Happy 2012! I am looking forward to experiencing loads of positive changes in this coming year. My name is Delia Trapuzzano and I am thrilled to be a part of the healing professionals with their practices at the Resiliency Center. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist. I thoroughly enjoy working with children of all ages and their families. Nothing gives me more joy than being a part of the process of enabling families to enjoy a harmonious family life. Family Therapy is special because problems are never the fault of one person. A family is a system and whenever the system goes haywire, everyone needs to pull together to be part of the solution. Think about it. If any one of us was stranded alone on a desert island, we wouldn’t have any problems (except for survival, of course). No matter how bizarre a person’s behavior might be, it only comes to light because of the way other people are affected by it. We are all intensely impacted by the people we live with. This is why I find family therapy so fascinating. A person might grow and make significant changes in his or her life but once they are back in their family system, they seem to revert to their old self. Many people probably noticed that phenomenon when visiting family over the holidays. It’s possible to ignore relational issues or hope things will get better, but if the patterns don’t change, chances are, the problems won’t go away by themselves. Sometimes families need outside help to shine a light on the issues and show each person their role in creating or perpetuating the problem. A family therapist can provide a safe environment to allow each family member to express him or her self and be heard. No matter how “right” a person might be he will not be able to invoke changes in others unless he is prepared to make some changes in himself.
A great first step in making changes is to start with acceptance. Whether you want to inspire a change in someone else or in yourself, it is best to start by accepting what is. This may seem contradictory but it’s not. If a person is too attached to the outcome or the goal, a certain amount of resistance will exist. This is a spiritual law. When you are determined to have something different, it implies that you don’t want what you have. It is analogous to focusing on what you don’t want instead of focusing on what you do desire. This is why so many New Years Resolutions do not pan out. It is better to “accept what is” on a deep level than to focus on change. That is, don’t just say “I’m okay with being over-weight.” Feel and experience the love and gratitude for everything that you are and know that unwanted pounds are just a small, unimportant part of the whole package. The more you experience that genuine peace, acceptance and gratitude for all that you are, the more you will want to take better care of the body that holds your heart and soul. You will love all of you.
Another factor that comes into play when people make resolutions or commitments to themselves is the concept of “all or nothing.” You set yourself up for failure when you say “from now on, I’m going to this, that, and the other thing.” As soon as you don’t, you beat yourself up and decide that since you already failed at the commitment, you might as well call the whole thing off or punish yourself by make things worse somehow. If you genuinely accept yourself, you will celebrate your successes and excuse some digressions.
Treating yourself with love and acceptance enables you to be more creative and open to knowing what is best for you. Who knows, you may not be happier as a skinny person. Just start small by maybe eating more vegetables. You may find that you really like the taste. Now you realize that eating healthier meals improves you energy and digestive system. You will gradually and naturally continue to eat well and you will find recipes that appeal to your changing taste buds. Now your added energy might motivate you pursue some activities that you always used to love. You might take up tennis or walk in the park with a friend, or go out dancing. Moving around, doing things you enjoy makes you feel even better so you continue to do more of it. Pretty soon, your lifestyle has changed for the better because you are listening to your body and treating yourself with love. Extra weight may or may not come off, but you will certainly feel better in every way.
In addition to family therapy, I am also a certified hypnotist. Hypnosis can help people reach their goals by understanding how the subconscious mind is “trying to keep you safe and happy” but sometimes doing so in ways that are in conflict with conscious desires. I have special New Years rates for the month of January and February to help people make some changes with much less effort. I have a strong aversion to cigarette smoking. As much as I love plants, I welcome the day the tobacco plant becomes extinct. If I didn’t have bills to pay, I would invite everyone to come in for free smoking cessation hypnosis and counseling. If it is your desire to be a non-smoker in 2012, I salute and support you.
In closing, I would like to quote Ellen Degeneres in saying, “Be kind to one another.” And I would add, “Be kind to yourself.” Have a wonderful year.
Delia Trapuzzano is a Marriage and Family Therapist who joined the community of practitioners with practices at The Resiliency Center this year. To learn more about her work or to schedule an initial consultation, contact her at delia.trap@verizon.net or 610-416-7535.
A great first step in making changes is to start with acceptance. Whether you want to inspire a change in someone else or in yourself, it is best to start by accepting what is. This may seem contradictory but it’s not. If a person is too attached to the outcome or the goal, a certain amount of resistance will exist. This is a spiritual law. When you are determined to have something different, it implies that you don’t want what you have. It is analogous to focusing on what you don’t want instead of focusing on what you do desire. This is why so many New Years Resolutions do not pan out. It is better to “accept what is” on a deep level than to focus on change. That is, don’t just say “I’m okay with being over-weight.” Feel and experience the love and gratitude for everything that you are and know that unwanted pounds are just a small, unimportant part of the whole package. The more you experience that genuine peace, acceptance and gratitude for all that you are, the more you will want to take better care of the body that holds your heart and soul. You will love all of you.
Another factor that comes into play when people make resolutions or commitments to themselves is the concept of “all or nothing.” You set yourself up for failure when you say “from now on, I’m going to this, that, and the other thing.” As soon as you don’t, you beat yourself up and decide that since you already failed at the commitment, you might as well call the whole thing off or punish yourself by make things worse somehow. If you genuinely accept yourself, you will celebrate your successes and excuse some digressions.
Treating yourself with love and acceptance enables you to be more creative and open to knowing what is best for you. Who knows, you may not be happier as a skinny person. Just start small by maybe eating more vegetables. You may find that you really like the taste. Now you realize that eating healthier meals improves you energy and digestive system. You will gradually and naturally continue to eat well and you will find recipes that appeal to your changing taste buds. Now your added energy might motivate you pursue some activities that you always used to love. You might take up tennis or walk in the park with a friend, or go out dancing. Moving around, doing things you enjoy makes you feel even better so you continue to do more of it. Pretty soon, your lifestyle has changed for the better because you are listening to your body and treating yourself with love. Extra weight may or may not come off, but you will certainly feel better in every way.
In addition to family therapy, I am also a certified hypnotist. Hypnosis can help people reach their goals by understanding how the subconscious mind is “trying to keep you safe and happy” but sometimes doing so in ways that are in conflict with conscious desires. I have special New Years rates for the month of January and February to help people make some changes with much less effort. I have a strong aversion to cigarette smoking. As much as I love plants, I welcome the day the tobacco plant becomes extinct. If I didn’t have bills to pay, I would invite everyone to come in for free smoking cessation hypnosis and counseling. If it is your desire to be a non-smoker in 2012, I salute and support you.
In closing, I would like to quote Ellen Degeneres in saying, “Be kind to one another.” And I would add, “Be kind to yourself.” Have a wonderful year.
Delia Trapuzzano is a Marriage and Family Therapist who joined the community of practitioners with practices at The Resiliency Center this year. To learn more about her work or to schedule an initial consultation, contact her at delia.trap@verizon.net or 610-416-7535.
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