Compassion for our struggle with social distancing

by Patricia Rich, LCSW, CST-S

While I share the urgency and frustration that many of us are experiencing as we notice people who are not socially distancing sufficiently to meet the public health concerns, I want to make a few comments.

1. ISOLATING IS REALLY HARD EMOTIONALLY. As someone who has spent most of her life focused on emotional wellbeing, it has still been really hard to handle the waves of anxiety and emotion related to this unfolding situation. Under the best of circumstances, many people struggle to be alone or idle for even a few moments. This demands psychological resiliency which can be a weak muscle for most of us.

2. PEOPLE ARE GRIEVING. I'm not even talking about losing loved ones to the virus. I'm talking about the college students who have left their school and friends, thrown their belongings in boxes and headed (if they are lucky to have a welcoming home) back to their families. People are missing milestone events like proms, graduations, weddings, and long-planned trips. People are watching their livelihood dry up out of nowhere, their retirement accounts plunging. There are schoolkids who have nothing to do – and the parents who now have an additional full-time job of caretaking on top of working. It is hard to keep up with the emotions, and resistance to social distancing can be an instinctive coping strategy.

3. A LOT OF US DON'T DO ABRUPT CHANGE WELL. Any change can be a challenge, even good ones like new jobs or starting a new relationship. We work hard to develop a life that works. Disruption is hard, and can jangle our nerves and our managerial methods. The amount of change in the last weeks has been crazy intense, and while this is not an excuse not to make the necessary changes, it is a reason to feel compassion for ourselves and others struggling to make it.

4. DENIAL OF ILLNESS AND DEATH is pervasive in our culture. We are sheltered and in avoidance and denial until we can't be anymore – when tragedy comes to us or someone we love. Our culture marginalizes and tries to hide most illness, death and disability. Now we are facing a pandemic, and the realities of what this means are not comfortable or on the radar of many. We are playing catch-up in a culture that pretty much stinks at humanizing suffering and sacrificing for others.

5. COMPASSION, COURAGE AND CLARITY are needed to get through this crisis, both as applied to ourselves and to how we respond to others. Compassion for all the parts of us that are stirred, scared, confused, avoidant, or seeking comfort, and compassion for others who similarly struggle. Courage and clarity to take necessary action, face our feelings, and urge others to do the same. And focus on what is necessary and try not to get overwhelmed with the rest.

These are not excuses; but it may help to appreciate the emotional aspects of the challenges we face. I pray we can all rise to these and more, for the health, safety, and return to social closeness that we all crave.

The Power of Authentic Presence: Why Community Matters

by Elizabeth Venart

How did the rose ever open its heart and give to this world all its Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light against its Being;

Otherwise, we all remain too frightened.

- It Felt Love – from The Gift: Translations of Hafiz by Daniel Ladinksy

Authentic connection – to ourselves and each other – is at the heart of resilience. From the first moment I imagined creating The Resiliency Center, community was always at the forefront of my mind. We are stronger together than any of us could be alone, and we crave opportunities to connect and feel understood, soft landing places during life’s difficult times and strong foundations for our risk-taking and growth.

Isolation can breed loneliness and depression, and wearing a mask in the company of others can be as isolating as sitting home alone. When we do not have places where we can show the myriad colors and sounds of our true self, we may fail to see the universality in our struggles. When we do not have places where we can show up authentically – and be accepted for who we are – then we can feel alone, isolated, and unhappy. We long to be seen and to connect. The growing addiction to social media actually reflects this need, yet it often fails to meet the need it highlights.

In a world increasingly oriented around virtual connection, some people feel more courageous in sharing their thoughts, ideas, experiences, and beliefs – and others feel shut out of the conversation or shut down in the midst of trying to engage. Behind a keyboard, we may feel brave to express some facet of our identities, but how fully are we able to share the vast range of our experiences as human beings?  And, if we are only sharing a small piece of our full experience through social media and yet social media has become a primary way in which people do connect with each other these days, how connected do we really feel?

There is a power in connecting with others face-to-face, in seeing and being seen, in sharing and listening and learning together. The Resiliency Center offers many opportunities to do just that - from meditation twice weekly to movement classes, spiritual poetry gatherings, groups for teens and new moms, and a monthly mindful knitting circle.  We look forward to seeing you - and connecting - soon.  

Thrive this Holiday Season

by Elizabeth Campbell, MS, LPC

The holidays are a great way to celebrate gratitude and spirituality and to connect with loved ones.  They are also a time that can be emotionally difficult and stressful.  There are many things that contribute to the difficulty of this season and also many ways to support yourself and thrive this holiday season.

The winter season is a time to slow down and turn inward.  The holidays in our culture ask us to do the opposite.  People tend to overbook themselves, stay up late, and engage in unhealthy habits.  We can decrease our stress during this holiday season by maintaining a schedule that honors what our body and emotions need.  It is also important to maintain healthy habits and practices that maintain grounding.

Because the holiday season is a time when we focus on friends and family, this time can be difficult for individuals that are isolated, in conflictual relationships, or have experienced a loss.  Feelings of isolation can be exacerbated by the push to constantly connect during this season.  There are times when silence and time alone are beneficial to an individual.  This can also exacerbate depression or grief.  It is up to the individual to determine what best serves them during this time of year.  Generally, a balance is ideal.  This can be difficult if those we are “supposed” to connect with this time of year can be difficult to be around.  Prioritize connection with individuals that build you up and leave you feeling positive and nourished.  And when planning to spend time with individuals that drain your energy, visualize boundaries or protection surrounding you prior to connecting to support your resilience.  It is also important to maintain healthy boundaries within interactions with individuals that trigger you.  Individuals that have experienced loss often experience intense feelings during the holiday season. For those that are going through a recent divorce, breakup, or transition within the family, this also applies.  Lives in transition can be especially difficult during the holiday season because of the focus on traditions.    It is important to maintain traditions that you choose, without trying to keep everything the same.  Another significant practice is to honor your loss.  This can be especially important if you have lost a loved one.  This can be done with a candle, doing something that person loved, or partaking in a tradition that they enjoyed. 

A final way that the holidays can be difficult is when we set our expectations very high.  Every family and life has “stuff.”  Few people survive a holiday without a kitchen conundrum, drunken relative, or spat between loved ones.  Often individuals imagine a picture perfect holiday, which may heighten disappointment when life is closer to normal.  Setting realistic expectations based on history may help to decrease stress in the upcoming holiday celebrations. 

Holidays can be stressful for a myriad of reasons.  The most important tool in setting yourself up for a healthy holiday season is awareness of the aforementioned things that exacerbate stress.  To enjoy yourself this time of year, prepare yourself and honor what you need.  Happy Holidays!

Elizabeth Campbell is a licensed professional counselor providing an empowerment and strength-based approach to support individuals in personal growth and change. She specializes in play therapy with children, family therapy, creative counseling for adolescents, and trauma-informed treatment. She utilizes an integrative, mindful approach to address the whole individual and promote healing and wellness.   For more information or to schedule a session, please call Elizabeth at 610-757-8163 or email at elizabethannecampbell8@gmail.com