2861