If you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), chances are that you grew up being called “too sensitive”, “too deep”, and “too emotional” by people who didn’t understand you. Most people are not highly sensitive and can’t comprehend that feeling everything around you as if it were you is not a choice but an inborn gift you had no power to turn off. High sensitivity is a gift that brings wisdom, deep compassion, an ability to understand complexity and multiple perspectives, and a deep sense of how and why things are connected. But, it also brings its struggles.
The fifteen to twenty
percent of people who have an inherited trait of high sensitivity have highly
sensitive nervous systems and process information deeply. In addition to
feeling the moods of others, HSPs observe the world around them, tuned into the
nonverbal and unspoken, observant of subtle changes in the environment, deeply
moved by the arts and music, and able to form strong connections with animals
and the natural world. They ask the tough questions and have uncanny insights
into patterns of behavior.
Because empathy happens
automatically for the HSP, boundaries are challenging. An HSP feels the sadness
of their opponent who is losing a game, connects to the wound underneath the
angry mask of a teacher who is yelling, acutely sense the overwhelm of a parent
whose attention is desperately wanted but feels out of reach, . . . It is hard
for HSPs to stay present for their own emotions and advocate for their own
needs. It is as if the barrier that others have – to keep perspective on
“what is me” versus “what is you” doesn’t exist. They feel what others feel, sometimes bombarded
by the intensity of an emotion (that is not theirs) without being able to
identify its true source. An HSP walks into a bar and. . . .feels the mood of
the place, senses the depressed old man at the bar, notices the fake quality of
the laugh across the room.
HSPs contemplate the deepest questions about meaning, justice,
right and wrong, compassion – and share these deep questions as soon as they
are able to speak – if they feel safe to ask. Highly Sensitive Children can be
unnerving to adults, because they see and understand things far beyond their
years. They often see things adults cannot – or that adults wish they didn’t.
Noticing so much, they can get overwhelmed, overtired, exhausted,
and inconsolable if they don’t have the quiet time their sensitive systems
demand.
HSPs are often shaken by violence in movies, loud noises, bright
lights, scratchy fabrics, crowds, chaos, and the push to do many things
quickly, all at once. HSPs can get unglued when a lot is happening around them
and by any big changes. They are conscientious and work hard to avoid making
mistakes. Striving to avoid overwhelming situations, they often need time to
themselves after a busy day, to be quiet and get relief from too much
stimulation. They are also more sensitive to hunger, have more allergies, and
are more sensitive to medications, caffeine, and alcohol.
It is challenging for HSPs to make it through their childhoods
without internalizing the criticism from the 85% that are not highly sensitive
– and this goes double for highly sensitive males (the trait is just as common
in boys as girls) who are taught to be “tough” and whose ready emotions are
often scorned and ridiculed. Many HSPs internalize this scorn and struggle with
an inner critic who tries to silence and squash what they know and what they
feel.
Researcher Elaine Aron first discovered and wrote about the trait
of high sensitivity nearly twenty years ago, and several books have been
written and communities formed since that time. Yet many highly sensitive
persons (HSPs) are unaware that their experiences are normal and even a sign of
giftedness.
The highly sensitive long to be understood and to connect deeply
with others, but, too often, they have trouble identifying other HSPs and, over
time, learn to keep their experiences and gifts to themselves. Finding support
and a community of other HSPs is important on the journey to empowerment and
acceptance. If this description reminded you of yourself, a child, or a loved
one, take the quiz (online at http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/),
check out the links, and consider joining us for our workshop on March 1st.
You
and your gifts matter. My work supporting HSPs in embracing their gifts,
releasing their burdens, learning to set healthy boundaries, and stepping into
their power brings me tremendous joy and meaning. If I can support you on your
journey, please reach out to connect at evenart@comcast.net or 215-233-2002.
You can learn more about me on my website at http://elizabethvenart.com.
