Befriending Our Inner Critics: A Path to Self-Compassion

by Allison Beer, LCSW

As a parent to a toddler, there are countless moments when I catch myself listening to a familiar voice in my head saying things like, "You really messed that up" or "You should have handled that differently" or even "You're not being a good mom." This voice, my inner critic, can be pretty loud, especially when I make mistakes, fall short of my values, or say the wrong thing. It’s a constant reminder of where I feel I’m falling short. 

Instead of pushing this voice away, I’ve decided to lean in, get curious, and learn more about its role in my system.

We all have parts of ourselves that push us—our inner critic, the perfectionist, the overachiever, the planner. These parts often feel like relentless forces, driving us to do more, be better, and avoid failure at all costs. It’s easy to resent them, to wish they would quiet down and let us rest. Or even, sometimes, we may wish they would go away all together. 

But what if, instead of fighting them, we got curious?

These critical parts developed for a reason. Maybe the inner critic learned to keep us safe from judgment or bullying growing up. The perfectionist may have kept us on top of schoolwork, so we would receive praise from caregivers. The planner may have ensured we stay in control, while the overachiever sought approval and worth. These parts are protective in nature, and typically they perform their roles to keep us safe or support us in getting our needs met. When we take the time to understand their roles, we can see that they’re not working against us—they’re working for us, just in ways that may no longer serve us.

By meeting these parts with curiosity rather than frustration, we shift from resistance to compassion. We can acknowledge their efforts, thank them for their work, and gently assure them that we don’t need to operate in survival mode anymore. This creates space for more balance, self-trust, and ease.

Next time you hear that inner critic or feel the pull of perfectionism, pause. Instead of pushing it away, ask: What are you trying to protect me from? You may be surprised at the wisdom it holds—and the relief that comes from listening. 

Allison (Allie) Beer, MSW, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker providing neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed therapy for teens and adults. Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and mindfulness practices, she helps clients navigating anxiety, trauma, ADHD, depression, grief, and low self-esteem find healing and cultivate self-compassion. Connect with her at 215-688-5117 or allison@allisonbeerlcsw.com. Learn more at allisonbeerlcsw.com.