An Invitation to Joy

by Anjana Deshpande

Joy likes to nestle between contentment and acceptance. It waits in the corner of our mundane, everyday life, waiting to be invited. Unlike happiness, which demands pursuit, joy simply is. Why then, do we complain about a “lack” of joy in our lives? Why do we go in search of it, or say that “joy has left” our life? Chances are, joy hasn’t left us; we just forgot it was there.

This month, let us try some ways to consciously invite joy into our lives. Here are some steps to do that: 

1.     Create a Joy Map.

A joy map is fun to do! There are no rules, just some suggestions to make it satisfying and meaningful. Take a sheet of paper and draw a circle in the center of the sheet. Put the word “joy” in the circle and draw lines radiating from this circle. Each line will connect to another circle which contains the word, activity, person, event that brings you joy. Think about times when you were content, relaxed and really “in the moment”. Perhaps you were taking a walk, reading a book, or maybe even doing laundry! It does not matter. If it brought you joy and contentment, it goes on the map.

Next, think of things that you would like to do. Even if they don’t exist in your life right now. Just putting them on paper opens the door to the possibility of making them happen.You may choose to use different markers for different groups of activities. For example, if traveling brings you joy, use different colors for places that are nearby, and easily accessible and places that are far away and might need some planning to get to. 

You can even tear up pictures that ‘speak’ to you and place them on this map. This is actually a great “detective” exercise to get to know yourself better.  When you ponder over why you picked a particular picture, you are really investigating the deeper recesses of your mind that you normally don’t have time to go into.

So go ahead, create a “joy map”! This is different from a vision board which is more about goals and dreams. A joy map is about the things that are within your reach right now, and perhaps some which you may have to stretch a little to reach.

Learn more about mind mapping at http://www.studygs.net/mapping/buzanmap.htm

2.     A No Pressure Date: In her book “The Artist’s Way” Julia Cameron talks about taking yourself out on a date. The budget is about $5 (yes, you are a really cheap date). Where would you go? A dollar store? The mall? A museum? The park? Coffee?  I invite you to take joy out on a “no pressure, let’s just get to know each other date” and see what happens! This “date” can also be used as a reward for yourself. A way to acknowledge what you have done during the day or week or even month. So go ahead, celebrate yourself, and take yourself some place nice!

And Finally:

3.     Bring joy to someone else: If you have ever smiled back at someone enjoying themselves, if their joy was contagious and you shared in it, then this one is for you. How about sharing something you do well or enjoy doing with someone else?

On that note, wishing you a Joyful June from all of us at the Resiliency Center!

Anjana Deshpande, LCSW is a certified Journal and Poetry Therapist. She works with both clients and clinicians who wish to get acquainted with the transformative power of writing. She can be reached at anjanawrite@gmail.com

The importance of connection

by Anjana Deshpande

“I am so happy when I am in my yard” my neighbor across the street yelled.  She was in her element: dirt on her hands, saplings by her side, and the sun pouring all around her. She looked rooted, connected.  

Connection tells us where we belong, where our place in the world is. Strong connections lead to strong roots. But the most profound connection is the one we have with our self.  Not being in touch with who we are, changes our relationship to almost everything that we are trying to engage with. We may be surrounded by family, friends, work but still feel a sense being ungrounded, of not being rooted.  Sometimes the disconnect with self is a way of numbing pain, of not dealing with something from our past, or sometimes it is simply a  lack of access to our inner reserves.  Not being connected to ourselves may lead to issues like depression, but when we try to numb our feelings, we also shut down a creative and joyful part of ourselves. Life becomes flat, boring and devoid of joy .  As we constantly put ourselves on the back burner and cater to the world outside, we forget that we have a tremendous capacity to nurture ourselves.  

How does one reconnect then?  Many people instinctively take to writing to reflect on what is going on, to literally “hear themselves think”. The pages of a journal are a great way to recharge and reconnect.   

If you don’t know where to begin, here is a simple exercise:

Tonight, write down a feeling or quality that you would like to experience: clarity, calm, excitement, love, friendship, peace.  My suggestion would to be lean into a more positive frame of mind. Tomorrow evening, take some time to reflect on where you experienced this feeling or quality in your day. Write about it, and describe the situation/event/feeling in detail. As Kay Adams states, this becomes a fascinating exercise in creating your own reality and changing the focus of your thoughts.  

You may even choose to create a” word bowl” of feelings that you would like to experience, and pick one a day, and pay attention to how it appears in your life.  This pausing, this thoughtfulness and self-reflection is a small yet significant step towards reclaiming yourself.

Anjana Deshpande is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in working with Adolescents, Adults and Older Adults.  Please contact Anjana Deshpande, LCSW at anjana@writethought.org or 267-422-2861