Changing Seasons and Shifting Gears

by Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT-S

It is nearly Labor Day already! How did another summer go by so fast, when just yesterday seemed like Memorial Day? 

We may look forward to the cooler, less humid days, changing colors of Autumn and the children heading back to school. Even so, it can still be hard to shift gears from the more laid back, relaxed pace of summer to the more structured and busy days of fall with its fuller work schedule, children’s after-school activities, sports, and homework, and the soon-to-be holiday season. We may appreciate the cooler weather and yet still dread the thought of longer nights and more time indoors, especially post-pandemic. 

Humans are wired for familiarity and comfort, so change is challenging for all of us. This article focuses on three parts as we shift gears and transition to the fall: (1) Preparation (2) Mindset, and (3) Coping and support strategies for ease with the process.  

Preparation: Our bodies need to acclimate to an earlier bedtime and rising. This can take time. Start planning a week or more prior to any changes in schedule. If you know you have to wake up an hour or more earlier starting the Tuesday after Labor Day, you may want to progressively go to sleep earlier in increments of 15 to 30 minutes per day; likewise, you’ll want to gradually shift your morning wake-up time.  Remember to get your body ready for a shift to “sleep mode” an hour before bed, by turning off electronics including TV, dimming lights, and winding down with a calming, sedentary activity. If you are having a tough time getting yourself or your children to turn off electronics earlier, start reducing the amount of time gradually during weekdays and add on extra time on Friday or a weekend day. 

We all need motivators when facing a transition, whether returning to work after vacation time off or to school after summer break. As encouragement or incentive, maybe add a little something to your children’s lunch bag or backpack to start and end the week for the first few weeks. It might be a favorite snack, stickers, an emoji, a note saying “Great Job! You finished your first week!” Adults need support with transitions too - and subtle reminders that fun doesn’t have to end with the fall equinox. Why not plan a hike in the mountains or an evening out with friends for early October? Families may find it fun to celebrate the end of the first month of school and/or the return to work from vacation by scheduling a family fun or party theme night. It can be something to look forward to and have everyone involved in the planning - from making decorations, deciding on food, and choosing the games to play and movie to watch.  

Mindset:  The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts have an impact on how we actually experience the moments of our lives. When we look for negative, we often find it. Conversely, when we look through eyes of optimism, we may find the silver lining in even the bleakest times. While we cannot control or stop all negative circumstances from happening and will undoubtedly be upset about disruptions, detours, and painful events, we do have some control over how quickly we are able to embrace the natural feelings that arise and move past them. We can also reframe a situation by expanding our lens to see the potential positive in addition to the downside. As we enter the fall, what mindset do you have about this transition? Do you dread longer nights and time indoors or do you see opportunities to catch up on movies and reading, call friends or family, enjoy hot chocolate and apple cider, walk through the leaves, or snuggle up in a cozy blanket or near a fireplace? 

Have you thought about how you want the fall and remaining months of 2022 to go? Maybe summer went by too fast and you don’t even know where it went? Often life is like this. Wasn’t just yesterday the beginning of the new year? Why is it we only talk about resolutions when we trade in one year’s calendar for a new one? What if you allowed yourself some time for brief reflection with each season throughout the year, accepting the seasonal changes as a reminder to set purposeful intentions for the months ahead?

Here are some questions you may choose to ask yourself: What do I hope for this fall for myself and/or my family? What is most important for me to happen so I will feel more contentment when this year ends? What has worked in the past that I want to continue? What did not work last year that I need to do differently? What is one step I can take to start within the next couple of weeks?  

You may want to empower your children and teens with related questions: How do they want the school year to begin and the year to finish? How can they make it happen? What ways can you support them? What worked well last year that might be duplicated and what would they like different for the coming school year?

Coping: Positive affirmations or mantras can be a wonderful way to start the day, as can keeping a daily journal and having a regular meditation practice. You may want to pick something that can be your anchor throughout the day and every day. Like an anchor assists a ship in remaining stable through a storm, your anchor is what you go back to when you start to feel overwhelmed, stressed, or distracted. Your anchor could include any of the following suggestions or be something unique to you. It may be breath, feeling your heart center, movement, a scent, or a visual cue. Like meditation, when you start to feel the sensation of being ungrounded, bring your attention back to your chosen anchor and the current moment.  

A similar concept to an anchor is having a relaxation cue. Usually this is a visual cue that you might see throughout the day. Each time you see the object, it cues you to take a one-minute body scan for any tension followed by use of breath and release of the tension or progressive muscle relaxation for the tense part. Your visual relaxation cue might be the time display on your laptop, a watch or a ring, a picture, or object. Periodically doing one minute body scans and taking a conscious breath to release tension can support you in reducing any emotional stress you are holding in your body and increasing self-awareness about times when you feel relaxed - and moments when tension begins to build.
Finally, remember to have compassion and kindness for your partner, your children, and, most importantly, for yourself. Transitions and change in life can be challenging. If nothing else, give yourself credit for making it through each day: You are managing the best you can and even better than you think you are!

Kathleen Krol is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified EMDR Therapist and a Registered Play Therapist/Supervisor with 20 years of experience in the counseling field.  She collaborates with clients across the lifespan including adults, children, teens, and families using a family focused and integrative approach to treatment. Areas of expertise include trauma, anxiety, phobias, depression, grief/loss and adoption and attachment issues. She specializes in EMDR for all ages, Family Therapy, Play Therapy, Sand Tray and Sand Focusing Therapy and Parent Coaching. To learn more, go to www.kathleenkrol.com or contact her at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101#1 for a phone consultation.

Life on Fast Forward

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

 

Spring has sprung, and I need to stop and smell the roses.  Too often I find myself thinking about the future, rather than seeing the good of what is currently happening around me.  Maybe it is this time of year. Perhaps we all continue to experience the affliction known as “Senioritis” – when high school seniors cannot wait for summer to get here (from the moment March 1^st arrives) and can focus on little else. Thoughts range from “Ugh. I can’t wait for school to be over” to “Summer is going to be so great!”  Then I catch myself, and think: “Wait, wasn’t I just wishing and hoping for my kids to be back in the classroom?”  During this crazy pandemic year, I stressed endlessly about what school would look like for my kids and all the clients with whom I work. What stops me from seeing the good in the now, without fast-forwarding to the next, better thing on the horizon?

 

In working with my clients recently, the overarching theme has been “When will this be over?”  Everyone is looking to speed ahead into the future, without seeing the good stuff present right now. The blue skies and mild spring weather. The laughter. The outdoor reunion with friends after a cold winter. The jokes at the dinner table.

 

I’m guilty of this as well.  Most mornings consist of getting everyone ready to run out the door, chasing behind them sweating after I have just showered for my day to start.  I think: “How many more days until school is out?”  In my hurry for these busy mornings to end, I am missing the fun of my kids picking out their hairstyles, leaving hidden notes for me, and the hugs as they leave the car.  When I am able to stop and be present, I see that the rush is only a small fraction of the day. A day that is otherwise filled with promise and joy. 

 

The everyday stresses can mount up and make us want to jump ahead to what seems like the greener grass.  This reminds me of the fascinating premise for the not-very-funny movie “Click” with Adam Sandler. He gets a “universal remote” for his life. With it, he can take control of life events even as they unfold: freeze a scene, fast-forward, reverse, mute the sound, select the chapters of his choice, and skip those things he finds boring or unpleasant. What he discovered after decades of fast forwarding through the “bad” or tedious moments of life was that he had skipped those moments that, when added together, create a full, complete and rewarding life; he  missed out on life itself.

 

Thankfully, there is no “universal remote” to feed some of our instincts to skip life’s mundane and less pleasant times. Instead, we have a new choice in every moment. How do we address these thoughts of annoyance or impatience when they are swallowing us up?  We press pause. We throw on some rosy colored glasses that actually allow us to see more clearly, to give us that happier perspective. Pausing to look again, we can see the beauty in the now and just be.  Look around. Take a mindful moment. Be grateful for even the smallest joy in your life.  And when that is hard, it’s okay. A new moment is on the horizon. A new joy awaits.

 

Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works with children, teens and families as well as individuals.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, as well has helping children and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

Rejuvenating Your Body, Mind, and Spirit

by Kristin Fulmer

The month of May is a wonderful time to rejuvenate, revive, and rejoice in the return of enjoyable warmer weather. By May, I usually feel a sense of relief that I made it through the winter months, but also feel a need to shed my ‘winter skin’ in preparation for the hot summer months. 

What better way to transition to summer than to do a ‘spring cleaning’ of our homes, our bodies, and our minds. I encourage you to take advantage of this time of year to do your own springtime flush – to restore your energy and your mental and physical health. Here are a few suggestions for a springtime tune-up, to relax, rejuvenate, and enjoy life!

Spending time outside and exercising improves overall health for a happier, healthier and more alive you. Fresh air, sunlight, and exercise are nature’s best disinfectants, contributing to improved mood, increased energy, melatonin regulation for improved sleep, and heart health benefits. Moderately exposing our skin to sunlight enables our bodies to produce vitamin D, an important hormone-like vitamin that can help ward off depression and stress by aiding the production of the “happy” chemical serotonin.

Gentle detoxification techniques help the body to rid itself of toxins to support the liver, kidney, lymphatic and immune functioning. Try a few of these techniques to recharge and get the ‘winter bugs out’. Take a detox bath, preferable before bed. Sprinkle your bathwater with natural sea salt, baking soda, or seaweed powder and soak for 15 minutes. Do you live near a fresh and clean body of water? Lucky you! Clean natural bodies of water are filled with natural minerals. So, swimming in rivers, lakes, and the sea can be very rejuvenating and detoxifying to our health.  Try dry skin brushing with a natural bristle brush - starting at the soles of your feet, brush your skin with short brush strokes towards your heart. Also, consider a ‘short fast’ to give your digestion a break and jump start your metabolism. A 24-hour fast can be as simple as just consuming water or herbal tea with lemon for one day.

The month of May is also a great opportunity to reevaluate your diet before the hot summer months. In the winter our bodies tend to naturally crave ‘heavier and hearty’ foods, such as meat soups and stews, foods that tend to be more nourishing and healing. However, in the warmer months our bodies may need more of a ‘cleansing diet’ which includes incorporating more vegetables, grains, fruit, and liquids. Also, make sure you are consuming enough water through the warmer days of spring!

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Lessons from Summer

by Catherine McLaughlin

 

For me, fall is a time to get back into a routine. With three young children, summers are an all-out party for us - my kids want to go all the places and do all the things. In my former life as a School Counselor, I had summers off, so I could make that happen for us. But working over the summer changes things. Here’s what I learned, and what I’ll take with me to next summer.

 

1. Stay on a schedule - Most kids respond better when they’re on a schedule, even when they think they don’t. Remember when they were babies and we tried to nap and feed them at the same times? Being on a schedule also works better for a family with two working parents. Being on a schedule doesn’t mean that life has to be boring - it just provides kids with a framework for their days. Most kids can relax when they know what’s up next.

 

2. Mix it up - Plan some fun activities and surprises. During summer, days are longer, more daylight, more time to fill. Planning some surprise outings will keep everyone guessing and having fun. It will also score you some parent points.

 

3. Maintain your own routine - This is a big one for me. Letting my own exercise and meditation routine fall to the wayside did nothing for my parenting. Like my kids, I need a schedule to be able to relax and feel comfortable. With kids at home all day, making time for yourself can be difficult. Next summer I’ll have to be creative - waking up earlier than usual or exercising after kids go to bed. Practicing mindfulness meditation can be especially helpful, especially when dealing with more family time than we’re used to. 

Happy Back to School!

Catherine McLaughlin is a Licensed Professional Counselor and School Counselor. She sees adolescents and adults in private practice, specializing in issues of adolescence and providing therapy for parents of teens experiencing difficult times. Catherine can be reached at 267-800-5073 and catherine@cjmcounseling.com.

Celebrate the Joys of Summer with Qigong

by Karen Steinbrecher

Now is a time of Light, Joy, Elation and Happiness.  Find the magic within as you practice and dance QiGong. This is a time to fully express the new ideas and goals, the seeds we planted at the start of the year. Summer is the season of the heart according to Traditional Chinese Medicine.  This is the season to step into your joy. An important teaching of Chinese medicine is that there is a seamless continuum between the body and the environment around us.  In Five Phase Theory we have entered the cycle of summer, the time, cycle, greatest Yang, and this season is also called ‘Fire.’ All cycles are manifestations of the movement of Yin and Yang, and the seasons are no different. The time of Yin in autumn and winter is a time of resting while both spring and summer are Yang seasons. Yang represents growth, expansion and outward movement. Spring begins this movement of growth, and summer takes over to allow growth to expand to its fullest. During summer we stay healthy trying to mimic this Fire/Yang movement of nature, yet we want to be mindful, to not overdo things. Both too little and too much divert us from harmony. Thus with QiGong practice we work to balance the Yin and Yang. 

Fire stands for heat and the color red. In the body Fire is the Heart, representing a Yang organ and the Small Intestine represents the Yin organs. Stepping into your joy means that it is okay to take a moment away from your busy schedule. Remind yourself that no matter what is going on, it is always possible to feel peace in your heart.  It is good to nourish your being, your spirit, to be kind to yourself. Remember also to nourish yourself with foods.  That is the Yin organ, the small intestine.  This is the organ where the most extensive process of digestion and absorption of foods and nutrient take place.

With Qigong we dance/practice movements to nourish our being with compassion towards joy and happiness.   Some of the many movements connecting the  Heart meridian are  the “Coming and going of the waves, Letting up a balloon, the Swan spreads it wings, Turning your body to view a distant  Full Moon and the Lotus is Rising from the Water.” “Turning the Ball of Light” connects the Small Intestine meridian. These flowing and peaceful stretching movements with the breath work feel so good. For example, the Lotus flower symbolizes Harmony and Love, Peace and Compassion and more. When we practice the Lotus movements, we envision rising up through the muck and the mud to become a flower resonating with purification and growth and happiness. This is a favorite movement with my classes.

Come join us to return to your Heart during these Lotus days of summer with Qigong on Thursdays at 2 P.M. and at 6:15 P.M.

The class lasts for 1 hour with a charge of $10.00

With Qi Blessings and Gratitude,

Karen

Celebrate the Joys of Summer with Qigong

by Karen Steinbrecher

Summer is the season of the heart according to Traditional Chinese Medicine.  This is the season to step into your joy.  An important teaching of Chinese medicine is that there is a seamless continuum between the body and the environment around us.   In Five Phase Theory we have entered the cycle of summer, the time, cycle, of greatest Yang, and this season is also called ‘Fire’.  All cycles are manifestations of the movement of Yin and Yang, and the seasons are no different.  The time of Yin in autumn and winter is a time of resting while both spring and summer are Yang seasons.  Yang represents growth, expansion and outward movement.  Spring begins this movement of growth, and summer takes over to allow growth to expand to its fullest.  During summer we stay healthy trying to mimic this Fire/Yang movement of nature, yet we want to be mindful, to not overdo things.  Both too little and too much divert us from harmony.  Thus with Qigong practice we work to balance the Yin and Yang. 

Fire stands for heat and the color red.  In the body Fire is the Heart, representing a Yang organ and the Small Intestine represents the Yin organs.  This is the season to step into your joy.  This means that it is okay to take a moment away from your busy schedule.  Remind yourself that no matter what is going on, it is always possible to feel peace in your heart.  It is good to nourish your being, your spirit, to be kind to yourself.

Remember also to nourish yourself with foods.  That is the Yin organ, the small intestine.  This is the organ where the most extensive process of digestion and absorption of foods and nutrients take place.

With Qigong we dance/practice movements to nourish our being with compassion towards joy and happiness.  Some of the many movements connecting the  Heart meridian are  the “Coming and going of the waves, Letting up a balloon, the Swan spreads it wings, Twisting your Body to view a distant Full Moon and the Lotus is Rising from the Water.”

“Turning the Ball of Light” connects the Small Intestine meridian.  These flowing and peaceful stretching movements with the breathwork feel so good.  For example, the Lotus flower symbolizes Harmony and Love and Peace and Compassion and more.  When we practice the Lotus movements, we envision rising up through the muck and the mud to become a flower resonating with purification and growth and happiness.  This is a favorite movement with my classes.

Come join us to return to your Heart during these Lotus days of summer with Qigong on Thursdays at 2 P.M. and at 6:15 P.M.

The class lasts for 1 hour with a charge of $10.00

There will be No Class on Thursday July 18^th, 25^th and August 1^st.  I offer a free Qigong in Ambler Borough Park on Sunday July 7^th at 2 P.M. for 1 hour. The park is located at the intersection of Hendricks St. & Valleybrook Rd.

With Qi Blessings and Gratitude,

Karen

Regulating One’s Internal Thermostat (Keeping Emotionally Cool as the Temperatures Get Warmer)

By Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT

After a cool start, spring has arrived with its warmer days and longer nights. Soon it will be summer and the end of the school year. At this time of the year, patience can wane and internal thermostats can rise as family members spend more time together. Awareness of our own emotional stress threshold can be overlooked in the day to day hectic shuffle of life and coexistence in a family or personal relationship. Good communication skills tend to slide with the people with whom we are closest: family and significant others. So how do you monitor your internal thermostat and maintain good interpersonal skills to minimize overheating?

How do we check our temperature throughout the day?  During the course of the work day, challenges will come up, whether as an employee, self-employed, student or homemaker. Many people push through these stressors with minimal awareness of heightened emotional tension and physical discomfort. If there is awareness of these sensations, we may try to suppress them. After all, the job still needs to get done. How often do we pause to check in on how we are being affected by our daily tasks and how well we are managing them? Take moments throughout the day to get a drink or take a bathroom break to scan your body for any tension. Ask yourself “What am I feeling right now?” Use deep breathing, muscle relaxation (purposefully tightening part of the body that is tight, hold 3-5 sec, then relax and repeat 2-3times) or use thought stopping meditations. For bigger concerns, write them down in a note pad and put them aside until a time when they can be addressed.

Utilize small windows of time for mini-breaks and refreshers.  Sometimes 5-10 minutes may be the longest break we can get during the day. Mindfully give some needed self-care and a reminder that you are important rather than using the time to mull over some concern or to plan ahead to the next task. You can do this in simple ways by enjoying a cup of tea or a piece of fruit, take a walk around the block, take deep breaths or listen to a favorite song on your way to the store or to pick up the kids.

Reorient yourself to where you are now and what you are doing in the moment:  Rushing from one errand or activity to another can be slowed down by pausing as you leave your house or drive your car; take a couple deep breaths and orient yourself to the present by noticing your  five senses, ie. The sights around you, the sounds, the smells, the feel of the ground or your seat, any tastes.

Anticipate and prepare.   Most of us have some idea of what pushes our buttons and can anticipate how others might act that could trigger these buttons. Being conscious of our own pattern of reaction, gives us a chance to try a different response.  When transitions take time for our child or teen, extra time may be needed in the preparation stage.  Giving reminders ahead of a transition can also be helpful.

Let go of “other stuff”:  Check in with yourself at the end of the day at home or work, before walking in the door or before children come home. Are you still carrying something left over from earlier in the day? Being aware can reduce the chance of redirecting your frustration onto your spouse, children or pets.

Positive communication.  Sometimes just changing the words you use or how you say them can make a small but significant change in your interactions. Use Praise, positive reinforcement and acknowledging when something is done correctly. This is usually more effective than pointing out every time something is done wrong. Try to avoid negatively phrased words such as “can’t,” as in “You can’t do that!” which prompts the child to become defensive in response. Instead, give choices and alternatives when redirecting behaviors.

Clear communication.  Be clear when communicating plans and check that everyone is on the same page in remembering the important details of an event. Mind-reading occurs when we assume a family member will recall “this” is the place you always meet. Forgetting small but crucial changes in time or other details causes wasted time and frustration. Aids like wipe-off boards, communication logs or texting information can be beneficial tools.

Promote regular positive sharing.  Plan once a week minimally to share at dinner or before bed, something positive that happened in everyone’s day and also express gratitude for something done by the other family members.

Be kind to yourself.  At the end of the day, don’t be too critical of yourself. Remind yourself we all have days that don’t go as planned and where we did not respond the way we should have with others.  Tomorrow is another day!

Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist at the Resiliency Center. She does individual and family therapy using Play Therapy and Sand Tray therapy. She specializes in work with children ages three through teens and adults, who have experienced trauma, grief and loss, anxiety, depression, behavior issues and abuse. She is trained in and uses EMDR, parent coaching, cognitive behavior and stress management techniques and Trauma Art Narrative Therapy.  For a free phone consultation, contact Kathleen at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101#1.