Quiet and Candlelight at the Year’s End

by Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC

These final weeks before the winter solstice are the darkest of the year. There is beauty in the contrast of the long night with the twinkling of outdoor lights and candle lighting rituals of this time. As you light candles, burn logs in a fireplace, or enjoy the soft glow of a Christmas tree, you have an opportunity to slow down and experience the comfort of the softer light. Sitting in the quiet allows you to honor the natural rhythm of the winter season. In as little as three minutes of intentional, quiet contemplation, you can experience greater calm. 

In Celtic Spirituality and faith traditions around the world, candles have been used in ceremonies and celebrations. The soft glow of candlelight supports quiet reflection, gently guiding us to slow down, to remember, to connect with the Divine, and to honor the light within.

When you light a candle with intention, you are invited to attune to the present moment with a softness, a kind inward gaze. As you tune in to your breath and focus on the flame, time slows down. Your thoughts and heart rate often slow as you relax your focus and gently gaze on a candle flame. This intentional pause welcomes a deeper calm and clarity. 

After a candle gazing meditation, you may find it helpful to close your eyes and sit quietly. You may also find it helpful to journal and reflect. You can write down whatever feels most meaningful in that moment. 

When you move quickly through this transitional time, busy with activities and to-do-lists, you may forget the gifts inherent in quiet reflection. But you carry thoughts and feelings about the year you’re leaving and the one on the horizon. When you pause, you can consider what has been meaningful about this year and what you’re ready to release. You can also reflect on the experiences this year that shaped you — and how you have changed. Finally, you can invite forward some wonder and curiosity: What positive changes do you wish to invite in the new year?

The questions embedded within Mary Oliver’s poem Gratitude offer natural writing prompts for your end of year reflections. Following the title of her poem — Gratitude — the questions focus on beauty and the gifts of being alive. They include: 

What did you notice?
What did you hear?
When did you admire?
What astonished you?
What would you like to see again?
What was most tender?
What was most wonderful?

May you make some time for quiet candlelight, star gazing, and enjoying the beautiful darkness of the longer nights ahead. A variety of books, meditations, articles, videos, and poems are offered in this newsletter for you to explore. May you find peace and nourishment in this season of winter.

Elizabeth Venart, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, is the founder and director of the Resiliency Center. Her individual counseling practice specializes in supporting highly sensitive people, including therapists and other professional helpers, to trust themselves and thrive. An Approved Consultant in both EMDR and IFS therapy models, Elizabeth offers individual and group consultation and is a trainer of IFS-Informed EMDR Therapy through Syzygy Institute. To learn more about Elizabeth’s practice, see her website.

On Pet Loss

by Vanessa Mortillo

“There is hardly time to love a dog as you’d like, as the dog would no doubt like.” — Robert Dessaix

Yesterday as I frantically prepared for work I was frustrated to notice that I was covered in dog hair. As I grabbed the lint roller, a pang of melancholy hit me. Since I had lost my dear, faithful beloved dog, Danygirl, these pesky dog hairs on my clothes are the last remnants of her. I never thought I would be so sad to not be covered in dog hair. 

This moment is one of the many moments that pet owners experience as they process the loss of a pet. It is not only the loss of a loved one, but the moments through your daily routine that were shaped by your time with your pet. Losing a pet is similar to grieving any loved one, and yet it is not the same. While almost everyone in my community has treated my loss very seriously, many people are told that their soul animal was “just an animal.”  In my journeys online, looking for comfort for my grief over my dog, I saw so many posts and messages of people admitting that the loss of their pet was harder than certain loved ones in their life. While every pet is different, pets provide unconditional, uncomplicated support. For many of us humans, our time with our pet is the only time we experience this. This love is much much simpler and more profound. This is why pet loss is devastating.

Another factor complicating grief over our pets is that we take on the difficult decision to offer the mercy of euthanasia. I had an intense mix of feelings about this. It felt uncomfortable to ostensibly play god by choosing to end my dog’s life. However, despite my awareness that losing her would be hard to bear, it was even more unbearable to watch her struggling and not feeling well. The decision is difficult, and many factors complicate each pet owner’s decision. 

And then, there is the time after the loss. This is the work of grief.  Below are just a few suggestions for how to manage grief surrounding the loss of a pet. 

Feel your feelings

Remember that your beloved pet was a family member, and that your grief and devastation are human responses to losing a family member. Write love letters, poems and journal entries for your pet. Visit the places you went to. Do anything you can think of to honor your pet.

Trust your gut

If you feel like your pet is present with you in spirit, allow that to be true. If you feel that you need to hang on to the pet’s personal belongings, do that. There is not a wrong way to grieve.

Memorialize your pet

Memorials are important rituals that help us process our grief and reflect on the beautiful and important parts of our relationships. You can create an altar, have a memorial service, plan to scatter ashes in a favorite place, hang a paw print — anything that will honor the relationship you had with your pet. 

Consider a Pet Loss Support Group

If you are grieving the loss of a pet, you are in good company. A group can offer a community of people who are willing to listen and support each other through this vulnerable time. See resources below for pet loss support. 

Reach out to a therapist

For many, the feelings of loss of a pet are so profound that they experience complicated grief. If you are struggling to manage, have noticed depression or a decline in your mental health, please reach out for support. 

Vanessa Mortillo, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in play therapy, mindfulness, and expressive arts. She provides a playful space to harness creativity and imagination in the service of growth and healing. She can be reached at 267-507-5793 or vanessamortillolpc@counselingsecure.com.

The Connection between financial health and mental health

by Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC

“Money can’t buy happiness” is a widely used phrase.  One that should also include, “and it can sure cause a lot of stress”.  Money isn’t just about numbers in a bank account—it is also about peace of mind.  Financial stress has a way of spilling over into every aspect of life.  Sleepless nights, irritability, that “pit in your stomach” feeling when a credit card or medical bill arrive — all signs that your brain and wallet are more connected that we’d like to think.  

Money messes with your mind.  Between bills, budgets, Amazon purchases, and retail therapy, it can feel like finances are running the show and controlling emotions. Chronic financial stress can increase anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms like headaches or increased blood pressure.  Brains can go into “survival mode’, making it harder to focus, plan or make calm, rational decisions.  

Here are some tips that can help:

1. Take small steps- Even something small like starting to track expenses for the week or month can make the unknown more manageable.  Looking at patterns, spending, and amounts can be eye opening and lead to better choices.
2. Make expense check ins a habit and form of self-care.  Create a scheduled time to review finances in a relaxed environment and go into it with a positive mindset.  Maybe its next to the fireplace, or with your beloved morning coffee.  Nothing can be that scary when paired with relaxation.
3. Use tools such as an App (Mint, Rocket Money, YNAB- You Need a Budget) or good old-fashioned spreadsheet to help you organize.  Seeing where the money is going can help reduce spending.

Financial health is mental health.  It is helpful to shift the mindset to include budgeting as a form of self-care that is as important as meditation and meal-prepping.  Seeing budgeting as helpful, such as thinking, “Do I want this, OR do I want to not cry when my credit card bill comes” can be surprisingly effective in decreasing spending.  It is also important to remember, you are not your net worth.  Your value isn’t tied to a number.  Take a deep breath, don’t be scared or avoidant of your limits. And,  remember that money is a tool, not a monster under your bed you can hide from.

Carolyn Abele, MS, LPC works individually with adolescents through adults, and  with  families and parents.  She specializes in working with individuals with anxiety and depression, trauma, self-esteem, as well as helping adolescents and their families with behavior related challenges. To connect with Carolyn, please call 215-354-7941 or visit her website at carolynabeletherapy.com.

Fresh Fall: A Season for Letting Go

by Therese Daniels, LPC, CNIT

Ever since my children have been school aged, we’ve started using the term “Fresh Fall.” As far as I am concerned, the school year calendar holds a lot more meaning and determines a lot more of my life’s direction than the general year calendar. So not only does the air feel more fresh and crisp, for us it is a time for new routines, new haircuts, new clothes, new activities, new workout plans, and new eating habits. Things return to a steadier flow, settling from the wild, sweet freedom of summer. 

In my experience, the beginning of new things usually means the release of something old. As the seasons shift and the air turns crisp, autumn reminds us of the beauty of letting go. A belief I hold close to my heart, one that guides me through the waves of the year, is that we are meant to follow nature’s lead through the seasons. Just as the trees release their leaves, we, too, can use this season of fall, to release what no longer serves us. This may include old habits, toxic situations, lingering worries, or heavy emotions. The falling leaves are not a sign of loss but of nature’s pure wisdom. Nature is preparing for rest, renewal, and the eventual bloom of new growth. In this way, Fall becomes a gentle teacher showing us that release is not an ending, but an important step toward healing and transformation.

A “Fresh Fall” means more than a change in weather—it’s an opportunity to embrace clarity and space in our own lives. By letting go of what is weighing us down, we create room for new beginnings, fresh perspectives, and deeper peace. Much like nature makes way for the quiet stillness of winter and the new life of spring, we can welcome change with open hands and open hearts. This season invites us to trust the process, honor the beauty of release, and look forward to what’s waiting to take root in us.

Therese Daniels is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Nature-Informed Therapist providing individual, couples, family, and group counseling in both indoor and outdoor settings. She earned her Bachelor’s degree at Villanova University and her Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology at Immaculata University. She began her experience in mental health as a college intern and has been in the field ever since. While her early experience centered around supporting children, adolescents, and families, her experience over the past decade has expanded to include adults and couples. Her emphasis today is on nature-based, mindfulness practices with clients of all ages. Drawing from Nature Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Solution-Focused Therapy, she supports people with anxiety and depression as well as those navigating life transitions, developing coping skills, and looking to strengthen their self esteem. She facilitates growth and healing by integrating tools from energy work, body movement, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and creative arts expression. She works collaboratively with clients to create treatment goals and discover methods that best meet their needs. To learn more, see her website at https://www.theresedanielscounseling.com/ or call her at 410-919-9673.

Shadow Work

by Eileen Sheehan

Shadow work refers to any process that makes the unconscious conscious. Examples of modern shadow work practices include the work of Byron Katie (https://thework.com/), Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) created by Richard Schwartz (https://ifs-institute.com/), and Jungian style therapy, as well as many other exercises that allow aspects of ourselves that we are unaware of come forward into our conscious view. These practices can be done individually, in a group setting, or with a therapist, depending on the depth and difficulty.

Creative people are often more naturally inclined to reflect on their deeper parts, which fuels a significant amount of art creation in the world. Creative and artistic blocks usually result from unprocessed emotions that we've shoved into our unconscious. We can learn simple techniques for allowing and processing emotions. 

Writing in an uncensored way allows you to tap into your emotions. As you do, the block in your creative flow also clears. One exercise from Byron Katie is called the “Judge Your Neighbor” exercise in which you take a closer look at one of your complaints. For example, “I complain about ___ because ____.” Then, you are invited to turn your thoughts upside down. Maybe you’re angry at your neighbor for being inconsiderate when they make a lot of noise. When you turn it around, you ask about yourself in relationship to being inconsiderate. Turning it around invites you to get curious and go deep. Especially for writers, these exercises can also double as writing prompts for more developed characters. 

Eileen Sheehan is a frequent participant of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop at the Resiliency Center, working on her debut YA fantasy novel. She an artist and creative performance designer who has been been exploring the deep connection between creativity and spirituality in her personal work. She designed an oracle deck, The Solas Oracle, based on her own journey of healing, emotional processing, and release. She lives in Blue Bell with her husband of 16 years and two Disney-loving daughters.

Embracing Your Worst to Find Your Best

by Rachel Kobin

As children, many of us loved hating Cruella de Vil, the villain in 101 Dalmatians (the book or movie). As adults seeking a good book, movie, or TV show, we may prefer characters who are more like people we know, with a full range of positive and negative qualities. We all have flaws, or as I like to say, we are “multifaceted,” which is what makes gemstones shine. 

As much as we accept that people are complex, when we meet someone who makes us recoil, we usually do one of two things: immediately reject them, or get curious and ask, “What is it about this person that irks me?” Very often, we discover that traits we find annoying about someone else are traits we share. 

Confronted by the darker parts of ourselves, it’s easier to plow forward with our lives and tell ourselves, “At least I’m not a puppy-killer like Cruella de Vil." However, ignoring these parts of ourselves is a lot like leaving dirty dishes in the sink: soon, insects infest the sink, so now we have dishes with caked-on food and bugs. Whether we avoid these sides of ourselves using a myriad of self-sabotaging behaviors or hate ourselves for staying stuck in life, it takes a considerable toll on our lives. 

Usually, these shadows, antagonists, or parts have something to teach us. When we dare to engage with them by gently asking what purpose they serve in our lives and how we might work with them to move forward, we are more likely to embrace setbacks as stepping stones that lead us forward on our paths.  

For writers, this process can occur as an author follows the characters they're writing through to the end of the story. The author’s shadows become part of the characters, and the change the main character achieves by the end of the book parallels the kind of transformation all creatives and all people can gain important insights by examining their shadows. When a writer neglects the edgier, unpleasant sides of their characters, readers have a hard time relating to them and often remark that they found them “flat” or “unbelievable.” 

In novels, the writer knows what’s going to happen, and even the reader can skip to the end. In our lives, we don’t know what’s coming next. Our shadow parts, formed by our past, can become guides to a future that beats not being as evil as Cruella de Vil. In “Shadow Work,” a method initially developed by Carl Jung, Internal Family Systems, from Richard C. Schwartz, and many other therapeutic modalities employ a variety of gentle approaches to help us explore these shadow sides of ourselves and make them our allies. Dimensions of ourselves we once feared become portals to a life of increasing contentment, punctuated by moments of joy.

Rachel Kobin is the Founder and Director of the Philadelphia Writers Workshop [Insert link to to: https://phillywriters.com/]. Rachel began writing in the third grade when she adapted the novel Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh into a play. She went on to write poetry, a screenplay, synopses, critiques of screenplays, copy for advertising, a novel, internal and marketing communications for corporations, market research reports, and a TV pilot. Her poetry has been published in anthologies, but as a creative writing workshops facilitator, editor, and writing coach, she finds seeing other writers succeed—however they define success—even more thrilling than seeing her own writing in print. She is proud to be part of Philadelphia’s robust writers’ community. 

Retreats: Pause, Connect, Create — and Get Inspired

by Elizabeth Venart

Summertime is for novelty. We spend more time outdoors, travel to new places, and do things that darker, colder times of the year don’t offer. Retreats and groups are similar. Retreats offer us an opportunity to take a break from our ordinary routine, immerse ourselves in a new practice (such as art-making, meditation, yoga, or writing), and connect more deeply with ourselves, others, and the natural world. Mary Oliver’s poems remind us that every moment in which we are fully present can be a retreat. Her poems inspired by walks in nature, she poignantly reminds us in her poem “Praying” that silence is “the doorway into thanks” and when we are present, we open so that “another voice may speak.” When we embark on retreat, we accept this invitation into mystery, the unknown that awaits when we go new places, try new things, meet new people, and immerse ourselves in new landscapes — or greet familiar landscapes with new eyes.

In my own life, retreats have supported me during moments of significant transition. A meditation and mindfulness retreat at Kripalu was instrumental in gifting me with the calm, confidence, and clarity to open the Resiliency Center sixteen years ago. During the pandemic, a series of weekend painting retreats (offered through Zoom) supported me in expressing the full texture and emotion of my experience. Mini-retreats in writing helped me find my voice and gain confidence to approach a publisher with my book idea. A Celtic Spirituality Retreat in Ireland connected me with my ancestry through stories, soulful chanting, and time spent outdoors in majestic, beautiful landscapes. All of these experiences required leaving my comfort zone in one way or another and awakened deep inner peace and aliveness. 

Similarly, groups invite us to venture beyond the comfort of one-on-one connection and expand our perspective by learning from others’ experiences. We discover ourselves when we look into the eyes of others, hear our stories in their voices, and find the echo of our own truth in their heartfelt sharing. As we share, the courage of our authenticity invites others to be real in return. When we play, create, meditate, write, and explore nature in groups, our group energy creates a container for growth that often transcends what we can do on our own. For example, meditating in a group often takes us deeper. We hold the silence together. When we go on a nature hike together, we see beauty and details we may have missed if not for the eyes of our companions. When we create together, we are inspired by others’ creativity and they, by ours. 

Throughout my thirty-three years as a counselor, I have led many groups, workshops, and retreats for children, teens, adults, healthcare professionals, and other therapists. Community is healing. I believe in the power of community to transform people’s lives, support their resilience, and build joy. This belief drove the creation of The Resiliency Center of Greater Philadelphia. 

I am excited to share that a number of practitioners at the center are offering groups, workshops, and retreats this summer and into the fall. Why not join us? Programs promise connection, creativity, play, and opportunities to learn and grow. Some are designed for children and others for adults, and all invite you to experience something new. Let’s play together. We hope to see you soon. 

Elizabeth Venart is the Founder and Director of The Resiliency Center. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Approved EMDR Consultant, and Approved IFS Consultant who specializes in supporting Highly Sensitive People, including other therapists. She offers individual counseling, IFS-Informed EMDR Healing Intensives, and clinical consultation for therapists. She has led a regional meeting for EMDR therapists in the Greater Philadelphia Area since 2011 and taught therapists IFS-Informed EMDR through the Syzygy Institute since 2022. Additionally, Elizabeth is a laughter yoga teacher and avid reader of poetry. In support of these loves, Elizabeth offers a free weekly laughter yoga class and a monthly Spiritual Poetry evening. Learn more at https://elizabethvenart.com/ or contact her at elizabethvenart@counselingsecure.com.