The Convergence of Ocean and Sky

by Dean Solon

the ocean and the sky 

offer their full salute

and i return the favor

with greetings that are joyous and relieved.

you are still here

and i love you for the full-bodied presences

you are.

i am back with these two dear friends

and feel at home. 

yes, i have been

a little seasick...

because i have been missing you and you

more than i knew.

is so lovely, is so loving,

to be welcomed by you ocean

and by you sky.

with all that is

of impermanence

is the wonder and awe

i feel

in your constancy.

yes, i have been

a little homesick...

and now am home,

sweet home ocean city.

Coaxing My Worst Dance Partner Down the Stairs and Out the Door

by Rachel Kobin

 

Late at night, after another day of moving so little my whole body hurt and topping it off with a snack I knew would upset my stomach, I did what many of us do in this situation—I searched Google for “Self-sabotage.” On my most recent foray, I came across the article “30 Types of Self-Sabotage (and What to Do About It)” by Alice Boyes, Ph.D. The article included a quiz to determine which types of self-sabotage challenge you the most. At first, I was dubious about taking it because most quizzes leave me feeling worse. This one helped me determine what to focus on and made me feel hopeful rather than overwhelmed. 

 

Despite how positive I felt after taking the quiz, I missed other articles I had read that went into more depth and took a more compassionate approach. I found one I can recommend: “The Fascinating Reason We Sabotage Ourselves and Hold Ourselves Back.” The author, Debra Mittle, explains how procrastination and self-sabotage are survival mechanisms we can learn from to bring more joy into our lives. The author convinced me to invite my “worst” dance partner inside rather than showing her the door. 

 

After all of that reading, I brought my awareness to my approach to solving my self-sabotage problems. I concluded Google is great, but it’s not the same as having a good talk with a friend. Then I remembered I had neglected to get back to a girlfriend who wanted to have lunch with me. This is another thing I do—I feel lonely and then realize I haven’t reached out to anyone. I’m not sure where I saw this self-help tip or if I made it up, but I think I need to make an appealing little drawing or collage that shows all the people in my life who make up my community. And I will not call that procrastination because there’s nothing more important to my physical and mental health than nurturing the relationships I have.

 

Rachel Kobin is the Founder and Director of the Philadelphia Writers’ Workshop and has facilitated creative writing workshops and provided editing and coaching services since 2011. Read her most recently published poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction in the anthology, Through the Looking Glass: Reflections on Madness and Chaos Within.

 

Breaking the habitual dance

by Jeff Katowitz

 

“A Habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.” – Mark Twain

 

This has been a tumultuous year and half. Many of us restricted, saw our lives altered and turned upside down, and experienced tremendous feelings of loss and bewilderment. We are beginning to see some hope on the horizon, with people venturing out and engaging in activities, reconnecting with others, and enjoying the simple pleasures in life again. For many of us, however, this last year may have exacerbated the frequency of self-destructive behaviors and undetected suffering. Unable to identify the habitual nature of our actions and behaviors, we may continue to get swept away by dependencies and comforts that are routine and familiar.

 

It is difficult to acknowledge and identify negative behaviors that are cyclical in nature, as they tend to serve a purpose. We are often seduced into believing that a continuation of behaviors that serve us in the moment won’t necessarily hurt us long-term. Our pre-pandemic unhealthy behaviors and tendencies may have increased in frequency during the pandemic, due to stress and limited access to constructive outlets. We may have tricked ourselves into believing we needed these strategies for immediate gratification – that it was our right to fall back on the old faithful friends of numb, soothe, and distract, because nothing else felt stimulating or rewarding. Yet, if we did, our internal suffering continued.

 

As a bit of optimism creeps back into our consciousness – and we witness others venturing out and engaging in activities they have so dearly missed – we are reminded that community is out there for us to join and enjoy again. One of the blessings of the pandemic is that our emergence from suffering can pave a way to new opportunity; we can make a deliberate attempt to orchestrate positive change and outcomes. It may be advantageous to reflect on the past eighteen months and ask ourselves some difficult questions: (1) What are my primary ways of coping with stress? (2) Are my behaviors ultimately helping or hurting my health and relationships? (3) Do I have enough support in my life? If not, what gets in the way of connecting with others and building strong relationships? (4) If my current life is unsatisfying, what is blocking me from making meaningful change?

 

With many of us living for extended periods in isolation over this past year, reaching out to others and connecting has certainly been tricky. Even as we move out of the isolation of the pandemic, we may still have a tendency to remain in comforts that are difficult to let go, satisfying cravings and then rationalizing them. We may be aware of behaviors, routines, and habits we would like to extinguish but feel ill equipped to make necessary changes and establish newer, healthier habits.

 

The first step to bringing about change is to strengthen present moment consciousness. Until we begin paying attention to our feelings, body sensations, and experiences in the present moment, it is nearly impossible to see clearly, let alone create meaningful change. Now is the time to pause, breathe deeply, think about what has happened, and slowly begin to ask the challenging questions about whether certain aspects of our lives are serving us. We cannot decrease addictive-type tendencies and behaviors (such as excessive internet use, gaming, gambling, consumption of food, drugs and alcohol) until we acknowledge underlying pain and any tendencies to run away from that pain. This is a good time to ask for help and assistance. As our time in the physical presence of others increases, it may become easier to talk to friends and family about our struggles. We can be more courageous and vulnerable with what is ailing us – and may discover that seeking support and input from others can make a significant impact. If we become more open and willing to examine changes we would like to bring about in our lives, we may feel less alone and more in community. Sometimes, we may realize we are surrounded by others who share similar patterns of numbing, soothing, and distracting. If that is the case, we may need to venture outside the comfort of our familiar network of support. Perhaps attend a 12-step group (AA, NA, Alanon), Tai Chi classes, or begin studying yoga. Or maybe consider professional help – dedicated time each week with a therapist who will partner with you to adopt new coping skills and create a life you find more meaningful and rewarding.

 

Jeff Katowitz, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Pennsylvania. Jeff Katowitz, LMFT, would like to invite those interested in his practice to contact him directly at (215) 307-0055 or jeffkatowitzlmft@gmail.com. 

 

Life on Fast Forward

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

 

Spring has sprung, and I need to stop and smell the roses.  Too often I find myself thinking about the future, rather than seeing the good of what is currently happening around me.  Maybe it is this time of year. Perhaps we all continue to experience the affliction known as “Senioritis” – when high school seniors cannot wait for summer to get here (from the moment March 1^st arrives) and can focus on little else. Thoughts range from “Ugh. I can’t wait for school to be over” to “Summer is going to be so great!”  Then I catch myself, and think: “Wait, wasn’t I just wishing and hoping for my kids to be back in the classroom?”  During this crazy pandemic year, I stressed endlessly about what school would look like for my kids and all the clients with whom I work. What stops me from seeing the good in the now, without fast-forwarding to the next, better thing on the horizon?

 

In working with my clients recently, the overarching theme has been “When will this be over?”  Everyone is looking to speed ahead into the future, without seeing the good stuff present right now. The blue skies and mild spring weather. The laughter. The outdoor reunion with friends after a cold winter. The jokes at the dinner table.

 

I’m guilty of this as well.  Most mornings consist of getting everyone ready to run out the door, chasing behind them sweating after I have just showered for my day to start.  I think: “How many more days until school is out?”  In my hurry for these busy mornings to end, I am missing the fun of my kids picking out their hairstyles, leaving hidden notes for me, and the hugs as they leave the car.  When I am able to stop and be present, I see that the rush is only a small fraction of the day. A day that is otherwise filled with promise and joy. 

 

The everyday stresses can mount up and make us want to jump ahead to what seems like the greener grass.  This reminds me of the fascinating premise for the not-very-funny movie “Click” with Adam Sandler. He gets a “universal remote” for his life. With it, he can take control of life events even as they unfold: freeze a scene, fast-forward, reverse, mute the sound, select the chapters of his choice, and skip those things he finds boring or unpleasant. What he discovered after decades of fast forwarding through the “bad” or tedious moments of life was that he had skipped those moments that, when added together, create a full, complete and rewarding life; he  missed out on life itself.

 

Thankfully, there is no “universal remote” to feed some of our instincts to skip life’s mundane and less pleasant times. Instead, we have a new choice in every moment. How do we address these thoughts of annoyance or impatience when they are swallowing us up?  We press pause. We throw on some rosy colored glasses that actually allow us to see more clearly, to give us that happier perspective. Pausing to look again, we can see the beauty in the now and just be.  Look around. Take a mindful moment. Be grateful for even the smallest joy in your life.  And when that is hard, it’s okay. A new moment is on the horizon. A new joy awaits.

 

Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works with children, teens and families as well as individuals.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, as well has helping children and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

The Beauty of You: A Love Note from Your Body

by Brittiney George

 

You are a beautiful imperfection.

I know that makes you uncomfortable, because you want to be perfect.

Ahh...my child.  I do not work in perfection.

 

Perfection assumes completion.  But how can you be complete when the world around you, and in you, is full of so many glorious options for miraculous change?

 

I work in magical mysteries, in awe-inspiring moments of truth and clarity.

I commend you for wanting to better yourself.  But I ask you to try not to perfect yourself.

That implies you are flawed.

You are not flawed.

 

You are a colorful mosaic reflecting the experiences of your life.

Instead of berating yourself for all that you do not know;

Breathe. Listen. Explore with me.

 

You are more than a number on a scale, a title in a job, the pain or fear that you feel.

 

You are a gift.

If you don’t believe me, journey with me.

Let me show you how amazing and resilient you truly are.

 

Brittiney George, BS, CST-PRO, ICI, CEIM, is a Movement Practitioner and Somatic Therapist specializing in Transformative Touch and is a faculty trainer and mentor for The Somatic Therapy Center.  She is also the creator of the comic www.thisweekwithjoy.com.  Her areas of specialty include working with highly sensitive persons (HSP’s), and helping people feel unstuck when they feel bogged down by life.  For information contact Brittiney at 610-389-7866 or movebackintolife@gmail.com. 

 

The Benevolence of Beauty

by Elizabeth Venart

 

The wonder of the Beautiful is its ability to surprise us. With swift, sheer grace, it is like a divine breath that blows the heart open. – John O’Donohue in Divine Beauty: The Invisible Embrace

 

When the world of man closed its doors in March last year, the natural world invited us outside to connect and play. Through gardening and time spent in local parks and our own backyard, we found in nature a natural balm to the weariness of an intense and fear-filled time. Nature can be a welcome antidote to stress and boredom. It provides an alternative to the rowing machines and well-worn tracks of the gym. It can also offer us something that stretches far beyond simple diversion or exercise. A walk in nature can be an immersive experience, calming our nervous system and shifting our perspective.

 

When we allow ourselves to inhabit fully the landscape of the present moment, we can delight in the magic of the changing seasons, marvel at the miracle of flowers rising through asphalt, and consider with humility our place among the living things on this planet. Our world as people may have ground to a halt in many ways, but the rest of the natural world continued. I watched how the birds outside my kitchen window built nests, as they do each year, fed their babies, plucked worms and seeds from the ground. I delighted in the birdsong each morning, the brilliant colors of fall, the snow bathing tree limbs with pearl luminescence.

 

Life always has its challenges. Beauty is always there when our eyes are ready to experience her. A child’s laugh, a cloud-speckled sky, a mother fox and her five babies, a warm embrace from a friend we haven’t seen in too long.

 

As the wheel of the year continued to move in its circular rhythm through the seasons, my fond anticipation of the daily walk only strengthened. “I wonder how that cherry tree will look today. . . Will the rhododendron bushes have loosened their tight buds and exploded into pink today?” Bringing a sense of wonder to my daily walks (or wanders when I had more time) imbued my days with delight.

 

The newsletter this month – and our social media – will focus on Beauty. I will be sharing photographs taken during my daily walks over the past year. You will see what my eyes saw, as I walked through my neighborhood delighting in the unfolding beauty of each season.  These images are moments that captured my attention, fascinated and moved me. While some are blossoms and a glimpse of a flower at the peak of its brilliance, others include transition points between the seasons, moments of awe, and the beauty of growth and decay intermingled.

 

As John O’Donohue so beautifully expresses in Divine Beauty: The Invisible Embrace:

 

The graced eye can glimpse beauty anywhere, for beauty does not reserve itself for special elite moments or instances; it does not wait for perfection but is present already secretly in everything. When we beautify our gaze, the grace of hidden beauty becomes our joy and our sanctuary.

 

My wish for each of you is the eye to “glimpse beauty anywhere” and to savor and delight in this experience.

 

Elizabeth Venart is the Founder and the Director of The Resiliency Center and a Licensed Professional Counselor whose practice focuses on supporting Highly Sensitive Persons, therapists (through counseling and consultation), and creative and intuitive people seeking more magic in their lives. She leads a weekly laughter yoga class and hosts a monthly Rumi and Friends Spiritual Poetry Evening to which all are welcome. To learn more, visit her website.

 

Getting Unstuck

by Trudy Gregson, MS, LPC

 

I had this idea for an article about what keeps us stuck and how to become unstuck, but I kept getting stuck. For real. Would it resonate with readers? Would it be any good? Would people think I’m not good for writing a not-good article? I laughed to myself. I think I’m on to something!

 

I went for a run, my first run in quite a while. I listened to a book while I ran, my mind wandering occasionally off the narrator’s tale to my article idea and the possibility that I wouldn’t find a better idea, then to thoughts about missing the deadline, and possible ways to get out of writing it. I’d feel a little tension and then brush the thoughts away. When I got home and my breath and my heart rate gradually returned to normal, some space opened up. I grabbed a notebook and pen.

 

As I sat there in the aftereffects of my run, I got curious. What was the fear about the article? It wouldn’t be interesting or helpful. I don’t have enough to say on the topic. It won’t be up to the standards of the community for whom I’m writing.  And if any of those things are true, then what?

 

Sitting in this calm, curious state, I stayed with the fear. I set aside the words and the feelings that told me to panic and asked them to wait a few minutes so I could get to know this feeling of fear of not being good enough. I got comfortable with just sitting with it. I thought of the compassionate words of Kristin Neff, author of the book, Self-Compassion: “Everyone is imperfect.” Writing is imperfect. I’m imperfect. Feeling some compassion for my imperfection was like a weight off my shoulders. It just didn’t seem to matter as much how my article was received. It felt more important just to share it from my heart, with the intention that it might resonate with some readers, and it might help them with their own feelings of “stuckness.” And I’d meet my deadline.

 

As I settled into these feelings of compassion, my fear felt heard, cared for, understood.  It didn’t feel so pressing. There was space for the writing to happen, to unfold in its own imperfect way. I felt clarity. I will write an imperfect, possibly helpful, certainly heartfelt article. And that will be good enough.

 

One of the reasons people come to therapy is because they’re feeling stuck in some way. They so badly want something to change, but something else is holding them back. The belief is that if only they could get past that thing that’s holding them back, they could achieve their goal, get what they need, be happier. Like a car stuck in the mud, our impulse is to spin our wheels to become unstuck. But what if feeling stuck is actually an invitation, an opportunity to explore a fear that we didn’t fully realize was there?

 

I’ve noticed that the part of us that wants to move forward is usually the one that gets all the attention. That’s the one that asks a friend for advice, or makes a therapy appointment, or agitates about writing the article. So we double-down, trying to devise a strategy to solve this problem. Paradoxically, the more we double-down, the more stuck we get. Because the one with the power – the fear – is being ignored, avoided. Because it’s uncomfortable and a little scary.

 

The fear is the one who stands by, shaking its head thinking, “Try all you want, but you’re not going anywhere, because I’m afraid if we go there, you won’t be safe. And my job is to keep you safe.” It’s a basic survival instinct. And then it’s a tug-of-war between wanting something to change and the fear of what will happen if something changes.

 

We start becoming unstuck when we stop trying to push through the fear and instead, open up some space and give it some attention. Bringing some curiosity to it: “I wonder how this fear that keeps me stuck is trying to help me?” As hard as this may be to believe, its intentions are good, even if it frustrates us. So we listen.

 

There are other ways to open up space besides running. I know I’m not alone in getting some of my best ideas in the shower. Perhaps it’s the rhythm or warmth of the water, the pulsating sensation on the skin, or the absence of distractions that opens up some space in one’s mind. Some people open up space by meditating, or stroking their dog or cat, or doing any task mindfully. There’s something about being immersed in the sensory experience of a run or a walk, a shower, a pet, or even gently scrubbing soapy dishes that magically opens up some space.

 

This space provides an opening for us to bring attention and some kindness to the fear, allowing it to soften enough to tell you why it does what it does. Then the opponents in this tug-of-war can discover that they actually have the same goal, a desire to protect you from the same thing; they just have opposite ways of going about it.  When the thing they protect is healed, then they can work together to help you reach your goal instead of working against each other.

 

We’re all wired to fight, flee, or freeze in the face of fear. It takes courage to go towards the fear. So the next time you feel stuck, try noticing it as an adventure:  You’re at the beginning of discovering a fear, and if you can find even a drop of courage, you may experience feeling stuck as an exploration – and then the healing can happen.

 

Trudy Gregson, MS, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor providing counseling to adults experiencing depression, anxiety, issues related to trauma, life transitions, and relationship struggles. Trudy customizes her approach according to each client’s needs, using Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), Mindfulness, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as the foundation for their work together, helping clients to notice, bring compassion to, and find acceptance of their inner experience. To connect with Trudy, please email her at trudy@trudygregsontherapy.com or call her at 267-652-1732.