Befriending Our Inner Critics: A Path to Self-Compassion

by Allison Beer, LCSW

As a parent to a toddler, there are countless moments when I catch myself listening to a familiar voice in my head saying things like, "You really messed that up" or "You should have handled that differently" or even "You're not being a good mom." This voice, my inner critic, can be pretty loud, especially when I make mistakes, fall short of my values, or say the wrong thing. It’s a constant reminder of where I feel I’m falling short. 

Instead of pushing this voice away, I’ve decided to lean in, get curious, and learn more about its role in my system.

We all have parts of ourselves that push us—our inner critic, the perfectionist, the overachiever, the planner. These parts often feel like relentless forces, driving us to do more, be better, and avoid failure at all costs. It’s easy to resent them, to wish they would quiet down and let us rest. Or even, sometimes, we may wish they would go away all together. 

But what if, instead of fighting them, we got curious?

These critical parts developed for a reason. Maybe the inner critic learned to keep us safe from judgment or bullying growing up. The perfectionist may have kept us on top of schoolwork, so we would receive praise from caregivers. The planner may have ensured we stay in control, while the overachiever sought approval and worth. These parts are protective in nature, and typically they perform their roles to keep us safe or support us in getting our needs met. When we take the time to understand their roles, we can see that they’re not working against us—they’re working for us, just in ways that may no longer serve us.

By meeting these parts with curiosity rather than frustration, we shift from resistance to compassion. We can acknowledge their efforts, thank them for their work, and gently assure them that we don’t need to operate in survival mode anymore. This creates space for more balance, self-trust, and ease.

Next time you hear that inner critic or feel the pull of perfectionism, pause. Instead of pushing it away, ask: What are you trying to protect me from? You may be surprised at the wisdom it holds—and the relief that comes from listening. 

Allison (Allie) Beer, MSW, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker providing neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed therapy for teens and adults. Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and mindfulness practices, she helps clients navigating anxiety, trauma, ADHD, depression, grief, and low self-esteem find healing and cultivate self-compassion. Connect with her at 215-688-5117 or allison@allisonbeerlcsw.com. Learn more at allisonbeerlcsw.com.

Cultivating The Process of Awe

by Jen Perry, MA, MSEd, LPC

One of the best ways I’ve found to cultivate awe in my life is to bow to the Great Mystery of All. That’s what I started calling it when my kids were little. Instead of giving them answers to their countless questions, I frequently would ask them what they thought or felt about something first. I encouraged them to wonder. As I joined them in the energy of this delicious wondering (why is the sky blue? Do turtles like chocolate ice cream? What’s the highest number anyone has counted to?) I found it so much more enjoyable than knowing a bunch of applicable facts. And the truth is, anytime we study things at a high level, we are left with more questions than answers. It’s the process of wondering that leaves us open to awe, creativity, and discovery.

Bringing a fresh perspective can bring out the process of awe in even the most ordinary things ~ the flowers in your yard, your family member's faces, every night's sky. It is this perspective that I invite into each meeting with each client in my practice. It keeps our work fresh and often, surprising and spontaneous. I encourage clients to meet themselves and their experiences with the process of awe and reverence, and in doing so, magic can happen. Creativity in problem-solving and working through limiting beliefs, while still hard work, becomes joyful. Wondering about problematic behavior and how it may be adaptive (either now or in the past) becomes an exercise in being curious and appreciative of who we are and why we do what we do. Therapy then becomes a process of getting to know yourself better and deepening in love with who you are as you grow instead of a painful endeavor of fixing what was never broken in the first place.

In addition to seeking out awe-inspiring peak experiences, it is possible to live a more awe-filled life. Nurturing curiosity by learning to question (or at least identify) your underlying assumptions about yourself, others, and the world allows a spaciousness that is fertile ground for awe. Allow yourself to wonder actively about everything as an exercise. And lastly, noticing beauty in the ordinary. 

Quiz on Awe

Take this quiz by researcher Paul Piff to see how much awe is a process in your life:

Ask yourself these questions. Score each item from 1 to 5. If your total reaches 30, then you must be pretty enchanted by the world.

I often feel awe.

I see beauty all around me.

I feel wonder almost every day.

I often look for patterns in the objects around me.

I have many opportunities to see the beauty of nature.

I seek our experiences that challenge my understanding of the world.

Source: Paul Piff, clipped from Psychology Today Magazine, and hung on my bulletin board for the last few years.