New by Dean Solon

sitting...with a heart opening, your new heart.
with a mind opening, your new mind.
with all that has manifested and that has mattered dissipating as the year ends...
as the bubbles blown through the child's wand float past and away, bursting into nothingness...
new heart, new mind, new eyes to see with awe and splendor a new world, a new way, a new life, mystery and surprise unfolding, a new year beginning...

sitting...with a wish and with intention, that the coming year, for you, be the best one yet, the best one ever.
with feeling and an understanding:  the coming year, for you, the best one yet.

sitting...with a wish, that the coming year for all your significant others, for all who are near and dear to you, be the best one yet, the best one ever.
with feeling and an understanding:  the coming year, for all your beloveds, the best one yet.

sitting...with a holiday wish of wishes, a new year's wish of all wishes, that all 6.8 billion human beings, all 6.8 billion of us on planet earth, each and every one of us, have the best year yet, the best year ever.
you, in the light that shines and in the warmth that penetrates, with a feeling and an understanding:  the coming year, for all beings living and breathing on this planet, the best year yet.

the best year yet.

why not?

'Twas The Night Before Christmas by Dean Solon

life as sacred.  living as sacred.  breathing as sacred.  feeling as sacred.  experiencing as sacred.  consciousness as sacred.  meditation as  sacred.  participation and activity as sacred.  communication as sacred.  work as sacred.  play as sacred.  the profane, as sacred.  the sacred, as sacred.

the mountains and the valleys, the rivers and streams...sacred.  the oceans and the deserts...sacred.  the trees and the grass and the flowers...sacred.  the animals who share the planet with us human animals...sacred.  the water we drink and the food we eat...sacred.  the sky above and the ground beneath our feet...sacred.

christmas...sacred.  Jesus, and His Mother, Mary...sacred.  christianity...sacred.  judaism, from which christianity was born...sacred.  islam, which was preceded by judaism and christianity and which gives great respect to Jesus and to the Prophets before Him...sacred.
all the wisdom traditions...sacred.

the caves and the cities...sacred.

all of the planets and stars in all of the near-infinitude of space...sacred.

you...sacred.

each and every being who is living now, who has lived in the past, and who will live in the future, each and every being who is loving now, who has loved in the past, and who will love in the future...sacred.


may the holiday season be happy, safe, and sacred.
may the holidays be holy days.         

'Twas The Light Before Christmas by Dean Solon

...a light unto the world...

this is IT.
you are IT.
all of this is IT,
including you.

...sitting...feeling...experiencing...breathing...
breathing in breathing out...
letting go of an awareness, if any, of wishing to be somewhere other than here, of wishing to be some when  other than now, of wishing to be someone other than who you are ...
breathing in breathing out...
that this is where you are...here,
that this is who you are...and you are all right,
you are perfectly all right.

...sitting with this...

How to Find Meaningful Connections

By Jeff Katowitz, LMFT

       Are you single, married, have children or in committed relationship? Many have shared sentiments regarding lacking connections in their lives even though they are surrounded by a significant other or children and friends. “Community” has been a word that people often reference these days in terms of not feeling a part of group - longing to feel a part of something larger than their immediate family, aspiring to discover a ritual and place to share and convene with others. 

     While many turn to religious groups and organizations to feel that sense of belonging  and enjoy a structure that is consistent and comfortable for them, others look to create more intimate and smaller groups that do not necessarily have spiritual affiliations but provide them with a sense of connection with others who are like-minded and share similar desires, interests and passions. 

     An essential ingredient in establishing and maintaining positive relationships with others includes surrounding yourself with individuals who may share similar passions and interests and more importantly those who make you feel alive and accepted when in their presence. When you attempt to join, associate, explore and discover new people ask yourself, “Do I feel embraced by a person or group of individuals? Are these people showing interest in my ideas, who I am, what brings me happiness?”

   These initial moments of contact whether verbal or non-verbal are essential in the development and sustaining meaningful relationships. Many of you may know what it feels like to be in the presence of another when there are negative and uncomfortable reactions going off in your body. Learn to understand what this means if you are feeling anxious, tired and uncomfortable - this may be a good indicator that the people in your presence may not be healthy for you.

    The more you begin to reflect and explore the feelings, emotions and responses that arise inside you in any given moment, the more you will begin to gravitate towards and maintain healthy and joyous relationships with others. You have the choice and ability to distance and move away from relationships where you don’t feel connected and alive. Begin making those life-changing decisions today and find those new people who will embrace and accept you - and create those new communities where the love you give will be shown to you in return.

Jeff Katowitz, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing individual, couples, family counseling, and parent coordinating. Specialties include adolescent development, separation, divorce, adoption, and blended families. For more information or to schedule an appointment, call Jeffrey at 215-307-0055 or email him at jpkatowitz@verizon.net.  Read more on our blog [Insert link to: http://resiliency.blogspot.com/2010/10/families-and-divorce.html]

What the Recession Can Teach Us About Ourselves

- by Jeff Katowitz, LMFT

 

 

What a mess we are in - 2010. Families are complaining about debt, poor decisions, if they could only go back they would have done things differently. They worry about their job security and their ability to make ends meet. Will they be able stay in their home? Should they down-size? Have they been living beyond their means? These are many of the questions that I have been hearing lately. What is significant and perhaps more difficult to examine is how did they get here and what can they learn from their actions?

Embedded in the fear, doubt and frustration is an opportunity. This is a time for families to make real changes. Unfortunately, many are forced into making them sooner than they could have ever imagined. But if real changes are to occur and be maintained, individuals and families may feel less pressured as a result of a shift in life style – from one that is overwhelming to one that is more manageable.  Many find it hard to make concrete changes in their behavior, fearing that they will have to make sacrifices,  and they struggle with the perception of a future that somehow appears to be defined as "losing something."

 

It may benefit each of us to take a little inventory or our daily behaviors, particularly how we spend our money. Begin to question your spending habits. Is it necessary to buy that cup of coffee on our way to work or the matching pair of shoes that we convince ourselves we need to go with a particular outfit? The bottom line is the bottom line, and when we get close to either not having money or begin a process of creating more debt for ourselves, this is where we get into problems. One habit that may be constructive moving forward is to ask yourself a simple question when feeling the urge to purchase something that we desire - "Do I need it or do I want it?" If you simply want something but it is not something that is essential in terms of your daily living, then this item should not be purchased. It's that simple. Just walk right past it when you see that thing that you "have to have" and say to yourself that you have plenty of time to purchase this item but, at this juncture, you’re fine waiting. At a time where it is more practical and appropriate, you will make the purchase. 

      By taking little steps, mini revisions and subtle changes in our daily lives can yield significant outcomes that result in making us feel better. Now imagine stringing together moments and perhaps consecutive days of healthy decisions and truly being able to find contentment and gratitude for what we have.

Passing Clouds In The Big Sky by Dean Solon

what is separating us from present-moment awareness?
what is separating us from being AWAKE?

residuals of attaching, inclinations to distracting,
accumulations of sanskaras (karmic material),
motes in the eyes, passing clouds in the Big Sky,
lightly placed impediments and lightly held illusions
separating you from enlightenment in this lifetime,
in THIS moment.

stuff unreleased,
to be released...
at your convenience, of your choosing.

wisdom and compassion
living in and through you,
never more than a wake-up-Call away.

A Thanks-Giving Meditation by Dean Solon

are you experiencing joy in this life? if you are answering "yes, i am experiencing joy in this life," then certainly there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving....and if you are answering "no, i am not experiencing joy in this life," then there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving, because joy is never more than a moment away.

are you experiencing love in this life? if you are answering "yes, i am experiencing love in this life," then surely there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving....and if you are answering "no, i am not experiencing love in this life," then there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving, because love is never more than a moment away.

are you experiencing peace in this life? if you are answering "yes, i am experiencing peace in this life," then there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving....and if you are answering "no, i am not experiencing peace in this life," then there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving, because peace is never more than a moment away.

are you experiencing compassion in this life? if you are answering "yes, i am experiencing compassion in this life," then there is great good fortune reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving....and if you are answering "no, i am not experiencing compassion in this life," then there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving, because compassion is never more than a moment away.

are you experiencing equanimity in this life? if you are answering "yes, i am experiencing equanimity in this life," then there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving....and if you are answering "no, i am not experiencing equanimity in this life," then there is reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving, because equanimity is never more than a moment away.

are you experiencing bliss in this life? if you are answering "yes, i am experiencing bliss in this life," then there is good reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving....and if you are answering "no, i am not experiencing bliss in this life," then there is good reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving, because bliss is never more than a moment away.

are you experiencing enlightenment in THIS lifetime? if you are answering "yes, i am experiencing enlightenment in this lifetime," then there is every good reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving.
and if you are answering "no, i am not experiencing enlightenment in this lifetime," then there is every good reason to be feeling gratitude and thanks-giving...because enlightenment is never more than a moment away.

What If? by Dean Solon

what if each of us is a project in the making---one of billions, and billions, of projects in the making---of God...and-or of a big bang unfolding of energy and mass and light and possibility and potentiality manifesting, and crawling ashore and breathing and becoming and being
all of this?

what if the moment of nothing exploding into someThing was a shard of Mastery and Mystery touching everything and every one, including you and including me:
one astonishing wake-up Call
to be more than nothing...
to be someThing?

In Balance

      I recently visited a local suburban elementary school and was profoundly moved by the feedback teachers were providing to the administration regarding their jobs and feeling pressure to expand their roles. The visit inspired me to explore the issue of balance and how many are experiencing a lack of balance in their personal and professional lives.

     So how does one create balance for themselves in their everyday lives and what does it mean to be “in” or “out” of balance. During the last year in particular as I met with schools systems, individual clients, families and couples, all conveyed similar sentiments - lacking focus and feeling desperate. So what is happening to everyone? Many of my clients report experiencing chronic stress and not being able to focus, blaming the economy, uncertainty about their future and projecting or prognosticating negative outcomes. Being “out of balance” is also a way of saying that someone could be “out of alignment” which by definition could mean that they are not able to focus or be present, lacking patience, confidence, an energy of hopefulness or just not being “themselves.”

   During a recent session with one of my teenage clients a question was posed regarding being "in alignment.” My client responded by saying "everyone is in alignment because they are where they are." I was captivated by this response as it was so simple but also so true. Let's look more closely at this response. Why must we create such angst and confusion, falling into deep bouts of anxiety, depressed and negative thoughts when we can simply catch ourselves and ask a simple question of "what is so wrong with our lives right now or in this very moment?" Our minds are racing saying things like "I don't have enough time, how am I going to complete everything I need to do, how am I going to possibly pay for this bill, he or she or "they" need me and I can't do or be there for them."

    One problem is that we choose to define balance in our ability to complete tasks or being able to "get everything done." The reality is that everything never really gets done. There are merely just things or tasks that we all need to do on an everyday basis and tend to get caught in a viscous pattern of self-doubt and fear. Finding a balance is merely an illusion that we create in our minds, somehow convincing ourselves that we are going to be o.k. or that if and when these various tasks are completed somehow equates to us being or feeling "well". So to reference the teenager who so eloquently and succinctly stated "we are where we are" really is a valuable statement.  I love taking life lessons from our children and the youth in this world.  They constantly remind us that balance always exists we just have to not convince ourselves otherwise. 

Jeffrey Katowitz, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing individual, couples, family counseling, and parent coordinating. Specialties include adolescent development, separation, divorce, adoption, and blended families. For more information or to schedule an appointment, call Jeffrey at 215-307-0055 or email him at jpkatowitz@verizon.net.  Read more on our blog [Insert link to: http://resiliency.blogspot.com/2010/10/families-and-divorce.html]

The Whole Shebang - by Dean Solon

during the night i am understanding a friend's retreating from the world.  this world where each is a jewel, each a gem glittering in a sea of gems...is a world of sorrow and suffering, an experiencing that is nearly too much to be living with.


with this understanding i awaken from sleep a couple of hours later, feeling-experiencing near-despair...in a reality where no one lives for more than a short time, where so many are without needed food, water, shelter, freedom, justice, safety, peace.

to be alert to, to be sensitive to, a world where so many are crying for help, a world so many are living with despair, is nearly too much to bear.  thus there arises an inclination to be retreating, and an attempting not to be hearing the cries and feeling the despair.

thus there arises a wishing to be separate from a world of sorrow and suffering, which comes with an attendant consequence of being separate from a world of gems glittering in a sea of gems.



to be truly awake, to be truly alive, is to be living with all of it, with all of this---

the sorrow and the suffering,

the peace and the love and the mercy.

Each of Us a Jewel by Dean Solon

...with gratitude to Avalokitesvara, Buddha of compassion...

Rumi...ecstatic poet...lover of God and presence of love...mirror.

Rumi:

"you are the unconditioned spirit

trapped in conditions,

the sun in eclipse."

you...you...the sun in eclipse.

each of us a jewel. each of us a sacred jewel.

each of us shining in this world of world of activity and phenomena.

each of us with a gleaming, a glittering, a glowing.

each of us a gem in a sea of gems.

each of us a source of light, a beacon of hope and possibility.

each of us mysterious and surprising.

because each of us and all of us jewels, there is no reason or need to be big-headed---"hey, look at me!";---instead, there is reason to be big-hearted---if each of us a sacred jewel, then each of us may be co-creating sacred space, wherever you walk, wherever you are, and so you may be offering and sharing the light and the warmth...and the present moment sanctifying of time and space.

the inner landscape, the mind's eye,..looking out upon a view, a big view, of sky, of ocean, of mountains and valleys, of towns and cities, of people, so many of us people, all of it---all of this and all of us---streaming and stretching to distant horizons...a big view, a very big view, of sky, of space, light-miles and light-years of space, of solar system, of universe, and cosmos.

you with big eyes to see, with big ears to hear, and to listen, with big hands to touch and to hold and to let go, with big feet to stand and to walk, with big lungs to breathe, with a big heart to feel...to feel...so much to feel. with a big mind to think and to understand and to live with a possibility, a potentiality, of clarity and wisdom.

each of us a jewel.

each of us a gem glittering in a sea of gems.

Thriving in the Process of Creating a Thriving Practice

There are a multitude of people and places where you can go to get advice on building your practice. You can hire a business consultant, read a book on someone else's success story, visit www.beawealthytherapist.com for tips on how to do "pink spoon marketing," and attend networking events to glean insight into what others have learned on their journey. Looking outside yourself, you may find some real wisdom and support and concrete information to aid you in building your practice. But the process of building a thriving business begins by looking inside yourself, with reflection on what you truly wish to create. How do you want to spend your time? What interests you? What topics inspire your passion? If money were not a concern, how would you choose to structure your day and organize your professional life?

Each of us has within an internal compass we can rely upon to guide us at the crossroads we encounter - personally and professionally. By developing our ability to tune in to this inner wisdom, trust our intuition, and make choices that reflect our desires (rather than our fears), we can create a life that sustains and inspires us. When we make conscious choices for our business that reflect our values and interests, rather than reacting based on news of the latest trends, we nourish ourselves - and this, in turn, nourishes our business. Staying connected to our intuition, we can thrive in the process of creating a thriving practice.

Dialoguing with others can be instrumental in helping us discover when our inner dialogue reveals inner wisdom and when it reflects fear. Connection with others also provides a safe environment from which we can take the risks necessary to face our fears and move forward. Those of us who have chosen to devote our lives to being of service to others are often not nearly as good at accepting support as we are at providing it. However, nourishing ourselves through meaningful connection and support can sustain us - and make it more possible to keep giving without feeling depleted in the process.

During this Fall and Winter, I'll begin leading workshops on building a thriving practice, and I'll also begin facilitating a six-month group on building a thriving private practice. This is an opportunity to come together with others who wish to create more prosperity in their professional lives, to dialogue about what works and where we struggle, and to engage in a meaningful process of change. We'll be using Lynn Grodzki's 12 months to your ideal private practice workbook as a resource for the journey. I love her workbook, because she not only provides a ton of useful information but also emphasizes the importance of self-reflection in the process. If you are interested in learning more about the group, please see my website at www.elizabethvenart.com, call me at 215-542-5004, or send me an email at evenart@verizon.net. I look forward to connecting!

Families and Divorce

By Jeffrey Katowitz, LMFT

      Treating couples and families in transition can be very challenging.  Struggles within marriages often lead to separation and divorce. Main topics in treatment often center around infidelity, financial pressures and co-parenting conflict.  Many parents articulate a concern regarding how the relationships with their children will change as a result of a separation and divorce. It appears that more effort is being directed towards examining the harsh realities associated with a separation and divorce. Many spouses also question the fairness of the judicial system and the process in which others determine what is in the best interest of their children. Many fear engaging in the legal system and what they could lose in terms of having access to their children.
    It can be a difficult predicament for couples, particularly those who are in a state of contention where communication is significantly compromised, and they must rely on their own intuition and instinct. They struggle with the conflict between their desire for emotional freedom and the possibility of going in a new direction in their lives versus the loss of time and experiences with their children should they separate and divorce. 
   A healthy route or beginning place for couples to start as they ponder separation and divorce is to define the process as a potential "shift" rather than a "loss." Though invariably the feelings of loss will be an emotion felt and experienced by many, the redefining of the process may aid the family as they navigate through difficult periods of separation and divorce. There are many children who desire a "shift" to occur where their parents do move in a direction of divorce. Many of these children have evolved and arrived at a place of acceptance, letting go of the fantasy of their parents staying together and look forward to a change. Many conceptualize their parents being happy unattached or with a new partner.
   As spouses navigate through difficult and challenging moments of separation and divorce, those who can successfully work together, along with their children, in making decisions and engaging in a process that is collaborative create greater possibilities for healing, forgiveness, and charting a new course – one that is filled with hope.  

Jeffrey Katowitz, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing individual, couples, family counseling, and parent coordinating. Specialties include adolescent development, separation, divorce, adoption, and blended families. For more information or to schedule an appointment, call Jeffrey at 215-307-0055 or email him at jpkatowitz@verizon.net.  Read more on our blog [Insert link to: http://resiliency.blogspot.com/2010/10/families-and-divorce.html]

The 10 Million Dollar Question

By Elizabeth Venart, Founder & Director of The Resiliency Center, LLC


Learning that the Mega Millions lottery game had reached a peak payout of $191 Million Dollars in May, I bought a ticket. I infrequently play the lottery, and on the rare occasion when I do, it is usually an impulse buy after hearing about the total reaching some astronomical figure. I buy one ticket, and my rationale is, “Someone has to win, and that could be me. It only takes one ticket, so why not?” On the evening of the drawing, I played a favorite game of mine. I call it the “10 Million Dollar Question Game” – although in this case it was the $191 Million Dollar Question. It is a simple game requiring no fancy gameboards, tokens, or equipment. You can play along with me at home. J The game goes like this: “If you learned tonight that you had won $10 Million Dollars (or $191 Million), how would you begin living your life differently tomorrow? What would you be doing differently? How would you spend your time? How would your life look and feel different than it does today?” I love this game, because it really helps me clarify what it is that is most important to me in my life, and whether or not what I am currently doing is in alignment with how I ultimately envision my life. It also helps me unlock possibilities, identify any fear that may be holding me back, and see what new energies and passions I may want to manifest more fully. In my explorations last week, I was happy to see that more than 75% of my life would stay the same – as I truly love my work and relationships and find great meaning and satisfaction in how I am living. What did I change? I decided to create more open space in my schedule and surroundings, more time for creativity and travel, and more opportunities for connection and nurturing of self and others. A personal chef and trainer, weekly massage, an art studio in my home, to name a few of my own specifics. What I love about this game is that, by identifying what it is that I desire, I am closer to creating that change one step at a time. My vision for The Resiliency Center was born and developed through visualization exercises such as this. After a decade of seeing this dream more and more clearly in my mind’s eye, I took the concrete steps forward to make this vision a reality. I am so glad I did! J

I invite you to play the 10 Million Dollar Question game yourselves! With limitless money and the freedom that brings, how will you change your life? What will you create? How will you spend your time? Think BIG! Try to stay with how vast the possibilities can be – and don’t worry about whether or not there is any possibility of moving forward with any of it. Just have fun! I look forward to hearing your insights and dreams.