The Inner Ocean #2

by Dean Solon

"Those who look out to sea become the sea,
and they can't speak about that. On the beach
there's desire singing and rage-ranting,
the elaborate language-dance of personality,
but in the waves and underneath there's no volition,
no hypocrisy, just love forming and unfolding."   (Rumi)


i wonder about everything
i wander around everything

i am in awe of everything.
the wildness in me refuses to submit to anything.
yet i do submit, i do surrender,
because i am a devoted one.
nothing needs to change to my liking...
because i am moved by everything.

i walk the worlds, learning, discerning.
i walk this world, in Astonishment.
no wishes are granted to me,
because i wish for nothing...
nothing besides this one:
that we cease destruction, cease obliteration,
cease the excuse of being triggered as an explanation
for projecting hatred and violence onto the world around us.
.
i

The Meeting

by Dean Solon

 
sitting...with an intention of an integrating understanding...

to be living with the grief, which may include the revulsion,
of living here on the earth with the activity and the phenomena,
the wildness and craziness,
the harsh and harrowing experience it can be
AND
to be living with the embracing of being here on the earth-plane,
with the richness of being alive in human form,
with the peace and the love and the mercy that comes to me
and that i may bring to the world of form and manifestation.  

i may be filled with sadness and sorrow, and righteous anger,
i may be filled with joy and bliss, and ecstatic vision.

i am to be accepting and surrendering,
finding the experience of feeling safe
in a world of impermanence and change and chaos
that is "not safe".

the greeting and welcoming of the orgasmic inner world
AND
the organic outer world,
the meeting of wonder and whirlwind, of grace and gravity.

The Inner Ocean

by Dean Solon

the inner ocean.
the expanse within, the depth within.
the universe within.
the waves of the inner ocean.  the wind.
the core, the center, the crux of the matter.
the solar plexus, the belly, the navel, the lower dantian.
i am moved to be there.  to be here.
to be.

the inner ocean.
the living presence, the source of energy.
home.
bliss, ecstasy, rapture
flowing through me,
blowing through me.
even when i am not consciously aware of the inner ocean,
am not experiencing bliss, ecstasy, rapture,
it is here, i am here, You are here.
eternal.  primordial.
Path and Presence.
the ocean within and the ocean across the street,
each is and both are grace and gravity,
sensitivity and Shiva.

the waves of the ocean splashing and crashing on the shoreline...
and receding.
as the breath is...
rising and falling.
the outer banks
and the inner treasure[s].
each of it and all of it
an Astonishment.
each of us and all of us
an Astonishment.


today, the ocean a little calmer.  the waves, the wind, the sky, the sand,
an Astonishment.

No Passing, No Failing

by Dean Solon

A day of resting, of resting more, beckons.
Waking into a deep of sadness and sorrow,
of a world suffering, a nation imploding,
a madness upon the land.
am not writhing, am not wound up in the whirlwind.
am simply seeing what there is to see,
and the strange way(s) we are living in this world.
witnessing this: whatever ways each of us is living
carries with it no passing, no failing.
no grades are given.  there is no passing or failing.

each of us in each and every moment living in and with the waves washing over us.  each of us sometimes swimming in the shallow waters, sometimes swimming in the deep waters.
no judgment applies, no judgment descends,  no judgment is relevant.  no one "doing better" on his/her own path than anyone else.
the footprints we are walking in are strange, are new, are familiar.  we have co-created them, and are co-creating them.

the view is extreme, the view is exquisite, the view is simple.

may we not be living harshly in these harrowing times.

what a wonderful time to be kind and gentle with yourself and with others.

and we need not be perfect in doing it.

Self-Compassion and Emotional Resilience

by Trudy Gregson, MS, LPC

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” – Jack Kornfield

As we continue to adapt and manage our lives under the unusual circumstances of COVID-19, it’s as important as ever to make sure we’re giving ourselves the care and attention we need. In fact, according to Kristin Neff, one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion, “When we go through major life crises, self-compassion appears to make all the difference in our ability to survive and even thrive.”  

I’ve noticed that we often find it easier to feel compassion for others – for our children, our friends, our pets – than to turn that compassion towards ourselves. For some, self-compassion may feel like self-pity or selfishness or weakness, or they may believe that being hard on themselves motivates them to “do better”. We may use harsh words towards ourselves as a way to protect us from the harsh judgments of others, perhaps as an attempt to inoculate ourselves. Paradoxically, it has the opposite effect. Harsh self-judgment - our inner critic - makes us feel worse, not better.

To understand what self-compassion is, it may help to understand the difference between compassion and empathy. They’re similar in the way they both require us to put ourselves in another’s shoes. However, compassion includes the ability to stay present with another’s pain without being overwhelmed by it, and to be able to help from a place of love and kindness. Staying present with our own pain can be quite difficult, and people are very resourceful in finding all sorts of ways to escape it, but our escapes are short-lived. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is limitless once it is cultivated.

Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as, “being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate… it involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience and… taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.” Practicing self-compassion expands our ability to achieve growth and change for ourselves, as well as to support others. When we’re able to feel compassion toward ourselves, it fortifies us from the inside out and makes us more resilient in the face of adversity.

A 2017 study published in Health Psychology Open found that “people who have higher levels of self-compassion tend to handle stress better.” Dwelling on stressful events can create chronic health issues including spikes in blood pressure and blood sugar, along with suppression of the immune system. Self-compassion is the antidote. Research has consistently shown that self-compassion decreases anxiety and depression symptoms by improving our ability to better handle stress and allows us to have more emotional resources to share with others.

To cultivate self-compassion, try using:

Physical gestures, such as placing your hand on your heart or giving yourself a gentle hug (even it feels a little silly at first). This releases oxytocin, the feel-good hormone.

Compassionate language towards yourself. Notice what you say to yourself – is it critical or is it supportive? Practice speaking to yourself as you would to a child or a good friend.

Self-care –Make yourself a cup of tea, spend some time in nature, get adequate sleep and physical activity, prioritize your own needs by saying no sometimes. Remember, it’s self-care, it’s not selfish.

In her new book, “Radical Compassion”, Tara Brach shares how practicing RAIN can help us to be more compassionate towards ourselves. RAIN is an acronym to help us remember four steps for practicing self-compassion when we’re experiencing a difficult emotion or a holding a painful belief about ourselves:

R: Recognize what’s going on inside of you. Notice what’s happening in your body. Notice feelings of tension, pressure, anxiety, ruminating thoughts, or whatever response you’re having, and just gently bring your attention to it.

A: Allow what is happening to happen, just by breathing, being present with it and letting it be. You may not like the feeling, but see if you can set an intention not to judge it or try to fix it or change it.

I: Investigate what feels most difficult and ask the part of you that holds the tension or discomfort how it’s trying to help you. Ask it what it needs from you.

N: Nurture it by using tender language, gestures, or your breath to be present with and bring comfort to this part of you.

Self-compassion is the salve that eases our suffering –our everyday experiences of stress, frustration, anger, or feeling badly about ourselves. It takes courage to be able to stay present with uncomfortable feelings, so be gentle with yourself as you begin to practice bringing more self-compassion into your daily life.

Trudy Gregson, MS, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor providing counseling to adults experiencing depression, anxiety, issues related to trauma, life transitions, and relationships. Trudy customizes her approach according to each client’s needs, using Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), Mindfulness, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as the foundation for their work together, helping clients to notice, bring compassion to, and acceptance of their inner experience. Trudy can be reached at trudygregsontherapy@gmail.com or at 267-652-1732.

Compassion for our struggle with social distancing

by Patricia Rich, LCSW, CST-S

While I share the urgency and frustration that many of us are experiencing as we notice people who are not socially distancing sufficiently to meet the public health concerns, I want to make a few comments.

1. ISOLATING IS REALLY HARD EMOTIONALLY. As someone who has spent most of her life focused on emotional wellbeing, it has still been really hard to handle the waves of anxiety and emotion related to this unfolding situation. Under the best of circumstances, many people struggle to be alone or idle for even a few moments. This demands psychological resiliency which can be a weak muscle for most of us.

2. PEOPLE ARE GRIEVING. I'm not even talking about losing loved ones to the virus. I'm talking about the college students who have left their school and friends, thrown their belongings in boxes and headed (if they are lucky to have a welcoming home) back to their families. People are missing milestone events like proms, graduations, weddings, and long-planned trips. People are watching their livelihood dry up out of nowhere, their retirement accounts plunging. There are schoolkids who have nothing to do – and the parents who now have an additional full-time job of caretaking on top of working. It is hard to keep up with the emotions, and resistance to social distancing can be an instinctive coping strategy.

3. A LOT OF US DON'T DO ABRUPT CHANGE WELL. Any change can be a challenge, even good ones like new jobs or starting a new relationship. We work hard to develop a life that works. Disruption is hard, and can jangle our nerves and our managerial methods. The amount of change in the last weeks has been crazy intense, and while this is not an excuse not to make the necessary changes, it is a reason to feel compassion for ourselves and others struggling to make it.

4. DENIAL OF ILLNESS AND DEATH is pervasive in our culture. We are sheltered and in avoidance and denial until we can't be anymore – when tragedy comes to us or someone we love. Our culture marginalizes and tries to hide most illness, death and disability. Now we are facing a pandemic, and the realities of what this means are not comfortable or on the radar of many. We are playing catch-up in a culture that pretty much stinks at humanizing suffering and sacrificing for others.

5. COMPASSION, COURAGE AND CLARITY are needed to get through this crisis, both as applied to ourselves and to how we respond to others. Compassion for all the parts of us that are stirred, scared, confused, avoidant, or seeking comfort, and compassion for others who similarly struggle. Courage and clarity to take necessary action, face our feelings, and urge others to do the same. And focus on what is necessary and try not to get overwhelmed with the rest.

These are not excuses; but it may help to appreciate the emotional aspects of the challenges we face. I pray we can all rise to these and more, for the health, safety, and return to social closeness that we all crave.

Tips for an Effective Teletherapy Session

We are grateful for the development of video technologies that allow us to continue to provide counseling support during such a challenging time. Research has proven the effectiveness of teletherapy as comparable to in-person therapy. We also understand that it is a new experience for many people. We encourage you to try the suggestions below in order to support yourself in having the most beneficial experience.

• If at all possible, identify a quiet, enclosed space to protect your privacy. You may want to post a “Do not disturb” sign on the door. Please avoid doing teletherapy sessions while driving; however, some have found that sitting in their parked car is a perfect place for quiet and privacy.

• Have whatever you need for your comfort nearby – water, tissues, blanket, etc.
• Check in to the video session five minutes before your appointment time to insure everything is working properly.
• For video sessions, be mindful of where you sit in relation to a window or source of light. Try to ensure your face is clearly visible, with no glare. Your visible expressions are equally as important via video as they are in person!
• If you can, place your computer on a stable surface (not your lap) and avoid using your phone for video sessions.
• Turn off any notifications and minimize sounds that could be distracting during the session. 

You may find the telehealth format difficult at first. We will work together to increase your comfort and ease so that we maintain connection throughout this challenging time.