The Beauty of You: A Love Note from Your Body

by Brittiney George

You are a beautiful imperfection.

I know that makes you uncomfortable, because you want to be perfect.

Ahh...my child.  I do not work in perfection...humans do. 

Perfection assumes completion.  But how can you be complete when the world around you, and in you, is full of so many glorious options for miraculous change?

I work in magical mysteries, in awe inspiring moments of truth and clarity.

I commend you for wanting to better yourself.  But I ask you to not try to perfect yourself. That implies you are flawed. You are not flawed.

You are a colorful mosaic reflecting the experiences of your life.

Instead of berating yourself for all that you do not know;

Breathe. Listen. Explore with me.

You are more than a number on a scale, a title in a job, the pain or fear that you feel.

You are a gift.

If you don’t believe me, journey with me.

Let me show you how amazing and resilient you truly are.

Unconditional Love~ Parenting a child with explosive behavior

by Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC

If you’re a parent, you might never forget the first moment you saw your child and the wave of love that overtook you in that instant. Simultaneously, with the wave of awe and amazement came a jolt of terror as you recognized the responsibility loving - and raising - this tiny child would bring.  Many parents take that responsibility to heart and want to do the best they are able for their child.  Some have already had success in raising happy, well-adjusted children and are bewildered when a younger child struggles with behaviors they have never seen before.

Why does my child struggle when plans change?  Why does my child become so incredibly frustrated when things don’t go as expected?  How can my child scream, “I hate you!” or “You’re the worst mother (father) in the world!”  Or worse, how can my child hit, kick, throw things at me?  These are questions many parents ask themselves when their child has explosive behaviors.  In fairness, it is difficult to understand how the same parents can have success with some of their children and not with all of their children. 

According to Dr. Ross Greene, children who exhibit these behaviors typically have underdeveloped skills in the areas of frustration tolerance, flexilibity/adaptability and problem solving, which means they don’t have the skills needed to manage many of life’s unavoidable situations.  Situations that require them to be adaptable or flexible, or to be able to manage frustration that occurs in an average day, or are confronted by a problem they need to solve.  These children are doing the best that they are able with the only “skills” they have. 

When we understand that our child is struggling to find a way to manage a difficult life situation, but doesn’t have the necessary skills, it is easier for us to support our child who is explosively showing us the intensity of that struggle.  Seeing our child as doing the best they are able, allows us to provide the unconditional love we felt the first time we saw them.

Lisa Grant-Feeley is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in working with children who exhibit explosive behaviors and their families. Many of these children also struggle with symptoms of ADHD. Focusing on strengths, she helps families develop proactive solutions and develop skills needed to manage struggles.  For more information, please contact her at 267-625-2565.

Loving your Emotions

by Catherine McLaughlin, MA, NCC, LPC

Emotions are defined as “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others; instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.” In other words, emotions are something that comes from within us, beyond our control, and naturally occurring. Despite what we may have been taught, emotions are not bad, wrong, or abnormal. Receiving this message can cause us to repress our emotions; to push them down or brace against them. Over time, this “emotional backlog” can cause issues. There’s nowhere for the emotions to go, but they have to come out. If you’ve ever had a clogged pipe in your house, then you know what happens next - the water just starts spraying out everywhere, all over everything. What a mess! 

And our repressed emotions don’t usually come out as what they were to begin with – they’ve morphed into something else. Health problems, intense anger, anxiety, depression… all painful expressions of the feelings hiding inside for so long. But there is a better way.

Feel your feeling – instead of shying away from feelings, as much as you can, allow yourself to feel them. This may take some work, as we have all received messages in our lives that some feelings are “bad” or “wrong.” Give yourself permission to sit with and really feel your feeling. It may be uncomfortable. But it will not last forever.

Acknowledge and name the feeling – what is it, exactly? Are you angry, or are you infuriated? Sad, or distraught? It is especially helpful to give your feeling a specific name. 

Allow the feeling to leave – when you allow yourself to feel and name your feeling, it should naturally resolve. Let it! Unnecessarily holding on to feelings can cause pain and suffering. 

By feeling, naming, and allowing emotions to resolve, we’re following the natural path of feelings moving through our bodies. If this is a struggle for you, or if you know you have an “emotional backlog” of your own, a therapist could help you to work through this process. We provide a safe place to experience the emotions and feelings that have been clogging up the pipe for so long. And we have lots of buckets to catch all the spraying water. 

Catherine McLaughlin loves working with people to identify and experience their emotions in order to feel like themselves again. She specializes in issues of adolescence, and working with artists and creatives. Contact her at 267-800-5073 or Catherine@cjmcounseling.com for a free 20 minute phone consultation or to get started in therapy today.

Never Too Old

--> by Karen Steinbrecher

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. – C.S. Lewis

As a practitioner of QiGong, an ancient Chinese health care system that integrates flowing movements, postures, breathing and focused intention, I would like to share the following:  I am now 71 years of age.  Yikes.  Practicing this modality I believe has helped me to stay young at heart, physically and mentally.  QiGong is recommended by the Harvard Medical School as well many physicians, and Dr. Oz. Its great appeal is that EVERY one can benefit, regardless of ability, age, belief system or circumstances.  Western scientific research confirms that those who maintain a consistent practice of Qigong find that it helps one regain a youthful vitality, maintain health even into old age as well as to  speed recovery from illness.  The following link from Daisy Lee addresses this with a story about her teacher Master Duan, who at the time of the story was nearing 100 yrs. of age: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtUHbZFu-BI&list=PL3DEE46AAE854A904. Enjoy Daisy Lee, and have fun and flow to glowing health this New Year.  Let the Qi flow to good health and happiness.

Karen Steinbrecher teaches Qigong at The Resiliency Center on Tuesday afternoons and Thursday evenings. Learn more by emailing her at karensteinbrecher@msn.com.   

At 55

by Tracie Nichols (2017)

Rounded,

changing,

graced with

radiating

spirals

across pale

softening

surface.

Me.

Worn

like a

river stone.

Deepening lines,

tracing life

trajectory

over

cheek bone

hillocks,

curving around

eyes that

have

seen.

Deeper

beauty

surfacing.

Truer

beauty

shining.

Passing

time reveals

strength

of my

river stone

woman self.

50 Years in My Skin

by Tracie Nichols (2015)

Fifty years in my skin...

there’s something

richly

beautiful

sacred

about the

lengthening swell

of breasts

and belly

silvery scar-rivers

memorializing

expansions

accommodating

womb-borne

children

and soul-

borne wounds

tracing

paths

where

pleasure

has been

given

and

received

50 years in

this body and

everything

about me

is softer

even the fierce

heart-fire

gleaming

in my eyes

these days

it warms

and invites

though once

(if I’m to

believe

my memories)

it incited

Youthfully Aging

by Jeff Katowitz, LMFT

You are about to turn fifty. Think about it – five decades. Where has the time gone? Do you feel satisfied with what you have accomplished or do you feel somewhat stuck and living in constant regret. Some of you may have children who are now just beginning a new chapter in life – going off to college or entering the workforce. Some of you started your families later and have younger children or adolescents with a few years remaining in high school. Some of you may not have children but experience a similar pressure of aging – beginning to think about the time left and how to invest your energies wisely.  Common thoughts and questions entering our minds may include:

·      “How do I want to spend the time remaining to really enjoy life?”

·      “I need to invest more energy towards my health so I can continue doing what I love.”

·      “I’d like to see things, visit places, be spontaneous and active.”

·      “I’ve been doing the same work for so long. Maybe I’d like to expand or change careers.”

·      “I’d like make sure that I focus my energies in the later part of my life on reconnecting with people I feel disconnected from.”

Sound familiar? While each of us has a different story, we are all faced with the concept of time and aging. It is important to examine things we’d like to do – if we have the ability and our situation lends itself to contemplating how the “next chapter” may look.

As I approach turning fifty this month, I look at my own situation and feel blessed. I have two sons who are developing beautifully and who no longer need me in the same way. I am married to an amazing, creative woman – a true partner in life expanding in her own new and exciting ways. I have a very loving and supportive extended family.  I am surrounded by terrific and exceptional colleagues in my work environment.

Despite my satisfaction, as I inch closer to fifty, I find myself considering the question: “What is important for me to nurture, grow and expand?” I think what is most exciting about asking all of these questions is that, if we allow ourselves to venture back to our memories involving simple activities and events, the newness of life and what it has to offer - this is our youth.

Now we can’t be nine years old playing with our favorite new toy. But what we can do is think about opportunity and expansion at the age of fifty. This can actually be very similar to the lens through which a nine year old sees the future. Do you remember saying things like “When I grow up, I’m going to be a………” or “When I get older, I want to be like……… or have……….”?  Do you remember feelings of excitement and anticipation, a sense of the future as vast and endless?

We have the opportunity to answer these same statements at fifty. For example, “When I turn fifty, I would like to start moving in a different direction. I’d like to be more creative. I’d like to have more friends. I’d like to travel more and see the world.”

Turning fifty does not have to represent aging through the lens of “I’m getting old” but can instead be a marker of time reminding us to think about our goals, passions, interests, and the experiences and adventures we would still like to have. To all those entering into your fifties, I celebrate with you and hope you are able to embrace life in ways that are exciting, engaging in events and activities that fill you with joy.

Here is a reflection process to guide you:

Step one: Sit quietly in a peaceful space for a few minutes and think about an idea, perhaps visualize an event, place, or opportunity and activity that feels good when you think about it.

Step two:  Create some type of movement that places you closer to the direction of your thoughts (ie. sharing this idea with others, developing and plan and writing it down, engaging in an activity that moves you closer to the vision(s)).

Step three: Repeat steps one and two over and over again. Good luck!

Jeffrey Katowitz, LMFT, AAMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

His areas of specialty include divorce and separation, blended family issues, adoption, adolescent development and transitions, grief and loss, and managing and working through traumatic life events.  Jeff’s goal is to provide a safe a nurturing environment for the individual and family system to feel more readily able to access the strength to overcome difficult transitions and events in their lives. Contact him at jpkatowitz@verizon.net and 215-307-0055.