Compassion for our struggle with social distancing

by Patricia Rich, LCSW, CST-S

While I share the urgency and frustration that many of us are experiencing as we notice people who are not socially distancing sufficiently to meet the public health concerns, I want to make a few comments.

1. ISOLATING IS REALLY HARD EMOTIONALLY. As someone who has spent most of her life focused on emotional wellbeing, it has still been really hard to handle the waves of anxiety and emotion related to this unfolding situation. Under the best of circumstances, many people struggle to be alone or idle for even a few moments. This demands psychological resiliency which can be a weak muscle for most of us.

2. PEOPLE ARE GRIEVING. I'm not even talking about losing loved ones to the virus. I'm talking about the college students who have left their school and friends, thrown their belongings in boxes and headed (if they are lucky to have a welcoming home) back to their families. People are missing milestone events like proms, graduations, weddings, and long-planned trips. People are watching their livelihood dry up out of nowhere, their retirement accounts plunging. There are schoolkids who have nothing to do – and the parents who now have an additional full-time job of caretaking on top of working. It is hard to keep up with the emotions, and resistance to social distancing can be an instinctive coping strategy.

3. A LOT OF US DON'T DO ABRUPT CHANGE WELL. Any change can be a challenge, even good ones like new jobs or starting a new relationship. We work hard to develop a life that works. Disruption is hard, and can jangle our nerves and our managerial methods. The amount of change in the last weeks has been crazy intense, and while this is not an excuse not to make the necessary changes, it is a reason to feel compassion for ourselves and others struggling to make it.

4. DENIAL OF ILLNESS AND DEATH is pervasive in our culture. We are sheltered and in avoidance and denial until we can't be anymore – when tragedy comes to us or someone we love. Our culture marginalizes and tries to hide most illness, death and disability. Now we are facing a pandemic, and the realities of what this means are not comfortable or on the radar of many. We are playing catch-up in a culture that pretty much stinks at humanizing suffering and sacrificing for others.

5. COMPASSION, COURAGE AND CLARITY are needed to get through this crisis, both as applied to ourselves and to how we respond to others. Compassion for all the parts of us that are stirred, scared, confused, avoidant, or seeking comfort, and compassion for others who similarly struggle. Courage and clarity to take necessary action, face our feelings, and urge others to do the same. And focus on what is necessary and try not to get overwhelmed with the rest.

These are not excuses; but it may help to appreciate the emotional aspects of the challenges we face. I pray we can all rise to these and more, for the health, safety, and return to social closeness that we all crave.

Tips for an Effective Teletherapy Session

We are grateful for the development of video technologies that allow us to continue to provide counseling support during such a challenging time. Research has proven the effectiveness of teletherapy as comparable to in-person therapy. We also understand that it is a new experience for many people. We encourage you to try the suggestions below in order to support yourself in having the most beneficial experience.

• If at all possible, identify a quiet, enclosed space to protect your privacy. You may want to post a “Do not disturb” sign on the door. Please avoid doing teletherapy sessions while driving; however, some have found that sitting in their parked car is a perfect place for quiet and privacy.

• Have whatever you need for your comfort nearby – water, tissues, blanket, etc.
• Check in to the video session five minutes before your appointment time to insure everything is working properly.
• For video sessions, be mindful of where you sit in relation to a window or source of light. Try to ensure your face is clearly visible, with no glare. Your visible expressions are equally as important via video as they are in person!
• If you can, place your computer on a stable surface (not your lap) and avoid using your phone for video sessions.
• Turn off any notifications and minimize sounds that could be distracting during the session. 

You may find the telehealth format difficult at first. We will work together to increase your comfort and ease so that we maintain connection throughout this challenging time.

Managing Anxiety during the Pandemic

by Trudy Gregson

How do you usually manage worry or anxiety? Maybe you focus on the positives, or minimize the worry, or reassure yourself it’s not so bad - “others have it worse”.  These are all true and can be helpful, but these methods may not be working as well for you right now. We’re in uncharted territory. There is much that is unknown, and this can be very unsettling.

Often our worry or anxiety works to protect us from more vulnerable feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, or fears about safety - all valid fears, especially if we’ve had experiences in the past in which we’ve felt helpless, powerless, unsafe, and most of us have at some point.

It can be helpful just to notice whatever it is you're feeling. See if you can slow down, settle yourself with a couple deep breaths, and then return to your normal breathing and notice what you’re feeling. Name it. Notice where in your body you’re feeling it, whether it’s tension, stress, or some other discomfort - however your body holds worry or anxiety. And then breathe into it. Noticing your breath. See if you can witness the sensation connected to your worry. If it feels ok, say some soothing words to yourself:  “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here with you.” Maybe you can have a mantra: “Breathe in love, breathe out worry”, or whatever words of comfort the worried or anxious part of you needs to hear.  You can ask it, “What do you need to hear right now?”

Your concerns are legitimate and you may find it helpful to be open to the parts of you that need attention, that need to grieve the losses that our current situation is bringing about - loss of control over certain aspects of our lives, loss of our regular routines and in-person social contact, temporary loss of our usual way of life, even loss of the secure feeling that things will be as they always have been. Bringing your attention to these feelings won’t make them go away, but you may find that by bringing your presence and compassion to them, you can create some space for them and bring about greater ease and comfort.

5 Ways to Ground during a Pandemic

by Elizabeth Campbell MS, LPC

When lives abruptly change, we may be left feeling shock or fear.  This can include fear of change and the unknown on top of the very real and present fears people currently have for their health.  It is important as a parent to be a grounding force in the home.  That is extremely challenging during these troubling times.  Below are five ways to create some sense of normalcy and model coping to set an example and support kids in managing their own feelings.

1.     Create structure

We are used to a daily routine.  This provides predictability and comfort for us and our children.  When we suddenly don’t have to go to school or work, it can be unsettling.  Giving our family predictability, particularly if anyone in the family experiences anxiety, can help to create and set expectations and grounding.  Some possible things to include are academic time, free time, and my next recommendation for grounding…

2.     Get outside

Being outside in nature is one of the most grounding, calming experiences there is.  Whether you are walking, biking, sitting, bird watching, the list goes on and on.  It is also a great way to stave off cabin fever without risking close contact with others. 

3.     Put on your own oxygen mask first

You cannot model coping with difficult circumstances without doing so yourself.  If you haven’t felt, processed, and coped with any of the myriad of feelings related to our world right now, take care of yourself however you need to.  Whether it is taking a rest during nap time, a bath after bed time, or making sure the entire household moves during the day…the possibilities are endless.  Take.  Care.  Of.  You. 

4.     Stay connected

This is one of the most challenging ways to stay grounded in our current climate.  Thankfully, technology provides a lot of ways to stay socially connected while maintaining social distancing.  We may end up on devices more than we would usually want and that’s okay right now.  This is most important for teens, as it is one of their developmental tasks to build and maintain a social group.

5.     Have fun

There are a lot of things weighing on us right now.  But many of us have been given an enormous gift…time to connect with our loved ones.  Have a dance party, tickle war, a joke competition or whatever you do in your family that makes your heart melt. 

I hope that each and every one of you can find some peace in this global crisis and that you and all of your loved ones stay healthy and happy.

Navigating Turbulent Times with Caution and Compassion

by Elizabeth Venart, Resiliency Center Director

You matter.  Our physical doors may be closed during this time, but our hearts are open and we are here to help provide support, connection, and resources for you. As many of you already know, the practitioner community at The Resiliency Center made the decision to close our physical offices effective Friday, March 13^th. We did so in response to Governor Tom Wolf’s directive for all non-essential businesses in Montgomery County to close for 14 days in order to address the COVID 19 global pandemic and prevent further community spread. We have been in the process of transitioning our services and programs to teletherapy (phone and video), so we can continue to offer support during this challenging time. 

Individual practitioners are reaching out to the people they support to provide necessary details about how we will continue to hold our sessions remotely. Additionally, Rachel has found a creative way to hold meetings for the Philadelphia Writers Workshop online. We may be offering additional online programming – and, if so, you can learn more about our offerings through our Facebook page and upcoming newsletters.

While we are saddened to have to close our doors, we are devoted to doing our part to protect the most vulnerable in our community. We hope that you and your loved ones stay healthy. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions or concerns, need resources, or wish to schedule an appointment. If you don’t yet have a specific practitioner with whom you are already working, please visit our website’s practitioner page and reach out to one of us to schedule a phone consultation. We look forward to connecting and navigating these turbulent times together.

Why play?

by Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC

As founder of the National Institute of Play, Stuart Brown, MD, compares play to oxygen.  That’s a strong comparison considering that none of us have gone without breathing in even the last minute, but how many of us can remember the last time we really played?  Not every minute, but daily or often. 

Brown considers play to be a “state of being” and “purposeless fun and pleasurable.”  It is a state of being because when we play, we engage our minds, bodies, and spirits. It is purposeless because there is no real goal or consequence. I’m fortunate to be able to remember playing outside as a child for hours on end; the excitement and anticipation of running out the door filled with a sense of freedom, anticipation and curiosity for whatever the next few hours would bring. I fully committed to whatever and wherever play brought me, whether it be creating a fantasy land for fairies, (whom I was sure existed), burying a box filled with treasures to be dug up when I was “all grown-up”, finding neighborhood kids to play hide and seek or kick ball, or just climbing trees and pretending I lived alone in the forest.  The possibilities were as endless as my imagination.

Besides the sheer enjoyment of play, numerous additional benefits exist. Play gives us the chance to connect to others and increases our sense of social wellbeing.  As Plato aptly said, “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.”  In addition, play that utilizes our brainpower helps to maintain cognitive function and increases creativity, productivity and cooperation at home and at work. Furthermore, adults who play and are playful demonstrate higher overall life satisfaction, as reported by numerous studies.  Play adds to our social, mental and emotional wellbeing. Play is powerful!

Keep in mind that there are many ways to play, and getting in touch with your preference could enhance your life in a meaningful way. Try being light-hearted or silly or doing something out of character like tickling your spouse, whatever brings delight.  It doesn’t matter how you play, but rather, that you do play.

As George Bernard Shaw wisely reminded us: “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC works with children, teens and families as well as individuals.  She specializes in working with individuals with ADHD and related behaviors.  She is dedicated to helping families work to create peace in their homes by working with all members of the family.  To connect with Lisa, please call 267-625-2565 or visit her website lisagrantfeeleytherapy.com.

The Wisdom of Dreams

by Heather Hill, MSS, LCSW

What did you dream last night?  Every night, our dreams offer us a chance to evolve and grow if we pay attention to them.  In fact, they are absolutely essential to our creativity, health and wholeness as individuals and as a society.  The wisdom of the dream lies in the unconscious, the parts of ourselves that we can’t yet see, but on a deep and cellular level, our bodies and hearts know to be true.  What remains unconscious can block or arrest our psychological and spiritual growth or worse be projected into the world with sometimes harsh results.  Winter’s continued call for sleep, rest and reflection is an opportunity to learn from our dreams and to create more wholeness and vitality in our lives.  

My informal knowledge about dream interpretation comes from the work of Jeremy Taylor, a Unitarian Universalist minister, founding member and past president of the International Association for the Study of Dreams.  He worked for 35 years using dream interpretation as a tool for nonviolent social change in such places as residential group homes for schizophrenics and San Quentin Prison.  His life and body of work leaves behind an inspiring legacy of confronting and addressing such evils as racism, sexism, violence and environmental destruction – through dream interpretation.  Here are his basic assumptions about dreams:  

1. All dreams come in the service of health and wholeness.
2. No dream comes just to tell the dreamer what he or she already knows.
3. Only the dreamer can say with any certainty what meaning his or her dream may hold.
4. The dreamers’Aha of recognition is a function of previously unconscious memory and is the only reliable touchstone of dream work.
5. There is no such thing as a dream with only one meaning.
6. All dreams speak a universal language of metaphor and symbol.
7. All dreams reflect inborn creativity and ability to face and solve life’s problems.
8. All dreams reflect society as a whole as well as the dreamer’s relationship to it.
9. Working with dreams regularly improves relationships with friends, lovers, partners, parents, children and others.
10. Working with dreams in groups builds community, intimacy, and support and begins to impact on society as a whole.

To fully understand our dreams, it’s best to have other people to share them with.  There is no special training or education needed to listen and explore the symbols in your personal mythologies.  The most important thing to know is that the only person who has the authority to determine a dream’s true meaning is the dreamer.  The dreamer’s “Aha” moment of recognition is the only barometer that the dream’s message has been delivered.   Dream groups build community and generate multiple perspectives, but even one person, such as your partner or a psychotherapist, can help. 

Here is an example of how one woman participating in one of Jeremy Taylor’s dream groups, learned of a potential health crisis through her dream.  

A woman dreamt she was at her home and a party was going on in her basement.  She goes down to join them but has a purse with “rotting meat” in it that she is afraid will offend the guests.  She keeps trying to close the purse.

The dream group suggested that the “rotting meat in the purse” could be indicative of uterine cancer.  The woman initially dismissed the idea as ridiculous, but she couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that something was wrong, so she went to her doctor who found nothing.  Not satisfied, she pressed for more scans.  Finally, a sonogram showed a thickening of her uterine wall which did in fact turn out to be a rare, extremely aggressive form of uterine cancer.  The woman had surgery and survived.  (Story found on pages 13-15 in Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill by Jeremy Taylor.)

If you cannot find a dream group, here are some useful techniques to encourage dream exploration on your own:

1. Draw the dream.
2. Separate out the emotional narrative from the content of the dream.
3. Re-enter the dream in waking state.  Take a different role in the dream.
4. Embody and act out the dream physically.
5. Find the image or situation in the dream that carries the greatest energy for healing and bring it forth into waking life in some concrete or expressive form.
6. Make a mask of one or more characters in the dream and wear it while “being” that character.
7. Pray and meditate while focused on your dream.
8. Look up images in a dream symbol dictionary.
9. Rewrite the narrative adding the phrase “part of me” to each of the images.
10. Dream more.

The first challenge in dream interpretation is actually remembering your dreams.  Having the intention to dream AND a supportive place to share your dreams can actually increase dream recall.  Science tells us that all of us dream about 4-6 times per night and even animals with “eyelids that close” dream.  For tips on how to remember your dreams, watch this TED talk called Dreaming On Purpose, found at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odNc2MshuWI The best time to recall dreams is when you are in the transitional stage of consciousness in between being asleep and half awake.  But that time is short lived, about 3-5 minutes, so grab the dream journal you left by your bed and write furiously.   

February is like that transitional stage of consciousness for the Earth.  Seeds are starting to awaken under the ground and sap is rising in the trees.  Does the Earth dream?  I think it’s possible that the Earth dreams through us.  And maybe, by paying attention to our own dreams, we can awaken from our collective slumber and courageously and creatively act to ensure her survival.

Heather Hill, MSS, LCSW has been a psychotherapist for over 10 years. She specializes in helping anxious and depressed teens and women connect to and live in harmony with their true nature.  Heather is passionate about using mindfulness and Eco-therapeutic approaches to restore balance, reduce isolation, and create a greater sense of wellbeing. She can be reached at Heatherhilltherapy@gmail.com or 215-485-7205.