Using the winter to connect with our emotions

by Catherine McLaughlin

Winter. A time to turn inward and rest, to slow down and find stillness. But for most of us, the holiday season is in full swing. The stark contrast between the calm of nature and the hustle bustle of the holidays can feel confusing. How do we honor our internal drive, while taking part in the holidays? While we can’t actually hibernate, we can do things that encourage self-sustenance, reflection, and connection. Recognizing that we are all short on time in December, here are some smartphone apps to help you through.

Mood Meter App – Developed by researchers at Yale University, Mood Meter helps you to build your emotional intelligence, become more aware of the nuances of how you’re feeling, and how to stay or shift in a desired emotional direction. Cost is 99 cents, and it is available on Apple and Android.

Insight Timer App – this free app serves as a home base for everything meditation - over 7,000 free guided meditations, connection with a community, discussion groups, and local meet-ups. Cost is Free and it’s available on Apple and Android.

Headspace App - this is an app that teaches people to meditate. Using incredibly simple and accessible language, you’re guided through meditations in short increments. There is the option to purchase more instruction once you’re in app. Cost is Free, and it’s available on Apple and Android.

Catherine McLaughlin, LPC, practices Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) at the Resiliency Center.  If this therapeutic approach sounds like a good fit for you, please give her a call at 267-800-5073 or email Catherine@cjmcounseling.com for a complimentary consultation.

5 Tips to Make the Holidays Light

by Rachel Kobin

1. Keep the conversation light.
Right now websites like Reddit.com are compiling lists of good things. Give yourself and everyone else a break from politics. Need a fun distraction? Google "babies laughing" and share the delight by showing the videos to others.

2. Eating ​light.
You are in control of what goes into your body. You don't have to explain or justify eating or not eating something. A warm, "No thank you" should suffice.  ​If it doesn't, it's not about you.

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3. Light up someone's day.

A compliment is sure to brighten even the surliest person's day.

4. Take in the light.
If it's sunny, go outside.  Take a walk by yourself to clear your head, or invite friends or family.

5. Be the light.

Sing in the shower​, dance to your favorite music in the living room. Be as goofy and silly as you need to be to get to a joyful place.

LGBTQ Support during the Holiday Season

by Stacey Vinci

The holiday season can hold high expectations for love, laughter, joy, celebration, and connection among friends and family. However for some (or many) of us, the holiday season can also bring up pain, discomfort, stress, family tension and conflict, and feelings of depression and anxiety. With this mix of expectations and real experiences, the holidays can require a significant amount of energy and can result in some serious introspection as we process all of the personal and family issues this season can evoke. For folks in the LGBTQ community, particularly youth, there is another level of complexity. Often these teens can struggle with issues surrounding self-identity; particularly the lack of freedom and support from friends and family in expressing their true and genuine self and the extra added pressure and fear of judgement and non-acceptance from extended family. In the coming weeks, as we all begin to engage in the celebration and joy of the holiday season, let’s also keep in mind those who are struggling, especially those whose internal struggles may not always be visible on the outside. Providing support and encouragement to LGBTQ youth is especially important during this time.

Here are some quick tips for parents of LGBTQ youth:

1.     If you think your child may be experiencing issues with gender identity or sexual orientation, the most important first step is to create an open, safe, and trusting place for communication and support.

2.     Be mindful of signs that your teen is especially struggling during this holiday time:

a.     Changes in eating/sleeping patterns

b.     Withdrawal from friends/family

c.     Changes in mood/affect (sadness, anger, irritability)

3.     Put in place the professional support system that you and your child/family will need during this time. By contacting a therapist or counselor specializing in this area, you now have a built-in system of support, resources, and guidance through each step of your child’s process in achieving a positive identity and increased support, comfort and engagement throughout the holiday season.

For more information on individual/group openings or alternate resources to help support you and child through the holiday season, contact Stacey at staceymvinci@gmail.com or 267-989-9113.

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Stacey M. Vinci, M.A., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working with teens and their families struggling with anxiety, depression, and trauma-related issues. She also specializes in working with youth in the LGBTQ community, particularly teens identifying as gender non-conforming or transgender. Stacey’s weekly LGBTQ Teen Therapy Group is currently accepting new members.

Maintaining Emotional Health and Hope during the Holidays with Your Teen

by Katie May

You’re a parent with a teen who’s struggling emotionally. Maybe they are anxious and full-on panic at the thought of a crowded room (even with familiar faces and family members in it.) Maybe they are depressed and withdrawn, and the concept of joy and laughter are so far off from their everyday that it feels cruel to ask them to smile for yet another picture when you know that it will be fake and plastered or trigger them to burst into tears.

You’re sitting back silently like an elf-on-the-shelf to avoid saying or doing something that will set your teen off or cause them to act out impulsively or self-destructively.

At this point you may be thinking, “Aren’t the holidays supposed to be fun?”

But from past experience you know that holidays and families can bring up baggage that causes way more stress than the everyday routine.

Many parents white-knuckle the winter break and repeatedly mutter the mantra “Just one week” until school resumes.  (Oh yeah… there’s another transition and yet another opportunity for your teen’s symptoms to increase… and for everything to fall apart again.).

Or, they spend the holiday season putting out fires and managing conflicts and crises as they arise with no clear plan for how to cope ahead and make the necessary changes that make the holidays run smoothly.  In fact, many therapists work this way too!  And if we’re being honest here, it’s just not working anymore.

When I work with teens in my teen groups we practice a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill called Cope Ahead.  This idea is that we can begin to prepare for difficult situations by being mindful of how we may think, feel and behave in them and making a plan for how we will manage this in the moment.

One fun example of this is if you know that grandma is going to ask you twenty questions about why you’re not on the cheerleading squad and why you don’t like wearing pink, then you can make a game of it.  Create a bingo board for yourself on an index card to keep in your pocket and every time grandma makes a critical comment, check one off the board until you’ve “won” the game.  You can’t change grandma, but you CAN shift your reactions to be more effective.  I guarantee this game will have you laughing at your own personal inside joke rather than sulking sullenly in the corner!

Another example may be recognizing that a holiday will make you feel sad or empty because you lost a loved one and you miss them.  You can cope ahead by creating a memory jar or journal where you can record everything you remember about the holidays you shared together.  You can lead a discussion at the dinner table and ask others their favorite holiday memory of the loved one you lost.

Or, if being around people makes you nervous because you don’t know who will be there or what to say to them, you can do some prep work.  Make a list of everyone who will attend the gathering or party and decide on at least one topic that you can ask them about.  Also, write down three to five topics you like to talk about, such as what TV shows you’re watching or what’s new in your life that you’d be willing to share.  Having a set plan for what to say and who to say it to creates a structure for talking to people that takes some of the pressure off when you may freeze in the moment.

Coping ahead isn’t about making the feelings go away; it’s about using the knowledge you have about those feelings to change your experience into one that works for you instead of against you.

It’s time to have a plan for this holiday season!  I’ve called together a group of amazing therapists to help you prepare for how to manage an angry, sad or self-hating teen this winter.  (And they are ready and prepared to support your teen in Winter Coping Skills Camp too!  More at www.creativehealingphilly.com/winter-coping-skills-camp)

Take some time for you and tune in to this video series for parenting teens.  In just a few short videos you’ll be equipped with the tools you need to cope ahead with holiday triggers that your teen may experience.  And you’ll likely learn at least a thing or two about how to create a stronger bond with your teen and help them manage their emotions on an ongoing basis too!

As a teen therapist, I know that adolescence can be a challenging time for my clients.  I support six groups of teens who all share similar struggles with anxiety, depression and/or self-harm behaviors.  And I want you as a parent to feel supported too.  

In this parenting support video series, you will learn:

·       How to peacefully communicate with your teen in a way that helps them make choices that are aligned with your family values

·       How to help your teen manage anger and disappointment in healthy ways that build self-esteem

·       How to help your teen go from self-loathing and critical to feeling strong and empowered

·       How to use self-soothing skills to help your teen manage anxiety and dis-ease

·       Why encouraging your teen to use the arts as a creative outlet is beneficial for both of you

To learn more about Winter Coping Skills Camp and to watch the parenting support video series, click here:  www.creativehealingphilly.com/winter-coping-skills-camp-for-parents

Beginning a Meditation Practice Over the Holidays

by Catherine McLaughlin and Jen Perry

The holidays are a special time of year. Extra time with family and friends, invitations to parties and events, giving and receiving gifts, all that delicious food - but adding all the “extras” of the holidays to an already busy life can leave us feeling anxious and stressed. Here’s how meditation can help:

When we’re stressed, our brain’s amygdala is triggered. The amygdala houses the “fight or flight” response and is responsible for feelings of fear and anxiety. Research shows that a regular meditation practice decreases the size of the amygdala, and strengthens areas of the brain responsible for self-regulation, cognitive flexibility, planning, problem solving, emotion regulation, learning, memory, and may help to stave off depression and PTSD symptoms. So all the stress and anxiety from too much wrapping, traveling, seeing relatives, and partying can be managed through meditation.

But where should you start? Here are a few steps for beginning a meditation practice:

1. Start slow. Set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier and build meditation into your morning routine. You’ll know when it is time to increase your meditation time.

2. Be flexible. If something unexpected happens one morning and you can’t meditate, find another time during the day. Over your lunch break at work, in your car in the grocery store parking lot, before bed - any time you can squeeze in 10+ minutes of quiet.

3. Focus on the breath. When you sit quietly for the first time, you will probably notice how noisy your thoughts are. That’s okay! Notice them, like a train moving through a station or clouds floating by in the sky. The thoughts will move along, and you will return to your breath.

4. Stick with it! Sitting still with our thoughts is not easy. It may take a couple of tries to feel comfortable.

With everything going on, it may sound strange to add one more thing - but really, what’s one more line on your to-do list? And when it’s something proven to manage stress and anxiety, it may just be the perfect time to begin a meditation practice.

For more information on Catherine McLaughlin, call 267-800-5073 or visit www.cmjcounseling.com.  For more information on Jen Perry, call 215-292-5056 or visit www.heartfulnesscounseling.com. 

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Articles on Meditation:

Things to Know about Meditation at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/21/things-to-know-meditation_n_6709864.html

A Productive Life: Meditation Guide at http://alifeofproductivity.com/meditation-guide/

How the Brain Changes when you Meditate at http://www.mindful.org/how-the-brain-changes-when-you-meditate/

Gratitude as a Practice

by Elizabeth Campbell, MS, LPC

For the last four years, I spent a week in a remote village in a developing nation.  Every year I return, touched by the beauty of the families and the community that hosts me and the group I go on the service trips with, and immensely thankful both for the experience and to return to the “comforts” of life.  I am thankful for reliable and safe, hot water that comes on when you turn a handle, healthy and abundant food, a car and safe roadways….the list goes on and on.  A month later I forget everything in the day to day and get lost in the frazzled life so many of us live.  I take it for granted.  I share this not to shame myself and everyone else that forgets daily just how lucky we are.  Instead, I hope to put into perspective how a simple practice of gratitude, not just on Thanksgiving, but everyday can transform many of the daily frustrations and negative feelings we experience.  So often during the holidays our schedules become more crunched and we are more anxious and stressed than ever.  We may feel more disconnected from what grounds us and what we are thankful for.  But it is hard to be annoyed with traffic or at a loved one that ruins the mashed potatoes when your heart is filled with gratitude for having a car, being able to travel, and that a loved one is present and celebrating with you.  This can take on many forms.  One may be a gratitude journal.  Listing things that we are thankful for, big and small, on a daily basis can help us to shift into gratitude.  Another way is to bring the things we are thankful for into our mind during meditation, one at a time, breathing and focusing on each one. For families, sharing something we are thankful for prior to meal or bed times can help everyone make this shift.   No matter what form your gratitude takes, notice what happens in your body during this practice.  Often we feel a lightening, calm, or happiness as a result.  I wish a very happy, thankful holiday season to you and yours.

For more information on Elizabeth Campbell please call 610-757-8163, email elizabeth@elizabethcampbellcounseling.com, or visit elizabethcampbellcounseling.com. 

Thrive this Holiday Season

by Elizabeth Campbell, MS, LPC

The holidays are a great way to celebrate gratitude and spirituality and to connect with loved ones.  They are also a time that can be emotionally difficult and stressful.  There are many things that contribute to the difficulty of this season and also many ways to support yourself and thrive this holiday season.

The winter season is a time to slow down and turn inward.  The holidays in our culture ask us to do the opposite.  People tend to overbook themselves, stay up late, and engage in unhealthy habits.  We can decrease our stress during this holiday season by maintaining a schedule that honors what our body and emotions need.  It is also important to maintain healthy habits and practices that maintain grounding.

Because the holiday season is a time when we focus on friends and family, this time can be difficult for individuals that are isolated, in conflictual relationships, or have experienced a loss.  Feelings of isolation can be exacerbated by the push to constantly connect during this season.  There are times when silence and time alone are beneficial to an individual.  This can also exacerbate depression or grief.  It is up to the individual to determine what best serves them during this time of year.  Generally, a balance is ideal.  This can be difficult if those we are “supposed” to connect with this time of year can be difficult to be around.  Prioritize connection with individuals that build you up and leave you feeling positive and nourished.  And when planning to spend time with individuals that drain your energy, visualize boundaries or protection surrounding you prior to connecting to support your resilience.  It is also important to maintain healthy boundaries within interactions with individuals that trigger you.  Individuals that have experienced loss often experience intense feelings during the holiday season. For those that are going through a recent divorce, breakup, or transition within the family, this also applies.  Lives in transition can be especially difficult during the holiday season because of the focus on traditions.    It is important to maintain traditions that you choose, without trying to keep everything the same.  Another significant practice is to honor your loss.  This can be especially important if you have lost a loved one.  This can be done with a candle, doing something that person loved, or partaking in a tradition that they enjoyed. 

A final way that the holidays can be difficult is when we set our expectations very high.  Every family and life has “stuff.”  Few people survive a holiday without a kitchen conundrum, drunken relative, or spat between loved ones.  Often individuals imagine a picture perfect holiday, which may heighten disappointment when life is closer to normal.  Setting realistic expectations based on history may help to decrease stress in the upcoming holiday celebrations. 

Holidays can be stressful for a myriad of reasons.  The most important tool in setting yourself up for a healthy holiday season is awareness of the aforementioned things that exacerbate stress.  To enjoy yourself this time of year, prepare yourself and honor what you need.  Happy Holidays!

Elizabeth Campbell is a licensed professional counselor providing an empowerment and strength-based approach to support individuals in personal growth and change. She specializes in play therapy with children, family therapy, creative counseling for adolescents, and trauma-informed treatment. She utilizes an integrative, mindful approach to address the whole individual and promote healing and wellness.   For more information or to schedule a session, please call Elizabeth at 610-757-8163 or email at elizabethannecampbell8@gmail.com

Generosity in the Season of Giving

by Elizabeth Venart

Generosity is a big part of the holiday season. Movies often highlight the theme with humor and poignancy. In A Christmas Carol, Scrooge is a curmudgeon who never cared for anyone but himself, yet, by the end of the film, he is transformed into an openhearted, generous, and kind man. Miracle on 34^th Street concludes with Macy’s Santa “Kris Kringle” delivering a desired new home to the cynical young girl, causing her to believe in magic after all.  It’s a Wonderful Life shows an entire community of people coming together to help save the beloved main character, a giving man who, in his desperation, had doubted the value of his own life.

Invitations to be generous in December are numerous. Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa are celebrations with distinctly different origins and traditions – yet all include the exchange of gifts. Toys for Tots collection sites are scattered along our commutes to and from work. Men dressed as Santa greet shoppers as they enter stores, ringing bells and asking for money for the Salvation Army. Adopt-a-Family programs like the one organized by the Kelly Ann Dolan Memorial Fund (http://www.kadmf.org/holidayprogram.cfm) invite us to buy clothes, presents, and other needed items for struggling families in our community. Nonprofit organizations count on people being willing to do a little more for others this time of year. And, consistently, we prove them right.

What prompts us to be more generous now?  Is it simply the season? Does the month of December (like the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future) have the power to make us a little softer, a little kinder, and a little more willing to give? Probably not. Perhaps, instead, we have within us a natural desire to be giving and, between Thanksgiving and the end of the year, we simply receive and answer more invitations to be generous.

Our natural generosity is evident in the outpouring of support that comes following any local, national, or international tragedy. It can also be seen in the behavior of young children, expressing joy as they help bake cookies, make presents, and share gifts with those they love. The drive to be kind is an intrinsic part of being human. While sometimes it may be thwarted or distorted by painful early experiences, the vast majority of us continue to be kind. Giving is natural, and being generous feels good.

This season, as you consider how you wish to express your generosity, you may want to reflect on the kind of giving – and receiving – that feels most joyful and satisfying to you. Consider being mindful and intentional with your giving, not simply from the perspective of “what would I like to give” but equally evaluating, “What are the ways I can be giving that will also be uplifting and nourishing for me?”

Giving mindfully doesn’t involve spending more than we have or overextending ourselves and ending up depleted or sick. Mindful generosity asks us to acknowledge giving and receiving as an exchange – and to be intentional with where and how we direct our energy. Often, the best gifts are gifts of time, thoughtfulness, and companionship. Consider baking a loaf of cranberry bread for a neighbor, making soup for a sick friend, extending an invitation to dinner, making a book of free babysitting coupons for a friend who is a single parent, or connecting by phone with a long-distance family member.

As you contemplate the many ways to be generous this year, consider also giving to someone very deserving: You. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Lower your expectations to “find the perfect gift” and consider instead carving out time for yourself to simply be. Take a walk in nature. Spend time with people who make you laugh. Sleep in. Go to bed early. Listen to your favorite music. Re-read a beloved book. Spend time enjoying the dark, sitting in candlelight and sipping a cup of hot tea.

The joy and magic of the holiday season comes into focus more clearly when we listen to and honor our own needs, cultivate a spirit of generosity with ourselves and others, and slow down to fully experience the present moment. Today and throughout the year ahead, I wish all of us true presence, mindful generosity, happiness, and deep, abiding peace.

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., LPC, is the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center and a Licensed Professional Counselor who offers individual, couples, and group counseling. Her focus is on enhancing resiliency, cultivating compassion, and supporting people in healing through comprehensive, trauma-informed care. Elizabeth provides clinical supervision and EMDR consultation to therapists seeking to deepen their understanding of the complexity of human struggles and to respond in meaningful, effective ways.  To learn more, visit her website at www.elizabethvenart.com.