Learning to Say "No!"

by Rachel Kobin

 

There are times when we have to let people down. Maybe your name has been on the volunteer list for years, but which is worse, feeling resentful as you do the job, or letting someone else step up to the plate? Perhaps the task would be skipped or reinvented for the month. Who would judge us harshly for our human frailty?

 

It seems I am the one who judges myself harshly for my human frailty. I have a hard time saying "No." I want to help everyone improve their writing, publish their book, get into the MFA program of their choice, deal with their recent bipolar disorder diagnosis, or figure out how to spell "trivial." Inevitably my desire to help so many people at the same time leaves me overextended. Recently I said I didn't have the energy or time to do something I'd promised I would do, but when no one could take my place, I caved in and did it after all. Don't be like me. Stick to your guns. Say, "No!" Preserve your mental and physical health. You are worthy of such basic kindness.

 

I am worthy of this, too, which is why from this very moment, "No," will flow from my mouth like saliva while I sleep. I said "No" to drugs in the eighties, and endlessly to my parents when I was two, so I'm just going to say no to everything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, even typing that is fun. And then, I'll do the work I can and make some people happy. But not everyone, because as I should know by now, it is impossible to make everyone happy all of the time. 

 

Okay, given how much I love what I do, I'm probably not going to say "No" to much that has anything to do with writing or friends who need help spelling a word. But next time I'm exhausted and say I can't do something, I'm not going to back down. I'm going to remember that my refusal is a courageous act of self-care. I invite you to follow my lead.

 

To further bolster your newfound confidence saying "No," I leave you with the words of the infinitely wise band, "They Might be Giants," and their song, "No!" from their album titled, "No!"

 

No is no
No is always no
If they say no, it means a thousand times no

No plus no equals no
All nos lead to no no no

Finger pointing, eyebrows low
Mouth in the shape of the letter O

Pardon me, no!
Excuse me, no!
May I stay?
Can I go?
No, no, no

Do this, no!
Don't do that, no!
Sit, stay,…

 

Rachel Kobin has over twenty years of experience writing in a variety of professional settings. She founded The Philadelphia Writers Workshop in 2011. Though normally found leading creative writing workshops at The Resiliency Center, she currently provides them via video conferencing. She works with writers privately as a coach and editor to help them make their final drafts as brilliant as their original ideas.

 

Creative Self-Expression and Community

by Elizabeth Venart

 

Living during the time of COVID19 is living in an age of uncertainty and grief. Grief for lives lost and also grief for all the big and small losses. The milestones – like birthdays, weddings, graduations, and anniversaries – that we could not celebrate in our usual ways. The annual vacations and parties that just didn’t happen. A myriad of feelings may arise: boredom at the lack of variety, sadness about the loss of normalcy, loneliness, anger, and fear about the future.

 

Artists have long given voice to the challenges faced. But one need not be a bonafide “artist” to benefit from expressing ourselves through creativity. Creative self-expression is our birthright. Young children sing, color, mold playdoh, create rhythms on drums, dance. Expressing ourselves through writing, art-making, music, dance, photography and more provides a meaningful outlet for our emotions and a way to process our experience and give voice to that which we may not know how to say aloud.

 

If you have a regular practice of writing, singing, playing an instrument, or expressing yourself through art, you may have been drawn to create more over the past five months. If you don’t already have a creative practice, get curious about what naturally appeals to you. Maybe you enjoyed painting when you were younger but fell away from it when you started working. Perhaps you have dreamed of writing down the stories of your life – or creating an entirely new universe for a science fiction novel. Maybe you love snapping pictures with your phone already – and think it could be fun to join a group of other photographers to embark on an odyssey of shared learning and adventure.

 

When we come together in community to create, we often connect deeply. The very process of self-expression – and the vulnerability it takes to share our work – can create an atmosphere of intimacy as we recognize the sacredness of shared experience and the universality of our concerns. Local and national groups and interactive programs are listed below. Live online classes in which we have the opportunity to connect with other participants may be the most rewarding choice to help stave off feelings of isolation emblematic of current times.

 

One of the creative practices sustaining me through the pandemic is writing. In April, I discovered the Isolation Journals. They are the brainchild of Suleika Jaouad who believes that “life’s interruptions are invitations to deepen our creative practice.” Collaborating with artists of all disciplines, she responded to the pandemic by creating a journey through 100 days of writing prompts. Readers were encouraged to share their writing in a dedicated Facebook group, and the results were inspiring. The project now has over 100,000 members spread across 100 countries. Her website includes all 100 prompts, featured writing by members, and an invitation to join the community and receive weekly journal prompts for your own wirting. Suleika describes the project as “our living archive of human creativity”, highlighting the project as a place where “stories of vulnerability become stories of resilience and strength that unite us as a community.” It is said that to be a great writer, you must write whatever you most fear writing. Taking risks to be real – and share our rawness with others  – strengthens our capacity to face fears, find our voice, and go deeper still.

 

Creative writing need not be lengthy to be satisfying. Gotham Writers had a “silver linings” contest for the best 19-word story about a silver lining during COVID 19. It is challenging to write a story with only 19 words, but I certainly had fun trying. I shared the contest with friends and family. Not only was the process of writing our “silver lining” stories fun, it gave us an opportunity to connect beyond the routine “how are you?”

 

We are living through a remarkable time in history, and it is unmistakably hard. Listen to yourself and give voice to what lies within. As Bill Moyers said, “Creativity is piercing the mundane to find the marvelous.” May your discoveries delight and surprise you – and foster deepening courage and connection to navigate the days ahead.

 

Elizabeth Venart, LPC, NCC, is the Founder of the Resiliency Center and a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in working with Highly Sensitive Persons, artists, entrepreneurs, and other therapists. With advanced training in EMDR Therapy and IFS, she supports people in getting to the root of the places where they feel stuck, so they can experience greater joy. A Certified Laughter Yoga teacher, Elizabeth leads weekly zoom laughter classes  and infuses laughter into her work and her life. Learn more by visiting her website.

The Healing Power of Telling Our Stories

by Rachel Kobin of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop

 

When the writers workshops migrated from The Resiliency Center to Zoom in March, I was initially concerned about whether I’d be able to recreate the comfort participants develop from writing in the same room together week after week. Although I always provide participants with the option to use the workshop time as a substance-free escape from reality, the tentacles of the virus had us in its grip. Some expressed their fear and frustration with humor, while others' emotions poured onto their pages like tears shed mourning for the dead. No one held back despite the electronic context. 

 

When the Black Lives Matter protests began, I decided to address the issues head-on in the best way I knew how: I offered prompts that would give us the opportunity (but not obligate anyone) to write about aspects of the movement. Today a woman responded to the prompt "If I were the last storyteller in my tribe..." with a story about the resiliency the three branches of her family developed as they rose above suffering by making love their guiding force. Of course, she phrased it much more elegantly than I just did, but the point is that storytelling is how we make sense of the world around us. 

 

The writing and conversations provoked by this summer's writing made me see, once again, how healing it is to listen and be heard. When one person shares their story, we grow by coming to understand that while our life journeys may be vastly different, the feelings they evoke are universal. Even when the togetherness we create is on computer screens, the connection is real."

 

Rachel Kobin leads the Philadelphia Writers' Workshop at The Resiliency Center. The workshop provides a safe, structured setting for writers to express themselves, experiment, learn, and grow. To learn more about joining her fall workshops - and learn about her new writing marathons once they are announced - see her website at www.phillywriters.com.

The Ocean Sky

by Dean Solon


am looking upon the ocean's steadfast magnificence

a poem allowing itself to be surfacing
and to be known

the ocean is awash with waves

the white capped waters leaping
upon the rocks piled high
whose siren calls are singing
"wash over us
  wash over us..."

a passing of white pillowing clouds across the ocean sky

the human sign reads "fishing getty only"

yes
and there is far more

a continuing conversation
between heaven and earth
whose sounds we may hear
and whose meaning we may understand
if we listen closely

Breath Giving Moves during Breath Taking Times

by Brittiney George

Do you feel like you’re in a weird time warp right now? I know I do.  It is as if 

time is both simultaneously standing still and flying by.  I noticed that many of 

my clients are also experiencing the resurgence of old wounds and injuries as 

the distractions of day-to-day living have changed.   When you combine the 

lack of transitional time and space throughout the day with mixed information 

about how to move safely in the world, it makes perfect sense that many people 

are feeling disoriented, disempowered, or even disembodied (like a walking 

head, not an embodied being).

“These are breath taking times, so give yourself a breath”.

As the adrenaline of immediate change wears off, you may be feeling burnt 

out or burnt up.  You may be feeling “off”.  If you are, trust it.  It is your body 

letting you know, “I’m feeling out of sync”, and it is the perfect time to check in 

with a direct link to your nervous system-your breath.  

Are you doing a lot of yawning?

Do you feel disconnected from your body or energetically depleted?

Are you making a lot of out moves- giving all day long but taking little in?

These are great indicators that your body may want to take “in” a breath.  

Often with trauma or in times of stress, we reverse our natural breathing pattern. 

Instead of inhaling down into our core, hips, and pelvis (our root), we inhale up.   

Up into our chest and shoulders.  Up into the front of our body.  Our back body 

and sides, the backs of the ribs, get locked in place without the lungs finding 

their full expansion.  

Maybe you find yourself sighing often?

Or holding a lot in as tension in your torso, chest, jaw or face?

Do your shoulders feel as if they’re carrying the weight 

and responsibility of the world?

These are great indicators that your body may want to let “out” a breath.  

A system that is in overwhelm is looking to release, get out from under, to take 

less on or in.  Think of your exhale as your body’s natural gift of detoxification.  

It’s your body’s way of moving out stale air, pent up energy, and unwanted 

emotional residue.  During times of stress we are often told to “take a breath”, 

but it is the out breath, the exhale, that has the most impact in nervous system 

regulation.  

Breath taking times require breath giving moves.  Give yourself space. 

Gift yourself Breath.

Brittiney George, BS, CST-PRO, ICI, CEIM, is a Movement Practitioner and Somatic Therapist specializing in Transformative Touch.  She is also a faculty trainer and mentor for The Somatic Therapy Center.  Her areas of specialty include working with highly sensitive persons (HSP’s), and supporting nervous system reregulation by resourcing through the body.  For a free 55 min. introductory Somatic Therapy session contact Brittiney at 610-389-7866 or movebackintolife@gmail.com.

Emblazoned (The Inner Ocean #4)

by Dean Solon


i rise. i come up for air.
i hear no evil, i see no evil, i am no evil.
there is no problem, You have said.
there is no problem, You are saying now.
i feel the sea breeze,
i taste the salty air,
and i am as always i have been:
free.
free again
of the ties that bind.

all shortcomings,
just the imagination---
my imagination---your imagination---
running wild.

emblazoned in my memory
is the notion---
a deepest of memories---
that we human beings are noble,
blessed with divine gifts,
destined for goodness.

i awaken from a long dreaming
and as if awake
i state sincerely, oh so sincerely,
i shall not sleep again
---and saying this,
i laugh, as i will laugh
until the end of time.

The Benefits of Awe

by Jen Perry, MS.Ed. MA, LPC

Awe has long been lauded by philosophers and spiritual teachers for its self-transcendent qualities that can reduce negative thinking and self-occupation.  Research on awe by psychologists has been increasing exponentially over the last 20 years.  A study at Berkeley found the benefits similar to healthy changes in diet and exercise, including a lowered risk of Type 2 Diabetes, clinical depression, heart disease, and arthritis. Research published in the journal Psychological Science found that awe leads to feelings of more available time, reduces impatience, and increases pro-social behaviors and life satisfaction. Psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania interviewed astronauts after viewing Earth from space, and they  report "an expanded sense of perspective on their lives, an increased sense of connection to others, and a renewed sense of purpose." For those of us not venturing into space, research suggests that similar effects can be evoked by watching awesome videos. 

I hope that I have inspired you to try cultivating awe as a process and practice to help you live life to its most awesome-filled fullest. 

Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Mindfulness Teacher and Peaceful Parenting Coach. Her passion is helping Highly Sensitive People thrive in life, love, and parenting. She has been in the field for twenty years and is devoted to studying the human psyche or soul and is often in awe in her studies of human compassion, strength, resilience, and consciousness. In addition to seeing clients individually, she offers mindfulness classes and self-compassion groups via video. Learn more about Jen and her practice at www.HeartfulnessConsulting.com [insert link to: https://heartfulnessconsulting.com]