Woman and Wild

Woman and Wild

I can't tell you

the first time the wild

whispered into my 

tiny child heart

because the wild

has always been here...

always an undeniable

aliveness tucked just

behind my ribs

stretching from 

collar bone into the

rich bowl of my (now)

crone woman hips.

we occupy each other

as woman and wild

creating spaces

where life flourishes

each of us

utterly

unique

 each of us

utterly

interdependent

each of us

utterly

at home

© 2018 Tracie Nichols

A Poem about Hope and Place by Wendell Berry

Source: https://www.amazon.com/Leavings-Poems-Wendell-Berry/dp/158243624X

It is hard to have hope.

It is harder as you grow old,

For hope must not depend on feeling good
And there is the dream of loneliness at absolute midnight.
You also have withdrawn belief in the present reality
Of the future, which surely will surprise us,
…And hope is harder when it cannot come by prediction
Any more than by wishing. But stop dithering.
The young ask the old to hope. What will you tell them?
Tell them at least what you say to yourself.

Because we have not made our lives to fit
Our places, the forests are ruined, the fields eroded,
The streams polluted, the mountains overturned. Hope
Then to belong to your place by your own knowledge
Of what it is that no other place is, and by
Your caring for it as you care for no other place, this
Place that you belong to though it is not yours,
For it was from the beginning and will be to the end

Belong to your place by knowledge of the others who are
Your neighbors in it: the old man, sick and poor,
Who comes like a heron to fish in the creek,
And the fish in the creek, and the heron who manlike
Fishes for the fish in the creek, and the birds who sing
In the trees in the silence of the fisherman
And the heron, and the trees that keep the land
They stand upon as we too must keep it, or die.

This knowledge cannot be taken from you by power
Or by wealth. It will stop your ears to the powerful
when they ask for your faith, and to the wealthy
when they ask for your land and your work.
Answer with knowledge of the others who are here
And how to be here with them. By this knowledge
Make the sense you need to make. By it stand
In the dignity of good sense, whatever may follow.
Speak to your fellow humans as your place
Has taught you to speak, as it has spoken to you.
Speak its dialect as your old compatriots spoke it
Before they had heard a radio. Speak
Publicly what cannot be taught or learned in public.

Listen privately, silently to the voices that rise up
From the pages of books and from your own heart.
Be still and listen to the voices that belong
To the streambanks and the trees and the open fields.
There are songs and sayings that belong to this place,
By which it speaks for itself and no other.

Found your hope, then, on the ground under your feet.
Your hope of Heaven, let it rest on the ground
Underfoot. Be it lighted by the light that falls
Freely upon it after the darkness of the nights
And the darkness of our ignorance and madness.
Let it be lighted also by the light that is within you,
Which is the light of imagination. By it you see
The likeness of people in other places to yourself
In your place. It lights invariably the need for care
Toward other people, other creatures, in other places
As you would ask them for care toward your place and you.

No place at last is better than the world. The world
Is no better than its places. Its places at last
Are no better than their people while their people
Continue in them. When the people make
Dark the light within them, the world darkens.

Spring Perspective

by Tracie Nichols

In the spring, I wander the course of the stream that skirts the bottom of my yard. It’s one of hundreds – possibly thousands – of small, nameless, feeder streams striping the landscape here, meandering towards rivers that empty into the Atlantic Ocean.

It’s something I’ve been doing for over twenty years, now. As you can imagine, this stream and I have seen some life together. Over time, I’ve come to think of this wandering little waterway as family.

So this spring walk is when I discover where the stream is now, after the winds, snowmelt and hard rains of the winter months. By visiting before the riot of jewelweed and other creek bank plants overrun the terrain, I can see where banks have been undercut or collapsed. It’s easy to notice where the streambed has cut more deeply into the red sandstone bedrock, or where trees have fallen or held their ground.

This walk is also when I discover where I am, now and how my course has changed through winter. As I walk and notice the stream, I also notice myself. Where I’m feeling undercut, or rebuilt. Where I’m letting go and where I’m continuing to stand my ground.

Walking the length of this small stream is a moving meditation. An exercise in deep listening and deep presence, teaching me about cycles of death and rebirth in the land and in myself. Walking the length of this small stream offers me the gift of perspective, and anchors me in the reassuringly unending cycles of this land.

Tracie Nichols, M.A., IAC believes that if there ever was a time when the deep perspective of 50-ish+ sensitive, introverted womxn is needed, it’s now. She is a mentor, poet, aromatherapist and rebel crone creating spaces where sister Rebel Crones can find community, information and support to unfurl their voices, be who they choose to be and do what they choose to do. You can learn more about her at tracienichols.com.

Finding Your Sense of Place at Home

by Heather Hill, MSS, LCSW

The weather is quickly warming up and soon we will find ourselves outside more, traveling to the beach or the mountains to relax, slow down, and enjoy the beauty of nature. We may experience a sense of awe and wonder when we realize just how connected we are to the universe.  But what happens to that connection when we return home again, when routine takes over like an invasive vine and The Commute, the Target Run and the school or work commitments become the focus of our day?  Do we check out the sunset?  Do we know what the plants and the birds are doing?  Do we have any inkling of the water level in our local streams?  If not, what’s the psychological effect of living like this: an “alien” or a tourist in our own land?

These are the types of questions that Eco-psychologists study in their efforts to create a sustainable, livable world and to foster a more psychologically healthy population.  Their premise is that the attachment and meaning given to a particular place is central to the health of the planet and the person. A “sense of place” here refers to “...a psychological construct that involves attributing a geographical location with meaning, values, and a sense of “connection.” [From: The Power of Connection: Sustainable Lifestyles and Sense of Place.  Ecopsychology Journal Vol 4, No. 4 Jan 31, 2013, found at https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/eco.2012.0079].  It follows then that if more people felt a sense of connection to their natural environment, they would feel motivated to engage in actions for sustainability. I would also add that having a sense of place cultivates curiosity, belonging, connection, and a greater sense of well-being in us.

A disconnection to the land may be a uniquely American problem.  As Americans, most of us came here as immigrants.  Because of that we may have an evolutionary proclivity to restlessness.  We are always on the move, searching for greener pastures and hoping a change of location will promise a better life.  Over caffeinated, hyper busy and digitally connected 24/7, we move through our daily life at an unnatural pace.  The downside of this movement, borne of our pioneering spirit and freedom to roam is an underlying feeling of displacement, alienation and a lack of identity.  Wendell Berry says we don’t know who we are unless we know where we are. So, who exactly are we?  How do we connect to an adopted land?

Know the Plants

One way to counteract alienation is to reclaim the space where we live or as Robin Wall Kimmerer says, in Braiding Sweetgrass, to become “naturalized” citizens of the land.  Kimmerer would agree with the poet Gary Snyder, who teaches that spirit of place is accessed only through knowledge gained by direct experience in a specific locale.  "Know the plants" is his mantra. Once you become curious and start to know the names of the plants and trees around you, it’s like a faucet has turned on.  More questions come and you begin to be curious about all the things you may have previously ignored and taken for granted.  The plants become like familiar friends or trusted allies.  This is the beginning of belonging and connection.

Write a Poem or a Love Letter

Wallace Stegner in his great essay entitled “Sense of Place” states, “that no place is a place until it has had a poet.”  

[Insert link to: http://www.pugetsound.edu/files/resources/7040_Stegner,%20Wallace%20%20Sense%20of%20Place.pdf  ]  Who is our poet?  Edgar Allen Poe wrote about the Wissahickon, sure, but who is the modern day poet laureate of the entire region?  Beth Kephart who writes Flow, a prose poem history of the Schuylkill River may be a contender.  You can read an excerpt here. [Insert link to: https://hiddencityphila.org/2014/06/how-can-you-know-what-it-means-to-be-here/

Many people have written love letters to their favorite places in the Wissahickon.  It was inspiring to read this article about how many people went to the Red Covered Bridge to feel their “fullest and best versions of themselves”:  https://www.philly.com/philly/columnists/helen_ubinas/wissahickon-helen-ubinas-thomas-mill-red-covered-bridge-love-letters-20180905.html?fbclid=IwAR3oFN3c6l_pU7ej0pfJVNfgIdVkA6PdjjAAPiXoaKB2gH1bHecPI6w7EZg  Go to your favorite place in your local park and try to write it a love letter.  You may feel a deeper attachment to it after you’ve expressed how you feel. 

Don’t Get Discouraged by Urbanism

Even in this major East Coast city, we can still feel a sense of place that doesn’t involve cheesesteaks and Rocky.  We who live in the Greater Philadelphia area are lucky to have an active urban garden scene, two major rivers, Fairmount Park, the Wissahickon, Pennypack, Morris and Awbury Arboretums and Bartram’s Gardens.  We may not be able to walk barefoot through the parks, but we can walk like “each step is a greeting to Mother Earth”.  With respect and reverence and love.  Slow down, observe the little things that are all too easy to overlook.  Our personal wellbeing and our planetary survival just might depend on it.  What’s happening right now outside your window?

Ways to Connect with Local Nature:

• How Can We Connect with Nature in our Cities [Insert link to: https://permaculturenews.org/2017/02/20/can-connect-nature-cities/
• Download the Inaturalist app to start identifying what lives right in your own backyard.
• Join Wild Foodies Meetup or check out: http://www.wildfoodies.org/
• Come on the Resiliency Nature Walk, the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of the month at 9 AM.

• Join Friends of the Wissahickon or the Wissahickon Valley Watershed Association or Like them on Facebook.  They post a lot about the local wildlife and plants.
• Start an in-home naturalist training course through the Wilderness Awareness School: (I loved this program.  Please reach out if you want to learn more about my experience) https://www.wildernessawareness.org/adult-programs/kamana

• Enroll in a Master Naturalist Program http://www.schuylkillcenter.org/programs/foradults/naturalist.php

Heather Hill, MSS, LCSW has been a psychotherapist for over 10 years. She specializes in helping anxious and depressed teens and women connect to and live in harmony with their true nature.  Heather is passionate about using mindfulness and Eco-therapeutic approaches to restore balance, reduce isolation, and create a greater sense of wellbeing. She can be reached at Heatherhilltherapy@gmail.com  or 215-485-7205.

Spring Explosions

by Lisa Grant-Feeley

Ahhh, Spring!  The time when the air starts to have a softer, gentler feel to it.  The days are longer and brighter and the the renewal of life is a promise waiting for us.  

For some, there is an explosion of energy that is funneled into throwing open the windows, packing away the unwanted heaviness of winter, preparing for a lighter, brighter time of year.  For others, it is the next season of a child’s explosions of frustration, verbal or possibly physical attacks of big emotions, and feelings of helplessness as the child that is known is transformed into a child in need, and of not knowing how to meet that need.  

For children with ADHD, and some without, big feelings can get the best of them and they don’t have the skills to manage those feelings without an explosion of difficult behaviors.  Understanding the ADHD brain, as well as the high level of sensitivity and intelligence that are often characteristics of children with ADHD, helps to maintain a connection of compassion and closeness that can be difficult for parents to access during explosive behaviors.  It’s important to remember that children do the best they can with the skills they have, and often have feelings of remorse, guilt or shame because of their behavior and inability to control themselves. The added layer of thinking that they are different from other children who do not display these behaviors as well as thinking that they are responsible for the discord in their family and the source of upset for their parents, magnifies their negative self image.  Over time, this sequence of events can lead to feelings of low self-worth, and eventually anxiety and/or depression.

Finding a safe place for families to understand the complexity of ADHD and related characteristics and to learn strategies for supporting a child with ADHD, is needed to to begin the work of restoring a home to a place of peace and calm.  Bibliotherapy (using books therapeutically) with young clients who have ADHD provides a “side door” into discussing their behaviors without directly pointing the finger at them.  This often appeals to the highly sensitive child for whom it it difficult to be vulnerable by admitting that she has big, unmanageable feelings and all the layers that go with them.  

Siblings need guidelines and solutions for behaviors they are currently struggling with that can add to the sense of discord in the home.  Parents are often pleasantly surprised at the changes their children make when given the opportunity to work together to create sibling rules to address the concerns they have.  Typically, when siblings work together to make their own rules, they are invested in change and change often occurs.  

Parents often want to learn more about the way their child’s brain works. This helps them understand their child better and develop a way of parenting their child that works.  Learning strategies to set boundaries with their children in a loving, respectful way as well as supporting them in processing their feelings of concern for their child.  Seeing their child struggle is difficult, seeing them hurt is unbearable, and being able to share those feelings and to create solutions that work for their child is the first step in creating the future they hope for.

Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor who provides support and counseling to children and teens who struggle with ADHD and explosive behaviors as well as those who have symptoms of anxiety and depression.  She works with their families in gaining understanding of what their child or teen is experiencing and in learning ways to support them during difficult times. To learn more, contact her at 267-625-2565 or lisagrantfeeley@gmail.com.

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"Time In"

by Barbra Danin, LMFT, Clinical Art Therapist

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. – by Erma Bombeck

As parents, we have a mission to raise our children be independent, strong responsible and resilient.  In order for children to be successful and happy, they require tools to assist them in achieving their hopes and dreams.  Many parents find that they cannot fall back on the child rearing strategies they learned from their parents.  Children’s issues, needs, and understanding of themselves are different today, and they require different parenting approaches.

Ongoing positive encounters and meaningful communication between parents and children are some of the most effective means of building trusting relationships.  While limits and consequences are helpful for many children in order to help them learn to function in the world, for many children those strategies are ineffective, because children’s negative behaviors have emotional underpinnings. When a child is upset (or most of us, for that matter), the emotional part of the brain takes over, blocking the ability to think clearly.  When a child is acting out, they are incapable of thinking clearly and logically.  Often consequences, imparted when children are upset, are experienced as punishment, which makes them feel more upset. This can cause an escalation of the negative behavior. Conventional wisdom has touted “Time Out” as one of the most effective and necessary strategies for disciplining children.  When a child is sent away, however, many feel rejected and ashamed, leading to an escalation of their negative behavior.  The child often feels rejected and misunderstood.  Additionally, many children forget why they have been sent to “time out”, and are left with confusion and resentment.  These feelings all impact the child’s self-esteem, and the consequence fails to achieve the intended goal. 

While it is important to confront negative behavior immediately when it occurs, for many, a more effective way to do so is with “Time In”.  Rather than sending the child away, the focus of “Time In” is connecting with the child to help them calm down and then gain an understanding of their feelings and behaviors.  During a “Time In” the child and parent sit together, while the parent offers support and understanding, and helps the child to self soothe.  Many worry that “Time In” strategies reinforce the negative behavior; however, the goal of “Time In” is to simply help the child calm down, so that they can think more clearly. After the child has calmed down and can be rational, a productive discussion of what occurred can be effective.  Appropriate consequences can then help teach the child valuable lessons.

Barbra Danin, LMFT, incorporates Art Therapy & EMDR in treating children as young as 3, and keeps parents very involved in the process.  “As children’s brains are still forming, they quickly absorb the tools and interventions offered with Art Therapy & EMDR.”   Barbra can be reached at: bdanin@barbradanin.com or (314) 477-8585. Learn more at www.barbradanin.com  

Tending Your Spark

by Jen Perry

This month is, of course, February and Valentine’s Day. It got me thinking about love of all kinds and in trying to sift through what I want to say about it. I was inspired by this Chinese proverb: “Keep a green bough in your heart and the singing bird will come” Talking about love is such a ginormous undertaking that quite frankly I am finding myself without words (quite inconvenient!) as I try to write this to you. Instead of pushing too hard against my writer’s block I have decided to tell you a little about my self-compassion group and give you a collection of quotes that I hope will delight and inspire you as well as links to books, exercises, and posts designed to help you keep that green bough in your heart. I find that this is especially pertinent this time of year when the trees are waking up and the sap starts to flow but we can’t see any green yet. Reaching out to the light and warmth of self-compassion can serve us well this time of year.

In my work with clients I call it tending our spark. I suppose if I were to re-write the proverb using my metaphor it would be something like “tend to the spark in your heart and the fire will light.” In the words of Jeff Foster, “Love is not something you beg for ~ it is something that radiates from within you.” Of course we don’t always feel love or loving. We can’t really control how we feel. What we can do is tend to the conditions that help love to arise within us more and more frequently. One of the best ways I know how to do this is through self-care and self-compassion.

            "The toughest thing is to love somebody who has done something mean to you. Especially when that somebody has been yourself." — From Episode 1665 of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood

In my self-compassion group and meeting with individual clients, we work on self-love, self-kindness and self-care. As Fred Rogers said, “When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong along with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.” It can be very, very hard to love ourselves this way so often in group we work slowly, slowly, slowly. Tending our spark and meeting ourselves right where we are. If we try to throw too much wood on a fire we can put out the spark! It is ok for this to be aspirational at first, and for as long as necessary. Sometimes the very best we can do is offer the hurting parts of ourselves and the parts we so often reject: “May I be kind to this part of myself, may I show myself compassion, may I soften to myself and this experience of human life” As one self-compassion group participant observed: “When we apply the warmth of self-compassion to our most raw emotions they soften and begin to become ever so easier to experience and be with ourselves.” One of the most generous aspects of life is that if we make an honest effort at something, no matter how small and slowly we grow into it, learn and see developments and improvements. Self-compassion isn’t an all or nothing thing. It is connection, a relationship with yourself. To quote the beloved Fred Rogers again: ”Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like 'struggle.' To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” Of course, this includes ourselves and all parts of ourselves, even the parts we often want to reject or eliminate altogether.

Self-compassion practices can help maintain the connection and conditions that help love to burn bright in our hearts. This makes it easier to love others around us. These practices can be strengthened and learned. The self-compassion break is a wonderful exercise to use and a good place to start. Learn more about it here. [insert link: https://heartfulnessconsulting.com/the-self-compassion-break/] and here. [insert link: https://self-compassion.org]

If you are curious about the Self-Compassion Group please do reach out. I will be starting a new group soon that will meet online via secure video platform. I’d be delighted to talk to you about it.

Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC has been a psychotherapist for 20 years. She specializes in helping highly sensitive people thrive in love, work, and parenting highly sensitive children. Jen is passionate about using mindfulness and compassion-based approaches to ameliorate human suffering. She can be reached at jen@heartfulnessconsulting.com  or 215-292-5056. Learn more at www.heartfulnessconsulting.com.