by Lisa Grant-Feeley
Ahhh, Spring! The time
when the air starts to have a softer, gentler feel to it. The days
are longer and brighter and the the renewal of life is a promise waiting for
us.
For some, there is an explosion of
energy that is funneled into throwing open the windows, packing away the
unwanted heaviness of winter, preparing for a lighter, brighter time of
year. For others, it is the next season of a child’s explosions of
frustration, verbal or possibly physical attacks of big emotions, and feelings
of helplessness as the child that is known is transformed into a child in need,
and of not knowing how to meet that need.
For children with ADHD, and some
without, big feelings can get the best of them and they don’t have the skills
to manage those feelings without an explosion of difficult
behaviors. Understanding the ADHD brain, as well as the high level
of sensitivity and intelligence that are often characteristics of children with
ADHD, helps to maintain a connection of compassion and closeness that can be
difficult for parents to access during explosive behaviors. It’s
important to remember that children do the best they can with the skills they
have, and often have feelings of remorse, guilt or shame because of their
behavior and inability to control themselves. The added layer of thinking that
they are different from other children who do not display these behaviors as
well as thinking that they are responsible for the discord in their family and
the source of upset for their parents, magnifies their negative self
image. Over time, this sequence of events can lead to feelings of
low self-worth, and eventually anxiety and/or depression.
Finding a safe place for families
to understand the complexity of ADHD and related characteristics and to learn
strategies for supporting a child with ADHD, is needed to to begin the work of
restoring a home to a place of peace and calm. Bibliotherapy (using
books therapeutically) with young clients who have ADHD provides a “side door”
into discussing their behaviors without directly pointing the finger at
them. This often appeals to the highly sensitive child for whom it
it difficult to be vulnerable by admitting that she has big, unmanageable
feelings and all the layers that go with them.
Siblings need guidelines and
solutions for behaviors they are currently struggling with that can add to the
sense of discord in the home. Parents are often pleasantly surprised
at the changes their children make when given the opportunity to work together
to create sibling rules to address the concerns they
have. Typically, when siblings work together to make their own
rules, they are invested in change and change often occurs.
Parents often want to learn more
about the way their child’s brain works. This helps them understand their child
better and develop a way of parenting their child that
works. Learning strategies to set boundaries with their children in
a loving, respectful way as well as supporting them in processing their
feelings of concern for their child. Seeing their child struggle is
difficult, seeing them hurt is unbearable, and being able to share those
feelings and to create solutions that work for their child is the first step in
creating the future they hope for.
Lisa Grant-Feeley, MS, LPC, is a Licensed
Professional Counselor who
provides support and counseling to children and teens who struggle with ADHD
and explosive behaviors as well as those who have symptoms of anxiety and
depression. She works with their families in gaining understanding
of what their child or teen is experiencing and in learning ways to support
them during difficult times. To learn more, contact her at 267-625-2565
or lisagrantfeeley@gmail.com.
