Love Beyond Romance

by Allison Beer, MSW, LCSW

“We need friends who wince along with our pain, who tolerate our gloom, and who allow us to be weak for a while when we’re finding our feet again.” - Katherine May, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

February brings Valentine’s Day—a holiday known for candlelit dinners, heart-shaped chocolates, and grand romantic gestures. It often places romantic partnership at the center of our understanding of love. Yet many of us are shaped just as profoundly by friendship: the people bear witness to our lives and help us become more fully ourselves.

We often carry parts of ourselves that learned early on that being chosen romantically equals safety or worth. Those parts of ourselves can feel uneasy when romance is absent or strained. Other parts know the steady nourishment of friendship: relationships where we can relax, be honest, and grow together through shared time, laughter, and even hard conversations. Friendship isn’t passive—it’s an intentional practice of care.

In a world where many of us are glued to our devices and constantly juggling work, errands, parenting, school, romantic relationships, and more, it can be difficult to make time for friendship. Yet there is something deeply meaningful about sitting down face-to-face with our friends. Instead of relying on texts, let’s carve out space for in-person connection. Being together in real time—walking, talking, and sharing physical space—creates a sense of belonging and emotional regulation that digital connection can’t fully replicate.

This Valentine’s Day, consider widening the circle of celebration. Reach out to someone you are friends with. Invite them for coffee, a meal, or a walk. Let friendship count as love.

Allison Beer, MSW, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in helping teens and adults struggling with anxiety and burnout to find deep healing and relief. She also helps people experiencing challenges stemming from being neurodivergent (autistic, adhd, AuDHD, etc) in this neurotypical world. Her approach combines Internal Family Systems (IFS), also known as parts work, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), along with mindfulness practices. She is affirming of LGBTQIA+ and Neurodivergent identities. Allie can be reached through her website.

Conceptual Journey

by Michael Shapiro 

What is taken for granted?

What goes quicker than we thought?

What can be wasted the most?

What is something that is sought?

When younger can seem quite slow 

When older moves way too fast

Never have enough of it

For time isn't made to last

Perhaps taking a time out

Noticing the stars and moon

All the beauty in nature

Lovely scents of spring's first bloom

Spend more time with family

Tell your spouse how much you care

Be present with your children

Enjoy all the love you share

Why put off 'til tomorrow?

As there are no guarantees

Live each day to the fullest

Much joy in each day to seize

Michael Shapiro has been writing for two and a half years following the passing of his wife on December 14, 2020. He writes mainly poetry and has been part of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop for the past two-plus years. He has also self-published a book of poems (One Pen Two Hands One Heart One Soul) on Amazon. His biggest joy is writing as he feels his wife writes with him and they become one through the words.

Writing a Tribute or Praise Poem

by Elizabeth Venart

Eulogies provide an opportunity to reflect on a person’s life, sharing who they were and what they meant to us. The Cambridge Dictionary defines eulogy as “a speech, piece of writing, or poem containing great praise, especially for someone who recently died or retired from work.”  However, eulogies need not be reserved exclusively for funerals and endings. Tributes and praise poetry are additional spoken and written forms that celebrate and honor. The Academy of American Poets defines a praise poem as “a poem of tribute or gratitude.” [Insert link to: https://poets.org/glossary/praise-poem]. Praise poetry and singing have been (and continue to be) a significant practice in Africa and in cultures around the world. Praise poets perform at ceremonies, rituals, and festivities and use storytelling to capture the essence of the person being praised.  

“Your life is a poem,” proclaims Naomi Shihab Nye. We make poems by observing life and writing it down. Odes and tribute poems honor a specific subject of our observations and affection. They need not rhyme, and you need not know poetry. A list can be a poem. Any time we speak from the heart, our love is a living poem.

You know what you love about the people in your life. Maybe you just need some time to reflect — and a gentle prompt — to begin gathering your thoughts.  

Start with one person. Brainstorm a list of everything about the person that you see and appreciate. Looking through old photographs may help jog your memory. Personality, behaviors, strengths, unique qualities and habits, specific experiences you have shared. The simple words I love you are powerful, and details infuse life and meaning into that sentiment. Details show “I see you” and “I adore all these very specific things about you.” Tributes, both prose and poetry, can be built from everyday remembrances. Our descriptions provide snapshots, glimpses into a person, a relationship, a life being lived.

After writing the tribute toast for my friend’s birthday, I felt inspired to write another for my longtime friend who is moving from Pennsylvania to Denver. She is vibrant, full of energy, has strong opinions and a great sense of humor. I integrated shared memories, funny facts, and descriptions of how she shows up in the world. Here is a sample:

At my wedding, got us laughing, gobbling up red roses.
Dramatic toast, sang an Aria, did silly dance move poses.
Loves restaurants, Thai, comfort food, ordering lots of dishes.
Mac and cheese, roasted duck. Just skip the smelly fishes!

Having caught the writing bug by this time, I wrote several additional tributes in that same week. It was a delight to sit with pen and paper reflecting on everything I loved about the people in my life. Memories and fun details started springing to mind more easily. In writing each person’s tribute poem, I landed in the final line on my love and appreciation for them. The writing was a way to say “I see you” and “I love all I see.” My poems included one for a beloved child in the family. Keeping with a fun rhyming pattern that she would find engaging, I focused on things she loves and does right now. Children change so quickly. The poem reflects a snapshot in time of who she is in this moment, knowing some things will stay constant and other things (like her interests) may change. Here is an excerpt:

Fan of rainbows and purple, hearts and bright pink.
She’s clever, determined, can stare and not blink.
She’s playful and silly, loves gymnastics and soccer.
Loved her from first moment I held and rocked her.

“Your life is a poem,” proclaims Naomi Shihab Nye. We make poems by observing life and writing it down. Odes and tribute poems honor a specific subject of our observations and affection. They need not rhyme, and you need not know poetry. A list can be a poem. Any time we speak from the heart, our love is a living poem.

As we approach this February’s celebration of Valentine’s Day, why not carve out some time for creativity and put pen to page to honor those you love? Do you have a friend you would like to honor? A parent? A sibling? A teacher? A child? Perhaps you would like to write a love poem to yourself — as you are today or maybe an honoring of yourself at a different age.

Writing can be a lot of fun, but sometimes it is hard to get started. Since I’ve been having so much fun writing praise and tribute poems, I’d love to support you with yours. Poet and women’s writing group leader Tracie Nichols joins me in offering a free two-hour writing workshop (via Zoom) on Saturday, February 4th from 10 am - 12 pm. Our time together will include meditation, journal prompts, list-making, and invitations to speak from the heart. While our focus will be on one person in your life you want to honor, the process we share is one you can use again and again to tap into love — and create a piece that expresses it.

Writing is not the only way to share our love for what makes someone dear to us. Musicians write songs of tribute, some with words and some instrumental. Some photographers are very adept at capturing the spirit of their subjects, illuminating light, grace, zest, or other personality traits. Some artists draw or paint their loved ones, an expression that highlights their inner beauty. Creativity has no bounds. Neither does love. May it spring forth effortlessly from you and embrace you. To share love is to experience it. And that is always a good thing.

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia. She specializes in supporting Highly Sensitive Persons in embracing their strengths and living authentic, joyful lives. An Approved Consultant in EMDR Therapy and a Certified IFS Therapist, she offers clinical consultation and professional trainings to other therapists. She is passionate about supporting people in healing from trauma, making sense to themselves, decoding the puzzles that keep them stuck, and living their best, most fulfilling lives. Learn more at ElizabethVenart.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being Love

by Elizabeth Venart

When I reflect on the topic of falling in love, my heart opens to experiences of being love. Yes, I said that intentionally. To me, being love is transcendent and transformative, moments of exquisite presence that give meaning to life. When I am being love, I am filled with a feeling of radiant peace and deep appreciation for the present moment and the beauty and connection within it.

I remember the day I fell in love with Rumi’s poetry. At a break while attending a spiritual retreat, I wandered over to a table of poetry books and picked one up at random. The words entranced and washed over me. Music started again and the program resumed, but Rumi and I sat together for hours more, in the deep, riding waves of emotion, surrendering to the invitation for Union and the profound acknowledgement of the agony and ecstasy of Divine Connection, human suffering, longing, and Love.

Last year, I traveled to Iceland in January. I fell in love with the sunsets and sunrises visible during Iceland’s winter. The day is short and the pink sky that welcomes and closes each day lingers close to the horizon. I experienced such joy at the seeing of it – cotton candy pink draping the volcanic mountains.  We also saw Northern Lights on two evenings during our stay. The dance of shimmering green across the star-filled sky mesmerized and awed me.

Finally, I cannot possibly consider the topic of love without marveling at my good fortune in finding love with my husband. On our wedding day, we chose a collection of favorite readings as an invocation for our new life together as a married couple. They were perfect then and have grown even sweeter since, as our love has deepened through the hard-won affection of miles walked, laughter and tears shared, and storms weathered. Actively choosing to stand beside one another and be love together  – moment after moment, day after day, and year after passing year – deepens and enriches my life. Reflecting today on our wedding ceremony readings, I am reminded that being love requires deep and mindful presence – with ourselves and each other – and the ability see through eyes of love, act with love, and bring forward all facets of ourselves with an open heart, curiosity, and compassion. 

The minute I heard my first love story

I started looking for you, not knowing

how blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.

They’re in each other all along.

            - Rumi

We must look deeply in order to see and understand the needs, aspirations, and suffering of the person we love.  This is the ground for real love.  You cannot resist loving another person when you really understand him or her. . . .  True love needs understanding.  With understanding, the one we love will certainly flower.

            - Thich Nhat Hanh in Peace is every step

the quiet thoughts

of two people a long time in love

touch lightly

like birds nesting in each other’s warmth

you will know them by their laughter

but to each other

they speak mostly through their solitude

if they find themselves apart

they may dream of sitting undisturbed

in each other’s presence

of wrapping themselves warmly

in each other’s ease.

            - Hugh Prather in Notes on Love and Courage

“What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

“Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real.”

- Margery Williams in The Velveteen Rabbit. Read More

Elizabeth Venart, LPC,  is the Founder of The Resiliency Center. She is a Certified EMDR Therapist and Approved Consultant who specializes in providing counseling and mentorship to other therapists and working to empower Highly Sensitive Persons to heal the wounds of the past so that they can embrace their gifts more fully and experience greater joy. She also hosts a monthly Spiritual Poetry Evening at the center. Learn more .

-->

Excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit - by Margery Williams

Source: Good Quotes

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

To Begin With, the Sweet Grass - by Mary Oliver

Source: A Year's Rising with Mary Oliver

1.

Will the hungry ox stand in the field and not eat of the sweet grass?

Will the owl bite off its own wings?

Will the lark forget to lift its body in the air or forget to sing?

Will the rivers run upstream?

Behold, I say–behold

the reliability and the finery and the teachings of this gritty earth gift.

2.

Eat bread and understand comfort.

Drink water, and understand delight.

Visit the garden where the scarlet trumpets are opening their bodies for the hummingbirds

who are drinking the sweetness, who are thrillingly gluttonous.

For one thing leads to another.

Soon you will notice how stones shine underfoot.

Eventually tides will be the only calendar you believe in.

And someone’s face, whom you love, will be as a star

both intimate and ultimate,

and you will be both heart-shaken and respectful.

And you will hear the air itself, like a beloved, whisper:

oh, let me, for a while longer, enter the two

beautiful bodies of your lungs.

3.

The witchery of living

is my whole conversation

with you my darlings.

All I can tell you is what I know.

Look, and look again.

This world is not just a little thrill for the eyes.

It’s more than bones.

It’s more than the delicate wrist with its personal pulse.

It’s more than the beating of the single heart.

It’s praising.

It’s giving until the giving feels like receiving.

You have a life—just imagine that!

You have this day, and maybe another, and maybe still another.

4.

Someday I am going to ask my friend Paulus,

the dancer, the potter,

to make me a begging bowl

which I believe

my soul needs.

And if I come to you,

to the door of your comfortable house

with unwashed clothes and unclean fingernails,

will you put something into it?

I would like to take this chance.

I would like to give you this chance.

5.

We do one thing or another; we stay the same or we change.

Congratulations if you have changed.

6.

Let me ask you this.

Do you also think that beauty exists for some fabulous reason?

And if you have not been enchanted by this adventure—your life—

what would do for you?

7.

What I loved in the beginning, I think, was mostly myself.

Never mind that I had to, since somebody had to.

That was many years ago.

Since then I have gone out from my confinements, though with difficulty

I mean the ones that are thought to rule my heart.

I cast them out, I put them on the ush pile.

They will be nourishment somehow (everything is nourishment somehow or another).

And I have become the child of the clouds, and of hope.

I have become the friend of the enemy, whoever that is.

I have become older and, cherishing what I have learned,

I have become younger.

And what do I risk to tell you this, which is all I know?

Love yourself. Then forget it. Then, love the world.

 

-->

Don’t Hesitate ~ by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate.

Give in to it.

There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be.
We are not wise, and not very often kind.
And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left.
Perhaps this is its way of fighting back,
that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world.
It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins.
Anyway, that’s often the case.
Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty.
Joy is not made to be a crumb.

Source: Structure and Style Website

The Beauty of You: A Love Note from Your Body

by Brittiney George

You are a beautiful imperfection.

I know that makes you uncomfortable, because you want to be perfect.

Ahh...my child.  I do not work in perfection...humans do. 

Perfection assumes completion.  But how can you be complete when the world around you, and in you, is full of so many glorious options for miraculous change?

I work in magical mysteries, in awe inspiring moments of truth and clarity.

I commend you for wanting to better yourself.  But I ask you to not try to perfect yourself. That implies you are flawed. You are not flawed.

You are a colorful mosaic reflecting the experiences of your life.

Instead of berating yourself for all that you do not know;

Breathe. Listen. Explore with me.

You are more than a number on a scale, a title in a job, the pain or fear that you feel.

You are a gift.

If you don’t believe me, journey with me.

Let me show you how amazing and resilient you truly are.

Loving your Emotions

by Catherine McLaughlin, MA, NCC, LPC

Emotions are defined as “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others; instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.” In other words, emotions are something that comes from within us, beyond our control, and naturally occurring. Despite what we may have been taught, emotions are not bad, wrong, or abnormal. Receiving this message can cause us to repress our emotions; to push them down or brace against them. Over time, this “emotional backlog” can cause issues. There’s nowhere for the emotions to go, but they have to come out. If you’ve ever had a clogged pipe in your house, then you know what happens next - the water just starts spraying out everywhere, all over everything. What a mess! 

And our repressed emotions don’t usually come out as what they were to begin with – they’ve morphed into something else. Health problems, intense anger, anxiety, depression… all painful expressions of the feelings hiding inside for so long. But there is a better way.

Feel your feeling – instead of shying away from feelings, as much as you can, allow yourself to feel them. This may take some work, as we have all received messages in our lives that some feelings are “bad” or “wrong.” Give yourself permission to sit with and really feel your feeling. It may be uncomfortable. But it will not last forever.

Acknowledge and name the feeling – what is it, exactly? Are you angry, or are you infuriated? Sad, or distraught? It is especially helpful to give your feeling a specific name. 

Allow the feeling to leave – when you allow yourself to feel and name your feeling, it should naturally resolve. Let it! Unnecessarily holding on to feelings can cause pain and suffering. 

By feeling, naming, and allowing emotions to resolve, we’re following the natural path of feelings moving through our bodies. If this is a struggle for you, or if you know you have an “emotional backlog” of your own, a therapist could help you to work through this process. We provide a safe place to experience the emotions and feelings that have been clogging up the pipe for so long. And we have lots of buckets to catch all the spraying water. 

Catherine McLaughlin loves working with people to identify and experience their emotions in order to feel like themselves again. She specializes in issues of adolescence, and working with artists and creatives. Contact her at 267-800-5073 or Catherine@cjmcounseling.com for a free 20 minute phone consultation or to get started in therapy today.

Emerging from a deep winter night

by Tracie Nichols (2016)

rich scent of

coffee

distant

chickadee glee

yellow leaves

against

mother-of-pearl

sky

and my heart

all scars and exquisiteness

beguiled by morning

cascades into

love

all over

again

Rules

by Dean Solon

closing eyes gently...
closing eyes gently...

here we are.  here you are.
your life matters, is precious, was meaningful three days ago before the election results.  your life matters, is meaningful, now.
as long as you are here, in this life,
be here, be passionate, be compassionate, be connecting, be loving,
be doing the best you can.

my sister-in-law's sister said to me wednesday morning:  "they don't rule your mind."
no one rules your mind.
no one rules your heart.

Awake in the circle

by Elizabeth Venart, Resiliency Center Director

Awake

in this circle of souls unfolding,

I gaze skyward to stars and spirits,

honoring the travelers before me

and those yet to join us

on the journey.

Moving

in embrace of the Beloved,

humming,

like bees

making honey,

becoming the honey.

We are Sweetness itself,

Pouring Love

from every pore.

From this place of Love,

I remember.

A frozen moment,

Sitting.

Silence bringing pain, not ease.

Sisyphus and the boulder, struggling.

Cave of question and regret.

Then,

In that moment,

I knew not love.

I had forgotten.

I sunk, a thud to the ground,

Alone.

Then.

How far from that moment,

Now.

Looking out upon the community of Love unfolding

Before me.

Knowing  –

Resonance in every cell –

This IS my tribe.

I have found my Home.

Yes, there is a me,

with gifts to share, stories I tell –

But I am so much more than a me.

I am so much more when we are a We.

Peace

Healing

Joy

Gifts ripe for picking,

like an orchard of juicy peaches,

Whenever I open my heart

to Love.

When my eyes open

to this moment,

I See the One beside me, within me,

That is me.

When I close my mind and allow

my Inner Vision

to guide me,

I surrender judgment and worry,

laying down old stories

and embracing the new moment,

the ever-unfolding moment

of Now.

Now.

Now there is

Love.

Now there is

Gratitude.

Now I can Emerge

and merge

with All That Is.

Present with What is

and the Beauty

of All

Unfolding.