Spring Cleaning and the Meaning of Our Things

by Vanessa Mortillo

I recently went on a decluttering tour of my home office and bedroom. I got sick of the disorganized items piling up, even though my home is usually some version of slightly chaotic. I was pleasantly surprised by a sense of mental spaciousness I achieved by simply removing a chunk of the items. I armed myself with several books about minimalism: the practice of prioritizing what is most important in life, and letting go of the rest. 

I got to thinking about the meaning of my things as I went through different sections of my belongings. I started with clothing. When I removed old things from the closet I felt a sense that I could create a new me. I then tackled a series of jewelry boxes that were left to me by my grandmother. Sentimental items like these are tricky– I felt a sense of obligation to my grandmother to be a good steward of her things. Ultimately, I realized that my grandmother passed these to me because she knew that I would know the right thing to do with them. I saved some of the beads of cheaper pieces that didn’t suit me, so I could upcycle and and make into new items. I discovered some pieces I love to put into regular rotation. I kept a box of iconic pieces that, even if they aren’t my style, remind me of her. I took some of my books off the shelf, and filed and organized the pile of papers on my desk. Suddenly I felt energized. I kept what was truly meaningful from these items and passed on the rest.

The thing that truly shocked me is that the benefits of slimming down my belongings filled me with a sense of potentiality. I now had room to change my style, dream big, and finally tackle some of my loftier aspirations. I realized that at some point, our things can become baggage we carry around, clogging our visual field. Getting rid of things was like shuffling off an old exoskeleton. When I completed the first phase, I felt a sense of clarity and mental spaciousness. I felt like I had room to think and breathe.

To preserve this sense of peace and calm, I realized I need to shift to a minimalist lifestyle. Minimalism isn’t simply the removal of objects; instead, it is an intentional practice of maintaining our space, reprioritizing what to spend our money on, and letting go of anything that doesn’t work for us. As an added bonus, my home will now have less to dust and clean now that surfaces are more clear. 

All our items — even the junk in the junk drawer — carry some meaning. We may have a desire not to waste, a sense of obligation to a person or money the money we previously spent, or another reason we hold on to things. Because of this, minimalism is much harder than it looks. As I continue my journey, I discovered so many resources on minimalism — because this topic is so complicated! The path is different for each person, and it is different in different phases of life. I have compiled some of my favorite resources below. Happy Spring Cleaning!

Vanessa Mortillo MA, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor that provides wellness offerings and individual and group therapy. Utilizing mindfulness, expressive arts, and play therapy modalities, she harnesses creativity and imagination in the service of growth and healing. To learn more, contact her at vanessamortilloepcs@gmail.com or 267-507-2793.

Redefining Meaning through Challenging Times

by Barbra Danin

Eudaemonia  - eu" ("good") and "daimōn" ("spirit"),a life of activity governed by reason

Ancient Greek philosophers had the leisure to contemplate life’s meaning and engaged in many debates over what determines a good life. According to Aristotle, striving for happiness should not be man’s highest priority; rather, he wrote that one should strive for Eudaimonia, or fulfillment through the process of doing what is purposeful and worthwhile to each individual. This involves well intended action through knowledge that is acquired throughout life experience.

Since the quarantine, many of us find ourselves thinking about our lives in ways we may not have previously had the time or interest in doing. Trends are shifting rapidly as we reevaluate our values and focus more on what holds meaning and priority – Be that quality time with friends and family, healthy living and home cooked meals, discovering nature, creative ventures, or pursuing professional aspirations.

For some, living in small spaces in dense urban areas is no longer attractive, and home sales are spiking in suburban areas with larger properties. Fashion trends are shifting dramatically, with sales of jeans plummeting and leisure wear and Birkenstocks purchases soaring. Walmart’s biggest sellers are self-grooming devices, while lipstick sales have flattened and Amazon’s stock of bread and pasta makers is low. At the same time, fear and anxiety is rising as we struggle with the negative impact of social isolation and uncertainty over what the future holds.

As we continue to face the changing circumstances of the Coronavirus pandemic, how can we assign meaning to these times and respond to the challenges of the moment?  Can we draw from the wisdom of those who experienced adversity in the past? Victor Frankl offers both practical actions and philosophical insight in his book Man’s Search for Meaning.  During his interment at the Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II, Frankl, a psychiatrist, keenly observed his and fellow prisoners’ psychological and behavioral evolution as they lived through the horrors of their imprisonment. He was curious as to how they were coping during that challenging time and what seemed useful to them in efforts to survive.  He noted that those who found resilience appeared to assign their own personal meaning to their experience:

It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us…….our answers must consist……………in right action and in right conduct…taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and fulfill the tasks it constantly sets for each individual. 

He published the book Man’s Search for Meaning after his liberation. The book presents his theory of Logo therapy (logos=moving), a treatment approach with focus on the future, rather than the past.  Echoing the theory of Eudaimonia, he contends that a search for meaning is the primary motivator of life, and that each of us must continually redefine our meaning for the moment in which we are living, with an emphasis on work and correct action, connecting with others, and accepting circumstances over which we have no control.

For Frankel, what energized him were thoughts of his wife, plans to publish his book, fantasies of a favorite meal…… He observed that those inmates who tried to assign meaning to the experience at the time were able to better tolerate the suffering they underwent than those who became hopeless.

As summer ends and we enter the fall season, we may consider this time as an opportunity to look inward and explore and challenge long held values and beliefs, and to revisit our personal hopes and aspirations towards a life of meaning and purpose for now and for the future.

Barbra Danin, MA, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Art Therapist, and Certified EMDR Therapist.  She provides individual, couples, and family therapy.  Her specialties include treating children with anxiety, trauma, and behavioral issues – and empowering parents with concrete tools for lasting change. Contact her at (314) 477-8585 or barbradanin@barbradanin.com. Learn more at her website at www.barbradanin.com.

Rules

by Dean Solon

closing eyes gently...
closing eyes gently...

here we are.  here you are.
your life matters, is precious, was meaningful three days ago before the election results.  your life matters, is meaningful, now.
as long as you are here, in this life,
be here, be passionate, be compassionate, be connecting, be loving,
be doing the best you can.

my sister-in-law's sister said to me wednesday morning:  "they don't rule your mind."
no one rules your mind.
no one rules your heart.

Get off the Merry-Go-Round of Life to Rediscover Your Children - by Jeff Katowitz

          The life of a parent can sometimes be described as like being on a merry-go-round that just never stops. Racing around in the mornings, afternoons and evenings. Where are we supposed to be and what is demanded of us? Who needs me and how and what do I need to prioritize? With the mundane tasks, responsibilities that seem to never end we tend to get caught or trapped on the merry-go-round of life and miss out on making sure that we reconnect and nurture important relationships.

      It is important for all of us who have children to consider taking a journey back to them. What this essentially means is that many of us are gradually distancing ourselves from what we covet the most, we’re just not aware that it is happening. This process occurs as we rarely get a chance to evaluate and remind ourselves of what is most meaningful. It’s time for us to pay closer attention and to work towards understanding and appreciating where our children are in their development. Begin to look more closely at how our involvement in their lives on a consistent basis can impact their mood, grades, relationships, physical health, motivation and overall behavior.

     Consider conducting a self-evaluation of how much we really know what is going on our children’s lives. Do we know who their friends are? Did we know that they got an “A” on their last spelling test? When was the last time we read to them, threw a ball, colored, went to the movies? Oh, here’s a good one – how about asking ourselves when was the last time we had a meaningful conversation with our child?

     If you answered “I don’t know” or “no” to some of these questions you may want to take notice and evaluate more closely your relationships with your children. Ask yourself the question “what role am I playing in the life of my children?” Perhaps circumstances make it difficult for you to connect with your children due to a myriad of reasons, but begin to examine if changes need to be made in order to be more accessible to them and identify their needs.

      Here are a few simple suggestions of how to increase your involvement and connection with your children. Start a process of consistent communication with each of them. It can be a simple comment or initiating a dialogue with them that shows that you care and notice them. “You look really cool in that jacket.” “I heard you did well on your quiz yesterday,” “How was your day?” You can also try to tell them how much they mean to you. “You know, you are really important to me and I hope we can begin spending more time together – what do you think?” Remember, it doesn’t require a great deal of effort to embark on that journey back into their lives. You just have to be willing to step off of the merry-go-round for a while and take notice.

Jeff Katowitz, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing individual, couples, and family counseling. Specialities include adolescent development, separation, divorce, adoption, blended families, grief and loss, and families in transition.