by
Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT-S
Summer
has arrived with its warmer days and longer nights. At this time of the year,
patience can wane – and internal thermostats can rise – as family members spend
more time together. Awareness of our own emotional stress threshold in relation
to others can be overlooked in the day-to-day hectic shuffle of life. Good
communication skills tend to slide with the people whom we are closest; family
and significant personal relationships. Many people push through stress with
minimal awareness of heightened emotional tension and physical discomfort. Or
if there is awareness of these sensations, they may be suppressed, after all
schedules still need to be kept and the job still needs to get done. How often do we pause to check in on how we
are affected by our daily tasks and personal interactions? Are we checking our
emotional temperature throughout the day?
The
amygdala is the frontal lobe part of the brain that “fires up” when we are
experiencing strong emotion like anger or emotional upset. The rational or
logic part of the brain can shut down once the amygdala is “lit up” by emotion.
So when we can self-regulate and become aware of our rising emotions, before it
heats up too much, it can help us to consciously make choices about how we want
to react in situations or with others.
One way
to emotionally self-regulate
throughout the day is by picking a relaxation
cue. Your cue can be anything from your watch or phone, a picture at the
office or that armchair at home. Every time you look at or pass that object,
take a deep breath and think “relax” as you exhale slowly, repeat this 2-3
times. Momentary pauses throughout the day, can help keep us in a more relaxed
mode and alleviate tension before it builds up further.
Body scanning for
areas of tension can be effective by itself or as a supplement to the above
technique. If your emotional thermostat starts to rise, that vague feeling of
anxiety or being overwhelmed, your body is most likely tightening as well.
Start at your head and quickly scan down to your feet for areas of tension.
While taking a deep breath, focus on tightening the area, holding about 3-5
sec, then exhale and release the tension at the same time. Repeat 2-3 times.
At the
end of the day, check in with yourself on the drive home, before walking in or
out the front door. Are you still carrying something left over from earlier in
the day? If so, take a deep breath, hold and then exhale by blowing out, saying
“release tension” and imagining the tension being pushed out of your body.
Follow by inhaling deeply and saying breathe in relaxation. You also might
imagine a soothing color gently washing over your body with the feeling of
relaxation. Being aware can reduce the chance of redirecting your frustration
unto your significant other, children or pets. Conscious use of simple techniques throughout the day, can help one
better regulate one’s emotional state and thus have a “cooling” effect in
stress build-up.
How does one incorporate these suggestions on a day-to-day
basis? By starting with one idea that
resonates with you and consciously making it a part of your routine through
phone reminders, a color sticky placed on your relaxation cue, a note on the
mirror or refrigerator. Sometimes mutual friends can send a text of encouragement
and reminder. Remember change is a process, give yourself time and expect
lapses. But do give yourself credit for your effort at being more self-aware in
your own emotional regulation!
Are you
interested in learning more about emotional
regulation for yourself or your children and teens? Contact Kathleen Krol at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101 #1.
Kathleen
also runs regular children’s groups for
ages 4-9 on expressing and coping with feelings. Contact her for more
information and to be notified when the next group will be starting again.
Kathleen Krol is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and
Family-Play Therapist who works with children, adolescents and families
combining family therapy, play and sand tray therapy along with parenting
strategies to help the whole family system. Her specialties include emotional
regulation, trauma, life transitions, anxiety, depression, and attachment
issues. Contact her for a free 30 min
phone consultation. www.kathleenkrol.com
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