The Vital Importance of Our Female Friendships by Kim Vargas

Four years ago, in an effort to provide stimulating and educational experiences for my infant son, I signed us up for a baby music class.  While we still play the music from that class, the real value came from the friendships we developed with another mom and her baby.  Four years later, that mom and I regularly laugh, vent, and advise each other.  But most importantly, I feel that she can relate to where I am in my life right now.

In the last several years, there has been a great deal of research that supports the fact that women not only want close relationships with other women; they actually need them.  Women with strong friendships report increased satisfaction in many areas of their lives.  Studies show that women with close female friendships are significantly more physically healthy, and in research on cancer, women with close female friends survived twice as often as those without close friends.

Unfortunately, today’s society as a whole fails to put a premium on friendships and connectedness.   People are more likely to work long hours and to move farther away from high school or college friends.  As a result, a common lament among women is a feeling of isolation and lack of close, intimate connections with other women.

This becomes especially true as women transition into motherhood.  Gone are the nights of meeting friends after work, or a Saturday morning coffee date.  As the identity of motherhood emerges, new and often unexpected thoughts and feelings come up.  Lack of sleep, anxiety, fears, excitement, feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster - all of these things (and many more) can feel wonderful to share with other like-minded women.  Hearing someone else put words to the thoughts in your head can feel unbelievably validating.  Likewise, the ability to vent feelings to a nurturing audience is another major benefit of close female friendships.

Unfortunately, new moms often find themselves at a loss for how to go about connecting.  Daily activities at home and caring for a new baby can feel consuming.  Sometimes, just leaving the house can create the opportunity to engage with other women.   No matter where you go - the grocery store, the park, a coffee shop, a walk around the neighborhood - the odds of meeting someone dramatically increase the moment you walk out your front door.  Other great places to start new friendships include infant music classes, library story times geared for babies, playgrounds, and indoor play-cafes.

For many women, a structured group for new moms can be extremely beneficial.  Moms who attend these groups report that the women they met in these groups are still some of their closest friends 10 years later.  Unlike informal gatherings, a support group for new mothers provides an opportunity to see the same women several weeks in a row.  These groups are facilitated by trained professionals who help direct conversation to themes common to most new mothers. 

Regardless of whether you choose a structured or unstructured way to connect with other women, it is clear that female friendships are much more than a luxury at every stage of life.  These friendships sustain us, strengthen us, and promote emotional and physical well-being.

Kim Katz Vargas, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a psychotherapist at the Resiliency Center.  She works with individuals and couples, as well as co-facilitating the New Moms Group, a local support group for mothers of pre-crawling babies.  Please contact Kim at kimvargastherapy@gmail.com or 267-568-7846 for additional information about her counseling or group services, or to register for an upcoming group.

Regulating One’s Internal Thermostat (Keeping Emotionally Cool as the Temperatures Get Warmer)

By Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT

After a cool start, spring has arrived with its warmer days and longer nights. Soon it will be summer and the end of the school year. At this time of the year, patience can wane and internal thermostats can rise as family members spend more time together. Awareness of our own emotional stress threshold can be overlooked in the day to day hectic shuffle of life and coexistence in a family or personal relationship. Good communication skills tend to slide with the people with whom we are closest: family and significant others. So how do you monitor your internal thermostat and maintain good interpersonal skills to minimize overheating?

How do we check our temperature throughout the day?  During the course of the work day, challenges will come up, whether as an employee, self-employed, student or homemaker. Many people push through these stressors with minimal awareness of heightened emotional tension and physical discomfort. If there is awareness of these sensations, we may try to suppress them. After all, the job still needs to get done. How often do we pause to check in on how we are being affected by our daily tasks and how well we are managing them? Take moments throughout the day to get a drink or take a bathroom break to scan your body for any tension. Ask yourself “What am I feeling right now?” Use deep breathing, muscle relaxation (purposefully tightening part of the body that is tight, hold 3-5 sec, then relax and repeat 2-3times) or use thought stopping meditations. For bigger concerns, write them down in a note pad and put them aside until a time when they can be addressed.

Utilize small windows of time for mini-breaks and refreshers.  Sometimes 5-10 minutes may be the longest break we can get during the day. Mindfully give some needed self-care and a reminder that you are important rather than using the time to mull over some concern or to plan ahead to the next task. You can do this in simple ways by enjoying a cup of tea or a piece of fruit, take a walk around the block, take deep breaths or listen to a favorite song on your way to the store or to pick up the kids.

Reorient yourself to where you are now and what you are doing in the moment:  Rushing from one errand or activity to another can be slowed down by pausing as you leave your house or drive your car; take a couple deep breaths and orient yourself to the present by noticing your  five senses, ie. The sights around you, the sounds, the smells, the feel of the ground or your seat, any tastes.

Anticipate and prepare.   Most of us have some idea of what pushes our buttons and can anticipate how others might act that could trigger these buttons. Being conscious of our own pattern of reaction, gives us a chance to try a different response.  When transitions take time for our child or teen, extra time may be needed in the preparation stage.  Giving reminders ahead of a transition can also be helpful.

Let go of “other stuff”:  Check in with yourself at the end of the day at home or work, before walking in the door or before children come home. Are you still carrying something left over from earlier in the day? Being aware can reduce the chance of redirecting your frustration onto your spouse, children or pets.

Positive communication.  Sometimes just changing the words you use or how you say them can make a small but significant change in your interactions. Use Praise, positive reinforcement and acknowledging when something is done correctly. This is usually more effective than pointing out every time something is done wrong. Try to avoid negatively phrased words such as “can’t,” as in “You can’t do that!” which prompts the child to become defensive in response. Instead, give choices and alternatives when redirecting behaviors.

Clear communication.  Be clear when communicating plans and check that everyone is on the same page in remembering the important details of an event. Mind-reading occurs when we assume a family member will recall “this” is the place you always meet. Forgetting small but crucial changes in time or other details causes wasted time and frustration. Aids like wipe-off boards, communication logs or texting information can be beneficial tools.

Promote regular positive sharing.  Plan once a week minimally to share at dinner or before bed, something positive that happened in everyone’s day and also express gratitude for something done by the other family members.

Be kind to yourself.  At the end of the day, don’t be too critical of yourself. Remind yourself we all have days that don’t go as planned and where we did not respond the way we should have with others.  Tomorrow is another day!

Kathleen Krol, LCSW, RPT is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist at the Resiliency Center. She does individual and family therapy using Play Therapy and Sand Tray therapy. She specializes in work with children ages three through teens and adults, who have experienced trauma, grief and loss, anxiety, depression, behavior issues and abuse. She is trained in and uses EMDR, parent coaching, cognitive behavior and stress management techniques and Trauma Art Narrative Therapy.  For a free phone consultation, contact Kathleen at kasiakrol17@verizon.net or 215-289-3101#1.

What We Sat With Yesterday Morning At The Resiliency Center, Before The Bombing by Dean Solon

sitting comfortably and with ease.
closing your eyes, gently and lightly, allowing the body to be at rest and the breathing to be natural.
your body at rest and your breathing natural.
so we are here, now.  so you are here, now.

awaking to a day, to another day, to this day, on planet earth.
to another day, on planet earth, with an experiencing of familiarity, with an experiencing of mystery.
with an experiencing of not-knowing what is coming, next;
of not-knowing what is about to be.

a sitting, this morning, this moment, of openness.
of opening.  pure and easy.

sitting...
residing in the center of the mayhem of this world---residing in the center of you---
is peace.
residing in the center of the madness---residing in the center of you---
is sanity.
residing in the heart of darkness---residing in the heart of you---
is light.
residing in the center of the commotion and the roar of the crowd---residing in the center of you---
is silence.
residing in the heart of the disconnecting from all that is---residing in the heart of you---
is connection, is compassion, with all that is.

a light in the chest.
a light in the heart.
a light in the head,
your mind, your third eye.

in any moment...light
in this moment...light
in this moment...light

Greetings by Dean Solon

allowing yourself, encouraging yourself, to be sitting quietly and with ease.
allowing the body to be relaxed and open,
your breath natural, your heart easy.

say hi to your self.  say hi to each other.  say hi to me.
say hi to your body.

say hi to sensations...vibrations...perceptions...feelings.
say hi to your active mind, your restless mind.
say hi to your quiet mind.

say hi to your beating heart.
say hi to the ground you are sitting on.  say hi to the earth. 
say hi to gravity's pull.

say hi to spaciousness, to openness, to vastness and expansiveness.
say hi to the big sky above.  say hi to the universe, the multiverse.

say hi to dusk, to twilight, to the sun setting.
say hi to nightfall.

say hi to your heart beating.

say hi to breath.                 say hi to breath.

may you be slowing...may you be slowing...here, now...
to be feeling the preciousness of this life...your life.

may you be sitting here, slowing and centering,
with present-moment awareness of the sacredness of this life...
the sacredness of your life.

say hi to this moment                 say hi to this moment
                            say hi to THIS moment
 

Danibad, Ganeshpur (Thank you, Ganeshpur)

By Elizabeth Campbell

              On February 1st, I embarked on a 4 day journey that took me from Philadelphia to New York, New York to Doha, Qatar, Doha to Kathmandu, Nepal, Kathmandu to Dunghadee, and Dunghadee to Ganeshpur.  This journey included several vans and airplanes, as well as some walking once our final bus became stuck in the mud. This walk was accompanied by 3 drum players, 1 horn, multiple dancers, and an entire village.  I traveled with Beyond Asana, a yoga teacher training, as their counseling support on this service trip.  We fundraised thousands of dollars for Build On, an organization that promotes local and global education.  This fundraising resulted in 4 days of travel to break ground for the school being built in Ganeshpur, a rural village in Northwest Nepal.  It also transformed my perspective of the world and taught me true presence in communication.

             
              Nepal is dichotomous.  There are outstanding mountains and sacred sites, paired with extreme pollution and Third World living conditions.  The power rotates on and off every 6 hours.  Stray dogs run wild.  Toilets are a hole in the ground that flushes (if you are lucky).  The most disparate experience I had in Kathmandu was at Pashupatinath Temple, a temple to the Hindu God Shiva.  It is on the Bagmati River, which is considered the holiest of rivers.  Cremations occur on the banks of this river while hundreds watch.  It is an honor to have your loved one’s funeral there.  The river is clogged with pollution and stray monkeys and dogs feed on this despite funeral proceedings occurring all around.  Holy men painted white and orange meditate perched on sides of temples next to the homeless curled up, sleeping.  The beauty and the poverty intersect one another sharply.

                The dichotomy that I experienced in the village of Ganeshpur reinforced every counseling skill that I have acquired over the years.  We were able to verbally communicate very little with the inhabitants of Ganeshpur.  We had a small book of Tharu, the caste living in the village, expressions and our own creativity to work with.  Despite all of these limitations, I felt intense love from the people of Ganeshpur.  I have never been welcomed and acknowledged in such a manner before.  We were processed into the village and were then welcomed with singing, dancing, and speeches.  Two days later we had a farewell ceremony with even more speeches, dancing, and singing.  The next morning, we were processed out of the village in the same manner that we entered.  The entire village surrounded our bus to send us off.  We received tika, a ground red spice used to honor someone by anointing their forehead, and marigold necklaces 4 times in 4 days.  Our host families had so little to give, but showered us with bracelets and woven baskets.  Content was sparse in our conversations, but the relationship was there.  Our nonverbal communication was sufficient to express the connection, love, and grace that this school melded between us. 

                My travel to Nepal left me with the knowledge that the poorest of US Citizens live extravagantly compared to Third World countries.  Middle class individuals like you and I have more material possessions and luxuries than the villagers of Ganeshpur will ever imagine.   Conversely, the Nepali people are wealthy far beyond what Westerners conceive.  I am honored to have learned how to communicate unconditional love with nothing but a smile, the warmth of my eyes, and intention of my actions. 


                Elizabeth is a Licensed Professional Counselor at The Resiliency Center.  In her practice, she takes a strength-based and empowerment approach to serve children, families, and couples.  She specializes in trauma-informed and specific treatments, family therapy, play therapy, and creative counseling for adolescents.  Elizabeth combines her passions for yoga, service, and counseling through workshops that fuse yoga and emotional healing, the work with Build On described in this article, and with Yoga In Action.  YIA is a group created by Off the Mat and Into the World, a charity that promotes the yogic principle of seva, or service, by moving through the energy systems of the body to enable individuals to better help others by freeing themselves.  For more information, please contact Elizabeth via phone at 610-757-8163 or email at elizabethannecampbell@yahoo.com.

Micronutrients in Food and in the Test Tube

by Georgia Tetlow, MD

What we eat, how we eat and whether we can digest and absorb are key to maintaining and recovering health. After years of addressing chronic illnesses from rheumatoid arthritis to autoimmune thyroiditis, I see more clearly that finding balance within is crucial not only to basic wellbeing, but to gastrointestinal health. Well-being in the belly is the foundation for both healing long-standing illness and maintaining health.

How do I know if I’m getting the micronutrients I need? Do I need supplements or is my diet sufficient? I choose my food carefully, and eat well—how can I get more of the essential nutrients from what I eat?

 

One way to find out is to test for micronutrients. A micronutrient test addresses our unique nutritional status. It also helps individuals save money by eliminating unnecessary supplements.

Micronutrient testing looks at key vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, metabolites, fatty acids, amino acids, as well as carbohydrate metabolism (the latter can reflect an unhealthy diet or insulin insensitivity). Equally important, micronutrient testing examines white blood cells, which will show which micronutrients have made it all the way inside the cell—from the grocery shelf to their final destination where it matters most. Such testing allows a nutritional assessment that covers the last five or more months, that is much more powerful than a spot-check of nutrients and vitamins from a simple blood test. Many of my patients make changes and reductions in their supplements based on testing.

How do I balance my gastrointestinal tract from the inside out? I recommend mindful eating. If we are increasingly aware and present when we eat, we emphasize the “rest and digest” nervous system and can enjoy, digest and absorb to a much greater degree. Slowing down, sitting down, chewing, breathing and tasting our food are great ways to come back to our senses. The GI tract can then receive exponential increases in blood flow, and every aspect of balanced digestion, absorption and elimination is enhanced. Up to 70 percent of immune cells reside in the GI tract, so a healthy gut can translate to a healthier immune system.

Brief Bio

Georgia Tetlow, MD, is integrative physician at The Resiliency Center. She completed an integrative medicine fellowship at the University of Arizona, has a faculty affiliation at Thomas Jefferson and has expertise in mind-body medicine, herbal therapies and diets and energy medicine to address chronic illness, cancer recovery and pain. Visit www.philly-im.com [Link to: http://www.philly-im.com] , call (888) 702-7974 or email info@philly-im.com [Link to: mailto:info@philly-im.com].

Dancing Qigong This Spring

by Karen Steinbrecher

We dance and practice Qigong to lead us back to balance.  As we flow from winter into the green of Spring, seeds are sprouting to new life. We practice and dance movements that align our bodies to the organs. In TCM ( Traditional Chinese Medicine) that represent the Wood element Spring.  When we practice Qigong we work upon aligning body, mind and spirit, to balance Yin (Earth) and Yang (Heaven). 

The organs associated with the Wood element are the Liver (the Yin organ), and the Gall Bladder (the Yang organ).  Here, at the Resiliency Center, we practice various movements that align with our organs and their functions to help us move towards balance.  For example, the Liver filters and detoxifies the blood, and makes substances soluble for the transportation and excretion process of the kidneys.  This governs the free flow of Qi [energy that animates all life] which in turn ensures a smoother flow of emotions, blood, bile and water.  The Gall Bladder eliminates toxins in the body, emulsifies fats and regulates cholesterol levels.

We dance and practice various movements that align with the above-mentioned organs.  For example, we practice “Turning a Wheel of Light” for the Liver and for the Gall Bladder meridian, we dance “Bird’s Flight” as well as other flowing and stretching movements.

To experience the healing power of QiGong, you need to have in your mind a clear vision of what is happening to you.  In classical Chinese this would be called a vision of Heaven (Yang) and Earth (Yin).  In many ways, it is the same portrait of the cosmos as revealed by contemporary scientists. Following this thought on the balance of Yin and Yang- Heaven and Earth- the Qigong movement and breathing exercises help us to  return this energy to alignment.  When this balance is achieved, stress is reduced, and this helps us to increase the effectiveness of our immune system to ward off illness.  Research indicates that regular Qigong practice can help eliminate some types of chronic pain, reduce the need for medication, shorten postoperative recovery time, and even help to control diabetes.

Practicing Qigong can bring you back in touch with yourself; it enables you to let go of the increasing pressures and fast pace of life.  Think “green” this Spring and let go of stress as you dance QiGong. Here at the Resiliency Center there are several excellent therapists who practice  various types of support and can provide the help you may need to return to balance.  QiGong is led by Karen Steinbrecher who teaches classes on Thursdays @ 2 P.M. and 6:15 P.M. for 55 minutes.  Cost is $10.00