Loving your Emotions

by Catherine McLaughlin, MA, NCC, LPC

Emotions are defined as “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others; instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.” In other words, emotions are something that comes from within us, beyond our control, and naturally occurring. Despite what we may have been taught, emotions are not bad, wrong, or abnormal. Receiving this message can cause us to repress our emotions; to push them down or brace against them. Over time, this “emotional backlog” can cause issues. There’s nowhere for the emotions to go, but they have to come out. If you’ve ever had a clogged pipe in your house, then you know what happens next - the water just starts spraying out everywhere, all over everything. What a mess! 

And our repressed emotions don’t usually come out as what they were to begin with – they’ve morphed into something else. Health problems, intense anger, anxiety, depression… all painful expressions of the feelings hiding inside for so long. But there is a better way.

Feel your feeling – instead of shying away from feelings, as much as you can, allow yourself to feel them. This may take some work, as we have all received messages in our lives that some feelings are “bad” or “wrong.” Give yourself permission to sit with and really feel your feeling. It may be uncomfortable. But it will not last forever.

Acknowledge and name the feeling – what is it, exactly? Are you angry, or are you infuriated? Sad, or distraught? It is especially helpful to give your feeling a specific name. 

Allow the feeling to leave – when you allow yourself to feel and name your feeling, it should naturally resolve. Let it! Unnecessarily holding on to feelings can cause pain and suffering. 

By feeling, naming, and allowing emotions to resolve, we’re following the natural path of feelings moving through our bodies. If this is a struggle for you, or if you know you have an “emotional backlog” of your own, a therapist could help you to work through this process. We provide a safe place to experience the emotions and feelings that have been clogging up the pipe for so long. And we have lots of buckets to catch all the spraying water. 

Catherine McLaughlin loves working with people to identify and experience their emotions in order to feel like themselves again. She specializes in issues of adolescence, and working with artists and creatives. Contact her at 267-800-5073 or Catherine@cjmcounseling.com for a free 20 minute phone consultation or to get started in therapy today.

Using the winter to connect with our emotions

by Catherine McLaughlin

Winter. A time to turn inward and rest, to slow down and find stillness. But for most of us, the holiday season is in full swing. The stark contrast between the calm of nature and the hustle bustle of the holidays can feel confusing. How do we honor our internal drive, while taking part in the holidays? While we can’t actually hibernate, we can do things that encourage self-sustenance, reflection, and connection. Recognizing that we are all short on time in December, here are some smartphone apps to help you through.

Mood Meter App – Developed by researchers at Yale University, Mood Meter helps you to build your emotional intelligence, become more aware of the nuances of how you’re feeling, and how to stay or shift in a desired emotional direction. Cost is 99 cents, and it is available on Apple and Android.

Insight Timer App – this free app serves as a home base for everything meditation - over 7,000 free guided meditations, connection with a community, discussion groups, and local meet-ups. Cost is Free and it’s available on Apple and Android.

Headspace App - this is an app that teaches people to meditate. Using incredibly simple and accessible language, you’re guided through meditations in short increments. There is the option to purchase more instruction once you’re in app. Cost is Free, and it’s available on Apple and Android.

Catherine McLaughlin, LPC, practices Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) at the Resiliency Center.  If this therapeutic approach sounds like a good fit for you, please give her a call at 267-800-5073 or email Catherine@cjmcounseling.com for a complimentary consultation.

Emotions and Compassion

by Catherine McLaughlin

When we experience emotional pain, our natural tendency is to push “bad” feelings away before we fully experience them.  To be alone with them.  These feelings can get trapped in our bodies and cause physical and psychological pain.

Many approaches to therapy teach us that if we think or behave differently, our pain will naturally go away.

However, this focus on changing thoughts and behaviors doesn’t work for everyone.

There is another way. We can free up the unfelt “bad” feelings when we experience them in the presence of compassion and lovingkindness.  Facing feelings together, we learn that we are not alone in our pain and find a way back to ourselves. 

Catherine McLaughlin, LPC, practices Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) at the Resiliency Center.  If this therapeutic approach sounds like a good fit for you, please give her a call at 267-800-5073 or email Catherine@cjmcounseling.com for a complimentary consultation.

Lessons from Summer

by Catherine McLaughlin

 

For me, fall is a time to get back into a routine. With three young children, summers are an all-out party for us - my kids want to go all the places and do all the things. In my former life as a School Counselor, I had summers off, so I could make that happen for us. But working over the summer changes things. Here’s what I learned, and what I’ll take with me to next summer.

 

1. Stay on a schedule - Most kids respond better when they’re on a schedule, even when they think they don’t. Remember when they were babies and we tried to nap and feed them at the same times? Being on a schedule also works better for a family with two working parents. Being on a schedule doesn’t mean that life has to be boring - it just provides kids with a framework for their days. Most kids can relax when they know what’s up next.

 

2. Mix it up - Plan some fun activities and surprises. During summer, days are longer, more daylight, more time to fill. Planning some surprise outings will keep everyone guessing and having fun. It will also score you some parent points.

 

3. Maintain your own routine - This is a big one for me. Letting my own exercise and meditation routine fall to the wayside did nothing for my parenting. Like my kids, I need a schedule to be able to relax and feel comfortable. With kids at home all day, making time for yourself can be difficult. Next summer I’ll have to be creative - waking up earlier than usual or exercising after kids go to bed. Practicing mindfulness meditation can be especially helpful, especially when dealing with more family time than we’re used to. 

Happy Back to School!

Catherine McLaughlin is a Licensed Professional Counselor and School Counselor. She sees adolescents and adults in private practice, specializing in issues of adolescence and providing therapy for parents of teens experiencing difficult times. Catherine can be reached at 267-800-5073 and catherine@cjmcounseling.com.

Big Picture Living

by Catherine McLaughlin

The term “holistic” can mean different things to different people. To me, it means looking at your life from a “big picture” viewpoint, and noticing patterns (good and bad) that may have developed. Some of your patterns may be detrimental to your life experience, while others may be supportive and guiding you through. While everyone has unique factors that comprise their “picture”, there are a few common lifestyle factors that work in everyone’s favor. By making small changes in specific areas of your life, you can move from dis-ease to ease.

As a psychotherapist, I see people who are struggling in various aspects of their life. But psychotherapy is only part of the picture. Visiting a medical doctor to rule out any medical conditions that could be interfering with your overall well-being is the first step. You may also be taking prescription medication to address your symptoms. In addition to psychotherapy and medication, assessing your current lifestyle habits could improve how you interact with your symptoms - and your life.

Good [psychotherapists and] psychiatrists most often look not only to medication and talk therapy, but also lifestyle changes, regularizing sleep patterns, daily routines, circadian rhythms, exercise and diet can make an enormous difference. A mind body connection continues to grow in relevance for everyone. – Riding the Tiger, PBS Documentary

I love working with people as a “lifestyle detective” to figure out how all the pieces come together and interact. Once we determine your personal lifestyle factors, we can start putting it all together to create a picture of wellness and ease. There are a few lifestyle factors everyone has in common, including exercise, nutrition, and sleep.

Exercise

If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression and/or anxiety, exercising may be the last thing you feel like doing. But scientists have proven that not only can make you feel better, it can help prevent symptoms from returning. Exercise helps the brain release chemicals that make you feel good (neurotransmitters, endorphins and endocannabinoids), strengthens your immune system, and raises your body temperature. This combination can have a calming effect on your nervous system, which makes you experience fewer symptoms. Sticking with an exercise plan can positively affect your confidence, connect you more to a social network, and serve as a form of “moving meditation.”

Nutrition

Have you ever noticed how you feel after eating? Do some foods make you feel “different” than others? Foods with high nutrient density - like fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean meats - provide our bodies with nutrient-packed calories to use as fuel. Eating nutritionally rich foods can leave you feeling energized, alert, and light. Conversely, foods that are high in fat, salt, and sugar can leave you feeling bloated and tired. Foods like doughnuts, chips, and french fries are high in calories, but low in nutritional value. Eating nutritionally sparse foods in excess can make you tired and irritable, then lead into a vicious cycle of overconsumption and a worsening of negative symptoms. Researchers have demonstrated that eating regularly (not skipping meals) and maintaining a healthy, well-balanced diet can support holistic well-being and positive mental health. They are even finding that eating certain foods can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

In addition to paying attention to the foods we eat, it is important to pay attention to what we’re drinking. Drinks like juice, soda, and alcohol are high in sugar and calories, and low on hydration. While it may feel as if they quench our thirst in the immediate moment, their sugar content dehydrates us. Water is the best drink around: Not only does it lack calories and sugar, it contains nutrients vital to our brain development and maintenance. Appropriate water consumption not only make our brains work better, but enhances our memory and performance.

Sleep

According to the National Sleep Foundation, adults need 7-9 hours of sleep every night (while teens need 8-10). As we know, lack of sleep is a factor in poor memory, concentration, performance, and mood. Individuals with insomnia are ten times more likely to suffer from depression. Paying attention to your sleep habits (hours per night, how you feel when you go to bed at night/ wake up in the morning, patterns) may help clue you in to how your symptoms may be connected to your sleep.

In addition to exercise, nutrition, and sleep, there are many other factors that can be considered when using a lifestyle approach. Monitoring media consumption, screen time, and stress levels - and adding in self-care routines, daily habits, hobbies, and alternative therapies, such as Reiki, Rubenfeld Synergy, Qi Gong, mindfulness meditation - can work together in harmony to support your well being. The Resiliency Center offers many of these programs; Check the calendar for times and dates. The most important factor, though, is to discover how it all fits together for you. The holistic picture of your life is yours, and yours alone.

To learn more about Catherine McLaughlin, MA, NCC, LPC, please call 267-800-5073, email catherine@cjmcounseling.com, or visit www.cjmcounseling.com.

Beginning a Meditation Practice Over the Holidays

by Catherine McLaughlin and Jen Perry

The holidays are a special time of year. Extra time with family and friends, invitations to parties and events, giving and receiving gifts, all that delicious food - but adding all the “extras” of the holidays to an already busy life can leave us feeling anxious and stressed. Here’s how meditation can help:

When we’re stressed, our brain’s amygdala is triggered. The amygdala houses the “fight or flight” response and is responsible for feelings of fear and anxiety. Research shows that a regular meditation practice decreases the size of the amygdala, and strengthens areas of the brain responsible for self-regulation, cognitive flexibility, planning, problem solving, emotion regulation, learning, memory, and may help to stave off depression and PTSD symptoms. So all the stress and anxiety from too much wrapping, traveling, seeing relatives, and partying can be managed through meditation.

But where should you start? Here are a few steps for beginning a meditation practice:

1. Start slow. Set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier and build meditation into your morning routine. You’ll know when it is time to increase your meditation time.

2. Be flexible. If something unexpected happens one morning and you can’t meditate, find another time during the day. Over your lunch break at work, in your car in the grocery store parking lot, before bed - any time you can squeeze in 10+ minutes of quiet.

3. Focus on the breath. When you sit quietly for the first time, you will probably notice how noisy your thoughts are. That’s okay! Notice them, like a train moving through a station or clouds floating by in the sky. The thoughts will move along, and you will return to your breath.

4. Stick with it! Sitting still with our thoughts is not easy. It may take a couple of tries to feel comfortable.

With everything going on, it may sound strange to add one more thing - but really, what’s one more line on your to-do list? And when it’s something proven to manage stress and anxiety, it may just be the perfect time to begin a meditation practice.

For more information on Catherine McLaughlin, call 267-800-5073 or visit www.cmjcounseling.com.  For more information on Jen Perry, call 215-292-5056 or visit www.heartfulnesscounseling.com. 

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Articles on Meditation:

Things to Know about Meditation at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/21/things-to-know-meditation_n_6709864.html

A Productive Life: Meditation Guide at http://alifeofproductivity.com/meditation-guide/

How the Brain Changes when you Meditate at http://www.mindful.org/how-the-brain-changes-when-you-meditate/