Managing Anxiety during the Pandemic

by Trudy Gregson

How do you usually manage worry or anxiety? Maybe you focus on the positives, or minimize the worry, or reassure yourself it’s not so bad - “others have it worse”.  These are all true and can be helpful, but these methods may not be working as well for you right now. We’re in uncharted territory. There is much that is unknown, and this can be very unsettling.

Often our worry or anxiety works to protect us from more vulnerable feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, or fears about safety - all valid fears, especially if we’ve had experiences in the past in which we’ve felt helpless, powerless, unsafe, and most of us have at some point.

It can be helpful just to notice whatever it is you're feeling. See if you can slow down, settle yourself with a couple deep breaths, and then return to your normal breathing and notice what you’re feeling. Name it. Notice where in your body you’re feeling it, whether it’s tension, stress, or some other discomfort - however your body holds worry or anxiety. And then breathe into it. Noticing your breath. See if you can witness the sensation connected to your worry. If it feels ok, say some soothing words to yourself:  “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here with you.” Maybe you can have a mantra: “Breathe in love, breathe out worry”, or whatever words of comfort the worried or anxious part of you needs to hear.  You can ask it, “What do you need to hear right now?”

Your concerns are legitimate and you may find it helpful to be open to the parts of you that need attention, that need to grieve the losses that our current situation is bringing about - loss of control over certain aspects of our lives, loss of our regular routines and in-person social contact, temporary loss of our usual way of life, even loss of the secure feeling that things will be as they always have been. Bringing your attention to these feelings won’t make them go away, but you may find that by bringing your presence and compassion to them, you can create some space for them and bring about greater ease and comfort.

The Bruised Heart: The Importance of Inner Work in Therapy

by Michael Bridges, PhD

One of the great blessings I’ve experienced is that most of my professional life has involved helping people from all walks of life heal through the practice of psychotherapy. While I’ve practiced psychotherapy since I received my PhD in the early 90s, for many years I was also a university professor who did research on what factors brought about a “corrective emotional experience” that helped people change for the better. One of the most important factors is, not surprisingly, the quality of the relationship clients develop with their therapist. However, a factor that may be even more important is the relationship that clients develops in therapy with their own inner world. Research now shows that some of the most healing moments happen when clients move from focusing in therapy on the outer world and shift their attention to their inner world of emotions, sensations, memories and images. This is what I refer to as the “Inner Work” of therapy.

The importance of focusing on this inner world was brought home to me some years ago when I was doing research on what helped people get over betrayals and other attachment injuries in close relationships. I was the therapist for Elizabeth (aspects of the following have been changed to protect the client’s confidentiality), an intelligent and motivated young woman in her thirties who was participating because she was having difficulty letting go of the pain and anger related to an affair. Years before she had found out that her husband of 12 years was having an affair with her best friend. This double betrayal left her so devastated that she eventually left her marriage. She also became so depressed that she entered therapy and for a few months took an antidepressant. After about a year she regained her ability to function and no longer felt depressed. But in our first session she shared that she still thought about her ex several times a week and felt pangs of sadness and anger. She also shared that, although she was a vivacious, intelligent and attractive woman and had no problem finding men to date, whenever she started to become emotionally close, something in her would say, “That’s it!” And she would end the relationship.

Elizabeth had already been in therapy for a year after her divorce and had liked her therapist and felt they made substantial progress that had alleviated her depression. So why was it that, four years later, she still felt she had to shield her heart in a romantic relationship? Instead of continuing to explore her history and go back over the insights she had from her previous therapy, I suggested that, in our second session, she allow me to guide her into her inner world by using a technique developed by the psychologist Eugene Gendlin, called Focusing. This involved having her close her eyes and move out of thoughts and words and to wait for her body to develop a “felt sense” of what was holding her back.

After a few minutes she sighed and placed her hand over her heart and said softly, “It’s like my heart is tender and bruised.  It is like my heart is not saying, “Don’t love.” It is more that it is saying, “Be careful! Be careful.”

In stark contrast to her bruised heart, she also became aware of a sense of energy and strength in her stomach. She smiled as she placed her hand over her stomach and described how she could tell how this felt sense inspired her in her work as a dancer and choreographer and she continued to beam as she described seeing the energy spread down her legs connecting her with people she loved.

I was frankly amazed and delighted by what was Elizabeth was sharing. This, after all, was only our second session! I also think it is important to add that I was not using guided imagery. All what Elizabeth was sharing was coming from her just patiently attending to the sensations, images and associations that were spontaneously arising from her own inner work. We were near the end of our session and, I found myself imagining her standing in that place of strength and light in her stomach and looking up at her bruised heart. Almost on a whim I shared the image with her and she agreed to try it out. What happened next astounded both of us.

As she imagined moving to that place of light and strength in her stomach and gazing up at her heart, the smile slowly faded from her face. Suddenly she leaned forward and put her face in her hands and started sobbing. When she lifted her face up, she was still crying but there was a smile on her face. She was literally smiling through her tears as she shared, “When I looked up…I saw this red, purple bruised heart... but suddenly, there was white light bursting out of it! Like my heart was showing me, I still have so much love to give!”

As profound as this session was for both of us, I don’t want to suggest that Elizabeth shed all her fears surrounding romantic relationships in one session. But she often referred to that session as significant for restoring her faith in her own ability to love. Since this was a research study, our therapy was limited to 14 sessions. But at the end of that time she was feeling much less anxious, had started to date for the first time in over a year, and instead of ruminating about her ex several times a week shared, "I'm really not thinking about him. If I do, it's almost like thinking about a movie I saw a couple years ago. It's not charged the way it was."

If you would like to read a Philadelphia Inquirer article about the research that this article was based on, which includes an interview with Elizabeth, click here: http://theresiliencycenter.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/What-becomes-of-the-broken-hearted-Philly-Inq-Article-2004.pdf

If you are more scientifically minded or a therapist yourself, the link below leads to a PDF of an article I wrote for The Journal of Clinical Psychology that describes the research in more detail:
http://theresiliencycenter.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Activating-the-Corrective-Emotional-Experience-Bridges-2006.pdf

Michael R Bridges, Ph.D. has been a psychologist, professor and therapist for over 30 years. Dr. Bridges’ psychotherapy specialties include depression, trauma and anxiety, job stress and career transition. He has experience working with individuals from diverse backgrounds but currently works with many physicians, health-care professionals, attorneys, business professionals, academics and other therapists who function in demanding work environments. He helps clients do their own inner-work using empirically informed methods derived from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, Emotionally Focused and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. He can be reached at drmbridges1@gmail.com or 215-868-6393.

I Worried

by Mary Oliver

Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1258096-i-worried-i-worried-a-lot-will-the-garden-grow%5D

“I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.”

-->

For One Who Is Exhausted, a Blessing

by John O’Donohue

Source: https://onbeing.org/blog/john-odonohue-for-one-who-is-exhausted-a-blessing/

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,

Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight.

The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken in the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

Letting go of Anxiety with Qigong

by Karen Steinbrecher

Qigong is a tool to transform emotional energy, anxiety, and stress into positive energy.  Life today demands a seemingly endless amount of energy and all too often we are left feeling drained and exhausted, stressed, perhaps anxious. Qigong is a way to help.  Everyone needs more energy, but some of us have forgotten how to access it.  These slow, flowing and meditative,  healing movements help us to let go, unlock, move on from stressful, anxiety-producing emotions. Qi is vitality, and Gong means practice. Thus, this practice helps us to empower ourselves and place more inspirational and positive energy into our mind, body, our emotions. You can learn more about this five thousand year old practice in Karen Steinbrecher's Tuesday and Thursday classes. 

Try this You Tube demonstration with Lee Holden called “An evening practice”.  It can be practiced at any time to help us release emotions we do not want in our life:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybffyTvgTzA. To experience Qi Gong at the Resiliency Center or learn more, check out Karen's class schedule on out Resiliency Center calendar or contact her at karensteinbrecher@msn.com or 215-836-7184.

Learning to Let Go of Anxiety and be Fully Present to your Life

by Heather Hill, MSS, LCSW

In my therapy practice and through personal observation, I’ve noticed that anxiety seems to be on the rise.  Anxiety can be a normal response to stress.  It’s a feeling of nervousness or unease, about an imminent event or a situation with an uncertain outcome.  It’s the alarm system in our brains that tells us danger is approaching and prepares us to fight, flee, or freeze.  However, anxiety can turn on us when our alarm system is sensitive or faulty, setting off emergency sirens all the time.  When our alarm system isn’t working properly, excess anxiety creeps in and interferes with our ability to be present, enjoy ourselves, and take risks to achieve meaningful goals.  Our lives become smaller and smaller and we feel worse about ourselves.  Anxiety can be persistent, like a weed; and if it’s not tended to, it can choke out the healthy life around it.  Fortunately, anxiety can be kept in check if you learn, and more importantly practice, the art of letting go.

Why Anxiety is on the Rise

Adults and teenagers are suffering from anxiety more now than in the past.  The American Psychiatric Association found that Americans are more anxious than they were a year ago on five measures: health, finances, safety, relationships and politics.  While it’s hard to draw any definitive conclusions about why this is so, many researchers suspect that the political climate, 24/7 news cycle, environmental degradation, and social media create a vicious cycle of fear and powerlessness. This article shares more: https://www.psychiatry.org/newsroom/news-releases/americans-say-they-are-more-anxious-than-a-year-ago-baby-boomers-report-greatest-increase-in-anxiety

Teenagers are also suffering from greater anxiety and depression. Researchers like Jean Twenge who wrote the book IGen point to a shocking increase in teen mental health problems with the advent of the Iphone. This article shares more: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/11/magazine/why-are-more-american-teenagers-than-ever-suffering-from-severe-anxiety.html]

Strategies for Letting Go of Anxiety:

1. Connect to Nature

Many people feel less anxiety after spending time in nature.  Outside in a natural setting, our senses can be more engaged and we are less distracted by our minds.  In addition, we are most likely exercising when outside.  A Stanford study found that walking for 90 minutes in nature vs walking in an urban setting had an effect on the prefrontal cortex in the brain that is responsible for rumination. Read more about the study here:  https://news.stanford.edu/2015/06/30/hiking-mental-health-063015/ 

You don’t have to be close to a forest or a beach to reap the healing properties of nature.  A picture or a view of nature has been shown to relieve stress and anxiety. “Nature, whether you’re in the woods far away from it all, in a city park, or simply walking down a tree-lined street, has the power to make people feel new again. Studies have shown that a simple walk in nature can reduce anxiety, keep your spirits high, and even improve memory. Even just looking at photographs of greenery for less than a minute can give you a mood boost. Spending time in nature reduces stress and helps people feel energetic and more alive, according to scientists at the University of Rochester (Brown and Ryan, 2003). A recent study used mobile EEG devices to monitor participants’ emotions during a walk in nature. Researchers also found that people were more likely to experience meditative-like brain waves and exhibit less frustration if they were walking in a green space, compared to a bustling shopping street or a busy business area (Aspinall et al., 2013).”  Read more at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6085576/

On the Restorative Nature Walk held here at The Resiliency Center every Monday, you can practice many of the suggestions listed here to identify, accept, and let go of your anxiety.  During the walk, we don’t try to achieve a certain amount of steps; but walk mindfully and slowly, stopping when a butterfly or bird delights us.  We strive to be present to ourselves, each other and the natural world and by the end of the hour, we all feel slightly less anxious.   

2. Return to the Body

According to Deepak Chopra (Read More at http://www.oprah.com/spirit/deepak-chopra-breaking-the-cycle-of-anxiety ), anxiety gets stuck when it stays in the mind.  If we recognize the energy we are devoting to thinking and overthinking, and tune in to the way our bodies are feeling, we can return to a natural state of calm.  Chopra advises that if we break down anxiety into each bodily sensation, we address one sensation at a time and gradually calm the entire body.  For example, if anxiety makes your breathing shallow, concentrate on taking slow deep breaths.  In addition to this practice, exercising, gentle stretching or yoga will help regulate our nervous system and help restore balance. Elsewhere in this newsletter, Karen Steinbrecher offers a Qigong practice for connecting with the body to release anxiety. 

3. Surrender the Ego

We may feel like we have to shoulder the burden of our fears alone because we don’t want to appear “weak”.  Or, as a defense against uncertainty, we paradoxically try to control more, not let less.  Acting counter to that instinct, by admitting your human limitations and practicing humility could yield greater connection to self and others.  Sometimes telling one other supportive and trusted person how we feel can be the most powerful step in reducing the negative impact of our fears.      

4. Start Meditating

When anxiety threatens to overwhelm your capacity to cope, it is a great time to begin a meditation practice.  One unique way to start meditating that incorporates nature is to find a “Sit Spot”, or a place you are drawn to in nature that you visit regularly for your meditation practice.  Find more information about it in this article: http://inmynature.life/ideal-sit-spot/

5. Turn off the Phone

Social media and technology magnify worry by making us feel like we are missing out on news, social events or the latest trends.  We blur the boundaries of work and home life when we have access to emails right in our pockets.  We have a minute to check social media and we find ourselves suddenly feeling angry about something not “liked” or a tweet.  Try an experiment and turn off the social media for one month. 

6. Add in Gratitude  

In the tunnel vision of anxiety, we are probably not aware of gratitude.  At any time, no matter what is going on, one can always find something to be grateful for, especially by looking around in the natural world.  Start a Gratitude Journal, to capture moments or observations in your day that you’re thankful for. Sometimes, this practice helps us develop the mental flexibility to change channels or expand awareness and therefore dilute the anxious thoughts.

Heather Hill, MSS, LCSW has been a psychotherapist for over 10 years. She specializes in helping teenage girls and women who struggle with anxiety and depression. Heather is passionate about using nature and ecotherapuetic approaches to overcome mental health challenges . She can be reached at Heatherhilltherapy@gmail.com  or 215-485-7205.

Making Peace With Your Teen Transitioning to Adulthood

by Lisa Grant-Feeley, LPC

Transitions are the experience of moving from a place that is familiar to a place that is new, different and unfamiliar. The transition a teen faces as they move from being a child who is protected and governed by a parent to an adult who is responsible for protecting and governing themselves can be a difficult time for them: both exciting and frightening. 

Teens are in a stage of life in which they are struggling to reach the stage of independence and their parents are transitioning from being responsible for their children’s safety and welfare to preparing them to face the world on their own. 

For many teens, this is a confusing and frightening time.  Questions like, “Will I be able to handle being on my own?” “Will I make the right choices?” “Will I be successful?”  “How will I know what to do?” The world can seem a scary and lonely place when not returning to the safety of a home and family at the end of each day.  On the other side of the coin, they are driven to independence, which is the next stage of their development.  They long to be self determined, to not have “someone always telling them what to do” which is how it can seem to them, to test themselves and to answer the many questions they have about themselves and their abilities. 

For many parents, this can also be a frightening and confusing time.  Parents remember the tiny, vulnerable infants who are now moving away from their care in an effort to become independent adults.  Even though that is the ultimate goal of parenting, that moving away can be a painful, conflict-filled time.

Having someone to guide both the teen and the parent through these uncharted territories can be supportive and helpful.  By helping the teen learn to evaluate their values and priorities for themselves and develop a strong, self-directed inner voice, they can begin to see themselves as competent and capable.  This makes the uncertainty of the future less anxiety-filled as they become the captain of their ship. 

Lisa Grant-Feeley is a Licensed Professional Counselor who supports teens and their families.    She works from strength based perspective and utilizes a person-centered approach.  If I can support you on your journey, please reach out to connect at lisagrantfeeley@gmail.com  or 267-625-2565.

Maintaining Emotional Health and Hope during the Holidays with Your Teen

by Katie May

You’re a parent with a teen who’s struggling emotionally. Maybe they are anxious and full-on panic at the thought of a crowded room (even with familiar faces and family members in it.) Maybe they are depressed and withdrawn, and the concept of joy and laughter are so far off from their everyday that it feels cruel to ask them to smile for yet another picture when you know that it will be fake and plastered or trigger them to burst into tears.

You’re sitting back silently like an elf-on-the-shelf to avoid saying or doing something that will set your teen off or cause them to act out impulsively or self-destructively.

At this point you may be thinking, “Aren’t the holidays supposed to be fun?”

But from past experience you know that holidays and families can bring up baggage that causes way more stress than the everyday routine.

Many parents white-knuckle the winter break and repeatedly mutter the mantra “Just one week” until school resumes.  (Oh yeah… there’s another transition and yet another opportunity for your teen’s symptoms to increase… and for everything to fall apart again.).

Or, they spend the holiday season putting out fires and managing conflicts and crises as they arise with no clear plan for how to cope ahead and make the necessary changes that make the holidays run smoothly.  In fact, many therapists work this way too!  And if we’re being honest here, it’s just not working anymore.

When I work with teens in my teen groups we practice a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill called Cope Ahead.  This idea is that we can begin to prepare for difficult situations by being mindful of how we may think, feel and behave in them and making a plan for how we will manage this in the moment.

One fun example of this is if you know that grandma is going to ask you twenty questions about why you’re not on the cheerleading squad and why you don’t like wearing pink, then you can make a game of it.  Create a bingo board for yourself on an index card to keep in your pocket and every time grandma makes a critical comment, check one off the board until you’ve “won” the game.  You can’t change grandma, but you CAN shift your reactions to be more effective.  I guarantee this game will have you laughing at your own personal inside joke rather than sulking sullenly in the corner!

Another example may be recognizing that a holiday will make you feel sad or empty because you lost a loved one and you miss them.  You can cope ahead by creating a memory jar or journal where you can record everything you remember about the holidays you shared together.  You can lead a discussion at the dinner table and ask others their favorite holiday memory of the loved one you lost.

Or, if being around people makes you nervous because you don’t know who will be there or what to say to them, you can do some prep work.  Make a list of everyone who will attend the gathering or party and decide on at least one topic that you can ask them about.  Also, write down three to five topics you like to talk about, such as what TV shows you’re watching or what’s new in your life that you’d be willing to share.  Having a set plan for what to say and who to say it to creates a structure for talking to people that takes some of the pressure off when you may freeze in the moment.

Coping ahead isn’t about making the feelings go away; it’s about using the knowledge you have about those feelings to change your experience into one that works for you instead of against you.

It’s time to have a plan for this holiday season!  I’ve called together a group of amazing therapists to help you prepare for how to manage an angry, sad or self-hating teen this winter.  (And they are ready and prepared to support your teen in Winter Coping Skills Camp too!  More at www.creativehealingphilly.com/winter-coping-skills-camp)

Take some time for you and tune in to this video series for parenting teens.  In just a few short videos you’ll be equipped with the tools you need to cope ahead with holiday triggers that your teen may experience.  And you’ll likely learn at least a thing or two about how to create a stronger bond with your teen and help them manage their emotions on an ongoing basis too!

As a teen therapist, I know that adolescence can be a challenging time for my clients.  I support six groups of teens who all share similar struggles with anxiety, depression and/or self-harm behaviors.  And I want you as a parent to feel supported too.  

In this parenting support video series, you will learn:

·       How to peacefully communicate with your teen in a way that helps them make choices that are aligned with your family values

·       How to help your teen manage anger and disappointment in healthy ways that build self-esteem

·       How to help your teen go from self-loathing and critical to feeling strong and empowered

·       How to use self-soothing skills to help your teen manage anxiety and dis-ease

·       Why encouraging your teen to use the arts as a creative outlet is beneficial for both of you

To learn more about Winter Coping Skills Camp and to watch the parenting support video series, click here:  www.creativehealingphilly.com/winter-coping-skills-camp-for-parents

Burglar Proofing Your Home

Burglar Proofing Your Home:  Benefits of Emotional Boundaries

By Brittiney George, BS, CRS, ICI, CEIM

Most of us have learned to burglar proof our home.  We lock our doors when we leave, close the windows, and we don’t invite random strangers off the street to come in and rummage through our possessions.  But what about your emotional home, your personal space?  How often do you feel that someone has invaded your space and hijacked your emotions?  All of us have friends, co-workers, or family members that may be invaders.  They break in and take up space and create emotional havoc in our lives.  People that after a conversation leave feeling better, while you’re left feeling robbed.  You can’t always avoid them, and it may not be possible to cut them out of your life, but you can learn to protect your space in their presence.

We often mistake being vulnerable for being open or authentic.  Being authentic doesn’t mean that everyone gets a free pass to all of you.  It means being aware of the environment you’re in and the people you’re with, and choosing what or how much of your story you share.  Your story, YOU, should be honored.  Someone that does not honor you should not get a free pass to go mucking about in your emotional home.  So what do you do?  Start by creating clear personal boundaries.  When you don’t have clear boundaries you can feel walked over, twisted up, bent out of shape, powerless, paralyzed, bruised, or always on guard (in other words, you carry the world in your body and with it a lot tension and stress!).  It can literally be a painful existence.  When you have clear boundaries, others know how to be in relationship with you.  They might not like it, they may not always agree with you, but they know what to expect and therefore how to move with you.  

One of my favorite quotes is: 

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”-Mahatma Gandhi

I love this quote because you wouldn’t let someone walk in your house with dirty feet, and yet so often we let our experience with another person walk through our minds leaving a trail of mess behind them for us to clean up.  It’s important to protect your space and create emotional boundaries so that your home doesn’t get pillaged.  How do you do that?  Below are some practical tools from some of The Resiliency Center Practitioners to help protect your personal space before going into a stressful environment or as a means to take care of yourself if you feel like your space has been invaded:

Burglar Proofing Tools:  Tools To Protect Your Space Prior To Or During Conflict.

• Essential Oils:  Our sense of smell can be a great grounding tool.  Essential Oils and blends can help support relaxation and grounding.  A practitioner favorite:   “boundaries in a bottle” from Dori Midnight’s apothecary [Insert link: http://www.dorilandia.com/html/apothecary.html]. (Courtesy Elizabeth Venart)

• Visualize Boundaries Exercise: Take a comfortable seat and deeply breathe in and out.  Notice your feet on the floor, and how your body feels.  Begin to imagine that your boundaries had physical qualities.  Maybe it's a big bubble, or maybe a brick wall.  Notice what it feels like to experience your boundaries.  Now begin to imagine yourself at your most comfortable space.  Notice if your boundaries shift at all.  Imagine yourself at school or work.  Notice if your boundaries change in that environment.  Imagine that anyone else's negativity or emotions coming towards you are immediately deflected by your boundary.  Bring yourself back to the present moment, again noticing if your boundaries shift. Notice how your body feels and if any emotions have come up during this exercise.  Slowly blink your eyes open and begin to notice things you see around you.  Practice makes perfect with visualization of boundaries.  The more that you practice this exercise, the easier it is to increase your boundaries when you need more protection.  (Courtesy Elizabeth Campbell)

• Focused Breath and Imagery:  “During conflict, it is common to hold your breath or, especially if you are highly sensitive, to mirror the breathing pattern of the person with whom you are having a conflict. By returning to your own breath and deepening it, you can soothe and calm your nervous system and remind yourself you’re okay. If you feel your energetic space is being encroached upon in a conflict, take deep breaths and in the exhale, imagine your breath carrying you further away from the person to give you more space.” (Courtesy of Elizabeth Venart)

Tools For After A Difficult Encounter:

• Shake Off The Stress: Small rhythmic movement help ease muscles and the nervous system.  Shake out your hands, your shoulders, your hips, your legs, and your feet.  Let your whole body shake and shimmy and let out your breathe in a big sigh.  Imagine the negative energy shaking right off your body and getting soaked up by the ground.  (Courtesy Brittiney George)

• Rinse Off The Stress:  Water is a great energy conductor.  Run water over your arms and hands.  Imagine that you’re peeling an energetic glove off from your elbow to your fingertips and letting the negative energy or anxiety run right down the drain.  This is a great exercise to do in the shower.  Imagine that you’re washing of the anxiety or stress and letting it all run down the drain. (Courtesy Brittiney George)

• Ton glen Meditation:  Breath in how you are feeling-whatever the emotion is without judgement or analyzing.  Breathe out love.  Repeat for 5-20min. (Courtesy Jen Perry)

• Releasing the Judgement Meditation:  Breath in love. Breath out all of the could haves, should haves, and would haves that no longer serve you.  Repeat mantra as needed. (Tama Kieves Breath Meditation-Courtesy Brittiney George)

• Visual Laying Your Burdens Down:  “To begin, sit with your eyes closed and envision an all-powerful, supremely comforting being in whatever form that takes for you, standing at the end of a road. See yourself carrying a large sack, box, or other container, imagining that all your worries are inside it. Watch as you make your way to the being of your choice, and lay your baggage down at their feet. Allow yourself to feel the lightness and relief of this action, express your gratitude, and surrender. You will be amazed by how this simple meditation can liberate you from a burden you were never meant to carry.” - (Excerpt from Daily OM-Laying Our Burdens Down-Courtesy Karen Steinbrecher)

• Play:  People often underestimate the power of play and recreation.  Find a way to participate in an enjoyable experience.  It releases pent up energy and allows you to reconnect. (Courtesy Tracey Smith)

• Walk Barefoot in Nature:  The earth is naturally grounding. Take off your shoes and connect to the earth.  As you stand or walk, imagine giving the burden or the energetic charge you are feeling from the exchange to the earth. (Courtesy Jen Perry)

• Music:  Music is a great way to shift your energy. It not only lets you get out stress and anxiety vocally, but can help to move stuck energy in the body.  Sing in your car; sing in your shower, sing anywhere you’re comfortable.  It doesn’t have to sound pretty or even melodic, just put on your favorite song and let yourself sing!

Brittiney George, BS, CRS, ICI, CEIM, is a Movement Practitioner offering Rubenfeld Synergy, and gentle, exploratory movement classes at The Resiliency Center.  She also co-leads Connection, Expression and Movement (CEM), a monthly workshop series focusing on body-mind integration. Brittiney helps her clients find their ground again when they feel thrown by life by tapping the wisdom of their bodies so they can live from their heart, speak their truth, reduce stress, and create new patterns of movement and choice in their life.  For a complimentary 55 min. Rubenfeld session contact Brittiney at 610-389-7866 or lifeimitatingheart@gmail.com.

The Anger of Unmet Needs

by Kim Vargas, LCSW

Why does a particular situation bring up anger for one person, and a laugh for someone else? Why is it that some people respond to the words of others with fury, and others can just shrug it off? The answer is two-fold: Each person has different perceptions of any given situation, based on his/her own history, background, and upbringing. In addition, each individual has unique needs that must be met in order for that person to operate optimally. When perception combines with each individual’s needs, interpretations of a situation differ, leading to very different reactions.

When a person perceives that his/her needs remain unmet, feelings of anxiety, loneliness, fear, sadness, and shame develop. Unfortunately, we are not always aware of these underlying feelings, known as the “primary emotions”.  Instead, the conscious manifestation of unmet needs is often a feeling of anger, which is actually the secondary emotion. To visualize this idea of primary and secondary emotions, picture an iceberg with only anger peeking out at the top.  The anger is the tip of the iceberg, and it’s often all that we see. However, this is only a small part of the entire iceberg. The rest of the iceberg, which consists of the primary emotions, lies beneath the surface and is often more difficult to see.  Once primary emotions are identified, unmet needs become evident.  

In 1943, Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs that starts with the basic physiological necessities including food, water, shelter, and clothing, and goes on to include the needs for safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. 

When any of these needs remain unmet, two things may happen.  The first is that we are generally at higher risk to feel anger.  For example, if our need for food and sleep is currently unmet, our coping mechanisms may diminish in that moment. The second result is that long-term unmet needs lower our anger threshold and make us more prone to angry feelings and behaviors. For example, a person who lives in an emotionally and physically unsafe environment suffers from many primary emotions, including fear, loneliness, and anxiety.  As a result, that person experiences important unmet needs on a daily basis. These needs for safety, companionship, and lowered stress frequently manifest as a shortened fuse and quick anger.

There is some great news in all of this: When used to its best advantage, anger feelings are an excellent warning mechanism alerting us to the fact that a need is not being met, a primary emotion needs attention, and action is required to remedy the situation.  Once we grasp the true root of the anger, it is easier to address the actual cause rather than just responding to what appears on the surface. Understanding your needs in any situation increases the likelihood of a productive, rather than destructive, response.