Love Beyond Romance

by Allison Beer, MSW, LCSW

“We need friends who wince along with our pain, who tolerate our gloom, and who allow us to be weak for a while when we’re finding our feet again.” - Katherine May, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

February brings Valentine’s Day—a holiday known for candlelit dinners, heart-shaped chocolates, and grand romantic gestures. It often places romantic partnership at the center of our understanding of love. Yet many of us are shaped just as profoundly by friendship: the people bear witness to our lives and help us become more fully ourselves.

We often carry parts of ourselves that learned early on that being chosen romantically equals safety or worth. Those parts of ourselves can feel uneasy when romance is absent or strained. Other parts know the steady nourishment of friendship: relationships where we can relax, be honest, and grow together through shared time, laughter, and even hard conversations. Friendship isn’t passive—it’s an intentional practice of care.

In a world where many of us are glued to our devices and constantly juggling work, errands, parenting, school, romantic relationships, and more, it can be difficult to make time for friendship. Yet there is something deeply meaningful about sitting down face-to-face with our friends. Instead of relying on texts, let’s carve out space for in-person connection. Being together in real time—walking, talking, and sharing physical space—creates a sense of belonging and emotional regulation that digital connection can’t fully replicate.

This Valentine’s Day, consider widening the circle of celebration. Reach out to someone you are friends with. Invite them for coffee, a meal, or a walk. Let friendship count as love.

Allison Beer, MSW, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in helping teens and adults struggling with anxiety and burnout to find deep healing and relief. She also helps people experiencing challenges stemming from being neurodivergent (autistic, adhd, AuDHD, etc) in this neurotypical world. Her approach combines Internal Family Systems (IFS), also known as parts work, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), along with mindfulness practices. She is affirming of LGBTQIA+ and Neurodivergent identities. Allie can be reached through her website.