Changing Seasons and Shifting Gears

by Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT-S

It is nearly Labor Day already! How did another summer go by so fast, when just yesterday seemed like Memorial Day? 

We may look forward to the cooler, less humid days, changing colors of Autumn and the children heading back to school. Even so, it can still be hard to shift gears from the more laid back, relaxed pace of summer to the more structured and busy days of fall with its fuller work schedule, children’s after-school activities, sports, and homework, and the soon-to-be holiday season. We may appreciate the cooler weather and yet still dread the thought of longer nights and more time indoors, especially post-pandemic. 

Humans are wired for familiarity and comfort, so change is challenging for all of us. This article focuses on three parts as we shift gears and transition to the fall: (1) Preparation (2) Mindset, and (3) Coping and support strategies for ease with the process.  

Preparation: Our bodies need to acclimate to an earlier bedtime and rising. This can take time. Start planning a week or more prior to any changes in schedule. If you know you have to wake up an hour or more earlier starting the Tuesday after Labor Day, you may want to progressively go to sleep earlier in increments of 15 to 30 minutes per day; likewise, you’ll want to gradually shift your morning wake-up time.  Remember to get your body ready for a shift to “sleep mode” an hour before bed, by turning off electronics including TV, dimming lights, and winding down with a calming, sedentary activity. If you are having a tough time getting yourself or your children to turn off electronics earlier, start reducing the amount of time gradually during weekdays and add on extra time on Friday or a weekend day. 

We all need motivators when facing a transition, whether returning to work after vacation time off or to school after summer break. As encouragement or incentive, maybe add a little something to your children’s lunch bag or backpack to start and end the week for the first few weeks. It might be a favorite snack, stickers, an emoji, a note saying “Great Job! You finished your first week!” Adults need support with transitions too - and subtle reminders that fun doesn’t have to end with the fall equinox. Why not plan a hike in the mountains or an evening out with friends for early October? Families may find it fun to celebrate the end of the first month of school and/or the return to work from vacation by scheduling a family fun or party theme night. It can be something to look forward to and have everyone involved in the planning - from making decorations, deciding on food, and choosing the games to play and movie to watch.  

Mindset:  The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts have an impact on how we actually experience the moments of our lives. When we look for negative, we often find it. Conversely, when we look through eyes of optimism, we may find the silver lining in even the bleakest times. While we cannot control or stop all negative circumstances from happening and will undoubtedly be upset about disruptions, detours, and painful events, we do have some control over how quickly we are able to embrace the natural feelings that arise and move past them. We can also reframe a situation by expanding our lens to see the potential positive in addition to the downside. As we enter the fall, what mindset do you have about this transition? Do you dread longer nights and time indoors or do you see opportunities to catch up on movies and reading, call friends or family, enjoy hot chocolate and apple cider, walk through the leaves, or snuggle up in a cozy blanket or near a fireplace? 

Have you thought about how you want the fall and remaining months of 2022 to go? Maybe summer went by too fast and you don’t even know where it went? Often life is like this. Wasn’t just yesterday the beginning of the new year? Why is it we only talk about resolutions when we trade in one year’s calendar for a new one? What if you allowed yourself some time for brief reflection with each season throughout the year, accepting the seasonal changes as a reminder to set purposeful intentions for the months ahead?

Here are some questions you may choose to ask yourself: What do I hope for this fall for myself and/or my family? What is most important for me to happen so I will feel more contentment when this year ends? What has worked in the past that I want to continue? What did not work last year that I need to do differently? What is one step I can take to start within the next couple of weeks?  

You may want to empower your children and teens with related questions: How do they want the school year to begin and the year to finish? How can they make it happen? What ways can you support them? What worked well last year that might be duplicated and what would they like different for the coming school year?

Coping: Positive affirmations or mantras can be a wonderful way to start the day, as can keeping a daily journal and having a regular meditation practice. You may want to pick something that can be your anchor throughout the day and every day. Like an anchor assists a ship in remaining stable through a storm, your anchor is what you go back to when you start to feel overwhelmed, stressed, or distracted. Your anchor could include any of the following suggestions or be something unique to you. It may be breath, feeling your heart center, movement, a scent, or a visual cue. Like meditation, when you start to feel the sensation of being ungrounded, bring your attention back to your chosen anchor and the current moment.  

A similar concept to an anchor is having a relaxation cue. Usually this is a visual cue that you might see throughout the day. Each time you see the object, it cues you to take a one-minute body scan for any tension followed by use of breath and release of the tension or progressive muscle relaxation for the tense part. Your visual relaxation cue might be the time display on your laptop, a watch or a ring, a picture, or object. Periodically doing one minute body scans and taking a conscious breath to release tension can support you in reducing any emotional stress you are holding in your body and increasing self-awareness about times when you feel relaxed - and moments when tension begins to build.
Finally, remember to have compassion and kindness for your partner, your children, and, most importantly, for yourself. Transitions and change in life can be challenging. If nothing else, give yourself credit for making it through each day: You are managing the best you can and even better than you think you are!

Kathleen Krol is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified EMDR Therapist and a Registered Play Therapist/Supervisor with 20 years of experience in the counseling field.  She collaborates with clients across the lifespan including adults, children, teens, and families using a family focused and integrative approach to treatment. Areas of expertise include trauma, anxiety, phobias, depression, grief/loss and adoption and attachment issues. She specializes in EMDR for all ages, Family Therapy, Play Therapy, Sand Tray and Sand Focusing Therapy and Parent Coaching. To learn more, go to www.kathleenkrol.com or contact her at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101#1 for a phone consultation.

Blessings during these uncertain times - by Kathy Krol

For what are you most grateful as you look back over the year and why? That I persevered and came through all the challenges still feeling blessed in my life and even more grateful for what I have present in my life.

What did you take for granted this year? Challenges to preserving "Our Democracy" and following the constitution. I never expected in a civilized country like ours to see the turmoil and violence this past year. I am grateful for those who exercised their freedom of speech in peaceful demonstrations and protests.

 

What did this reveal to you about yourself and your presence in the world? I like the comfort of familiarity of my daily life and when the world like my country seems in order. I am able to shift and adapt even though it is not easy at times. We are all needed and together contribute to the tapestry of this world.

 

What new hobby or old pastime did you take up or revive during the months of lockdown? I have always enjoyed walking and nature watching, just had more time to slow down and enjoy it.

 

Was there an unexpected joy that you experienced during this time? More time at home to enjoy moments with nature, watching the birds and small animals. Feeling love and care of family and friends through a difficult health crisis.

 

What is the most important thing that the year of Covid 19 has taught you? The value of health and loved ones. To take each day as it comes, go with the flow when plans change, let go what we can't control.

 

Color Visualization Exercise to Release Tension

by Kathleen Krol, MSS, LCSW, RPT-S

 

Scan your body beginning with your head down to your feet and notice if there is any tension anywhere. If there is, bring your open-hearted curiosity to it. Allow yourself think of the area of tension as a color. Invite yourself to notice if the tension has a shape, texture, and temperature to it as well. Next think of a color you like that makes you feel calm and relaxed. Does this color have a shape, texture, and temperature? Imagine this color coming in through the top of your head like rays of light or mist and going to the spot of tension. Imagine this color permeating around the area of tension and bringing in calm, softening the spot of tension, perhaps maker it smaller. You may want to breathe gently as you continue to allow the calming color to soften the tension.

 

Another variation of this exercise is to imagine the tension is a color you don’t like. As you take a breath in, then breathe out, imagine you are releasing the color along with the tension. With each exhale, you are blowing out the tension and this color. Now imagine a color that you do like, that makes you feel relaxed and calm. As you breath in, imagine that color coming in with your breath and think “calm”. Continue to exhale, saying “letting go of tension” silently in your mind each time you breath out. Imagine more of the calm color entering your body as you slowly breathe in and relax.

 

Letting Go and Embracing Hope

by Kathleen Krol, MSS, LCSW, RPT-S

 

Traditionally, December is a time of looking back at the highlights of the past year, joining in varied holiday and spiritual celebrations and waiting in anticipation of what the new year will bring. This December, like most of 2020, will be different. For many, the lows may have overshadowed the highs, holiday and spiritual gatherings may be smaller with the absence of significant others, and individuals may be cautious and apprehensive about what the new year brings, rather than hopeful. So how does one let go of the negativity of 2020, shift energy to embrace the potential for positive, and move forward into 2021 with hope?

 

Letting go does not necessarily mean forgetting. Instead, it is about releasing the negative energy that can cling to us. Letting go is acceptance of the things we did not have control of this past year: circumstances, the world, others. Letting go is more about choosing how we respond and whether we choose to hold tight to negative energy or release it and make space for new energy. Letting go is a process and can have many paths.

 

The process of letting go and shifting your energy might start with a check-in (both physically and mentally) when there are situations or personal interactions which trigger a “hot spot.” A “hot spot” can be a negative or uncomfortable emotion, thought or body sensation. If you have been in survival mode this past year, you may not have had time to process your frustration, anger, sadness, and other feelings. What would enable you to experience your feelings?

 

Possibilities may include talking it out, journaling, movement, music, art, expressing through writing poetry or a song. Once you have allowed yourself to experience and express the emotion, then you are more open to letting go of any remaining negative energy. Ritual can be another symbolic way of letting go and moving forward. Writing down what you want to let go of and then releasing it through burning it or ripping it up are two ways. Another idea is to write words or situations on stones and toss them into a creek or river. Name the situation, take a deep breath and as you blow out, toss the stone saying, “I release this” or “I let go of this”.

 

Letting go and transforming the energy from negative to more positive can be through shifting your focus from one of defeat to one of empowerment. Look back at the past year and notice your personal strengths, supports and resources and the strategies that helped you to cope. Acknowledge you made it through your own perseverance and endurance and that you may be stronger than you think. Invite yourself to recognize that this inner strength – and those external resources – will be there for future challenges as well.

 

Moving forward into the new year, you may invite yourself to take each day as it comes. First, be kind to yourself. This past year has taken a lot of emotional and mental energy. Give yourself time for personal reflection and self-care this last month of the year and as we go forward into 2021. Allow time for yourself to replenish your energy, nurturing and caring for yourself first.  Rather than create New Year resolutions in which you may try to compensate for unfinished tasks of the past year, consider aiming for smaller, more doable goals. You might try a daily challenge – such as substituting one healthy snack (like fruit) for a “pandemic comfort food” (like cookies) – rather than setting a loftier goal of losing all the weight you gained during 2020. Maybe you can aim to walk 15 minutes every other day or schedule a long walk weekly, rather than criticizing yourself when you don’t exercise daily. Starting with smaller, more easily achievable goals will give you a boost of confidence, and these small successes are likely to build on themselves.

 

Last, you may want to try replacing apprehension about the future with a sense of curiosity to what the day and year will bring. Aim to be curious as you go about your day, using your senses to bring you into a more full appreciation of things you might normally take for granted. This may include noticing, smelling, feeling, tasting, or touching something new and really experiencing it in the here-and-now. Simple pleasures like the taste of a crisp apple, the warmth of the sun through the window, and the sound of birds chirping can bring delight when we bring our full attention and curiosity. Try to find one new thing each day to truly savor.

 

In little ways, you can be conscious and intentional in letting go, shifting your energy, deepening your focus, and discovering hope as you finish out this year and prepare for the next. Depending on the intensity of your individual circumstances, you may find you are still holding unto something that is challenging to let go of by yourself. If that is the case, be kind to yourself and seek support with friends, family, or a professional. Some burdens are too heavy to carry alone, and you may not be able to let go until you are fully witnessed by someone else. We are here to help.

 

Kathleen Krol is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist who works with individuals, children, teens, and families using a family focused and integrative approach to treatment. Areas of expertise include trauma, anxiety, depression, grief/loss, life transitions and adoption and attachment issues. She specializes in EMDR with all ages, Play Therapy, Family Therapy, Sand Tray and Sand Focusing Therapy and Parent Coaching. If you would like to learn more, go to www.kathleenkrol.com or contact her at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101#1.

Regulating One’s Emotional Thermostat (Keeping Emotionally Cool)

by Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT-S

Summer has arrived with its warmer days and longer nights. At this time of the year, patience can wane – and internal thermostats can rise – as family members spend more time together. Awareness of our own emotional stress threshold in relation to others can be overlooked in the day-to-day hectic shuffle of life. Good communication skills tend to slide with the people whom we are closest; family and significant personal relationships. Many people push through stress with minimal awareness of heightened emotional tension and physical discomfort. Or if there is awareness of these sensations, they may be suppressed, after all schedules still need to be kept and the job still needs to get done. How often do we pause to check in on how we are affected by our daily tasks and personal interactions? Are we checking our emotional temperature throughout the day? 

The amygdala is the frontal lobe part of the brain that “fires up” when we are experiencing strong emotion like anger or emotional upset. The rational or logic part of the brain can shut down once the amygdala is “lit up” by emotion. So when we can self-regulate and become aware of our rising emotions, before it heats up too much, it can help us to consciously make choices about how we want to react in situations or with others. 

One way to emotionally self-regulate throughout the day is by picking a relaxation cue. Your cue can be anything from your watch or phone, a picture at the office or that armchair at home. Every time you look at or pass that object, take a deep breath and think “relax” as you exhale slowly, repeat this 2-3 times. Momentary pauses throughout the day, can help keep us in a more relaxed mode and alleviate tension before it builds up further. 

Body scanning for areas of tension can be effective by itself or as a supplement to the above technique. If your emotional thermostat starts to rise, that vague feeling of anxiety or being overwhelmed, your body is most likely tightening as well. Start at your head and quickly scan down to your feet for areas of tension. While taking a deep breath, focus on tightening the area, holding about 3-5 sec, then exhale and release the tension at the same time. Repeat 2-3 times.

At the end of the day, check in with yourself on the drive home, before walking in or out the front door. Are you still carrying something left over from earlier in the day? If so, take a deep breath, hold and then exhale by blowing out, saying “release tension” and imagining the tension being pushed out of your body. Follow by inhaling deeply and saying breathe in relaxation. You also might imagine a soothing color gently washing over your body with the feeling of relaxation. Being aware can reduce the chance of redirecting your frustration unto your significant other, children or pets. Conscious use of simple techniques throughout the day, can help one better regulate one’s emotional state and thus have a “cooling” effect in stress build-up.

How does one incorporate these suggestions on a day-to-day basis? By starting with one idea that resonates with you and consciously making it a part of your routine through phone reminders, a color sticky placed on your relaxation cue, a note on the mirror or refrigerator. Sometimes mutual friends can send a text of encouragement and reminder. Remember change is a process, give yourself time and expect lapses. But do give yourself credit for your effort at being more self-aware in your own emotional regulation!  

Are you interested in learning more about emotional regulation for yourself or your children and teens? Contact Kathleen Krol at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101 #1. 

Kathleen also runs regular children’s groups for ages 4-9 on expressing and coping with feelings. Contact her for more information and to be notified when the next group will be starting again.  

Kathleen Krol is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Family-Play Therapist who works with children, adolescents and families combining family therapy, play and sand tray therapy along with parenting strategies to help the whole family system. Her specialties include emotional regulation, trauma, life transitions, anxiety, depression, and attachment issues. Contact her for a free 30 min phone consultation. www.kathleenkrol.com

Regulating One’s Internal Thermostat (Keeping Emotionally Cool as the Temperatures Get Warmer)

By Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT

After a cool start, spring has arrived with its warmer days and longer nights. Soon it will be summer and the end of the school year. At this time of the year, patience can wane and internal thermostats can rise as family members spend more time together. Awareness of our own emotional stress threshold can be overlooked in the day to day hectic shuffle of life and coexistence in a family or personal relationship. Good communication skills tend to slide with the people with whom we are closest: family and significant others. So how do you monitor your internal thermostat and maintain good interpersonal skills to minimize overheating?

How do we check our temperature throughout the day?  During the course of the work day, challenges will come up, whether as an employee, self-employed, student or homemaker. Many people push through these stressors with minimal awareness of heightened emotional tension and physical discomfort. If there is awareness of these sensations, we may try to suppress them. After all, the job still needs to get done. How often do we pause to check in on how we are being affected by our daily tasks and how well we are managing them? Take moments throughout the day to get a drink or take a bathroom break to scan your body for any tension. Ask yourself “What am I feeling right now?” Use deep breathing, muscle relaxation (purposefully tightening part of the body that is tight, hold 3-5 sec, then relax and repeat 2-3times) or use thought stopping meditations. For bigger concerns, write them down in a note pad and put them aside until a time when they can be addressed.

Utilize small windows of time for mini-breaks and refreshers.  Sometimes 5-10 minutes may be the longest break we can get during the day. Mindfully give some needed self-care and a reminder that you are important rather than using the time to mull over some concern or to plan ahead to the next task. You can do this in simple ways by enjoying a cup of tea or a piece of fruit, take a walk around the block, take deep breaths or listen to a favorite song on your way to the store or to pick up the kids.

Reorient yourself to where you are now and what you are doing in the moment:  Rushing from one errand or activity to another can be slowed down by pausing as you leave your house or drive your car; take a couple deep breaths and orient yourself to the present by noticing your  five senses, ie. The sights around you, the sounds, the smells, the feel of the ground or your seat, any tastes.

Anticipate and prepare.   Most of us have some idea of what pushes our buttons and can anticipate how others might act that could trigger these buttons. Being conscious of our own pattern of reaction, gives us a chance to try a different response.  When transitions take time for our child or teen, extra time may be needed in the preparation stage.  Giving reminders ahead of a transition can also be helpful.

Let go of “other stuff”:  Check in with yourself at the end of the day at home or work, before walking in the door or before children come home. Are you still carrying something left over from earlier in the day? Being aware can reduce the chance of redirecting your frustration onto your spouse, children or pets.

Positive communication.  Sometimes just changing the words you use or how you say them can make a small but significant change in your interactions. Use Praise, positive reinforcement and acknowledging when something is done correctly. This is usually more effective than pointing out every time something is done wrong. Try to avoid negatively phrased words such as “can’t,” as in “You can’t do that!” which prompts the child to become defensive in response. Instead, give choices and alternatives when redirecting behaviors.

Clear communication.  Be clear when communicating plans and check that everyone is on the same page in remembering the important details of an event. Mind-reading occurs when we assume a family member will recall “this” is the place you always meet. Forgetting small but crucial changes in time or other details causes wasted time and frustration. Aids like wipe-off boards, communication logs or texting information can be beneficial tools.

Promote regular positive sharing.  Plan once a week minimally to share at dinner or before bed, something positive that happened in everyone’s day and also express gratitude for something done by the other family members.

Be kind to yourself.  At the end of the day, don’t be too critical of yourself. Remind yourself we all have days that don’t go as planned and where we did not respond the way we should have with others.  Tomorrow is another day!

Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist at the Resiliency Center. She does individual and family therapy using Play Therapy and Sand Tray therapy. She specializes in work with children ages three through teens and adults, who have experienced trauma, grief and loss, anxiety, depression, behavior issues and abuse. She is trained in and uses EMDR, parent coaching, cognitive behavior and stress management techniques and Trauma Art Narrative Therapy.  For a free phone consultation, contact Kathleen at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101#1.