Restarting

by Rachel Kobin

 

In a yoga class I took twenty years ago, the teacher told us our bodies are different every day. So, each day, I restarted. I tried not to expect to stand on one leg for the same amount of time as the day before. I brought that same advice with me to writers in my workshops: Each time we sit down to write, we start over, and because our minds are different every day, we don’t necessarily start from the same place. One day the words flow from our imaginations to the page, and the next day words jump into the same black hole where all the missing socks and Tupperware lids live.

 

When the Covid-19 restrictions lifted, I forgot about restarting. I expected to experience the return to more freedom as energizing and exciting. Instead, I feel sluggish and anxious in a whole new way. According to my doctor, I’m not alone. The guidelines are confusing, and the Delta variant hides in plain sight. The introverted among us enjoyed avoiding large gatherings. The more extroverted missed seeing friends and live concerts. Though the time in quarantine took its toll on our mental and physical health, we all adjusted our lives to fit the virus’ needs.

 

Many months have passed since March 2020. In a conversation with a friend who lives in San Francisco, we commiserated about feeling socially awkward now that we can see people in person. We laughed and went over the steps involved in reconnecting with close friends: 1) Pick up the phone 2) Invite them over 3) Clean the dining room, the bathroom, and maybe the living room and, 4) Make the meal. The invitation will delight them, but picking up the phone, cleaning up our dining rooms, and planning a meal requires restarting.

 

Remembering that we need to restart multiple times a day may be an excellent suggestion, but that doesn’t make it easy, particularly with an event as dramatic as the pandemic. Unlike restarting a creative or professional pursuit, the pandemic changed nearly every aspect of our lives for a long period of time. Logically, the restarting process will be more taxing and provoke a range of emotions, but people aren’t logical, and we generally prefer to avoid unpleasant challenges and feelings.

 

The complexity of Homo sapiens’ evolution never ceases to fill me with awe. People perceive change as a threat to our safety, which sets off a sophisticated reaction to protect ourselves. A series of signals release the hormones we need to stay and fight or hightail it out of there (“the fight-or-flight response”).

 

Even positive changes like returning to activities we considered normal and fun can make our brains tell us, “Uh-oh, this is new. Danger!” However, this reaction can mislead us. When the potential for a positive outcome outweighs the potential for loss—as it may with the loosening restrictions—we push ourselves to overcome our resistance to change. We restart. Balance on one foot for a few seconds, clean the dining room, invite friends over, go to an outdoor concert, return to work with gusto, put pen to paper. And whenever we falter, as we will, or if things change and we need to take precautions again, we’ll close our eyes, take a few deep breaths, and restart.

 

Rachel Kobin is the Founder and Director of the Philadelphia Writers’ Workshop. She has facilitated creative writing workshops and provided editing and coaching services since 2011. Read her most recently published poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction in the anthology, Through the Looking Glass: Reflections on Madness and Chaos Within. 

 

To Begin With, the Sweet Grass - by Mary Oliver

Source: A Year's Rising with Mary Oliver

1.

Will the hungry ox stand in the field and not eat of the sweet grass?

Will the owl bite off its own wings?

Will the lark forget to lift its body in the air or forget to sing?

Will the rivers run upstream?

Behold, I say–behold

the reliability and the finery and the teachings of this gritty earth gift.

2.

Eat bread and understand comfort.

Drink water, and understand delight.

Visit the garden where the scarlet trumpets are opening their bodies for the hummingbirds

who are drinking the sweetness, who are thrillingly gluttonous.

For one thing leads to another.

Soon you will notice how stones shine underfoot.

Eventually tides will be the only calendar you believe in.

And someone’s face, whom you love, will be as a star

both intimate and ultimate,

and you will be both heart-shaken and respectful.

And you will hear the air itself, like a beloved, whisper:

oh, let me, for a while longer, enter the two

beautiful bodies of your lungs.

3.

The witchery of living

is my whole conversation

with you my darlings.

All I can tell you is what I know.

Look, and look again.

This world is not just a little thrill for the eyes.

It’s more than bones.

It’s more than the delicate wrist with its personal pulse.

It’s more than the beating of the single heart.

It’s praising.

It’s giving until the giving feels like receiving.

You have a life—just imagine that!

You have this day, and maybe another, and maybe still another.

4.

Someday I am going to ask my friend Paulus,

the dancer, the potter,

to make me a begging bowl

which I believe

my soul needs.

And if I come to you,

to the door of your comfortable house

with unwashed clothes and unclean fingernails,

will you put something into it?

I would like to take this chance.

I would like to give you this chance.

5.

We do one thing or another; we stay the same or we change.

Congratulations if you have changed.

6.

Let me ask you this.

Do you also think that beauty exists for some fabulous reason?

And if you have not been enchanted by this adventure—your life—

what would do for you?

7.

What I loved in the beginning, I think, was mostly myself.

Never mind that I had to, since somebody had to.

That was many years ago.

Since then I have gone out from my confinements, though with difficulty

I mean the ones that are thought to rule my heart.

I cast them out, I put them on the ush pile.

They will be nourishment somehow (everything is nourishment somehow or another).

And I have become the child of the clouds, and of hope.

I have become the friend of the enemy, whoever that is.

I have become older and, cherishing what I have learned,

I have become younger.

And what do I risk to tell you this, which is all I know?

Love yourself. Then forget it. Then, love the world.

 

-->

Keeping the New Year Kind: Embracing Who You Are While Supporting Your Growth

by Jen Perry

Ahhhhh, that time of year again. January. New Year. New (or old or recycled) Year Resolutions. Isn’t it funny how right in the season of over-doing, over-extending, and over-indulging we throw in resolutions to resolve to do things differently? Instead of scoffing at the ridiculousness of this observation I wonder if we can use it as an invitation to wonder and be thoughtful about it? Perhaps there is a wise message in here after all. I’d like to invite you, Dear Reader, to close your eyes for a moment with me. Breathe and get kind and curious about this yearly cycle we seem to collectively join in or outright reject. Allow yourself to wonder about it for a minute and get curious about what arises for you in that vast field of openness. Just wonder …. And if you want to, jot down any thoughts, feelings, images or sensations that arise as you allow yourself to wonder ….

What came to me first in this exercise was an image of two people in a boat. If one leans all the way to one side, the other needs to lean equally in its opposite in order not to tip over. I think our systems operate with a similar wisdom. Balance. In many cases the balancing of extremes. All or nothing, black and white, to change something about ourselves or not. There is another element to balance of course. There is a similar movement in my second image, a see-saw. In the middle, a fulcrum. A fulcrum is defined as a “thing that plays a central or essential role in an activity, event, or situation; to prop up or support.” It is also a handy tool for lifting or achieving something that seems large or impossible without its support.

Over and over again in my work in the world, I find that this balance is so very important. Whenever we set out wanting meaningful change in any way in our life, it is so much easier to achieve when we have a fulcrum of support. Metaphorically speaking, when the things we want to change are things about ourselves and our habits, a fulcrum of self-compassion and appreciation for ourselves as we are before the desired change is a powerful fulcrum of support to achieve such change. One of my favorite quotes is: Once nothing has to change, suddenly everything can. I thought this was from Alan Watts but a quick google search did not yield any results. If you know where this quote comes from, will you reach out and let me know? And as you make your new year resolutions, or even if you don’t, I wish for all of us this fulcrum of self-compassion and support at this time of the new year and always.

Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC has been a psychotherapist for over 18 years. She specializes in helping highly sensitive people thrive in love, work, and parenting highly sensitive children. Jen is passionate about using mindfulness and compassion-based approaches to ameliorate human suffering. She can be reached at jen@heartfulnessconsulting.com  or 215-292-5056. Learn more at www.heartfulnessconsulting.com.

Find your Roots to Bend in the Wind

by Elizabeth Campbell, LPC

“Like a tree, you have to find your roots and then you can bend in the wind,” Angela Farmer. 

September is a time when many individuals are transitioning.  Kids are starting preschool, transitioning to kindergarten, middle, or high school; young adults start college or a career.  Whether it is a change such as these or another transition such as a break-up, divorce, job change, or a move, it impacts us.  It can change our support network, routines, and what our day to day life looks like.  All of these things impact our mood and our ability to manage stress. 

Things that connect us with a sense of predictability and stability can keep us grounded during a transition.  Change can make us feel uncomfortable and like the rug was yanked from underneath us.  Things that make us feel stable therefore can help to feel like our feet are on the ground again.  This may be in the form of creating routine, such as a daily ritual for self-care, to bring stability.  Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and restorative yoga poses also calm the body and combat the frenetic energy that can come with change while also helping us to feel more grounded.  Giving a sense of predictability can especially be important for children going through changes.  Letting them know what to expect (ie. visiting a classroom beforehand, telling them the process of school drop off) can help them have appropriate expectations.  Providing predictability can also come in the form of maintaining consistency in areas that aren’t changing.   Finally, I cannot state enough how important some form of nurturing self-care is at this time, notably in taking care of our bodies through sleep and healthy eating.  Often we step away from the ways in which we care for ourselves when stress of change takes over.  This is one of the most important times to rely on self-care. 

One difficulty that can occur during transitions is that we may hold on so tightly to the way things were that we are unable to enjoy the benefits of the change. Shifting our focus to being flexible in our expectations can help us to connect more into the present.  We also often do not show compassion to ourselves during transitions.  Change, whether positive or negative, can universally be difficult.  Expecting no impact on our system and becoming angry or disappointed in ourselves when it inevitably occurs often breeds more stress.  Granting ourselves or our loved ones the flexibility to make mistakes, be irritable, or mourn the loss of what they are leaving behind gives room to bend so we don’t break.

Elizabeth Campbell is a Licensed Profession Counselor who provides empowerment and strength-based support to individuals in personal growth and change.  She specializes in play therapy with children, family therapy, creative counseling for adolescents, and trauma-informed treatment for all ages using an integrative, mindful approach to address the whole individual and promote healing.  If you would like to connect with Elizabeth, reach out at elizabeth@elizabethcampbellcounseling.com or 610-757-8163 or learn more at www.elizabethcampbellcounseling.com