by Jen
Perry
Ahhh,
the holidays and its food, family, and friends. A beautifully laid out table,
happy children, civil and perhaps even engaging conversation. We all have a
perfect Hallmarkworthy picture of it floating around inside our mind. Can you
conjure up yours? I know I have one: my great aunt’s lovely antique china,
candlelight, gracious conversation about all that we are thankful for.
The
challenge with our idealized images is that reality often just can’t live
up to them. Our human minds make it truly impossible. Whether gleaned from
hazy memories of yesteryear or from yearnings in our hearts for just how it
could be, these are fantasies. You see, if we have ideas about the perfect day
or perfect dinner (or perfect partner, or perfect parent, child, job, or . . . really
the applications are endless), then our minds act like a scanner constantly searching
the situation for things that need to be fixed, done, changed, or otherwise
wrestled into the idealized image. It’s exhausting. Out of the myriad of
details before us, it takes just one to “ruin it.” One child’s temper tantrum,
one sharp word from a loved one, one burnt pie ~ you get the picture. And THAT
is actually where the freedom lies.
Try
this: take your most precious, perfect picture and allow life to happen to it.
You may find the results difficult or you may find them hilarious. In my case,
that antique table I mentioned? Well, it literally collapsed mid-meal this
Thanksgiving with no warning.
The
carefully prepared meal, well maintained china, flowers and candlelight, glasses
of wine and cider, and all the silverware came crashing to the floor. A child
howling, guests staring in disbelief, and one alert responder racing around as
if the torn photo could be repaired.
2015
is now a year for the history books in my family. Fortunately, we can laugh
about this one.
One of
my favorite sayings is: “Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there
is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things
and still be calm in your heart.” I encourage you to take your picture perfect
image and your idealism and let life, or gravity, have its way with it. Holding
onto our perfectionism, scanning life, real life, for all the ways in which it
doesn’t measure up, is not a peaceful or present way to live. These perfect pictures we hold up – of a
holiday, a spouse, the future, a child, even our very selves – they block us
from seeing the real moments and people before us as they are in all their imperfect splendor. The
relief after the surprise of it all falling apart is pure, pure magic. And a
gift: the gift of a broken table, a broken picture of perfection is a gift of presence
and peace with what is.
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC is a licensed professional counselor and
peaceful parenting coach. She teaches mindfulness and self-compassion to
people wanting more peace and calm in their hearts. Her next 6 week class
offering, Beginner’s Mindfulness, starts January 11, 2016. Space is limited to
6 so reserve your spot today by calling 215-292-5056 or emailing jenperry7@mac.com.
