Quiet and Candlelight at the Year’s End

by Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC

These final weeks before the winter solstice are the darkest of the year. There is beauty in the contrast of the long night with the twinkling of outdoor lights and candle lighting rituals of this time. As you light candles, burn logs in a fireplace, or enjoy the soft glow of a Christmas tree, you have an opportunity to slow down and experience the comfort of the softer light. Sitting in the quiet allows you to honor the natural rhythm of the winter season. In as little as three minutes of intentional, quiet contemplation, you can experience greater calm. 

In Celtic Spirituality and faith traditions around the world, candles have been used in ceremonies and celebrations. The soft glow of candlelight supports quiet reflection, gently guiding us to slow down, to remember, to connect with the Divine, and to honor the light within.

When you light a candle with intention, you are invited to attune to the present moment with a softness, a kind inward gaze. As you tune in to your breath and focus on the flame, time slows down. Your thoughts and heart rate often slow as you relax your focus and gently gaze on a candle flame. This intentional pause welcomes a deeper calm and clarity. 

After a candle gazing meditation, you may find it helpful to close your eyes and sit quietly. You may also find it helpful to journal and reflect. You can write down whatever feels most meaningful in that moment. 

When you move quickly through this transitional time, busy with activities and to-do-lists, you may forget the gifts inherent in quiet reflection. But you carry thoughts and feelings about the year you’re leaving and the one on the horizon. When you pause, you can consider what has been meaningful about this year and what you’re ready to release. You can also reflect on the experiences this year that shaped you — and how you have changed. Finally, you can invite forward some wonder and curiosity: What positive changes do you wish to invite in the new year?

The questions embedded within Mary Oliver’s poem Gratitude offer natural writing prompts for your end of year reflections. Following the title of her poem — Gratitude — the questions focus on beauty and the gifts of being alive. They include: 

What did you notice?
What did you hear?
When did you admire?
What astonished you?
What would you like to see again?
What was most tender?
What was most wonderful?

May you make some time for quiet candlelight, star gazing, and enjoying the beautiful darkness of the longer nights ahead. A variety of books, meditations, articles, videos, and poems are offered in this newsletter for you to explore. May you find peace and nourishment in this season of winter.

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, is the founder and director of the Resiliency Center. Her individual counseling practice specializes in supporting highly sensitive people, including therapists and other professional helpers, to trust themselves and thrive. An Approved Consultant in both EMDR and IFS therapy models, Elizabeth offers individual and group consultation and is a trainer of IFS-Informed EMDR Therapy through Syzygy Institute. To learn more about Elizabeth’s practice, see her website.

Transitional Ceremonies to Destress and Reconnect Throughout Your Day

by Brittiney George

Every day, in multiple ways emotionally and physically, you are transitioning. 

The morning alarm begins your sprint.  While you were sleeping your phone was loading up with new offers, information, suggestions, and requests.  Life’s runaway train came beckoning to you and you purchased your ticket.  Your mind careens through your calendar at breakneck speed, twisting, turning, sidestepping, rushing, until the inevitable crash at the end of the day leaves the body feeling wrung out and exhausted. 

It is afterall, your body and your nervous system that have been taking the hits of a pressurized life. When their warning signs go unheeded, your system eventually shuts down to conserve the energy and oxygen it needs to survive.  It makes it hard to feel like you can really “show up” anywhere. Your head is still in the problems of the day even if your body is at home.

Herein lies the value of transitional ceremonies.  Clear opening and closings in transitions let clarify expectations so your brain and body are not firing on all cylinders all day. The ceremony doesn’t have to big, loud, or long, just intentional.  Here are some ideas:

Power of the Pause (Arrive before you Engage):

Pause when you get in your car, pull into work, in between clients, or before the next task.  It can be as quick as a single breath.  Give yourself the gift of time to land where you are, see your surroundings, and to let your body and brain get in the same conversation.

Scent Signaling (The Nose Knows):

The nose is a powerful ally to use in transition and one of the quickest ways to shifts states.  You can clear the head with the scent of coffee beans, or find your favorite aromatherapy oil.  Suggestion: Keep a few scents specific to the place you use them in.  Ex.  If you have a scent you use to transition into your home, don’t also use it when you get to work.  It is best to keep that scent to only your home space so there is a clear message in your body when you smell it of “I am home” which allows your nervous system to organize differently.

Rinse and Release:

Wash off your day.  A full shower or just rinsing from your elbows to your hands will work.  Imagine the water is washing off any stuck stress or energy that you want to release and easily and effortlessly going down the drain.

Sing, Sigh, or Shake:

Research shows that humming and singing create ease in the nervous system thanks to our vagus nerve.  Not a singer or a hummer, let yourself sigh or let your body move to the music.  The body loves gentle rhythmic motion, so go ahead and shake it out!

Bless the Space:

A blessing or mantra can help you connect to the intention of the space your stepping in to.  These can be a quote or poem that resonates for you, or a simple statement of a wish such as created when completing one of the statements below.

May I….

May you…..

and together May we…

Opening and Closing Ceremonies:

There is a reason the Olympics spend so much time on the opening and closing ceremonies.  We love ceremony, because how things begin and end matter to us as a culture. Create opening and closing ceremonies for your regular daily transitions.  It may be a prayer, a blessing, writing out a quick gratitude list, listening to the same song, or writing in your journal. 

If the intention is clear and the practice is consistent, over time your body gets the message quickly that ties to it and is therefore able to reregulate your nervous system and in a sense depressurize.  You’re not meant to live in a pressure cooker, or to carry everyone and everything around with you in your body all day.  Honor yourself by honoring your transitions.  Your body and brain will thank you for it!

Brittiney George, BS, CST-PRO, ICI, CEIM, is a Movement Practitioner and Somatic Therapist specializing in Transformative Touch.  She is also faculty member of The Somatic Therapy Center.  Her areas of specialty include working with highly sensitive woman, and people that are feeling stuck or immobilized in their everyday lives.  She co-leads a monthly workshop series called Connection, Expression and Movement and also teaches gentle, exploratory movement classes at The Resiliency Center. For a free 55 min. introductory Somatic Therapy sessio, contact Brittiney at 610-389-7866 or movebackintolife@gmail.com.